


Small Universes Around Us

by loviet



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Historical, College AU, Drama, F/M, Joseon Dynasty, Modern Day, Multiverse, Pining, Romance, nct - Freeform, nct 127
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 136,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loviet/pseuds/loviet
Summary: Everyone always dreams of finding a soulmate.Someone that was meant for you.Someone who fit you like a puzzle.Someone who, in any lifetime, any universe, any iteration, would always find you.To share a love so beautiful and so strong that it transcends the confines of time.Except when it all goes wrong.And all you have to go by are the countless lives you've shared before.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong / Nam Haeun, Lee Taeyong / OC
Comments: 41
Kudos: 40





	1. One

For a term with such vague meaning, everyone knows what a ‘soulmate’ is.

To some people, a soulmate is a metaphor, a hyperbole for someone that you love so much, of someone you share a deep bond and connection with. Someone that is so perfect for you it was like they were made to be your match. Someone you can’t live without.

That’s how most people viewed the term. 

Not Lee Taeyong or Nam Haeun.

No.

To them, the term soulmate meant the one person who they loved so much that they transcended life, time, and space. 

The one person they would never be able to leave behind. 

It doesn’t matter what year, what decade, what part of the world, what age they were at. 

They would always find each other. 

Always.

**_1889 —— Joseon Dynasty_ **

It should be a crime to be locked up on a day like this. 

The sun was shining but there was still a comforting breeze to cool the sweat. Birds were chirping and the sounds of kids running through the markets carried through the air. It was absolutely gorgeous out, beautiful to the point where it could lift your mood.

Maybe she’d call the local guards and file a complaint. Unlawful confinement. 

“Sure, file a complaint but don’t expect us to come down and bail you out when they carry you off in handcuffs.” 

Nam Haeun shot a glare at Mark Lee who stood behind her, stirring a bowl of batter with a smug smile on his face. She didn't realize she had spoken outloud.

“Mark leave her alone, she’s being fussy.” Her mom called from the kitchen. 

Haeun groaned as she dramatically draped her body across the first-floor window of their little family bakery that was tucked in a small street filled with shops. 

Nam’s Bakeshop had existed for 3 generations, passed down from son to son and being the first daughter of the Nam line, it was expected that Haeun would be taking it over when the time came. 

No matter how many times she tried to convince Mark, a childhood friend who lived alone when his parents traveled, to inherit the store instead of her, it was clear. The store would be hers. 

“Fussy is cruel and outdated language. And I am your daughter, you’re supposed to be on my side.” She huffed. 

Her mother came out from the kitchen and shot her daughter a look before gently tugging on the sunflower print ribbon in Haeun’s hair. “Normally I am, but your father is sick and we’re running behind, so instead of daydreaming, help Mark with the cinnamon cakes please.” 

Haeun let out another groan before dragging her body next to Mark’s and began lining the tray, “What if I pay you to take over the bakery when I inherit it?”

Mark rolled his eyes and began pouring the batter into little cups, “I love this place and your parents but the bakery is going to be yours, they really want you to take it. Also, you’re basically broke, you have nothing to bribe me with.”

“Ugh.” She leaned her cheek against her fist and watched Mark carefully bang the bottom of the tray against the counter to get rid of the air bubbles before moving to the fire pit oven.

After prodding the coals, Mark glanced her before pulling out a muffin that he had been hiding and slid it over to her, “How are you even planning on traveling the world when you don’t even have any money?”

Her expression changed when the sweetness hit her tongue and when she was able to talk about her dreams, “I’ll find a way, maybe I’ll get a job that lets me travel.”

“You really think your parents will let you do that? Like even without the shop, they want you to get married soon, Hae. You’re already 26.” He whispered the last part, knowing that it would upset her. 

She frowned, dropping the muffin to look away, “They know I don’t want to get married until I get to see at least a _little_ more of what’s out there.” 

Mark sympathized with her, most women her age would’ve already been married and have kids but Haeun always did things differently. Her parents had begrudgingly agreed to delay searching for a groom, but the older they got, the more concerned they were getting. They wanted to make sure she had a family before something bad happened to them and it was going to be harder to find a suitor at her age.

“Mark, why don’t you marry me?” She cooed, batting her lashes. 

Mark scrunched his face up, “Because I’m too young to have my entire future thrown away.” 

She scoffed and socked him in the shoulder, making him laugh. 

“Are you kids just goofing off or are you finishing today’s orders?” 

Haeun’s eyes widened as she watched her father walk in, her mother scurrying in after him, “Dad, why are you up? Aren’t you still dizzy?” 

“I told this old man that he should just take a rest but now he wants to go to the palace to make a delivery.” Her mother complained. 

Her father brushed her off and began filling a wicker basket full of their nicest pastries. “The King has always been good to us, if it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t still be open.” 

That much was true. 

The King and Queen had come through their neighbourhood a few years ago and her father, excited as can be, got up the courage to approach the many guards and offer a cake to the royals. Luckily for them, the King loved it and since then, had a standing order every week for a basket of pastries. He had even gone as far as hiring the bakery to provide delicacies for the lunar new year festival. 

“The prince must be getting married soon, if we stay on his good side, he could ask us to cater the entire wedding. Can you imagine? Being asked to bake for a royal wedding.” Her father said.

Her mother looked unimpressed, “But still, it’s a 2-hour trip to get there and another 2 hours back, I’m sure they will understand if you miss this week’s delivery.” 

“I’ll go!” Haeun exclaimed, standing up. 

Mark snorted, “Here she goes.”

Her father eyed her wearily, “You want to make a delivery?”

“Maybe she’ll propose to the prince.” Mark joked, ignoring Haeun’s glare.

His snide got a smile out of her father who seemed to fully feel the heaviness of his illness, “Fine. You can go. But you’re coming directly back home, your mother still needs help.”

“Yes! I promise.” Haeun rushed to drape her robes over her clothes and take the basket from her father. She had never been to the palace before, only ever hearing the stories of how grande and luxurious it was and how beautiful Nobel men and women would be walking around the grounds. 

She had always wanted to see inside. 

“Listen carefully, when you’re at the entrance, one of the king’s aides will come out to and meet you, you can just pass her the basket and she’ll take it to the kitchen and bring back the basket. You are _not_ to go in on your own, okay? I know you like to explore but remember, trespassing on royal grounds is a crime, it doesn’t matter how much the king and queen may like us.” Her father instructed.

She nodded excitedly before racing to the door, “I’ll see you tonight!”

“This was a good idea, right?” Her mother asked.

Mark chuckled and walked to the kitchen, “Just be ready to be exiled from the country when the guards find her trying to steal a priceless artifact.”

\-----

It had been 30 minutes.

She had been standing outside the palace entryway for 30 minutes and no one had come to retrieve the basket like she was told. Her feet were sore and the sun had long set which meant that the loving breeze from earlier had turned into a frigid chill.

Haeun pulled her robes tighter against her shoulders as anger boiled up through her. She respected the king and queen and the entire royal family but it was disrespectful to leave her in the cold just because she was a normal citizen. 

Who did they think they were?

Holding her head up, she rolled her shoulders back and stomped up the walkway to the palace. Almost as quickly as her confidence came, it simmered away. 

She had just done the first thing her father told her not to. She was waiting for royal guards to spring out from the dark corners of the palace and tackle her to the ground. She quickly turned on her heel and chewed her lip in thought. 

Maybe she could just leave the basket on the ground or by the palace doors and take off running before anyone spotting her. 

No. 

She was sure the palace would be more alarmed with a mysterious package. Mustering up the courage once more, she turned only to slam face-first into someone’s chest. Gasping, she stumbled up and looked up at the person, her heart dropping down to her stomach. He blinked curiously at her, tilting his head as he glanced at the basket in her hands.

She quickly lowered her gaze. “Prince! I—I’m so sorry, I mean, Your Highness I didn’t mean to be here, I was just delivering m—“

“Are those the cinnamon cakes from Nam’s Bakeshop?” 

Her lips parted as she looked back up at him. 

Jung Jaehyun. 

The first and only Prince. His good looks were almost as infamous as his kind and caring personality. She had never seen him up close, only as a spot in the distance whenever the royal family would make public appearances. 

He really was as beautiful as people said, he looked like he was made from porcelain, not a single imperfection and his robes were made of the finest silk and gold thread.

“Y-Yes they are.” 

His eyebrows knit together, “Where’s the owner? He always delivers them, doesn’t he?”

“He’s my father, and he’s just a little sick right now.” She breathed out, unable to grasp the fact that she was actually talking to a member of royalty. 

His eye widened, “Oh gods, you’re Nam Haeun.”

“How on earth do you know that?” She whispered. 

He grinned and she felt the oxygen escape her lungs. It was a blessing that he was going to be the face of their country one day, “Of course I do, your father talks about you all the time. He loves you a lot, I must say.” 

She felt her own smile grow, “Really? What does he say?”

“If you hand me that basket, I can give you a tour of the palace grounds and tell you.” He offered. 

Her eyes lit up as she nodded, “Are you sure, though? I’m supposed to deliver this to the kitchen.”

“Oh, if it goes to the kitchen my father will empty it out before I get a chance. Come on, follow me.” 

\-----

“And this is where we keep our family portrait. It’s a little gauche which is why we hide it in a back hallway.” Jaehyun pointed out while taking a bite of the cake. 

The entire thing felt like a dream. 

Jaehyun was just as kind and charismatic as everyone thought. Despite being royalty, he spoke to her like a friend, telling her funny stories and hidden histories of the grande palace. 

She almost forgot he was someone that many people revered and admired. She felt like she was talking to Mark, gossiping and giggling down the hallways. 

“I hear you’re looking to get married soon.” She mused as he moved them to a small pond filled with exotic fish. 

The light smile that adorned his face stiffened a fraction as he pulled his gaze away, “I suppose many people are curious, aren’t they?”

She shrugged, “I never cared much for marriage, but I guess it’s more of a duty for you than it is for other people.”

“Right, your father mentioned the deal you made.” 

“He told you that!?” She exclaimed. 

He chuckled, “I’m quite fond of your father. I think my father is jealous.”

“Oh dad would love to hear that the King is jealous of him.” She snorted. 

Jaehyun looked at his feet as he spoke, “My parents made a bit of a deal with me too. They allowed me to choose my bride, not many royals get a say.”

Haeun grinned, “Lucky. I can’t wait to see which Nobel women wins your heart.” 

Jaehyun opened his mouth just as a royal aid rushed to his side, “Your Highness, your tutor has been looking for you everywhere, where have you been!?”

“Oh, I was jus—“

“There’s no time! Hurry!” He yelled, pulling the basket out of his hands and handing it back to her.

Jaehyun quickly glanced over his shoulder and gave her an apologetic smile, “Sorry to leave so suddenly, it was nice meeting you, please return home safely.” 

Haeun barely was able to bow when he was pulled away and out of sight. It was kind of Jaehyun to spend any time at all with her considering how busy he must be and how unimportant she was, but she wasn’t really paying attention to the direction that he led her in. 

She had no idea where she was or how to find her way out of this labyrinth. 

But meeting him and seeing the inside of the castle only further fuelled how much she wanted to see the world, meeting interesting people and hear their riveting stories. 

Sighing, Haeun lifted the hem of her robe and began wandering along the path next to the garden. She continued along the perimeter of the palace walls until she found herself standing next to a steaming pool. 

She inched closer and looked over at the crystal clear water and the stinging scent of salt. She had heard rumours that the Queen had rare healing salts brought in from Japan.

The sound of footsteps nearing snapped her out of her daze and sent her into a full panic. She knew that technically she wasn’t trespassing and that if worse comes to worst, the Prince would vouch for her but she still didn’t want to deal with people accusing her of something unsavory. 

Scrambling, she ran behind a tall statue and curled up as small as possible. Holding her breath, she peeked around the statue and felt her heart stop. 

She didn’t recognize the man that stood on the patio, surveying the yard but she knew that suddenly, Prince Jaehyun was no longer the most beautiful man she had ever seen. 

“Is this whole palace filled with people who look like that or what?” She muttered to herself as she kept staring. 

He took half a step forward and the moonlight was able to properly reveal his features. Sharp, feline eyes that scanned every inch before him, a thin slope of a nose, pursed, defined lips that sat in an unamused line and narrow cheeks that made him look all the more intimidating. 

Haeun managed to pull her gaze away from his face and down to his robes when the realization kicked in. 

The dark blue silk, the golden buckle on his belt and the sword synched at his waist. He was a royal guard. And the three stripes on the handle of his weapon meant that he the head guard of someone important. 

She watched, enraptured, as unclasped the sword from his side and set on the patio before pulling on his robe and letting it slip down his shoulders. Her mouth immediately dried as exposed skin came into view. She couldn’t stop her eyes from darting everywhere, taking in the taut stretch of skin over firm muscles that must’ve been built over years of training. 

She had never seen a man without his shirt before, except Mark once, but they were kids and he didn’t count. 

It was all so overwhelming that she hadn’t noticed the way her teeth dug into her lip as her eyes shamelessly traced the curve of his stomach muscles before noticing the large dragon tattooed on his left breastbone. It was the royal seal that confirmed her assumption that she really was staring at a royal guard. 

The one person trusted enough to accompany the royal family whenever they leave the palace, the person who ensures their safety and the person who pledges to sacrifice everything to protect the royalty and by proxy, the nation. 

Although they often moved as shadows to the royals, they were just as revered and respected. Only guards of the highest pedigree are accepted to work for the royals

It was only when his hand drifted toward his pants did she have the decency to look away. Squeezing her eyes shut, she balanced the empty basket on her knees before pressing her palms against her cheeks, to cool herself down.

How on earth would she be able to sit here silently while he was bathing? 

Unfortunately, her embarrassment meant she wasn’t able to notice someone charging at her, grabbing her by the throat and slamming her against the palace's outer walls. A scream escaped her lips as pain radiating through her back. 

Wincing she peeled her eyes open, her heart racing as she held her breath. His face was inches from hers, his glare deadly as he inspected her face. Fingers wrapped in bandages curled around her neck.

“Who are you? It’s against the law to be on royal grounds.”

His voice was low but sounded like an agitated animal, ready to roar. Her body began to overheat in fear as she cowered against the wall, “I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trespassing, the Prince let me in here, I just got lost. I was delivering cakes from Na—“ 

“Nam’s Bakeshop?” 

Her eyes widened as she nodded, pointing to the basket at their feet, “Yes!”

His grip on her disappeared and in a second the anger in his face was replace with a gentle warmth. In a second his scorching glare turned into big sparkling eyes filled with emotion, “Oh no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” 

Her jaw dropped at how quickly his tone changed, how it softened as he stepped back and bent to pick up her basket. His robes hung loosely open off his shoulders, he must’ve thrown it on when he spotted her. 

He held the basket out, his brows creased in concern, “Are you alright? I slammed your back pretty hard.”

She rolled her shoulder and pursed her lips at the sting, “I think I’m okay.” 

She looked up at him only to find his eyes pinned on her searching, “I can call the royal doctor, it’s the least I can do after hurting you.”

How could someone so terrifying be so sweet and worried? “No, really, I think I’m okay.”

The man fell silent as he scanned her face closely, “You’re his daughter, aren’t you?”

“Who _didn’t_ he talk to about me?” She asked, exasperated. 

The corner of his lips hitched, “He sang your praises, I was hoping to meet you under better circumstances, though.”

She felt her cheeks burn and looked away, “Right, it’s not very ideal to meet while being choked to death.” 

He winced, again, “I really can’t apologize enough.”

“Maybe you can make it up to me by showing me how to get out of this maze.” She said. 

There was something that did absolute wonders to her when his face softened and his eyes glittered. It was completely different than when he stood by the patio, glaring at his surroundings in search of a threat. It made him look younger and warmer.

He smiled and she finally understood what all those girls in her village meant when they said that a boy could make them ‘melt’. He reminded her of a kitten, with a coquettish grin and eyes that made you feel wholly protected. 

He tightened his robes, knotting the belt, “I think I can arrange that.” 

\-----

“I noticed the basket is empty.” 

She learned his name was Taeyong and that once they started walking, he never really looked her in the eye. 

Haeun glanced down before looking at him in confusion, “Yes, the Prince basically emptied the entire thing.”

Taeyong scoffed, “That animal.”

Haeun’s eyes widened at the insult and opened her mouth to defend the royal but Taeyong was already shaking his head, “Don’t worry, I’ve grown up with Jaehyun, known each other since we were kids and sad to say he might be one of my closest friends. My father was the King’s guard.” 

She gaped at him, “Oh-h, that means…”

“He died protecting the King from the rebel attack, yes.” He said softly, staring off in the distance. 

Haeun never knew anyone close to her that died before, she wasn’t quite sure what to say, “Does that mean that you are the Prince’s guard?”

Taeyong smiled slightly, “Yes. When he becomes King, I’ll be his guard as well.” 

“That’s impressive and a lot of pressure, to guard the life of your friend.” 

He hummed in agreement and she wondered how it was so easy to speak to a man she had never known before tonight, “Wait, why does it matter that the basket was empty?”

Taeyong glanced at her from the side of his eye before shrugging, “My men were looking forward to their portion.”

Haeun stopped walked and stared at him in shock, “I was supposed to give some to the guards?”

“My men love your father, I think because he reminds them of theirs, after a few visits, your dad would bring some sweets for them too.” Taeyong explained. 

She looked like she was about to cry, “I’m so sorry, I’ll bring some by tomorrow, my father didn’t really explai—“

“Haeun, it’s fine, they’re grown men, I’ll deal with it.” He assured with a gentle smile. “They’ll cry but I’m sure they’ll pick themselves up again in the morning.” 

The same smile that was quickly driving her mad. 

She let out a shallow breath as she stared at him before quickly clearing her throat and continuing down the path Taeyong was leading them. 

“If you have to guard the Prince that must mean that you get to travel all over the world with him, right? What were your favourite places?” She asked. 

Taeyong looked up in thought, “Once we visited the royals of England. It was like nothing I had ever seen, the culture, the fanfare, I enjoyed learning about something I knew very little about.” 

“That sounds amazing.” She said in awe. 

Taeyong smiled, “Your father mentioned your penchant for travelling. Where do you want to go?”

“Everywhere.” She said while staring up at the sky. 

He looked over at her profile, his eyes taking in the curves and lines that made up her face before turning up at the sky as well. Finally, they stopped by the gates of the palace that she remembered entering through. Oh, how she wished she could be lost with Taeyong a little longer. 

But he was the Prince’s guard, protector of one of the most important people in the nation, this was probably the last time she’d ever see him.

"Will you be okay from here?" He asked.

She wondered if she should just pretend that she was too frightened of the night to secure another two hours of his company. But she decided otherwise, thinking how selfish it'd be.

Haeun smiled up at him, "I'll be okay."

He hesitated and for a second she thought he was going to offer to walk her home anyways, but he must've decided against it when he just nodded with a smile.

“I guess I’ll see you the next time you’re in town guarding the prince.” She said lamely. 

Taeyong tilted his head, “Or you could come back up here with the next delivery, I can finish the tour Prince Jaehyun started.”

Her heart skipped and she tightened her grip on the basket, “I’d like that.” 

“Alright then, get home safe, Haeun.” He said softly.

“Good night, Taeyong.”

\-----

Taeyong, for the first time in a while, found himself distracted as he made his way back to the steam spring. 

Nam Haeun wasn’t what he expected her to be. 

Being at the palace he was used to seeing some of the most impeccable Nobel men and women and royalty from other nations cross through. And yet, he had never laid eyes on anyone nearly as breathtaking as the daughter of the baker. 

She could easily outshine every person to ever have stepped in the palace.

When she started growing comfortable with him, he caught glimpses of the fire that sparked behind her personality. The same fire that her father often joked about, he used to say that he felt sorry for the man that would marry her because she’d burn him. She spoke fast and full of passion, thirst for life and dreams of the bigger world out there.

He nearly asked her to let him walk her home but he held back in fear of coming on too strong or aggressive. He knew women like Haeun, women who didn't need anyone to lead them or guide them, women strong in forging their own path. He always admired those women.

Taeyong’s lips quirked as he walked by the statue where he found her hidden. He’d like to see her again if destiny allowed it because he never backed away from fire before. 

His eyes caught something bright on the ground and he knelt down to pick up a scrap of silk with sunflowers printed across it. It seemed fitting, someone so bright and passionate, to love a flower that flourishes under the sun’s compassionate heat. 

_Sunflower._

**_1890 —— Joseon Dynasty_ **

“Don’t cry, sunflower. It’s nothing to cry over, I will be back, I will be okay.” 

Haeun glared at Taeyong as tears tumbled over her cheeks, “If you knew you were going to be okay, you wouldn’t have shown up outside my house in the middle of the night just to tell me that.” 

He cupped her cheeks and thumbed away her tears and pulled her close, “I came because I missed you, I wanted to see you once before I left, not because I wanted to warn you of anything.” 

She rolled eyes but he smiled. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against her forehead, “You’re insufferable, do you know that?”

“I know, it’s a miracle you still love me, sunflower.” He mused.

She tilted her head back to catch his eyes, the warmth in them flooding through her body, "I do. I foolishly love you."

He ducked down, skipping over chaste kisses and burned into her mouth until she was arched up against him, fingers digging into his arm. It was rather scandalous to do outdoors despite the empty streets and late hour but she didn't mind this time. She kissed him just as fiercely until he pulled back, breathless, beautiful and everything she wanted to protect.

It was beyond her how his eyes always spelled out every single one of his emotions. The love, longing, adoration was nothing short of breathtaking. "Loving you was the least foolish thing I've ever done."

She softened and curled her arms around his waist, pressing tight against him, “Will you come see me right after you get back?” 

“Of course, I will.” He whispered. “I will always find you.” 

**A/N:**

**Haha! First chapter is up! I personally loved writing this, my first shot at a period piece. So just to explain, this entire story is not going to be a historical story, but there will be a LOT of flashbacks referencing this time period. so it's basically gonna be 50-50**

**So we’re going to learn a lot more about how they went from meeting at the palace to him calling her sunflower and hugging outside her house.**

**Comment and Upvote <33**

**-loviet**


	2. Two

Every spiral has a starting point and it’s entirely possible that something existed for Taeyong and Haeun long before they met that night by the palace spring. 

Perhaps that wasn’t the first version of them that existed. 

But it was the first version they remembered. 

No matter how many times they were reborn, no matter who they were reborn as, or what their lives were like, no matter how their lives would intersect, it would always happen. 

They’d both be hit with the recognition at the same time that the person sitting across from them is their soulmate. Their one true love. The one person they loved so much that one lifetime wasn’t enough. 

And in a second, all their memories will come rushing back.

Every lifetime.

Every version. 

Starting with the first time they remember meeting.

**_1980 —— Mokdong Ice Rink_ **

“I got here first.” 

Taeyong clenched his jaw tight as he adjusted his helmet and turned on his ice skates to see Haeun standing on the opposite end of the rink, skating towards him. 

The junior national hockey team shifted uncomfortably behind him, they always did whenever Haeun and Taeyong went at it. 

“It’s a shared space.” He spat back. 

She crossed her arms as she came to a stop in front of him, “But your team is loud and take up nearly the entire rink.” 

“There’s no rule saying we can’t be here. If you have a problem take it up with our assistant coach.”

She looked over to where Jung Jaehyun stood giving her a meek smile. Mark was seated next to him, also nervously glancing between her and Taeyong. 

There were too many times when he’d have to slip and slide across the ice to stop her from lunging at Taeyong. 

Turning back to Taeyong, she narrowed her gaze, “You’re the one I have a problem with though. You _always_ schedule your practices at the same time I do and I know that you make those decisions.”

“Aww, you pay attention to me?” He cooed mockingly. 

She was going to sock him if he kept this up, “You’re insufferable.” 

“That’s your issue, not mine.” He fired back. 

She fisted her hands and got in his face, “If you barbarians want to smash your heads against something hard so badly, there are trees outside for your entertainment.” 

“You think just because you’ve won a few figure skating awards that we should all—“

“We promise to behave, Haeun!” Jaehyun called out from the stands. “Just let us off the hook one time, please.” 

She tilted her head so she could stare Taeyong down her nose. “Just make sure you and your hooligans stay away from me.” 

“Whatever.” He muttered. 

They both skated to opposite ends of the rink and did their best to ignore each other as they went through their practices. It was all going so well until the puck slipped between one of his player’s legs and his best offence men Doyoung, charged after it, not realizing he had breached Haeun’s space. 

Taeyong felt the fear hit him when he saw Haeun picking up momentum to jump. He had watched Haeun’s routine from his peripheral enough times to know where her jump was supposed to land. 

And he knew that Doyoung was heading in that direction. 

“No!” 

The rest of the team gaped as Taeyong dropped his stick and moved towards Haeun like he was a speed skater. Doyoung began to slow at the sound but it had thrown Haeun off and her jump dismounted at an angle. 

He didn’t know how he did it, but he caught her before her head hit the ground.

She tumbled on him and they skidded a few feet until the sideboards stopped them. His vision swam as his helmet knocked against his skull and all he could hear was his breathing and Haeun calling his name in a panic. Even nearly concussed she was the prettiest thing his ears could hear, hell she always was, even when she was comparing him and his team to cavemen.

When he managed to focus his vision long enough to look at her, it clicked. 

And it all came back. Every lifetime, memory, secret, kiss, it all came rushing back like it couldn't wait to reach him.

In this life they were 20 when they met.

His eyes widened and tears filled hers as she brushed her fingers against his cheek. 

“Sunflower.” He whispered. 

She let out a stunned laugh before leaning down and pressing her lips against his, smiling into his mouth. 

“You found me.” 

“Hey!”

They pulled away and looked over at Jaehyun who was grinning next to Mark, “Stop making out with my guard.” 

**_1990 —— Gangnam_ **

Haeun woke to the loudest pounding ringing in her head and a warm body pressed against her back. 

She groaned as she rubbed her face, she wasn’t that drunk last night, she could remember everything clearly, everything except the guy she couldn’t stop staring at in the bar the entire night until he came over to introduce himself. 

For the life of her, she couldn’t remember his face. She remembered his voice, low and rumbling in her ear as he leaned close to talk to her over the music. She remembered her fingers instinctively pulling him close and before he could slide her a line, she kissed him. 

Not because she was drunk. 

Not because her judgement was clouded.

But because she _really_ wanted to. 

She remembered his fingers digging into her softly as he pressed her against a wall at the club until she gripped his hand and dragged him out while hailing a cab. 

She remembered him asking, every three seconds, if this was okay with her, even when she stripped down in her apartment and let him lay her down on the bed and each time he asked, she wanted him a little bit more. 

But what the _fuck_ did he look like?

And why was she too scared to look over her shoulder and find out?

“If it makes you feel better, I’m not _that_ hideous.” 

She stiffened at the gruff voice mumbling into the back of her neck, she ignored the shiver that crawled through her when she felt his lips brush against the base of her neck. She chewed on the inside of her cheek before slowly turning around in his arms to get a better look at his face. Her eyes widened and when everything came rushing back, his own eyes doing the same as they darted across her face.

“Taeyong?” She breathed out. 

He slid his hands across her bare waist and pulled her in until he could brush his nose against hers, a dubious smile spreading across his face, “Sunflower.”

In this life, they were 25 when they met.

“You found me.” She murmured. 

He raised a brow, his eyes lazily scanning down her face, “I think this time _you_ found _me_.”

“I can’t believe I had a one night stand with my soulmate.” She groaned, pulling the blanket over her face. 

Taeyong laughed, ducking under the covers to bring her close, he never wanted to be far away from her ever again. It was torture, spending the last 25 years of his life feeling like something was always missing until this morning. 

Until he found her.

**_2000 —— Hongdae_ **

“You’re heading home?”

Taeyong looked over at Jaehyun, friends since high school, stuck together through vet school and now the co-owner of their small veterinarian clinic. There weren’t many things in his life that Taeyong could confidently say that he loved, but this clinic was the rare exception. 

“Yeah, it’s getting late.” He mumbled, glancing at his watch.

Jaehyun shook his head, “You need to stop keeping the clinic open so late, you already sent the staff home too, even Johnny, you don’t have enough support staff even if someone comes in.”

“I know, but you never know when someone might have an emergency.” He mused, as he packed his things up. “And anyways, you’re always here.”

Jaehyun hummed nonchalantly, turning back to paperwork, “You’re too soft, Taeyong.” 

As if on cue, the sound of someone banging on the front door cut through the quiet. Taeyong and Jaehyun exchanged looks before going up to the front of the clinic where a woman was standing, holding something wrapped in cloth. 

Taeyong squinted in the darkness and tried to make out her face. She looked like the woman who ran the bakery across the street. He unlocked the door and peered down at her, “We’re actually closed.” 

She pushed her hood down and stared at him, tears spilling, “I found this stray puppy on the side of the road and he’s so thi—“

In this life, they were 30 when they met.

“Sunflower?” He whispered. 

Her eyes widened and the tears fell faster as relief flooded her, the anxiety sucked out of her at the realization that she stood in front of people she trusted more than life itself. 

“You found me.” She choked out.

**_2010 —— Yeouido_ **

“60-40 and that’s 60 to us.” Haeun said firmly. 

Taeyong scoffed and leaned against his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers, “That’s bold. I thought it’d take a bit more of us beating around the bush before you starting throwing numbers at me.” 

“All you want to do is administer the project, you don’t even care about the actual work that goes into it. That’ll be all our company is in charge of. We deserve a bigger cut if we’re doing more of the work.” She argued. 

Taeyong always strode through her conference rooms and office doors as if he ran the place. They had met briefly at a charity gala but hadn't had much interaction until months later when she found out his company signed a contract with hers. Now they were working together and she realized that his face wasn't just handsome but also the perfect size for her to smack. Taeyong blinked tiredly at her. She rolled her eyes, in reality, her company would rejoice at even a 50-50 split, but she just wanted to spite him now.

Because now things were a little different than when they first started butting heads.

“51-49. We get 51.” She offered. 

He smiled at that, his eyes skipping over her face, “I feel like that was out of spite.” 

He could read her so damn well. 

“Take it or leave it.” 

Taeyong ran his tongue against his teeth before standing, “We’ll take it.” 

“I’ll have the papers drawn up.” She said with a smile.

He nodded, “Walk me out?” 

Her assistant glanced at her worryingly but she didn’t hesitate to stand and lead him and his assistant to the elevators. No words were shared as the elevator doors opened, and they both stepped in. 

Their assistants blinked at them before she waved them off, “Take the next one.” 

The doors closed as they bowed and Taeyong pressed the button for the ground floor. He turned and grinned, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, “I found you.”

In this life, they were 34 when they met.

“In the middle of a negotiation too, I bet you made that happen on purpose.” She grumbled despite the affection in her eyes. 

He snorted and slid up nice and close to her, “Sunflower, if I had the power to control when we recognize each other, do you really think I’d wait until we’re 30?” 

She hummed when he leaned over, his mouth so close but not nearly close enough. She wanted to taste him so badly and he knew it, "Did I tell you how beautiful you look? I spent the entire meeting thinking about how you might be a fucking masterpiece and I even considered asking everyone to leave the room so it was just the two of us. When you were snapped at me, I nearly melted, wanted you right there. Pretty as a fucking picture, especially when you're annoyed."

Her laugh morphed into a whine when he still kept a fraction of a distance, knowing she wasn't going to last if he kept talking to her in that lazy purr. Fuck it.

Leaning up, she caught his lips, ignoring his soft chuckle and sunk into the familiarity that she craved so much. It was like a dream and her entire body responded, like little flames licking up her skin when he was close. Nothing ever felt as good. Nothing could ever compare to how he made her feel. He groaned into her. His fingers running through her hair as he breathed her in. Surely the people monitoring the elevator security cameras were getting a show right now, but he couldn't care less. How could anything bother him when he had ambrosia on his tongue and euphoria in his veins. 

Pulling away, she shook her head, reaching to tangle their fingers together, a drunken smile coating her lips, “I can’t believe you couldn’t give me 60-40.”

“Oh, I never said I wouldn’t, in fact, I was willing to give you 70-30 but you cut me off and went down to 51 before I could.” 

She rolled her eyes, “Jaehyun would love you if you did that, I’m sure.”

“I don’t care, I found you, sunflower. He can fire me if he wants.”

She laughed, shaking their hands, “We took too long this time. Spent too much of my life without you.” 

His heart tumbled, it always did around her, “I’m not going anywhere now, sunflower. I never will."

**_2020 —— Seoul University_ **

After your 20th, 30th, 60th rebirth, you start to lose track of how many times you’ve fallen in love, how many friendships that lasted the test of time and how many versions of yourself you see. 

But it’s never a good thing to get too comfortable with things always working out.

It’s never a good thing to lose count. 

But when Haeun woke up that day, she didn’t know any of that. 

“You’re going to be late.” 

Haeun groaned, pulling her blanket closer to her body as she tried to cling on the last few bits of sleep when Mark barged into her apartment room and ripped her blanket straight off. 

“Up!”

“I never knew satan loved snapbacks so much.” She hissed as she sat up.

He smiled sweetly at her while dropping her blankets on the ground, before stepping aside for her to push past him, “You’re the one that offered to let me move into your campus apartment.” 

“Only because I couldn’t afford it on my own, the second I get a better paying part-time job, I’m evicting you.” She muttered. 

He followed her to the bathroom where she brushed her teeth, “In the meantime, you’re going to be late to your first day of class.”

“You’re so annoying, I don’t get why juniors get to start a week later.” She said with a mouth full of toothpaste. 

“Because seniors are so old, they need the extra time to walk to and from class.” Mark started whistling as he walked out to the kitchen before she could chuck something at his head. “Toast?”

“Why are you even up?” She replied instead, scrolling through her phone as she met him at the counter.

He grinned and nodded at his gym bag by the door, “Soccer practice.” 

“Disgusting.” She replied, moving to the bedroom. Why he chose to voluntarily run around after a ball like a golden retriever was beyond her.

Mark snorted, grabbing a slice for himself before standing by her bedroom door as she flung her closet open, “At least I’m not in a frat. You’d disown me if I was.” 

That got a smile out of her, “Can you imagine being one of Jung Jaehyun’s ‘boys’?” 

“At least he doesn’t do hazings like the other frat presidents do.” Mark offered. “He just flirts with you when he’s bored and throws parties.”

Haeun gave him a fake gasp, “He truly is the president we deserve.”

Mark rolled his eyes and headed to the front door when she started to change, “I’m leaving. Text me if you want to get lunch or something.”

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell you all about how riveting Korean History is.” 

\-----

“Friday night. The NCT Frat house, perhaps you and me in an empty bedroom.”

She knew this day was going to be long. 

“Ahh, Mr. President, I missed you this summer.” Haeun deadpanned, flipping through the course syllabus as she sat in the lecture hall. 

Jaehyun grinned as he sat down next to her, “Missed you too, Hae. And I didn’t hear a rejection.” 

Despite what people thought and what she’d say to Mark, Haeun didn’t mind Jung Jaehyun. When they first met freshmen year, Mark dragged her to a frat party where Jaehyun had rushed and he had hit on her so much that it had initially made her uncomfortable. But then someone had spiked her drink without her knowing, he had seen, dramatically knocked the drink out of her hand and kicked out the guy who had tried. Apparently, with him leading the charge, the frat went and reported the guy to the administration who expelled him. 

Since then, the two of them actually got along quite well and whenever he flirted with her, it was more of an inside joke between them than an actual attempt to hook up. 

“No Jaehyun, I’m not trying to get pregnant in my senior year.”

She looked over at him just to get a glimpse of the horror on his face, “I was inviting you to a frat party and a spirited game of drunk Uno but I hadn’t realized how filthy your mind is, Hae.” 

“Yeah well, I’m still gonna have to pass, I can’t fall behind.”

He raised his brows, watching her note down important dates in her phone, “On the first week of the semester?” 

“You’d be surprised. And why are you even throwing a party?” She asked

He leaned back in his seat with a smile, “To kick off the new semester plus to celebrate a new NCT member.”

She shot him a glare and he held his hands up defensively, “I promised you I wouldn’t try to recruit Mark. This is someone else.”

“Oh, good. But I thought people weren’t rushing until next week.” She asked 

He nodded, “Yeah but this was a special case, he’s my best friend and he just transferred here for this last year.”

“Huh, cool, I guess.”

Jaehyun stood up when the professor walked in, “Yeah, I think he’s taking this class too, I’ll try and set you two up if you want. Finally get you some action.” 

She sneered at him and sunk low in her chair, flipping him off, “Go fall in a hole, Jung.” 

He laughed loudly and moved back to his seat a few rows behind her. Haeun let out a breath and tried to focus on the professor’s introduction, dusting off the part of her brain that she only ever used in school. 

Her pen scribbled furiously to keep up with him, she really didn’t expect to be thrown into a lecture the very first day and tried her best not to miss anything but her focus wavered when the front door swung open. She glanced briefly in that direction before doing a double-take. She felt her hand go slack and her pen roll out of her hand as she took in the denim jacket, snug jeans and backpack slipping off his shoulder. 

The second their eyes met she could feel it unravel in her soul. 

It all came flooding back to her in waves, the first time she met him at the royal palace, the first time he asked her to be his, the first time he ever kissed her and told her he loved her. The first time he laid her down and made love to her after he asked her to marry him under the cherry blossoms. It all came back in a short punch that knocked the air out of her lungs and left her feeling deliriously light-headed.

How they found each other _every single time_. 

It was like something repressed unlocked and she had found an entire lifetime she hadn’t realized was missing. 

She could feel the backs of her eyes itch as emotion overwhelmed her and the urge to cry and launch out of her seat and into his arms took hold of her. She wanted, no needed, to pressed her nose against his throat and breathe him in, she craved the way his scent made her heart flip. She felt desperate for the warmth his arms and chest always carried when he hugged her or the absolute wreck he'd leave her in with just his lips. It was like there was Taeyong shaped hole in her life and while she lived happily when he was gone, her entire gravitational pull changed when he filled that space. He was phenomenal. 

But then something happened. 

Something that’s never happened in the countless lifetimes before. 

Something so absurd that her brain couldn’t even comprehend it at first. 

Taeyong looked away from her.

There was no recognition or delight.

Haeun’s blood ran cold as she watched him turn to the professor and bow apologetically, “Sorry, I got a little lost.” 

She couldn’t hear her professor’s reply as a high pitched screeching rang in her ears as she watched Taeyong walk up the stairs, straight past her without even sparing a glance. She twisted around in her seat to see him giving Jaehyun a quick handshake that boys always did with each other, before sitting down next to him. Of course he was the best friend Jaehyun was talking about, they were always best friends, no matter the lifetime. 

Jaehyun caught her gaze and raised his brow inquisitively, so she just turned to face forward, trying to control the cold sweat growing on her skin and the speed that her heart was racing anxiously. 

No, this didn’t make sense. 

Maybe he was doing this on purpose because they were in a classroom full of strangers. Or maybe he was just teasing her, pretending just to freak her out. 

Yeah. 

That was it. 

But why did it look like Jaehyun didn't recognize her either?

The rest of the lecture felt like a blur, her knee bouncing erratically as she willed time to move faster until the professor dismissed the class. She stood up and hurriedly shoved her belongings into her bag and looked up to see Taeyong and Jaehyun already walking out the door. 

“What the fuck?” She whispered to herself as she pushed passed her classmates, not caring about the dirty looks they were shooting her. She ran out of the classroom and looked around the halls where she spotted Jaehyun waving to Taeyong as he walked out of the building. 

Her throat was closing as she ran towards him. Why would Jaehyun leave Taeyong? He would’ve remembered everything about their past the same time that she and Taeyong did. Wouldn’t he want to catch up? Hug him? Ask him where she was?

Pushing her thoughts away she felt her breathing shallow as she watched him move away from her. Panicking, she continued down the hall before yelling his name at the top of her lungs. 

She felt relief when he froze and turned in search of the voice that called him. She tried to ignore the confusion in his face when he noticed that it was her running towards him. 

Once she found herself catching her breath in front of him, she grabbed his shoulders, frantically searching his eyes for _any_ indication that he recognized her. Where was that spark that always burned in his eyes? “Taeyong? It’s me. I missed you so much. Why did you leave so quickly? Didn’t you see me in class?”

He blinked at her and for a second she thought his lips were going to curl up in that devilish smile and purr out _Sunflower?_ like he always did. 

Instead, his brows just knit together as he tried to shift out of her hold. 

In this life, they were 23 when he broke her heart.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> So I know it might be confusing seeing their lives in 2000 and then 10 yrs later they’re business ppl or how 2000 to 2010 they only aged 5 years but try to think of it as separate universes. It’s not a linear timeline, if that makes sense. Like 2000 in the vet au is not the same 2000 in the business au. Think of them as unrelated to each other except the ppl in them are connected.
> 
> They're like multiple parallel lines. They exist independently yet involve all the same people, whenever they remember each other, the parallel lines sudden cross. Dw if it’s confusing, this won’t really affect the overall story.
> 
> This is more of a “glimpse into how the reborn thing works” hopefully it'll make more sense once you read more of the story. The Joseon dynasty plot is gonna be the more consistent one aside from the 2020 one, the rest are more like cute little flashbacks that won't appear as often.
> 
> Also this story will be shorter close to 20-ish chapters
> 
> I also just posted Small Universes Around Us on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123905/chapters/55331092
> 
> This is my first time using the site and i'm very new at it. I don't know much of how it works I only used it once or twice before to read the work of ppl whose fics were taken down on tumblr. So pls leave comments and kudos! 
> 
> I will start cross-posting some of my fave AFF works on AO3 slowly.
> 
> Comment and Upvote <333
> 
> -loviet


	3. Three

**_Seoul University_ — _— 2020_**

It’s a strange feeling, having your heart ripped out of your chest and tossed at your feet by someone who doesn’t even know they’re hurting you. 

“Y-You don’t know me?” She whispered. 

Taeyong scratched the back of his head and she so badly wanted to run her fingers through the strands in the way that usually calmed him. She was too scared to reach her hand out and try because the sight of him ducking out of her touch would be too much for her to handle. 

“I think you might have me confused, I just started here. I’m from out of the city.” He said politely. 

She wanted to scream. 

How could he be staring at her like she was a total stranger?

“You really don’t remember me?” She whispered. 

He frowned, scanning her face, “Did we go to elementary school together or something?” 

“Why are you doing this?” She felt tears well in her eyes and Taeyong stepped back in alarm. 

He shifted his weight nervously, “Look, I’m sorry I can’t remember you, I’m not that good with names. I need to go to class now but it was nice meeting you.”

She grabbed his arm, tighter, scared to let him go. His brows knit in confusion as he ripped his arm away, "What are you doing?" 

Her lips parted and she felt her eyes gloss over, "Taeyong, please."

"Listen, I need to go, but I'm not the person you're looking for."

She could hear the discomfort coming out of him, he wanted to get as far away from her as possible. All she could do is step back and watch him nod at her before jogging away, not even glancing over his shoulder. He was running away with her heart in his fist.

Her soulmate didn’t know who she was. 

\-----

The minute he was out of sight she began running out the door and towards the frat house. She had to find someone who was awake, someone who could remember everything from the past and help her make sense of what just happened. 

She had never remembered their past without Taeyong. There had to be an explanation as to why she knew everything about their history but Taeyong didn’t even know her name. 

Haeun nearly rolled her ankle when she tripped over an uneven sidewalk but she ignored the pain and tried to fight back the tears. She could see the frat house come into view and spotted Johnny and Doyoung walking out the door and in her direction. 

Finally, someone who could help her.

**_1889 —— Joseon Dynasty_ **

She couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

When she wasn’t helping out at the bakery or running errands for her parents, her mind would drift to the handsome and mysterious royal guard with the ability to kill a man but maintained the gentleness that was slowly winning her over. 

She wanted to see him again, she wanted to know everything about him. 

“Honey what are you doing?”

Her mother’s voice brought her back and she looked over to her mother frowning at her father who was pulling a hat over his head while holding a basket of baked goods. “I’m feeling better, I thought I’d make a run to the palace.” 

Haeun sat up, “Already? Why?”

“I forgot to tell you that a portion of the cakes were for the royal guards, I wanted to take this up to them.”

Her mom crossed her arms, “You only _just_ started feeling better, I don’t want you pushing yourself.”

“I’ll do it!” Haeun offered. 

Mark snickered, “Again?”

“Why are you so excited to go to the palace?” Her mother asked. 

Haeun bit her lip, “It’s really nice there. The people are kind too.” 

Her father blinked at her before handing her the basket, “I guess it’s good to see you taking an interest in our deliveries.” 

Oh, he didn't know the half of it.

\-----

“Hello there, can we help you?”

Haeun looked over her shoulder from where she stood inside the palace grounds, where two guards were heading towards her. She was hoping that Taeyong would find her first but she figured it would be nearly impossible since this was an unscheduled delivery and he had no way of knowing she was coming. 

She swallowed the lump in her throat, one of the guards was tall, towering over everyone with a narrowed gaze, the other had sharper, feline features with a stare that made her feel small.

“I’m just here to deliver some cakes to the guards’ quarters.” She said, holding up the basket to show them. 

The taller one peered into the basket before studying her, “I thought there was already a delivery this week. Taeyong said there wasn’t enough left for the guards.”

“That’s why my dad sent more.” She said holding the basket up for him. Her shoulders relaxing at the familiar name.

“What do you say, Young Ho? Should we accept the cakes?” The other one asked. 

Young Ho tilted his head at her, “I can’t imagine we pass up such delicacies, Doyoung. Especially before the Prince or King get a whiff of them.”

“Are you two giving her a hard time?”

She recognized the voice before she looked over to see Taeyong walking towards them. Her smile grew and she could feel her cheeks burning, he was even more ethereal in the daylight. 

Doyoung pulled the basket out of her hands and held it up, “We got a special delivery, boss.” 

Taeyong raised his brows, “I see that. Did you thank her or were you just trying to scare her?”

Young Ho smiled, “A bit of both. Thank you, by the way.” 

“It’s no problem, my father really insisted.” 

Doyoung’s eyes widened but Taeyong cut in, “Yes, yes, her father owns Nam's Bakeshop, the same one we love to talk to, I’m sure she’s tired of having to repeat herself every time she’s here.” 

She beamed at him, “Hi Taeyong.”

“It’s good to see you, Haeun.” He said softly. 

“Wait, do you two know each other?” Young Ho balked. 

Doyoung’s jaw dropped, “Taeyong knows a pretty girl? Are the historians documenting this?”

“Why don’t you two go share those sweets with everyone else?” Taeyong hissed through gritted teeth. 

The two stood straight and gave Taeyong a salute before waving at her and jogging off. Taeyong followed them with his eyes before turning back to her. 

“Here, you dropped this the other day.”

He held out her favourite sunflower hair ribbon. “Oh gods, I have been looking for this everywhere. Thank you!”

“It suits you.” He blurted out when she reached up to tie it into her hair.

Haeun eyes widened as she gaped at him and the barely noticeable blush dusting over his nose, “W-What?”

“The sunflowers. It suits you.”

She looked down to hide the smile growing on her face, “Thank you.” 

“I believe I promised you a tour, right?” He asked. 

She rocked on her heels, “Aren’t you busy? I don’t want to be a distraction.”

It was too late for that, Taeyong had spent the better part of the last few days wondering if she’d ever stop by the palace again. It was rare his mind wandered away from his royal duties. She already was his distraction.

“The prince is meeting with his robe maker, he doesn’t like other people around during those meetings.” He explained. 

She bit down on the inside of her cheek, “A fussy one, isn’t he?”

Taeyong blinked at her before a laugh escaped his mouth, causing her eyes to sparkle at the musical sound, “You’ve caught on quick. Prince Jaehyun is rather humble for a royal but he does act like a brat when it comes to his robe maker.” 

There was something different in the way that Taeyong told her stories of the palace than when Jaehyun did. Everything Jaehyun said came from the perspective of the prince and the royal family. Either he or his family was the centre of every tale. 

Taeyong told stories from the point of view of someone standing on the sidelines or in the shadows. There was no bitterness in his tone, however, Taeyong did not covet the throne or the power of royalty. He evidently took great pride in being a protector and felt a superior deal of honor and duty serving the royal family. 

“I do not want to sound rude or disrespectful,” she began, as they entered the Queen’s garden, “but I think I’ve heard enough stories about the Prince.” 

Taeyong blinked at her and for a moment he wondered if he was boring her, perhaps hearing stories of people she didn’t know or could not relate to was off-putting. “I’m so—“

“Tell me stories about yourself.” 

It was as if his brain had turned off. He just stared at her as if she had spoken a foreign language, “About me?”

No one ever asked to know about him. It wasn’t his job to grab people’s attention. 

“You grew up here, you must’ve experienced so much from such a young age.” She continued. 

He nodded, “I’m sure more than other kids my age, but it was all I knew, so it became home. I got used to passing Nobel men and women down the palace halls or greeting the royals.” 

“Do you ever wish you grew up differently?” She inquired. 

He thought for a moment before answering, “I wish I grew up where my father didn’t have to risk his life every day but I’m glad I was in a position where I can now serve this country. As hard as it was to lose my only parent, I’m honored to follow in his footsteps and protect such important people who guide our country.” 

“That’s very admirable of you.” She stated. 

He laughed, a shy blush dusting his ear. She nearly keened at the sight, he was so sweet despite having the power to be so terrifying. 

“But not very interesting, right? There was a time, when I was younger and far more fearless where Jaehyun and I hid the King’s crown as a joke.” 

Her eyes widened and her hand came up to hide her laugh, “You didn’t!”

He laughed with her, “I don’t know how I was so bold, but when the King finally found out, he actually got a kick out of it too. We were told never to do it again but he just laughed and called us tiny thieves. That was what it was like growing up here, being able to run around and be like kids even though Jaehyun had lessons and official appearances.”

Haeun looked away, her eyes finally taking in the beautiful flowers surrounding them, “That’s amazing. It’s no wonder you’re so passionate about what you do. This is gorgeous.” 

He followed her gaze and led her to a patch of tall sunflowers, “The Queen spent years bringing her favourite flowers from around the world here.”

She touched one of the petals with an awestruck smile, “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen a sunflower in person.”

“Here.” He pulled out a small blade from his belt and leaned into the flowers. 

Haeun panicked and tried to pull his arm back, “Won’t the Queen be upset?”

“No, she always tells me to take what I want when it comes to the garden.” He reassured. He never needed to take her up on her effort before.

She watched him cut the stem of the sunflower before holding it out to her. “A sunflower for a sunflower.” 

She wasn’t sure he could make her face go any redder or her heartbeat any faster. May mercy have her soul because it was about to escape her body due of him. 

Taeyong wished that the gods would just spite him on the spot and send him directly to hell. He deserved it after letting those words leave his mouth. Haeun probably wanted to throw the flower in his face and run for the hills. 

“Thank you.” She breathed out, taking the flower from him. It was beautiful and she was going to treasure it. 

Glancing up at the setting sun, she felt disappointed that their time together would be cut short yet again. “I should go, my parents will start to worry.” 

Oh, how he wished he had the courage to ask her to stay, “Of course, I’ll walk you out.”

She was feeling daring and softly brushed her fingers against his arm, sending enticing shivers down both their bodies, “I’ll be okay, I actually paid attention this time.” 

He didn’t try to fight off the grin as he nodded, “Have a safe trip back, then.”

“I’ll see you soon.” She called.

He wasn’t sure if she was just saying that as a flippant farewell or if it was a promise she intended to keep but he knew he’d be repeating those words in his head until he saw her next. 

“Perhaps next time I can walk you home myself.”

She froze, her lips parted in shock before her face burnt to a crisp. Haeun’s heart was racing as she bit back a smile and bowed in response. It wasn’t like she could muster up any words and she certainly wasn’t bold enough to tell him that the thought of him accompanying her back home made her stomach flutter. 

He watched her leave before turning to enter the palace, only to find Jaehyun leaning against one of the beams with a smug grin, “Did I just witness my mighty guard try to woo a maiden?” 

Taeyong’s face fell blank, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“I won’t lie, it was a very pathetic attempt to win her affection but we can work on that. I’m more intrigued by the fact that you’ve shown interest in a woman for the first time. But worry naught, I wholly approve of her.”

“I’m not showing interest.” He deadpanned.

“Taeyong, I saw you sprint from the other side of the palace when you heard Doyoung and Young Ho speaking to her.” 

Taeyong froze on the spot and turned slowly to his friend, “You saw that?”

Jaehyun slung his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder and patted his arm, “You have a lot to learn, my comrade.”

**_2020 —— Seoul University_ **

“What’s up, Hae?”

That should’ve been the first sign that things weren’t right. 

Doyoung and Johnny _never_ called her Hae when they remembered their past lives.

She stumbled towards them, Johnny’s hand shooting out to balance her, “Everything okay?”

“Y-You guys I just saw Taeyong…he—you should’ve seen the way he looked at me.” She choked out.

Doyoung frowned, “Taeyong? You mean Jaehyun’s friend?”

Her throat was starting to close, “No, the guard. My—your head guard.”

“Um…I don’t think he’s into sports, but I don’t know him that well, we’re meeting him properly at the party this Friday. Are you coming? Jaehyun said he was going to invite you.” 

She stared at the two boys, her lips trembling and her heart racing too fast for her to think straight, “You don’t remember?”

“What are you talking about? Are you okay? You look pale.” Doyoung asked as he peered closer to her face. 

Her eyes darted between both of them, trying to make sense of why this was happening. 

“Mark.” She mumbled quietly, “I need to find Mark.” 

Johnny opened his mouth to speak but she had pushed past them, ignoring their calls as she raced back to her apartment, letting everything blur around her. This had to be a nightmare, she was going to wake up and everything would be okay. 

It had to be. 

She was racing down her apartment hallway when she spotted Mark racing down after her, “Mark!”

He did a little jump before a laugh tumbled out of his chest, “We’re roommates this time!” 

Her mouth dropped as he suffocated her in his embrace, “You remember me.”

“Of course, silly. I’ve known you basically a thousand lifetimes.” He cheered. “I’m surprised I found you so fast, usually we don’t get to catch up until after you’re done with Taeyong.”

The sound of her soulmate’s name out of his lips crushed her heart into a fine dust, “Mark, something’s wrong.” 

“Oh come on, just because he didn’t follow you to your room doesn’t mean something’s wrong. You’ll have your entire lives together.” He tsked. 

She dug her fingers into his back and felt her tears build. She was glad that if not Taeyong, at least Mark knew her, “He doesn’t remember.”

Silence filled the hallway until he pulled away to get a better look into her eyes, “What do you mean?”

“I saw him in one of my classes and he didn’t even glance my way. Then I went to him and tried talking to him and he said he didn’t know who I was.”

“What the hell?” He breathed out, “How is that possible? Has this ever happened before?”

She shook her head, “Never. And Johnny and Doyoung didn’t seem to remember anything too. Jaehyun wasn’t treating Taeyong any differently either. I don’t know what’s happening, Mark. It’s like no one who was friends with Taeyong before he met me remembers anything.”

“Haeun…” Mark said softly, sympathy heavy in his eyes. 

She let out a shuddering breath, “Mark, what do I do?”

“First, let’s sit down, we can figure this out.” He led her into their apartment and got her to sit down on the couch a cup of tea in her hands before sitting down next to her. 

She stared at her lap as he wracked his brain, “Are you absolutely sure he was serious?”

“He moved away from me when I touched him and he took the first opportunity to run away from me. That’s not him, or at least that’s not how he used to treat me.” She mumbled. 

Mark leaned back in surprise, after she and Taeyong started seeing each other, the rest of the guards had taken to Mark, treating him like a younger brother. It was strange to think that he knew all this history between them but they just knew him as Haeun’s friend who Jaehyun was banned from recruiting. 

He could only imagine how much worse this all was for Haeun. 

Mark pulled out his phone and looked up Jaehyun’s number, “Let’s make sure.”

She watched him put the call on speaker and waited until someone answered, “Marky! What’s good my dude? Ready to sneak behind Haeun’s back and join NCT? I always have a spot open for you.”

“Fuck.” Mark whispered as he looked over at her.

“Huh? What’s going on?” Jaehyun asked. 

Mark chewed on his lip, “Nothing, sorry, misdial.” 

“Oh cool, by the way, is Haeun okay? The guys said she was acting really weird in the quad.” Jaehyun asked. 

Haeun’s face crumbled and she stood, setting the mug on the table before hurrying off to her room before the tears flooded. Jaehyun didn’t remember either. She couldn’t hear how Mark responded but a few minutes had passed with her buried under her covers before her door creaked open. 

Mark padded over to her, sitting on the edge of her bed and patting her softly on the shoulder, “This is just a small bump in the road. I’m sure you can overcome it.”

“How am I supposed to do that when I have no idea what’s happening or why it’s happening?” She mumbled. 

Mark tugged on her blankets to expose her face, “I don’t know but you’ve spent so many lifetimes finding each other no matter what, falling in love against all odds. This is nothing in comparison to what you’ve done.” 

“I guess.” She said unsurely, staring up at him. 

He smiled, “So who cares if you have to do things the old fashion way? It might even be fun.”

“What do you mean?” She looked weary.

He laid down, his body stretched over her legs. “You’re going to have to remind this lifetime’s Taeyong of what it was like to fall in love you, you have to remind him because despite whatever the fuck is happening, somewhere inside he knows he loves you.”

“You think I should like flirt with him? Try to get him to fall in love with me without knowing anything about our history together?” She asked. 

He nodded, “You can’t give up, you should at least try this. In the meantime, we can try figuring out why him and the other guys don't remember us either.” 

She closed her eyes and thought about Taeyong, how her heart soared when she first saw him but the confusion and fear was a harsh reminder of their reality. 

“You should’ve seen him.” She murmured, “I think this is the best he’s ever looked. His hair is so dark and soft and I saw the way he smiled at Jaehyun, he’s just so, so perfect and I miss him so much. I want to make out with him so bad. Like it doesn’t even have to be romantic, I just want to find an empty room and dra—“

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Mark groaned, holding his stomach. 

She laughed weakly before sighing, “Mark, everything’s going to be okay, right?”

“As long as it’s you two, I’m positive.” 

\-----

The next morning she put extra effort into her outfit, making sure she looked and felt her best before neatly tying her ponytail up with a sunflower ribbon, one that she nearly threw away before she moved in.

Satisfied, she stood confidently outside Taeyong’s morning lab, trying to ignore the curious glances of the other students wondering why a history major was in the science wing. It took a lot of asking around to find this info.

This was going to work, Mark was right, she couldn’t give up, there had to be an explanation about what was going on between them but for the time being, she had to focus on him. On becoming less than the strangers they somehow were. 

She spotted him in the distance and felt her palms immediately grow clammy; the confidence wavering. Even this early, in a sweater and a pair of jeans, he looked like everything that belonged in her heart. She remembered one of the versions of their lives when he’d almost _live_ in hoodies and whenever they were alone, her fingers would sneak underneath, making him laugh when she’d pepper his face with kisses and run her fingers against his skin.

God, she missed those days. 

He looked up and did a double-take. At least he remembered her this time. 

His feet stuttered as he slowed when he got near. He eyed her cautiously, probably unsure if she was there for him or if this was just a coincidence.

“Hi Taeyong.” 

His hand froze need the door handle when he turned to face her properly, “Hi…from Korean History, right?”

“Yeah, I’m Haeun.” She tried to keep her voice steady, her previous confidence nowhere to be seen. 

He nodded, “Haeun…hey, um…what’s up?”

“I just wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday. I must’ve freaked you out.” She said. 

He shifted on his feet, “It was a little weird but it’s not that big of a deal, no need to apologize.”

Taeyong tried to open the door but she stepped closer, “I just confused you with someone I knew.” 

“It happens.” He said with a small smile. 

Panicking for something to say, she blurted, “I heard from Jaehyun that you’re new here.” 

“Uh, yeah, I transferred because my old university got rid of their Chem research internship program.” He said, running his fingers through the back of his head. 

“C-Cool. If you’re in Chemistry, why were you taking a Korean history class?” She asked

She could tell he was trying to figure out if this conversation was strange or not. His eyes were still tracking her cautiously, “I don’t know, the Joseon era is interesting, I thought it’d be a cool class to take.”

That had to mean something that he was interested in the era where they met for the very first time. 

“Are you a history major?” He asked.

Her heart flipped at the bare minimum of him asking her a question, “Yeah, I am.”

He nodded and the conversation started to die. His lab was about to start any second and she had to let him go soon.

“If…”

He looked over at her and raised his brow for her to continue when her voice trailed off, “If you want, I can maybe give you a tour of campus or places to hang out.”

Taeyong paused for a moment and she could see he was considering turning her down, “Sure, I guess. I haven’t really gotten a chance to explore.” He said with a small smile. He reached in his pocket and held her phone out to her, “if you give me your number I can text you when I’m free.”

Her eyes widened before she grabbed his phone, nearly dropping it. She was busy controlling her trembling hand when she put in her number that she didn’t notice Taeyong staring at her face, taking in the way she chewed on her bottom lip or how she was blinking fast as she typed.

“Your hair tie is cute.” 

His phone fell out of her hands at that. 

He winced, shooting his hand out to catch it before the screen could shatter. “Um..sorry I didn’t mean to upset y—“

“No!” She yelled, beaming up at him, “No, you didn’t upset me, I just didn’t expect that.” 

He gave her a strange look before glancing at his phone, seeing her number in it, he saved her contact, “I have to go to class but you’re going to be at the party on Friday, right?”

She wasn’t planning on it. 

But hell.

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“Cool, see you there.” He said with a nod. 

She could feel her heart ready to tear out of her chest, “Bye, Taeyong.” 

“See you around, Haeun.”


	4. Four

**_Seoul University_ — _— 2020_**

A few days had passed silently with barely any interaction with Taeyong and it was driving her insane.

She didn’t know his schedule and it felt strange to just ask him to hang out like she used to. It was hard to hold herself back and pretend that she didn’t know every little thing about him while also trying to find ways to grow closer to him to build a bond.

It felt like finding that balance was impossible. 

She never had to feel this strongly about him all while not knowing if he felt the same. In the past, she was blissfully unaware of anything until they _both_ remembered. It was like she didn’t know how to be herself anymore. She was constantly worried that something she’d do or say would destroy any and all chances of him having feelings for her. 

How on _earth_ did she do this when they first met?

Luckily she had her classes to keep her mostly busy. Running from lectures to group meetings, to study groups, and to the library left very little time for her to fixate on the fact that Taeyong hadn’t called her nor had she seen him once around campus.

And if she let herself dwell too much she would be reminded of the fact that he used to find excuses just to see her and now, it was likely that he forgot she even existed. She was probably a distant interaction that he barely thought of. She didn't want to bother Mark with her worries so she held them in, keeping them close to herself. 

She was pulled from her thoughts when her phone rang and found an unknown number staring at her. Holding her breath and answered it tentatively, "Hello?"

"Hey, is this Haeun?"

Shivers ran down her spine at Taeyong's voice. "Yeah, hey."

"Umm...I was wondering if you were free? I have an hour between classes and wanted to know any good places for coffee?" He asked, his voice hesitant. 

She bit down her smile and squeezed her eyes shut, "I know the perfect place."

\-----

“Hey, where are you headed?”

Taeyong was putting on his shoes by the door of the frat when Jaehyun called out to him from the staircase. “To meet Haeun. She knows a good coffee shop on campus and then I think she’s going to show me around.”

Jaehyun blinked at him, “Haeun? Like from Korean History? I didn’t know you two knew each other.”

“We don’t, but she seems nice and offered. Is…is that bad? Is she weird or something?” He asked, concerned.

Jaehyun was quick to shake his head, “No, I think she’s cool. You two would get along really well.”

Taeyong fixed the hood of his sweater before giving him a strange look, “I mean, it’s just coffee.”

“Most people would call that a date.” Jaehyun teased.

He frowned, “No, that’s not what this is. She was just being nice.”

Jaehyun grinned, “Sure, sure, have fun, man. Tell her I say hi.”

Taeyong lingered by the open door before turning back to him, “Do you…have feelings for her or something?”

Jaehyun tilted his head, “Why would you ask?”

He shrugged, “I noticed her looking at you when I sat down. If you don’t like me hanging out with her alone, I ca—“

“Okay woah, you’re jumping way too ahead of yourself. I don’t have feelings for her but she’s a really good friend, not just to me but to a lot of the guys here. Just…don’t be a dick.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes, “It’s going to be hard but I’ll try my best.”

\-----

She thought using the ribbon might be too obvious, so she chose to leave it at home and get dressed in something more casual but that she still put considerable effort into putting together.

Her hands were freezing despite how warm it was as she stood by the coffee shop she had told him to meet her by.

Oh but the way the cold evaporated and was replaced by a thrumming heat when she spotted Taeyong walking towards her, the breeze tousling his hair. 

“Hey, sorry I made you wait.”

It was a little torturous to still have him speak and look at her with the polite distance that comes with not knowing each other well. 

She shook her head, “Don’t worry, want to go inside?”

He nodded and she led them inside, chewing her lip nervously. The pressure was weighing on her as they stood in line together. 

“How’s your first week been like?” She asked as she looked over at him.

He was staring at the menu board when he answered, “Not too bad but I guess the start to any semester is like that. I’m not looking forward to midterms.”

“Oh _god_ , I know. Last semester I spent so much time in that little corner over there, that the baristas started telling other customers that it was a reserved spot.” She blurted out. “They wouldn’t let anyone else sit there. I know I should’ve been flattered but it was so embarrassing.” 

He laughed, the sound warming her soul, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s going to be me this semester.”

“But you still found time to join NCT. That’s impressive they do a lot of stuff around campus.” She pointed out. 

Taeyong hummed, "I joined because of Jaehyun but the guys seem nice."

"Yeah, they're some of the greatest. Is Jaehyun the only person you know on campus?" She asked. 

He nodded, "Yeah, he's the one that convinced me to transfer here, actually." 

She felt heat flood through her veins, of course, his best friend, the prince, one of his constants, was the reason he was brought to the one place where she was.

"No girlfriend?" 

She bit down on her tongue, wishing she hadn't blurted the question, despite wanting to know the answer so badly.

He blinked on her, his brow twitching in what she hoped wasn't annoyance, "No, no girlfriend, no plans to have one either. Just want to get through this last semester and graduate. Also, there's no point in meeting someone when I'm only going to be here for a few months."

She flinched, the harshness in his words felt less like casual conversation and more like he was trying to make a point for her to pick up on. 

_He had no plans of dating you._

"Um...so what's your family like?" She asked, trying to mask the shake in her voice. 

He looked away with a frown before shrugging, "Like any other family."

Silence fell over the two of them as she struggled to unclog her throat and the tremble in her hands. Why did she keep poking at sensitive topics? She perpetually had her foot in her mouth around him. When they moved up in the line, Haeun walked up to the counter to order, “Hi, can I get one iced tea and one citron tea?”

“Oh.”

She froze when Taeyong spoke up behind her, “How did you know?”

“What?” She asked.

He stepped closer that even without touching her, she could feel his body heat, “That I drink citron tea?”

She panicked, she forgot that she wasn't supposed to know that, “Oh, I don’t, it’s just their best drink.”

He seemed to buy the answer, taking the moment of distraction to slide a bill to the cashier. She flinched, "Oh, no I can pay."

"Don't worry about it. You can get the next one."

_**1889** —— **Joseon Dynasty**_

“Are you absolutely sure, your Highness?”

“You’re a complete nuisance. _Yes_ , I will be fine for a few hours while you run into town. And I swear to the heavens if you call me _your Highness_ while we’re alone one more time, I’ll have you beheaded.” Jaehyun snarked as he sat in the guard quarters. 

Taeyong’s lips hitched, “Would you like me to pick you up anything?”

“Nothing comes to mind. Anyways, if you run my errands for me then I’ll have no reason to go into town myself.” Jaehyun said.

Taeyong shook his head with a laugh while hanging up his sword and pulling off his guard robes. 

Jaehyun watched Taeyong carefully, noting how thoughtfully he tied his civilian robes, “You’re going to go see her, aren’t you?”

“I just need to buy more citron tea.” Taeyong said without missing a beat.

Jaehyun clicked his tongue disapprovingly, “Is it so hard to admit that you want to see her?”

“To you? Yes.” Taeyong quipped, stepping out.

“It’s nice, seeing you care about something else for once.”

Taeyong watched Jaehyun’s smile waver and felt sadness wash over him. The deal the King and Queen made with Jaehyun to allow him to pick his own bride sounded fair on the outside, but the reality wasn’t as simple. Taeyong knew as much. 

At the end of the day, he’d still have to pick a bride that was fit to be a Queen and accepted by the people. 

Which made it that much harder on Jaehyun to follow his heart.

“Things are going to work out, Jaehyun. I have been your friend for far too long to believe otherwise.”

Jaehyun’s smile regained some of it genuineness, “Your optimism is inspiring.”

“I’ll always protect you, never forget that…your Highness.”

“Oh, someone bring me my sword, I have a head to dismember.” 

\-----

“You really should be helping.” Mark muttered.

He was standing in the kitchen, wiping his brow as he kneaded a bowl of dough. He glanced down by his feet where Haeun was laying, holding a book over her head. She flipped a page before peering up at him.

“You seem to be doing just fine on your own.” 

He rolled his eyes, nudging her hip, before her mother ran in, “Where’s Haeun?”

“Warming my feet for me.” Mark grumbled.

Her mother rounded the counter, the panic on her face drawing Haeun’s attention, “What’s wrong?”

“We’re all out of dried persimmons and the lunch customers are going to be in soon. I need you to run to the market and buy a pound.” Her mother asked while holding out coins.

Haeun pouted before sitting up and taking them from her, “Can’t Mark go?”

“No. He’s the only one of you two doing actual work right now.” Her mother said, giving her a firm pinch on the cheek. 

Mark stuck his tongue out at her as she stood, grabbing a basket and her warm robes. 

“You’re going to regret that.” She grumbled.

Mark snorted, “I doubt it.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe next time don’t forget to add yeast to the dough before trying to bake it.”

Haeun scurried out of the shop with a laugh when she heard Mark groaning and cursing at the realization of his mistake. 

\-----

One of the perks of being her father’s daughter was that everyone in town liked him and because of that, she was constantly handed free treats from the stalls in the market.

“Oh, no! I couldn’t possibly.” She said coyly as a woman at a fruit stand held out a slice of golden pear for her to taste.

The woman waved her off, “Don’t be ridiculous. Your father mentioned wanting to make something at the bakery with pears. These are our sweetest.”

Haeun took the slice from her, grinning, before taking a bite. She gasped, savory the crispness as the woman hurried to pack a small bag full of them. “Here, give these to your father. If he likes how it turns out, make sure he comes to my shop to buy them.”

Haeun took the bag and tucked it in her basket before reaching for the pouch with the coins, but the woman stopped her. “Don’t worry, I’ll make him pay an arm and leg when he buys a batch later.”

Haeun smiled with a bow before bidding her farewell, heading over to the next stall. She was eating too many sweets, some radish kimchi would be really good right about now. Strolling around the market she kept her eyes peeled for something salty when she caught sight of a stand with the dried persimmons her mother wanted.

“Good evening ma’am, can I get a pound of the dried persimmons?” 

The woman nodded and began bagging them for her. She paid and raced over to the kimchi stall, her mouth-watering at all the options before using the change to buy a small portion. She was shoveling the contents into her mouth when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

“I was going to offer to buy you something but you seem to have it under control.” 

Haeun choked, the tart sting of pepper paste burning her nose as she turned to stare at Taeyong who was smiling behind her. She coughed when she felt the food go down the wrong way and slapped her palm against her chest. 

His smile quickly morphed into concern as he moved closer, gently touching her shoulder, “Are you alright? Let me go get you some water.”

He moved to leave but she quickly grabbed his hand as her coughing subsided. She didn’t want him to move away, even if he was going to come back. “I’m fine. Just a bit startled. What are you doing in town?”

She took the pause to take in his appearance when he stepped closer to her. She didn’t think he could make the simplest robes look like it was made from the most expensive fabrics. She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, as her eyes trailed down his chest, remembering what it was like to see the bare skin under it. He was so handsome and lacked the ego that many of the handsome townsmen who thought the world should fall at their feet had.

Lost in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed that Taeyong stopped talking and was just staring at her, his lips slightly parted in awe. 

Oh no. 

Could he tell she was daydreaming about him while he was standing right there? 

She quickly shook her head as if it’d erase her thoughts, “Sorry, I was a bit dazed. What were you saying?”

It almost looked like he was disappointed when he smiled, “I was picking up some citron tea. I had finished the last of it. Running errands for your parents?” 

“And eating.” She joked. 

He chuckled and the two of them started walking in time with each other, “If you’re in the mood to eat, there’s this stew stall that you have to have at least once in your life.”

Her eyes lit up, “Take me.”

Grinning, he boldly took her hand, leading her to a small stall owned by an elderly woman. He began to order, not realizing he was still holding her hand, so she looked at their grip, her blush growing. His hands were larger than her but his fingers were slim but sent a shiver of warmth through her spine. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Taeyong said when he noticed her looking at their hands.

He let go just as she blurted out a loud, “No!”

He blinked and she squeezed her eyes shut, cursing herself. Too bad she couldn’t see the completely enamored smile that curved his lips as he watched her. There was something so honest in her that he was willing to move entire universes to give her what she wanted. She opened her eyes when the woman handed them two small bowls. 

Hoping to distract herself, she took a bite, her eyes widening at the taste; the perfect balance of flavors, “This is incredible. Do you come here, often?”

“Not as often as I’d like, but when we were young and the public didn’t know what the prince looked like, my father used to bring the two of us here.” He said, taking a bite, “Taste hasn’t changed for 10 years.”

She took a sip of the soup, “Does it remind you of him?”

“It does. He was so busy that I don’t have a lot of things to remember him by.” He said quietly. 

She gnawed on her lip, she wondered if that was why her parents made such a fuss about her inheriting the bakeshop. It wasn’t because they trusted her more than Mark, because she knew that wasn’t true. 

Maybe they just wanted to give her something to remember them by.

And all she did was shirk responsibility and complain about not wanting to take care of it.

“Have I made you sad?”

She snapped out of her daze and looked over at Taeyong. She wanted to tell him everything she was feeling, she bet he’d know exactly what to say. Instead, she kept her words simple, “I guess you’re making me realize what I’ve been taking for granted all this time.”

He didn’t rush to apologize or change the subject but took his time to think about what she had said before replying, “If this is about the bakery, try not to let it take up too much of worries.”

She emptied her dish and didn’t notice him setting down coins to pay for them both. She just followed him as he stood to leave, “What do you mean?”

“Some nights, when your father visits while Jaehyun is with his robe maker, he would confide in me. He told me about how you want to travel and love to read but that they also want you to take over the shop one day.” He said. “I can see how that might make you feel conflicted.”

She scrunched up her face, “It’s bizarre how much you know about me because of my father. Did he also tell you how bad I am at the violin and how I still insist on playing it?” 

He laughed, “All I’m saying is not to underestimate your parents or how much they love you, they truly just want you to be happy. I’m sure there is a way for you to fulfill your dreams and your responsibilities without making sacrifices.”

“My parents want me to get married so badly and yet they go around spilling all of my dirty secrets to every eligible man they meet. Driving them away is what they’re doing.” She huffed.

Taeyong’s eyes widened at her slip of the tongue. Had she just called him an eligible man? Did she consider him as such?

Engrossed in the conversation, she didn't notice the cart charging towards her until it was too late, but before she braced herself for impact, a firm arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her out of the cart’s path and into a broad chest. She glanced up and found herself deadlocked in his captivating stare.

“I hardly think they’re driving anyone away.”

 ** _2020_** —— **_Seoul University_**

She managed to make it through the rest of the day without accidentally revealing anything else personal about Taeyong and she recovered from his previous coldness as he began warming up to her but she had to admit that although it was hard, it was still fun. 

No matter if their core beings were the same, each lifetime was always a bit different. He was a hockey player, a businessman, a club owner and a royal guard. 

It was amazing to hear about his life now. 

To learn about how much science intrigued him, how passionate he was about it and how he dreamed of accomplishing big things. It was equally exciting to tell him about what her dreams were in this life. How she was drawn to history, studying and preserving the past and understanding how it influenced in present and future.

And Taeyong never seemed bored or distracted, he engaged with her, asking her questions and wanting to learn more. Over the course of the entire tour, she had grown more comfortable with him and the pressure she was feeling when they first met was gone. He also seemed to relax, laughing at her little stories and sharing some of his own from his previous university. 

For once, it felt like the old days. 

She was even sure he was flirting a little.

When they parted ways, her footsteps were light and she couldn’t wait to see him again tonight at the party. 

This was progress. 

\-----

“Are you sure I look alright?”

Mark was walking next to her as they made their way to the frat, he had jumped at her invitation to go to the party. Now that he remembered everything she knew how much she wanted to see the other guys, but she also invited him because she needed moral support. 

“No, you look hideous. The skirt is especially tacky.” He said blankly.

She rolled her eyes, knowing that he was only being harsh because he had spent the last 30 minutes assuring her that she looked fine and maybe even a little bit pretty. She was wearing a loose t-shirt tucked into a tight skirt, nothing too dramatic but knowing that she was going to see Taeyong made her re-think her outfit too many times.

She hooked her arm around his, “Okay, I’ll stop. How’s it been adjusting for you?”

“Not too bad, but it does suck not knowing any of the guys like I used to. Shit’s a lot worse for you, I guess.” He said as they neared the frat house.

She grinned up at him, a total difference from when he last found her curled up in bed, “It’s not that bad now that I think about it. I have you, I couldn’t ask for anyone better. And things with Taeyong are looking a lot more hopeful. I think this could work.” 

Mark glanced at her, “Even if the two of you get together we still need to figure out why he doesn’t remember you and how to change that.”

They stepped into the house, the music pounding and smell of stale alcohol radiating. She leaned up to speak in his ear, “How on earth are we going to figure that out when only the two of us remember anything?”

Mark nodded in agreement, “Okay fair point, but maybe we need to work on getting the others to remember too.”

She hummed in agreement, her eyes scanning the room for familiar faces. 

“There are my favourite friends!”

“Man, I miss the prince when he was more prince-ly.” Mark muttered under his breath as Jaehyun skipped down the stairs, his face flush and his smile too loose for him to be sober. 

She laughed, holding her arms out to catch Jaehyun who nearly rolled over them. He pulled the two of them close, swaying them from side to side. “It’s so good to see you two. I miss you guys so much.”

“How much have you had to drink?” Mark asked, pulling Jaehyun off of them.

He laughed, “Not enough. I’m just feeling good! Let’s get you guys something in your mouths.”

Haeun let out a loud laugh before letting him pull them into the kitchen where the drinks were. Mark kept complaining under his breath causing Haeun to laugh so hard she felt tears prick her eyes. She was so distracted that she didn’t notice anyone else in the kitchen until Jaehyun held out two cups.

Accepting it, her eyes landed on Taeyong who was looking at them as they walked in. It wasn’t fair that he could look so good all the time. He was wearing ripped black jeans and a button-down shirt. His hair was pushed off his forehead and the kitchen lighting warmed his skin up. But above all else, Taeyong somehow managed to always remind her of coming home. The comfort, the familiarity, the trust. Even if he didn't know her, he brought those same feelings out of her. 

He was always the man whom she shared her secrets, fears and dreams with and he'd keep them tucked close against his heart. Protecting them from the harshness of the world and supporting all the places her hopes would take her. He was one of a kind and she trusted him with her entire soul.

“Hi.” She breathed out, her smile widening. 

His smile grew and her heart soared, “Hey.”

“Oh yeah! Taeyong, this is Mark, Haeun’s roommate, and best baby boy.” Jaehyun said, pointing at him.

Mark groaned and held his hand out, “I’m her best friend, Jaehyun just thinks she treats me like her son sometimes.”

Taeyong laughed and shook his hand. It made her emotional. It reminded her of when he first met Mark, and how Taeyong had immediately become fond of him, treating him with the same overprotective affection that she did. He had quickly taken on the big brother role.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jaehyun’s friend, I just transferred here.” 

Mark smiled, she could see him clenching his teeth to refrain from revealing how much he really knew about him. “You and Haeun are friends too, right?”

She knew he was doing this on purpose, to help establish their relationship but it made her cringe. She glanced at Taeyong who was looking at her, his eyes traveling over her clothes before returning to Mark.

“Yeah, she showed me around today.”

Mark nodded and was about to ask him, even more, when Doyoung and Johnny slid into the room, wasted, “Let’s go! One of the freshmen is trying a keg stand.”

Taeyong gave them a smile before walking out with his friends. Jaehyun patted them on the back and followed them as well. Her lips curled to pout as she watched Taeyong disappear into the crowd. Why was it so hard to spend more than a minute with him?

Mark sighed and took a sip of his drink, “Let’s just enjoy ourselves, it’s the first party of the semester, we deserve this.”

She looked at her friend, feeling an intense sense of gratefulness come over her before the two of them ran into the crowd, jumping up and down along with their peers, singing along to lyrics that talked about enjoying the night and partying like there was no tomorrow. Every now and then her eyes would search the ocean of bodies and lock on Taeyong, in a trance watching him dance and move with the music. He could send her into a trance with how smoothly he moved, like the music was running through his veins.

He used to pull her into his arms and sway her along with whatever song was on the radio in the past, murmuring loving words into her ear as they danced. There were times when they'd come home together tipsy and he'd play music in the bedroom to seduce her, she'd always laugh with him but it would only take a second of his tender fingers and kittenish smile before she'd melt into his hands. 

A second passed and his eyes met hers. She held her breath, their gazes electric as the beat carried them even from opposite ends of the room, oh how she wished she could get closer. She wanted to pressed up against him and dance together. But like all the times before, he looked away first.

After that, she tried to forget her problems and anything concerning Taeyong, she'd be a mess if she didn't. Her worries would still be around when she was hungover tomorrow morning. She and Mark took a few shots, one personally delivered by a drunk Johnny. It made her miss how he’d tease her and prank her in past lives. Taeyong usually would just watch them bicker with a laugh until she’d ask him to intervene. 

It wasn’t just the loss of Taeyong that was giving her a hard time but everyone other than Mark whose lives were woven into the fabric of hers.

She forced herself to forget her problems, playing beer pong with Doyoung and laughing when Johnny did a body shot off of Jaehyun. She felt stress-free and light for the first time in a while. 

Until a girl from one of the neighboring Sororities grab her and Mark and yelled three terrifying famous last words.

“SPIN THE BOTTLE!”

There were complaints of the childish nature of the game and how they weren’t thirteen but regardless, a group of 10 formed a circle and someone placed an empty bottle in the middle. 

“Kiss or pass, but if you pass you have to chug half a bottle.” One of the girls said, holding up a large bottle of tequila. 

Haeun scanned the group around her, Mark, who she prayed she wouldn’t be paired with, Jaehyun, Johnny, Doyoung and a group of girls who she ran into in line for the bathroom who wouldn’t stop complimenting her. 

“Taeyong! Sit here!”

Haeun stilled, trying not to look obvious as she cast a glance at Taeyong who walked into the room. He came over, his eyes glazed from the alcohol, and sat across from her. 

She tried not to stare, it was harder to convince herself not to just ignore the entire game and study the shapes of Taeyong’s face. Even with his eyes glassy and face flushed red, she adored him. The game had begun, the bottle being spun by each person. Most people took the kiss, even Johnny wrestled a hysterical Doyoung and kissed him wet on the nose to the sound of cheers. 

Her turn was coming up, the girl next to her reaching over to spin the bottle. Haeun blinked hard, trying to keep herself awake while staring at the bottle. It slowed before stopping, she followed the direction of the bottle’s neck to see who it landed on.

No.

No. 

NO!

She could only stare, wide-eyed as the bottle landed on Taeyong. Mark stiffened on her other side, his fingers digging into her knee when she froze up. She couldn’t pull her gaze away from Taeyong who was laughing. He didn’t look the least bit bothered by the fact that he was supposed to kiss another girl. 

One that wasn’t her. 

He wouldn’t actually do it, would he? He couldn’t possibly kiss someone else while she was sitting right there. It was like someone’s hand was gripped around her throat, choking her until she blacked out. Her breathing shortened when he sat up on his knees and leaned across the circle. No, fate wouldn't do that to her, right?

“Tequila or kiss?” He asked the girl.

She giggled, “I never liked tequila, to begin with."

Her body was heating up, she wanted to push him back, tell him not to, but what right did she have? He didn’t know who she was, she was a stranger to him, what she felt didn't matter to him. And she was never the type to force him to do anything or make him do what she wanted, but this stung. She had never found herself attracted to a man that wasn't him and she always believed that he felt the same way about her. Maybe she was foolish for believing she had such power that as long as he knew she existed he wouldn't be able to look at another woman. 

Fuck.

Was he even attracted the least bit to her in this life?

Was he ever?

In all the lives they shared before if fate hadn’t tied them together, would he have ever looked her way? Maybe she had read it all wrong from earlier today, he never thought twice about her, she was never someone that would land on his radar. There was no flirting, it was probably just him being polite.

“Haeun…” Mark said quietly, concern in his tone. 

She could barely move, her eyes following Taeyong in a dark curiosity as he slipped his fingers into the girl’s hair, tipping her head back before pressing his lips to hers. It was this rush of possessiveness, jealously, anger, and every other ugly emotion that reared its head when the girl pulled him closer by the neck, smiling into his kiss.

Haeun used to do that with him. 

When they were in their 20s he’d have her pressed against any wall he could find, fingers always in her hair, driving her mad until she moaned into his mouth. And she’d have her hands all over him until he was positive they had to move somewhere more private. Or in their 30s when he’d tease her by hovering over her mouth, mumbling little compliments and adorations until she lost her patience and closed the distance.

But he didn’t know any of that now. 

And she had a front-row seat. 

She could feel Mark pulling on her arm in an attempt to make her look away but she couldn’t. She was sure that in their many lives before, he had girlfriends before they met, but this was the first time she had to witness it while she knew who he was to her.

He was half of her heart. And it wasn’t fair that it was being destroyed like this.

What cruel fate would make her watch her soulmate kiss another girl?

She couldn’t hear the wolf-whistles and yells of the group who were watching the extended kiss but when she watched, horrified, as his tongue slipped into her mouth, she wasn’t able to stop herself when she stood up. 

Everyone quieted down, staring at her curiously. She could feel Mark and Jaehyun’s heavy gaze. She could see Taeyong and the girl pull away in her periphery that her eyes unintentionally landed on him, their gaze meeting before she looked away.

“Ha ha, sorry, I’m just gonna run and grab a drink. You guys keep playing, I’ll be back.” 

Everyone resumed talking but she tried not to notice how serious Mark and Jaehyun looked and she certainly didn’t want to see what Taeyong looked liked after being kissed. Because she knew. 

She’d seen him, hair messed, lips reddened, dazed and out of breath before. She used to make him like that.

She ran to the kitchen, tears threatening to fall. She wanted to run, hide, cry, do _anything_ to express how fucking lost she was feeling. 

It didn’t make sense, she had no idea what was happening and she could feel herself being pulled deeper and deeper down. None of it made sense to her and there was nowhere to turn to for help. All the previous confidence she had was shattered and only left her feeling embarrassed for ever thinking she was going somewhere with him. How foolish of her.

She thought she could handle this; that she could live through him not remembering her if it meant that she had a shot at winning him over the old fashion way. The idea that things would somehow work itself out.

But she couldn’t take this. 

The kitchen had cleared up and she took this moment to busy herself with the stack of plastic cups, filling it up with something disgusting. She took a big swig, wincing at the burn, her eyes stinging. It was a great excuse to let some of her tears re-surface. 

“This isn’t fair.”

She froze, her heart thudding when Taeyong’s voice filled the empty room. She used to look forward to hearing him when he entered a room with her. Now, it just filled her with anxiety. Like she couldn’t breathe.

Turning she met his gaze, her heart dropping when she saw the emptiness in his eyes. “W-What?”

“It’s not fair that you get to look at me like that.” His voice was heavy, thick with how drunk he was.

Her brows knit, she could feel a disaster coming but she couldn’t help herself, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry if I led you on or gave you the wrong idea, but I’m not interested in you, I don’t have feelings for you. I just agreed to hang out because you offered and I wanted to know more people around here. That’s it.”

He was…mad at her?

Her mouth fell open as she just watched him snarl at her. It wasn’t like she could feel any worse, anything she had left was burnt to ash anyways. 

“Wh—

“We aren’t a couple or anything so it’s not fucking fair for you to look at me like I’m breaking your heart just because I’m kissing someone else. Whatever idea of me you have in your head isn't real. I’m not yours. I don’t know you and you don't know me. You’re just some girl that’s friends with Jaehyun.” He barked.

His fists trembling, his eyes bloodshot, "So stop asking me if I have a girlfriend, stop being interested in me and my life because I already told you that I don't want any of that. Just...just leave me alone, for both our sakes."

It was when the cup she was holding slipped out of her hands and spilled across the floor that he snapped out of his rant. It was like he was ripped out of a trance and was only faced with the tears glazing over her eyes. 

“Shit. Haeun, I—“

“I need to go.” She whispered out, walking past him, making sure not to even _brush_ past him. 

Her hands were trembling and she could hear the blood rushing to her head, making her dizzy. The alcohol didn’t help either. It was surreal, her heart was racing and her skin was growing warm to the point where she felt like she couldn't breathe. She pushed past sweaty, drunk bodies, unable to hold back the tears that spilled over her cheeks. The image of his glare was scored in her memory. The vile anger and despise, he couldn't stand the sight of her. 

The love of her life. 

The man whose heart used to beat in time with hers. 

What sin had she committed that deserved punishment as inhumane as this? Why did the universe have to brutalize the one thing she spent multiple lifetimes protecting and cherishing? And why did they have to have Taeyong be the one to deliver the punishing blows?

Mark and Jaehyun watched her head to the door before getting up to follow her. Jaehyun was about to step out when Mark stopped him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go.”

He frowned, “No it’s okay, I'll come with, I want to know if I have to kick someone out of here.”

“She won’t want a lot of people around her. It’s probably best if I just go, we live together anyways.” Mark said. If this had anything to do with Taeyong, there was no way he could let Jaehyun hear, he'd think that the two of them were crazy.

Jaehyun lingered uncertainly before nodding, “Alright, let me know if I can help.”

Mark waved before racing out the door. Jaehyun turned and caught sight of Taeyong who had re-joined the circle looking severely distressed. They made eye contact and then nodded in the direction of the backyard. Taeyong stared back silently before solemnly standing and walking back in the direction of the kitchen.

Jaehyun followed but not before leaning down next to the girl who Taeyong kissed, who couldn’t stop staring at his friend with lust thick in her eyes. 

“You don’t have a shot in hell.”

\-----

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” Jaehyun asked as he stepped out onto the small patio facing the backyard.

Taeyong didn’t look at him and just dug his nail into the cracked wooden railing, “What are you talking about?”

Jaehyun trod carefully, he knew how quickly Taeyong could shut down if he pushed too hard, “What happened with you and Haeun?”

“Nothing. There _is_ no me and Haeun. I’ve hung out with her once, why is everyone acting like we’re close or something?”

“Woah. Calm down. If this is about the jokes I made this morning, I didn’t mean it. You’re my best friend and I’m close with Haeun, somehow you two ended up talking so I was just messing around. I did—“

“It’s not what you said. It’s just being around her is…hard.” He said, exasperated.

Jaehyun frowned, “Why is it hard? Did something happen?”

"No, it’s just…I don’t know how to explain it, but when I’m around her I feel overwhelmed. She keeps looking at me like she's waiting for something like she knows something I don't. Like she's expecting something. And then she got up and left after I kissed that girl like I did something wrong. We barely know each other." Taeyong ran his fingers through his hair, “I just snapped at her. I’m drunk, I’m not thinking straight. I don’t know.”

“I’ve known Haeun for a while, she’s one of the best people around here. She wouldn’t just get up and leave because you kissed some girl. She's pretty easy going and good with people.” Jaehyun insisted. "If you let her into your life, she's not going to leave, Taeyong."

Taeyong leaned his arms against the railing, “I just feel claustrophobic with her.”

“Was it like this when you went for coffee? Why did you even agree to go?” Jaehyun asked. 

He shook his head, “Coffee was fine at first but then she started asking me if I had a girlfriend and about my family and it just brought back a lot of shitty feelings. We don't know each other but she wants to know about my life and you know how that freaks me out. It's just _a lot._ Why does she even care about my life? She's a stranger. Why would anyone bother to get to know me?”

“Because you're kind, smart and really fucking caring. You're my goddamn best friend. Where the fuck is all of this coming from? Her wanting to get to know you isn't a bad thing, you know. At least she's trying, right? But what the hell did you say to her that made her run out of here like the place was on fire while crying?” Jaehyun asked.

He turned and gaped at him, “She was crying?”

“I’m not trying to make you feel worse, but I told you that people here really like her. She’s a good person, Tae. She didn’t deserve whatever you said to her. Even if you felt like you needed to confront her, she didn’t really do anything that deserved whatever happe—are _you_ crying?” Jaehyun’s eyes widened as he stepped towards his friend. 

Taeyong looked away, lacing his fingers behind his head and stared up as if to will the tears back, “I don’t know what the fuck is happening to me or why I reacted that way but I swear I never meant to make her cry. Honestly, I don't even know why I reacted like that. I just couldn't deal with someone wanting to be around me, what's the point? She's going to walk out anyway, except for you, everyone else does.”

Jaehyun put his arm around his friend, squeezing his shoulder, “Okay, you're just talking bullshit now. Look. I promise it's going to be okay, try not to beat yourself up over this. You’re drunk, we all are. Go sleep it off, I’ll check with Mark to make sure they got home okay.”

“How do I fix this?” Taeyong mumbled as he walked into the house. 

Jaehyun slipped his hands into his pockets, “You gotta talk to her, sooner the better because things like this, something so small can really fuck everything up for you. Trust me.”


	5. Five

**_Seoul —— 2020_ **

Withdrawal from the one you love is a like walking into hell with a sweater on.

“Haeun! Wait for me!”

She couldn’t hear Mark voice with the ringing in her ears.

_“You’re just some girl that's friends with Jaehyun.”_

He had never spoken to her like that before, never looked at her like that before. Even in the past when they disagreed, their fights never got so hostile and personal. He must’ve hated her so much for someone so kind and gentle to whip out such cruelties at her.

What crime had she committed in her past life that caused her to be tortured this way? 

She tried so hard to stop the tears but they tumbled out, screaming to the world that her heart was vulnerable and broken. Taeyong was always the person who her heart could rest easy with. She never worried or feared when she handed her soul to him.

Why was this happening to them? 

Did he not want her in his life that badly that he managed to change the path of fate?

When Mark finally caught up to her and pulled her arm back, she collapsed, crouching on the side of the road. Mark dropped down next to her without hesitating, “It’ll be okay, he was drunk, we can beat him up for kissing that girl later.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

Mark frowned, “Why are you apologizing?”

“All these lifetimes, I’ve made it about myself, just _expecting_ you to drop everything for me. You’ve had to be reborn all these times, unable to control anything about your life just to make me and Taeyong be together. I’m sorry I’m such a burden. I’m such a selfish friend. You have your own worries and problems but this, this, this _glitch_ has just ruined everything. I ruined everything.”

He gaped at her, body freezing in shock. Being friends with Haeun was never a chore or a responsibility to him and she had no reason to ever think that way. He spent most of his many lifetimes alone with a family that wasn’t ever present. She was his constant, his family. And she always taught him that you never hesitate to go to bat for family, “What the hell did he say to you that you’re apologizing to me over something so stupid?”

She looked over at him, tears flooding her face, “I’m such a moron. Why did I ever think this could work? That he would ever like me. He’s not my soulmate this time. Whatever type of destiny that keeps us together all these lifetimes must’ve messed up. Me and Taeyong aren’t going to meet and remember anything this time. This won't be like all the other times. We aren’t going to fall in love. There's no happily ever after or making things right. It’s done, Mark. It’s over.” 

Mark was in shock, trying to make sense of the sudden extreme that her emotions took her. Haeun was always level headed and determined, it took a lot to shake her faith, “Haeun, what happened back there?”

She shook her head, “Can we just go home?”

Mark watched her, unsurely before nodding, helping her up and continuing the rest of the walk back to their apartment. He paced behind her, watching her unsteady steps before she tilting her head back to stare up at the sky. She sniffled before laughing. 

Her laughter grew louder before she turned to face him, walking backward, “You know what I just thought?”

“What?” He asked wearily. 

She giggled soullessly, “What if he dates someone else? What if _I_ date someone else? Shouldn’t I? He clearly wants nothing to do with me. Should I spend the rest of this lifetime just waiting for him while he gets married and has kids with another woman? That’s a bit cruel, even for a punishment. But I guess so is me dating someone else who I could never love as much as Taeyong.”

“You aren’t being punished.” Mark said exasperatedly, “And what the hell are you talking about? You and Taeyong are not going to date other people because you’re meant for each other.”

She wasn’t listening, she just grabbed Mark’s hand, forcing him to spin as if they were dancing but he was reluctant, “What if this ruins all of our future lives? What if each time I’m reborn, I meet Taeyong, he doesn’t remember anything and I just have to watch him not love me? Wouldn’t that be hilarious?” 

Mark felt his throat close when tears trekked down her face, “The universe wouldn’t be so evil.”

“The universe killed Taeyong’s father and had his mother abandon him as a child. The universe gave you parents who were never around, the universe kept Jaehyun single his entire life because he was royalty that didn’t want an arranged marriage, the universe doesn’t give a fucking shit about being good or evil.” She spat. 

Silence draped them as they entered their building and walked up the stairs. She unlocked the door and let them in. She kicked off her shoes and headed to her room when Mark called out to her.

“The universe gave me you and your parents, the universe gave Taeyong a new family with you, Jaehyun and his guards, the universe gave Jaehyun independence to not be tied to someone he didn’t love. There’s always some good with the bad, I think the same is true in this life.”

\-----

Taeyong chewed on his lip, his eyes glued to the door waiting for Haeun to shuffle into their shared Korean History class. His leg was shaking erratically but he couldn’t be bothered with the dirty looks the people in his row were giving him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her the entire weekend.

“She’s not here.” He mumbled. 

Jaehyun was barely paying attention, his focus pinned on his laptop, “Huh?”

“Class is about to start and Haeun still isn’t here.” He said.

Jaehyun looked up, his eyes scanning the room, “Yeah, Mark texted me and said she wasn’t feeling well. Why else do you think I’m taking notes? I’m supposed to send these to her.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Taeyong hissed when the professor walked into class.

Jaehyun blinked at him, “Was I supposed to? I thought you didn’t like being around her?”

“I know I just…wanted to apologize.” He said softly. 

Jaehyun bit down on the end of his pen, while typing something out, “You’re going to have to do better than apologizing to her quickly between classes. She isn’t one to skip, so you must’ve really hurt her feelings.” 

Taeyong frowned, about to ask Jaehyun for ideas when the professor started the lesson. He did his best to focus but he kept thinking about her crying because he put his foot in his mouth. 

The guilt was just growing. Even when he was a kid, he was never the type to pull on little girls’ pigtails or pick on kids smaller than him. The way he acted on Friday wasn’t him, it was just this burst of emotion that he was too drunk to properly handle. And Haeun got the bitter end of it. 

He was an ass, that much was clear. 

The guys at the frat made sure he knew that. He knew Jaehyun said that everyone liked her but he didn’t realize just how _much_ everyone liked her. To the point where they’d give him the stink eye even though most of them were probably too drunk to remember what happened. 

But it was what Doyoung had said quietly to him during breakfast this morning that left him a little speechless. 

_“Haeun has turned down half the guys here, Jaehyun included. You’d be lucky if she gave you the time of fucking day.”_

Doyoung was right. Why the hell was his first assumption that she liked him? Apparently she was popular on campus, everyone liked her, why would she look twice at the new kid from a broken home? 

And he just ripped her a new one for no reason. 

“Fuck.” He mumbled as he slid down in his seat. 

This class was never going to end.

\-----

When class ended, he barely said bye to Jaehyun before he took off. He was lucky that Jaehyun seemed to be the least angry friend he had because he was willing to give him Haeun’s address.

He stood outside her door, rocking from side to side before knocking, waiting for her to open it. He prayed that she didn’t slam the door in his face at the sight of him. He held his breath when he heard light footsteps near the door but instead of hearing the door unlock, he was greeted with silence. 

He glanced up at the door, staring straight at the peephole that he was sure she was looking through. 

“Haeun?” He called out nervously. 

The sound of footsteps quickly retreating made him wince. He tried knocking again, hoping she’d hear him out. Heavier footsteps came towards him this time and when the door flung open, Mark was standing, staring blankly at him.

“What.” 

He flinched at the cold tone. Mark had seemed so cheerful at the party, like the younger brother everyone always wanted, now it sounded like he wanted to knock Taeyong out, “Hey, is Haeun home?”

“No.” He replied without even hesitating. 

Taeyong’s eyes drifted over Mark’s shoulder where two steaming mugs were set on the island counter. He looked back at Mark who didn’t back down. He let out a small sigh and swung his backpack around, pulling out a neat little folder, “I just wanted to give her notes from today.”

“Keep it. Jaehyun’s sending his.”

Taeyong scratched the back of his neck, “Uh…I was sitting next to him in class, I saw his notes, I think she should use these.”

Mark hesitated, his eyes shifting before taking the folder from him, “You could’ve emailed it to her, if Jaehyun could give you her address, I’m sure he could’ve given you her email.”

“I wouldn’t be able to see her if I did that.” 

The appalled look Mark gave him made him look away. Clearly it wasn’t the time to joke. “I just wanted to say sorry to her. Seriously." 

Mark glanced over his shoulder before stepping forward, edging Taeyong back so he could close the door behind them, “Look, I don’t know what went down between you two but Haeun is one of the best people I have in my life.”

Taeyong was starting to see a pattern. 

“I thought you’d be different. I thought you were a more mature person. I really…I really used to look up to you. I thought you were—“ 

Taeyong’s face twisted in confusion, how could a junior look up to a senior he only met a few days ago, “What?”

“I just expected more from you. You don’t get to hurt her and then think that just giving her notes and saying sorry will fix everything. She seems tough but she’s sensitive and I've never seen her this down before. So don't go around thinking that I'm going to play the messenger and help you apologize to her. If you want to make this right, figure out how to do it yourself and figure out how to do it properly or just leave her alone.” Mark said.

Taeyong took a second to take everything mark had said in before letting out a slow breath, "I'm going to make it up to her."

Mark just nodded before he turned back into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. That wasn't the reaction or confrontation he had expected to have when he showed up here. He didn't realize her friends would take what happened between them so personally but it made sense. People loved her and they were protective of her. 

In a way, he wanted to be like that too. He wanted people to love and protect him because there weren't many that had shown him what that felt like. After a while, you just start to think that maybe there's a reason no one has ever wanted you in their life, maybe it's you. Maybe there's nothing about you to love and care about so people abandon you. Then the answer becomes easy, push people away before they can abandon you.

Make them leave you _before_ they make you love them.

Taeyong stared at his feet before squeezing his eyes to push the thoughts of his mind. No, this time he wouldn't push someone away, this time he wouldn't fear anything other than being alone. This time he'd try to be more like Jaehyun and Haeun, by letting people into his life as if they were meant to be there.

This time he'd try.

\-----

The two weeks following that encounter had been a blur. 

When he wasn't studying, in class or doing frat events, he was trying to chase Haeun down campus. She had become a master of avoiding him, coming to class _just_ as lectures started and sitting up at the very front so that the minute they were dismissed, she’d be out the door before he could even stand. Sometimes he’d see her walking around with friends but the minute she’d spot him, her face would fall and she’d quickly excuse herself and leave. It was like the mere sight of him completely altered her mood and it made him sick.

Part of himself wanted to give up because it was clear that he was making her anxious and she evidently didn’t want anything to do with him, but he couldn’t just leave her alone thinking that he meant any of what he had said. He made her so miserable and he wanted at least a _chance_ at fixing it. 

Luck finally fell on his side, when he was seated on a couch in the frat house, surrounded by the other members. He was staring at his phone, this thumb hovering Haeun’s name, considering sending her text to see if she’d reply when Jaehyun entered, a tower of flyers in his hands.

“Alright boys, it’s that glorious time of year. We have some new guys with us, you all know Taeyong, but we also have some new recruits joining us too. So this will be their first time participating in the amazing miracle we like to call, Fundraising Freak Week.” Jaehyun said, dropping the stack of flyers on the coffee table. 

Doyoung winced before grabbing a few and handing them out, “The name could use some re-tooling, but you get the gist. All the clubs and societies are going to be working on fundraising money for different charities this week. We do it every year.”

“And this year, I decided to be a genius and found a great cause. Puppies!” Jaehyun announced loudly. 

Taeyong raised his brows, taking a flyer and scanning the bright color and animated pictures of pets. 

“I got in touch with some shelters nearby and they’re going to bring some of their animals down to campus. Students who don’t live in campus housing can adopt, others can sponsor and some of the animals are therapy trained. There’s nothing that stressed-out caffeine dependant 20-somethings love more than cute animals.” Jaehyun explained cheerfully. 

Everyone started chattering excitedly as Jaehyun continued, “We have most of everything planned, but we’re going to need volunteers to take up shifts. But we’ll need some help from outside the frat, show these to your friends and get them to sign up for a shift with you.”

Taeyong stilled, an idea forming as he looked at Jaehyun, “Anyone?”

“As long as they like furry things, yeah!”

Jaehyun barely finished speaking before Taeyong grabbed a handful of flyers and ran off. He was back at Haeun’s door, using the flyer to cover the peephole before knocking repeatedly.

The door swung open and for the first time in weeks he got to see Haeun’s face up close. Her eyes were wide and he could see the panic and regret in them as she scanned his face frantically. She was wearing an oversized university sweater and a pair of shorts, her hair tied up messily. 

“Wh—“ Her voice died off as she stared up at him waiting for an explanation. 

He swallowed, his shoulders feeling heavy under her weighted gaze, “Come watch dogs and cats with me!”

“I—I’m sorry?” She asked incredulously. 

He shifted nervously on his feet, “Uhh, NCT’s doing a pet adoption thing for charity week. Do you want to sign up for a shift with me?”

Her brows knit together, “Why on earth would you want that?”

It was strange how he had only really known her for a short period of time but he already knew enough to know that her bitter tone was unlike her. That joy and happiness were void in her tone and face when she addressed him. 

“I’m sorry.” He blurted, “I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff to you at the party. I was drunk and an idiot and I feel so bad and I want to make it up to you.”

She looked unsure, “You don’t need to make anything up to me. You made it clear that being around me made you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to do something you hate for my sake.”

“I don’t hate being around you. I just…I don’t know, I was scared when you wanted to get to know me, I'm not good around new people. I panicked and said somethings I didn’t mean. I want to make it up to you. I _want_ to.” He breathed out. 

Her eyes, once again filled with that thick emotion that initially choked him when she saw him at the party and at the coffee shop, watched him like he was animal that she didn’t want to spook.

Shit, did he always make her feel like that?

She slowly reached out and took the flyer from his hand and read it over, chewing her lip as her eyes flickered over all the information Jaehyun has printed on it. 

“I mean…only if you like animals, of course.”

Her eyes moved back to him and it was almost like sadness washed over her in a split second. 

**_1889 —— Joseon Dynasty_ **

It had become a ritual for the two of them, she would come to deliver the baked goods each week and he would meet her by the gates and spend an hour or two that he could spare between his duties sharing stories and memories before she had to go home. 

Soon the entire palace was growing accustomed to her and seeing her roam the palace grounds with Taeyong, though only Jaehyun had the power and fearlessness to ever bring it up. He was sure that even the King and Queen had seen them in passing and he was grateful that neither of them mentioned it whenever he met them in their audience chambers.

Taeyong always found himself wishing they could have more than a few hours and see each other more than once a week, she was a moment of respite in his day, always bringing with her this little trail of joy and sunlight that he couldn’t fathom being without. It gave him something to look forward to.

In fact, each time that he saw her left him with a stronger sense of longing and need. It was harder for him to say goodbye and it was becoming more clear that the feelings he shared with her were more than that of two friends. Which was how he was categorizing them before. He hadn’t the faintest idea if she felt the same way, but he didn’t mind if she didn’t. He just yearned for her presence when life became monotonousness and his dedication to his duty started consuming him. She was refreshing, she was honest, she was driven and she was slowly owning his humble heart. 

Who could blame him when she was standing in front of him in the private guards quarters, that women weren't usually allowed in, beautiful yet blissfully and intentionally unaware as he stared down at her dubiously.

The mere fact that he was more distracted by her bold nonchalance than how she had convinced him to let her into his private quarters showed how ridiculous she was and how he hoped for her more each day. Just being around her gave his chest this magnificent little buzz that would keep him up at night whenever he'd lay in his bed thinking about her.

“Haeun, excuse my indecency but…it appears your skirt is moving.” He said, stunned. 

She tilted her head, eyes wide in an attempt of innocence, “You must be mistaken.”

A stunned laughed escaped him and frankly, she was so adorable that he was inclined to believe her until a small whimper slipped out from her skirt. 

“I don’t think I am.” He said, wide-eyed. 

She looked around conspiringly despite the entire room being empty since he sent his men out to run laps, training. She slowly gathered her skirt and he tried not to blush as she lifted the cloth to reveal the smallest, malnourished kitten he had ever seen hiding behind her ankles. 

He blinked, bewildered before crouching down to peer at the little creature. He reached a hand out before pausing and pulling back, “I’m sorry, I’m quite literally shoving my hand up your skirt.”

A cross between a gasp and cough came out of her as she dropped her skirt and crouched down next to him. He stared, in wonderment, at the colour that flooded her skin while reaching into her skirt herself to pull out the kitten. 

“I found him on the side of the road on my way up. If you notice some of the cakes ripped up it’s my fault.” She said, using a gentle finger to stroke down the spine of it. “He was hungry.”

Taeyong was still trying to catch up, staring at the black kitten as it moved close to him, using its small paws to climb up his robes. “Are you planning on keeping him?” 

“I can’t.” She said with a pout and it made his heart curl up. He’d gladly destroy whatever that caused her such sadness if it meant she’d smile again. “We can’t keep a pet when we live over the bakeshop. People would think the food is unclean.”

Taeyong tilted his head and reached his own finger out, letting the kitten’s dull teeth clamp down on it, “What will you do?” 

She huffed, “I’m not sure yet.” 

“I could take care of him until you figure something out.” He offered. 

Her eyes widened and glowed, “Really? At the palace? You won’t get in trouble?”

“Maybe a little, but not enough to jeopardize anything. The Queen is fond of animals and it’d be nice to have a little royal mascot, don’t you think?” He mused, his lips hitching as he thought more about having a companion during his nightly rounds. He could see the kitten growing up, playing in the Queen’s garden, following the kitchen staff around for scraps or nearly falling into the springs. 

“You can come visit him whenever you want, of course.” He added. He was sure she knew exactly how much he had meant it too. He was thirsty for any time with her.

Haeun bit down on her lip and watched him stare at the kitten affectionately. Her heart was exploding in little warm fireworks, he was so thoughtful she resisted the urge to hug him, “I named him already.”

Taeyong raised his brows, “You did?”

She nodded, grinning, “It’s Yong.” 

Taeyong froze before looking up at her curiously, “Yong?”

“Yeah, like a dragon. The royal seal.” She explained. 

Taeyong nodded quietly before focusing on Yong.

“And,” she said quietly, “Yong like Tae _yong_.”

**_2020 —— Seoul University_ **

“I do.” Haeun said softly, “I do like animals.”

Oh, how she wished he didn’t break her heart every single time she was around him. 

And oh, how she wished she wasn’t such a fool knowingly handing him her heart every time, fully aware of what he’d do to it.

“Okay. I’ll do it. If you’re sure.” 

He looked surprised before smiling widely, “I’ll text you everything you need. We can work with your schedule. I can meet you after your classes or something.” 

She took a deep breath. It was so hard, trying to figure out if the love of her life was pitying her, if he was trying to ease his own conscious or if he really wanted to make things right. 

“Sounds good.”

She must not have seemed as enthusiastic because his smile wavered and his fingers tightened around the flyer, “Haeu—“

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to figure you out.” She spat out, tears welling up against her will, “You tell me that you want me to leave you alone, that I shouldn’t show interest in you, that what you do is none of my business. I’m just Jaehyun’s friend to you. _You_ said that. So why, when I’m trying to leave you alone, are you here, in front of my apartment asking me to spend time with you? Are you mocking me or do you really feel that guilty?”

He looked miserable and she fought against the natural need to soothe him, “It’s not guilt and I swear I'm not mocking you.” 

“Then what it is? You want to feel better? You don’t like the idea that someone on campus might think you’re mean? You don't like knowing that you did something wrong? You said that I wasn’t being fair to you, fine, but you’re not being fair to me, right now.” She heaved. "You're being really fucking confusing."

He shook his head, “I was an idiot. I had my head up my own ass assuming that any kindness you showed me meant that you were interested in me which was a complete douchebag thi—“

“What if I am?”

His lips parted, “What?”

“What if I’m interested in you? What if I thought to myself, oh, that’s a cute boy, I want to know more about him, is that a crime? Am I asking you to date me? To not hang out with other girls? Am I following you around campus? No, so I don’t think I deserve what you said regardless of if I’m interested in you or not.” She didn’t know where this confidence was coming from, but she was firm. Above all else, she wasn't ever going to lie to him about her feelings, even if he found it random or off-putting. 

He just stared at her, words not coming out. Terrified of the silence, she kept talking. 

“I’m truly sorry if I managed to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, but I’m responsible for my feelings. I won’t let them pressure you, but I also won’t pretend they don’t exist just to smooth things over between us.”

“But…you barely know me.” He said, dumbfounded.

She wanted to laugh, but instead, she agreed, the words strangling her, “You’re right, but I never said I wanted your hand in marriage. I said I wanted to get to know you more, I know you don’t want to date because of school and I’m not saying that you should. All I'm saying is that I want to know more about you even if you never ever return my feelings. My feelings are my own, I won’t burden you with them. If you still want me to leave you alone because of this, that’s your right. But if you’d still like me to volunteer with you for this adoption drive, then text me the information because I’d like to help.”

He stood, frozen without saying a word so she just smiled politely. “If that’s all, I have to finish some readings.” 

She closed the door, her hand shaking as she flipped the lock and slipped down to the floor, her knees giving out. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her forehead against her knees, trying to steady her breath. 

She had scared him off, that was for sure. 

Why didn’t she just agree to the event and hope things went back to normal? Why oh why did she confront him? 

Haeun yelped when her phone suddenly buzzed and she sighed, figuring it was Mark checking in on her for the 10th time today. She hated making him worry when he had his own problems. 

Swiping her phone open, her eyes widened at the text.

**From Taeyong: I’d still like you to volunteer with me, if that’s okay with you.**


	6. Six

_**2020 —— Seoul University** _

It felt like a dream, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good one or a bad one. 

Haeun tried to will herself into not reading more into Taeyong’s text than she should because she was pretty sure that was the whole reason he lashed out at her in the first place. Just because he wanted her to help volunteer didn't mean that everything was back to normal or that he had feelings for her. But at the same time, she couldn’t get rid of the bitter taste of Taeyong still being so distant; so out of reach. 

She did her best to dust away the part of her that ached to feel sorry for herself and wallow in despair and instead remember the parts of herself that shone the brightest before she found out how Taeyong didn’t remember. It was the only way she'd be able to survive being so close to the person she loved. She needed to be herself and not let her insecurities and fears get in her head. It would only push him away for good. 

Regardless, she was proud of herself for confronting Taeyong and her own feelings. It felt nice to get that off her chest. It might have worked against her when she boldly confessed to liking him but she knew that she owed it to herself to be honest. And it had to be a good sign that he still wanted her to come. 

That’s what she had to keep reminding herself when she went out to meet him on the day they had agreed to volunteer.

She ran up to him in the quad, eyes lit up and excited and for a second he wondered if she had forgot what she had said to him before. How heavy their last conversation was. She seemed completely different. Happy.

“I saw the puppies in the morning during Doyoung’s shift. They were so cute, oh my god. He said that the kittens were coming in the afternoon, do you think they’re already here?” She asked, nearly shaking in anticipation. 

Ah, that made more sense, she wanted to see the animals.

He paused for half a second, taken aback by her enthusiasm before he felt it growing on him too, “I saw them a little while ago. They should be waiting for us.”

She held down a squeal, bouncing on her feet, “Well what are we waiting for? I need to see them!”

Her giddiness was infectious and soon he found himself picking up speed before the two of them were sprinting across the quad, laughing, nearly slipping when they made it to the table. Jaehyun jerked his head up from his clipboard his eyes flickering between the two of them cautiously.

“You guys are here 15 minutes early, can you at least pretend not to be total nerds?” He muttered, his smile giving away his anger. 

Taeyong grinned, causing the president to raise a brow, “We just wanted to see the kittens before our shift.”

Jaehyun pulled his gaze to Haeun and she could tell he was probably surprised seeing the two of them together…smiling. 

When she was avoiding Taeyong, she had avoided Jaehyun too just because usually where Taeyong went, Jaehyun was nearby. She smiled sincerely, even if Jaehyun couldn’t remember how close friends they once were, even closer than they were now, it was nice that he was at least still in her life. Looking out for her.

“Alright losers, they’re in the blue pen. I’ll get someone to walk you through what you need to do today but it’s mainly just information stuff, we have people from the actual shelters taking care of the adoptions and sponsors.” He explained. 

Haeun had already moved towards the pen, ignoring Jaehyun who just huffed in annoyance. Taeyong moved to follow her but Jaehyun stopped him, “You guys are good?”

“I don’t know.” Taeyong said softly. “I think so. But I also think she just really wants to see the animals, so it's hard to tell.” 

Jaehyun’s lips twitched as he handed over the clipboard to him, “Well, try not to lose any of the animals and have fun!”

Taeyong trailed after Haeun, lingering over her shoulder as she played with a small kitten. He took the moment to properly study Haeun and the lines and curves that made her up while trying to understand why he reacted so emotionally when it had to do with her. 

“Hey, I have a few questions about the adoptions.”

Taeyong snapped his attention away and turned to the pretty girl who was smiling at him with a flyer in her hand. Giving one more glance at Haeun, he turned away and led her back to the table.

He tried to stumble through her questions that were getting increasingly personal when he quickly realized that she was flirting with him and he wasn’t sure why it was making him uncomfortable. He did his best to try to navigate through the conversation, but he kept fighting the urge to look over at Haeun. Did she think he was rubbing this in her face? That he was flirting with this girl just to make her feel bad? He didn't want to hurt her again. 

Finally taking a risk, he glanced nervously at Haeun only to find her paying no attention, her focus on the group of freshmen girls she was talking to, leading them to the pin with the kittens. He couldn’t remember who or what he was talking about as he watched her laugh along with the girls when the kitten tumbled over her lap. 

“Excuse me?”

He snapped back to the girl was giving him a dirty look. He cleared his throat and tried to continue talking to her, explaining the program but she just rolled her eyes, uninterested before walking away. 

“I—shit.” He muttered.

He tried to spend the rest of their volunteer shift focusing on talking to students, doing very little to cross paths with her, but Haeun was more distracting than he anticipated especially when her laugh would ring through the entire open quad. His attention would immediately spiral to her whenever he'd hear it, curious as to what could make her laugh so heartily and make her smile so brightly. 

What was happening to him?

“Taeyong?”

He flinched at Haeun’s voice, they barely spoke the entire 2 hours, “What’s up?”

She gave him an apologetic smile, “I know I have another hour but Mark’s soccer team is playing their first game and I wanted to stop by.”

“O-Oh, you’re leaving?” He asked.

She ran her fingers through the hair on the back of her head, “Yeah, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course, thanks for helping out at all.” He said, tightening his grip on the clipboard. 

She gave a tight-lipped smile before draping her bag across her chest, she hesitated as if she wanted to say something before she turned to leave but he called out to her hopelessly.

“Haeun, I-I…I’m really sorry.” 

She gave him a smile that looked a little short of broken before walking away. 

\-----

It wasn’t a surprise to her, that Taeyong drew people in without trying. 

She walked slowly to the soccer field, dragging her feet. 

He was always this alluring flame made up of confidence, kindness, and a big heart. People couldn’t help but gravitate to him, like a moth to a flame, that was how she fell for him every time.

But she wasn’t used to seeing people fall for him when she couldn’t claim to have him all to herself. 

And it was harder to pretend that she didn’t hear him flirting back with the girl.

She entered the field and watched the junior boys run after each other before climbing up on the bleachers and taking a seat. It was so early in the season that not many people were there watching. Mark spotted her quickly and even from the distance, she could see his smile when he waved. 

A few of his teammates looked over at her before their coach rounded them to talk strategy. A part of her wished she didn’t know any better, that she could just be ignorant of all the pasts they shared together. No matter how happy those memories made her, even though that was all she had to keep her warm at night, she wished she could just forget it all. 

Or at the very least, forget until they could remember together. 

Because remembering alone hurt too much. 

\-----

“Hey, man.” 

Mark glanced up at his teammate while wiping his face with a towel, “Yeah.”

“Is that your girlfriend on the bleachers?”

Mark choked on his sports drink before groaning when it burned up his nose. He pinched the bridge before glaring at his teammate, “No, dude, what the fuck? You’ve seen me with her before. She’s my friend and roommate.”

“I don’t know, just wanted to check.” He said with a careless shrug.

Mark stilled before glaring at him, “Check what?”

“If she’s single before I shoot my shot.” 

Mark snorted before turning back to his duffle, his shoulders relaxing, “Yeah, uh, good luck with that Haechan but she’s not interested.”

“How would you know?” He asked, offended.

Mark smiled to himself before pulling off his knee guards, “She has her eye on someone else.”

\-----

“Weren’t you _just_ here?” Taeyong muttered when Jaehyun came back to the booth.

Jaehyun grinned, taking the clipboard from his hands. “Johnny’s coming to take over and you’re somehow still moody despite being surrounded by cute little animals. So come on, we’re going to watch another litter of puppies run around.” 

Taeyong gave him a bizarre look as he was dragged away, “What are you talking about?”

Jaehyun just kept silent, a suspicious smile on his face until they reached the soccer field, “Oh no, no, no, Jaehyun this is not a good idea.” 

“What are you talking about? Some of our freshmen recruits are on the team, we need to show some support. This year they’re going to nationals. I know it.” Jaehyun said as they crossed the grassy knolls. 

Taeyong’s eyes searched the bleachers frantically until he spotted Haeun, “Haeun told me she’d be here. I don’t want her to think I’m following her.”

Jaehyun’s footsteps slowed down as a dubious look crossed his face, “Um…I don’t think you need to worry about her thinking that.”

Taeyong followed his gaze to Haeun, who was seated in the first row, smiling at a soccer player who was talking to her. A soccer player that _wasn't_ Mark. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair before lifting the ends of his shirt to wipe at the sweat, flashing a golden set of abs.

Jaehyun snorted, holding back a loud laugh, “What a smooth motherfucker.”

Taeyong tilted his head, watching the guy hold his hand out to her. She hesitated, giving him a scoff but he kept talking until she let out a defeated laugh and gingerly rested her hand in his before being led off to the field where all the other players except Mark had left. 

“Huh. Didn't know they knew each other.” Jaehyun said lowly, casting Taeyong a curious look before slowly walking the perimeter of the field to sit where Haeun just was. Taeyong stayed silent, just watching them interact

The three on the field didn’t notice them as Jaehyun and Taeyong silently watched Haechan kick the ball to Haeun. Mark was barely involved, just watching Haechan with a frown. Haeun laughed, turning with the ball and racing away, kicking it away as she headed for the goalie’s net. Mark snapped out of it and both he and Haechan screamed as they ran after her, their yells turning into cheers when she scored on the spot net. Haechan ran up to her and lifted her up while she continued to cheer. 

If it wasn't obvious before, it was obvious now how people just came to like Haeun. Aside from him, she got along with everyone so naturally, it was kind of attractive how she could smile and weave conversations with people she barely knew. He admired that about her and wished he could be more like that. It must be nice to let people into your life so easily; to _want_ people to get to know you. 

Yet when it came to him, she was different. Nervous, almost. 

Taeyong leaned back and let out a heavy sigh. Why did this feel weird?

“Hey, guys!”

Both of them sat up when Mark called from across the field. Taeyong held his breath when Haeun's eyes landed on him. Her smile shrunk, then widened and then her gaze fell. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He wanted to know if she wanted him to leave.

Jaehyun stood and cupped his hands around his mouth, “How about a friendly game?"

**_Joseon Dynasty ——1889_ **

“Mom, are you serious?” Haeun groaned. “But the Royals are supposed to be visiting!”

Her father came in, wrapping himself up in a coat, “I’m sorry sweetie, we need to go visit your mother’s cousin which means we’ll be gone for nearly the entire day. You and Mark need to mind the store, especially when the Royals come by because there’s going to be so many people in the area which means more customers for us.”

“Which also means, no sneaking out and leaving Mark to do everything himself.” Her mother tutted before kissing her on the cheek. 

She rolled her eyes and nodded, “Fine. I promise.”

Once they left, she and Mark fell into a silent routine of preparing the shop for opening. After most of the work was done, she opened the large windows and gazed at the crowds of people fluttering around in excitement.

It wasn’t every day that the Royals would visit the town with no specific reason other than to see their people.

“Are they here yet?” Mark called out.

She hummed, “Almost. I can see the crowds coming near.”

Mark ran over and propped himself up next to her as they watched throngs of people move past the shop. "You'd think people had better things to do than camp out in the streets just to look at royalty." 

"Well, it's kinda what we're doing." She mused.

“Yes but we're doing it from the decency of inside the store." He huffed. Suddenly, he jerked up and pointed, "Look! It’s the Prince!”

Haeun sat up when she spotted Prince Jaehyun’s head poking up through the crowds. She could barely see him properly but his signature smile and wave made him stand out. Loud screams erupted whenever he looked in any direction. 

She was sure that he was everyone’s dream man. There was going to be a trail of broken hearts the day he announced his marriage. But it wouldn’t be her heart. No, her heart was already stolen by the elegant thief that followed the Prince dressed in royal guard robes, hand poised on his sword as his piercing gaze swept the crowds for threat.

Haeun let out a long sigh when she found Taeyong among everyone. He was too focused on the crowds to see her but she took this as a chance to shamelessly embrace the sight of him, drinking in his features like he was her only salvation. She hadn’t seen him look so serious since the first day she met him. His jaw was tensed and his eyes were void of the warmth and playfulness she’d share with him. He was focused on his duty and even if he wasn't the center of attention, she could feel the respect and fear he commanded. Everyone parted to make way for him as he led the Prince.

Guards truly were different from the rest.

Once the Royal family passed their shop, she stood up, stretching her arms, “It’s a shame we couldn’t see them closer.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been spending so much time near the palace.” Mark said in awe, “the Royals look so serious but they just let you walk around?”

She shrugged and moved behind the counter, “They like dad.”

When the bell to the front door chimed, Mark shook his head with a laugh and escaped to the back as a beautiful young woman entered. She headed to the counter while stopping to look at the sweets on display. She had gorgeous long black hair and elegant features. If it wasn’t for her civilian robes and tattered bags she carried, she could pass for a Nobel woman. 

“Welcome to Nam’s Bakeshop. Can I get you anything?”

The girl smiled and clasped her hands, “Do you have any rose cakes?”

Haeun checked the basket before nodding, “Yes! In fact, we only have a few left.”

“Wonderful. I’ll take them all.”

Haeun began packing up her order before deciding to make small talk, “Did you get a chance to see the Royals?”

The girl laughed lightly, “Actually, I was timing my trip here so that I would _just_ miss their arrival.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” She asked, handing her the bag. 

The girl handed her some coins before tucking the cakes away, “I’m not a fan of the crowds, especially the ones that come with the Prince.”

Haeun chuckled, “That is true. He has a lot of young maidens swooning, doesn’t he?”

Her smile was meaningful as she nodded, “Certainly seems that way. Thank you again. Have a nice day.”

Just as the woman opened the door, another man entered, a little younger than Haeun, perhaps closer to Mark’s age. He came to the counter and put in an order before taking a look at her.

“Excuse me for saying, but you are incredibly beautiful.” 

Haeun blinked at him, stunned until Mark’s high pitched laughter snapped her out of it. She shot a glare in the direction of the kitchen before turning back to him, “Um, thank you.”

“My name is Haechan.” He introduced, holding his hand out. 

Haeun slowly returned the gesture, “Haeun, nice to meet you.”

“And a beautiful name to match.” He said with a charming smile, “I actually apprentice at the blacksmith the neighbourhood over. I had heard about the bakeshop but hadn’t realized how lovely the owner was.”

Her eyes were wide, “No, I’m not the owner my parents are.”

“Well, dare I be so forward, but if you ever have the time to spare, would you care to accompany me to—

“Pardon but are you open?”

She glanced over at the window and froze at the sight. The Prince was leaning against the window with a beaming smile, dimples on full display, and Taeyong stood a few feet behind him, a small smile and warm eyes directed her way.

“Oh my god.” Haechan whispered when he saw Prince Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun looked both ways before leaning closer, urgent, “Please do let us in quickly if you’re open, I only have a few seconds before people start to notice me.”

“Right! Of course! Yes, we’re open.” She rushed to the door, holding it open. Jaehyun smiled at her, and she got the chance to properly see the breathtaking royal robes he was in. Much different than the ones she’d see him in at the palace. These were intricate with golden thread woven into a beautiful dragon between the silken blues and purples. 

Taeyong stepped in next, dressed in dark royal blues and golds like the Prince’s shadow.

“Hi, sunflower.” Taeyong murmured softly when he walked by her. Her cheeks burned at the timbre of his voice and did her best to keep her racing heart at bay.

She bit down on her lip to hold back her smile at the impish nickname, “Hi.”

“Your Highness.” Haechan gasped, bowing respectfully. 

Jaehyun smiled his diplomatic smile, “Good day. I apologize for interrupting.”

Haechan looked aghast, “Please don’t apologize, your Highness, I was just asking if this beautiful maiden could spare some time with me.”

Taeyong’s smile dropped and his eyes immediately narrowed as his gaze inspected the young man. It had never occurred to him that he wouldn’t be the only one to be ensnared by the exhilarating beauty of Haeun. She wasn’t someone who could be hidden away from the world, she shone too brightly for that. It only made sense that she caught the eyes of many.

He often would wake up early in the morning and stare at the empty space next to him and wonder how it would feel to have her occupy it. To have her warmth, her scent, her smile first thing each morning and the last thing each night. He was sure he'd never leave his quarters if she did.

But he was sick at the ugly monster that was clawing up his throat. He didn’t have the luxury of being able to swing by her shop to see her whenever he craved her presence or catch a glance of her when running errands. His job kept him far away from her. He wondered if other men held her attention more and if they had the time to truly win her heart like he hadn’t been able to. He couldn’t quite compete with that.

“Oh! Young love, how beautiful.” Jaehyun quipped with a tense smile, “Are you two an item?”

“No!”

Everyone in the room jumped at the force behind Haeun’s voice. Her eyes locked with Taeyong’s and he felt his breath escape him. “We are not an item. We just met.”

“Well, it was worth a shot.” Haechan said, embarrassed, “Um, thank you for the muffins, I shall be off."

She barely bid the customer goodbye as she continued to stare at Taeyong, praying he could read her pleading gaze in hopes he understood that her feelings were kept sealed and locked away just for him for when he dared to try to open them. No other man was worthy.

Once Haechan was gone, she hurried to the windows to close them before turning to the men, “Your Highness, are you okay to be here? Where are your parents?”

“Somewhere shaking hands and kissing babies.” He said giddily. 

She shot Taeyong an exasperated look but he just smiled and moved closer to her, “It’s really fine. I’m sure his parents will give him an earful, we just can’t be gone for too long.”

“And I really wanted to take some treats home.” Jaehyun said with a cheeky smile.

The sound of a bowl clattering on the ground drew everyone’s attention to Mark who was gaping at Jaehyun and Taeyong like a fish out of water.

“What on heaven’s earth is going on?”

\-----

After an explanation and warm introductions, Mark had grown used to Jaehyun and Taeyong. Especially Taeyong who had taken to Mark the second the two formally met. They chattered nonstop, laughing and joking around like they were long-lost brothers. There wasn't even a second of awkward silence that came with meeting someone new. 

It launched her heart into the stars. 

Rounding the counter, she smiled at Jaehyun, “Cinnamon cakes?”

“Actually, do you have any rose cakes?” 

She clicked her tongue, “We _just_ sold the last ones.”

“Then cinnamon cakes it is.” He said with a dramatic sigh.

She began packing them away while looking over at Mark and Taeyong who were laughing over something in the corner. 

"The two of them are a nice picture, right?" Jaehyun tugged the cake that was pinched between her tongs and bit into it, “Glad he’s getting along with the in-laws?”

Her eyes widened at the implication and busied herself with the rest of his order, “Preposterous. Our relationship isn't like that at all.”

"It's hardly preposterous, Haeun. It was _his_ idea to stop by here when I snuck away, after all." He teased.

Her eyes widened and a slight blush scattered her cheeks. "Oh...is that true?"

"Try not to look so pleased, maiden, or else I'll think you were lying before." He teased

She quickly schooled her features into a look of nonchalance, "I don't have the slightest clue what you mean." 

Jaehyun didn’t seem convinced but just smiled sweetly before setting down coins. “This is a really wonderful bakery. I never got a chance to see inside.” 

“We owe it all to your father. If he hadn’t taken such a liking to it, we wouldn’t have survived some of the harsher winters.” She said. 

Jaehyun shook his head, “Nothing to owe. Your father is simply a talented cook, the success of this shop is well earned. I’m excited to see what he’d whip up for the Lunar festival.”

She grinned when he took the bag from her and went to Mark just as Taeyong set sights on her. He excused himself and met her at the counter. He leaned close with a smile that melted her. She wanted to press her nose against his skin and breathe him in. 

“Here to buy something for your men?”

He scoffed, “Not this time, they’ve been slacking.”

“What a cruel leader, punishing them like that.” She quipped. “Can I interest _you_ in a pastry?”

She was delightful, utterly, positively charming, “Ever the saleswoman. I’ll take whichever one you recommend.”

"How's Yong?" She asked while putting together a selection.

He smiled at the mention of his furry friend, "He's done wonders to my men's morale, but I'm pretty sure they've been giving him their meals so now I have 12 hungry guards and one plump cat roaming the grounds." 

She laughed delightfully, "I must visit soon, I miss him terribly."

Was it bold to say that she missed Taeyong terribly as well?

His eyes moved with her as a comfortable silence fell over them and he took a moment to soak her in before he spoke what had been weighing on his mind.

“Are you interested in a suitor?” He asked, “Like the young fellow here earlier?”

She hummed and looked over at him, basking in the curve of his lips that she so desperately wanted to touch. Haeun never really fancied herself with all the frill that came with being wooed or loved by a man. She never understood what the girls in her village would gush about. And her mind certainly never wandered to the more primal urges that married women would whisper about while blushing. 

Until now. 

She wanted to feel him kiss her, feel his lips on her lips, on her cheeks, on her neck, wherever. Her stomach curled and she became a bit delirious about how badly she wanted his touch in places that some might find indecent. It was improper but she could only imagine what his strength felt like pressed up against her, hungry and ardent. She wanted to drown in every inch of him.

But she also wanted to talk to him about every thought that crossed her mind, she wanted to hear his opinions, fears, and his dreams. She wanted to know his soul as well as she knew her own. She wanted to tell him everything she kept safe in her heart, expose her feelings and risk to see if he felt the same, but she was a bit of a coward. The thought of him feeling differently would be devastating. 

She just didn't want anyone vying for her attention except him.

“I am not interested in a suitor, my parents are, but not me. And I am certainly not interested in a fellow like from earlier. I am interested in living my dreams, reaching my goals, and if, in the process, I find a man who loves and accepts me for all my flaws and perfections, then so be it.” She mumbled. 

He smiled and nodded as he took a bite of the bread she set out in front of him, “Good to keep in mind.”

"What about you?" She asked carefully. "Are you planning on finding a bride soon? Is that common for royal guards?"

His eyes were searing holes in her head, "It is common, typically it is recommended to do so prior to a Prince becoming King as my responsibilities will increase significantly by then. I, too, am not actively seeking out a suitable partner, but should a woman who steals my breath and challenges my mind comes along, I would welcome her into my heart with open arms." 

She hummed while sipping on a cup of tea, her eyes sparkling with the type of mischievousness that he wanted to be a part of, "Perhaps this lunar year will bring much luck to the both of us in finding what we need."

 **_Seoul University_ ** **_——_ ** **_2020_ **

“Okay, how about me, Mark and Haechan against Taeyong and Haeun?”

Haeun scoffed, “I think you’re overestimating my soccer skills to put me on the smaller team.”

“Yeah but Taeyong’s _that_ good.” Jaehyun said with a smirk. 

She looked over at him curiously, he had always been athletic in their past lives but he never took on a specific sport. He rolled his eyes at Jaehyun’s exaggeration. 

“I’m okay. We’re probably still going to get our asses kicked but I’m down with our team if you are.” He said, looking over at her.

She glanced at Mark uneasily before nodding at Taeyong. Haechan tsked, “I think I’ll join their team to help even out the skill leve—“

“C’mere you scammer. I saw you undercount your laps today.” Mark said, yanking Haechan back by the jersey, “You’re going to make up for it by helping us beating them.”

Taking to each side of the field, Haeun tied her hair up and Taeyong tossed his jacket to the side before they started playing. It was nothing like when the soccer team was playing, the aggression and intensity weren’t as high but the competitiveness was like she had never seen before.

Largely because of Jaehyun. 

Surprisingly, despite her amateur skills, she managed to keep up with Taeyong pretty well. Or maybe he was just playing half as good as he normally would. Of course, playing against Jaehyun meant playing dirty, including him tackling Taeyong down or picking up the ball with his hands and running away. 

He had done it so many times that Haeun took off her shoe and chucked it at his head. She tried to do it with the second one but Taeyong had stopped her while laughing. There had been a few times when Haechan would obviously kick the ball directly to Haeun or blatantly miss a goal, but it was fun. 

“If I kick this toward Jaehyun what do you think are the chances he’d pick it up and throw it across the street?” Taeyong mumbled as he rolled the ball under his foot while eyeing the opposing team. 

Something had changed in their banter, it had become more comfortable and casual, like a chokehold that was restraining them both before had been lifted. It didn't feel as awkward or strained. Everything from before faded in her mind and was replaced with this moment. 

She snorted, pushing the sweat dripped hair off her face, “150%. We’re tied and he is a man willing to risk it all to win.” 

Taeyong smiled at her, she found him doing that a lot in this game. She loved it. Fuck, she loved him so much that her brain would stop working if it could. Being with him like this melted away her previous anxieties and worries, she just wanted to be around his smile. 

“Do you think the same percentage applies to Haechan letting you score on purpose because he is whipped for you?” He mused. 

Her cheeks burned, _that’s_ where she recognized Haechan from. He had hit on her in her past lives before, in front of Taeyong. She smiled to herself. “Lee Taeyong, if you’re not careful, I’d think you were jealous.”

He took a sharp breath and looked over at her but she was staring across the field. No, he wasn’t being jealous. That’s not what that was, he didn’t know her enough to be jealous. Sure, she looked nice sweaty and out of breath, her ponytail whipping behind her whenever she bolted across the field. And sure, she was smiling and laughing a lot more and it felt good to have it directed at him, but no. He wasn't jealous.

He was just…making an observation. 

“I’d like to go home _before_ the semester ends.” Jaehyun called out. 

Taeyong was still zoned out, so Haeun decided to take charge. She nudged the ball from under his foot, surprising him, and raced down the field, weaving through Mark and Jaehyun, who barely tried, and Haechan who was running alongside her. 

She neared the goal when she heard Taeyong panting next to her, “I’m open.”

It was a quick pass from her to him and by the time Haechan noticed, Taeyong kicked it straight into the goal. He let out a scream and ran around the field before coming straight at her. Before she could think, he lifted her up and spun her around. 

The sweat should’ve been gross but she was just grateful to feet his warmth and scent. She had to resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair and brush her lips against her neck. 

He set her down before she could soak up any more of him. His smile was so pure and full of joy that she couldn’t help but return it. He held a hand up and she high-fived him. “You should join the girl’s team, you could be captain.”

She laughed, “What about you? What are you doing joining NCT when you could be bossing Mark around?”

“I let you guys win, I want that on record,” Jaehyun muttered, wiping his forehead. 

Mark swung his arm around him, “Yeah you and Haechan both.”

“What can I say, pretty girls are a weakness of mine.” He snarked. 

Taeyong clicked his tongue, “You’re still going to chase after a girl you can’t keep up with?”

Haechan held up a hand at Haeun and shook his head, “No, I’m sorry Haeun, but I am giving up.” 

She laughed, too giddy, “I’m hurt, truly.” 

“Winners buy the losers ice cream?” Mark called out as everyone gathered their things. 

Everyone hummed in agreement and Taeyong and Jaehyun started bickering when he suggested asking Johnny and Doyoung to tag along. She was glad when they eventually met up with them at the ice cream place. 

Because they were friends. 

Being with Taeyong and getting close to him, like when he paid for her ice cream despite her protests, or when he complained about having to pay for Johnny and Doyoung who didn't even play was just a small part of the bigger picture.

All of them laughing and getting along the way they used to, even without multiple lifetimes worth of memories telling them that they were friends, was going to bring tears to her eyes. They were a family together. They all came from different lives and histories but they found a kinship together. All of them were soulmates, perhaps different in the way she was with Taeyong, but soulmates nonetheless. They all belonged with each other. 

And in this time of uncertainty, where it felt like she had no control, she wanted to remember this moment forever. 


	7. Seven

_**Seoul University —— 2020** _

Since that day, there was a change in Taeyong and Haeun. 

It wasn’t exactly like how it used to be, but it was better. 

When they’d see each other on campus or in class smiles and greetings would be exchanged with more kindness and familiarity that they lacked before. Taeyong would pass by with a small flicker of hope that he was making it up to her. Haeun would walk away from each interaction with a combination of giddiness and emptiness when she dealt with having to let Taeyong walk away with half of her heart. 

It was hard not to feel broken, even when he smiled at her or called her name. She was at constant war with the greed to want more and the satisfaction that she was getting more than she did before. 

But Taeyong was battling a different set of emotions. 

He still worried about her feelings, it seemed that they had silently agreed not to address the fight but he knew that it changed her. He could see her holding back when she was around him. They were close but there was still that lingering distance that she didn't show Jaehyun or Mark. It was a start but there was an itch inside of him that craved to be on the same level as her. To be someone that she ran to with a huge smile and an exciting story that she just _had_ to tell him. He knew it wasn't fair to be that gluttonous over something he had pushed away. 

“Haeun?”

She flinched and gasped before turning to look at him. They were standing in a row of the university’s library when he had found her. He was there with some of the guys to get some studying done when he had decided to browse the shelves only to find Haeun with her arms full. The sight described her pretty well, a small ball of energy with an overflowing need to know more, do more, be more. That obvious passion left him a little breathless. 

“Are you taking out the entire library?” He asked incredulously. 

She laughed embarrassingly, “Yeah, I wanted to do some reading between classes.”

Her cheeks warmed and his breath caught as she tried to use her shoulder to push her hair out of her face. Without thinking, he reached out and brushed her hair, tucking it behind her ear. 

Haeun’s eyes widened and she looked up at him. He quickly moved his hand away and cleared his throat, “Uh, do you need help carrying the books or anything?”

“Oh! Actually yes. I’m looking for Hidden Histories of the Joseon Dynasty. It’s on the top shelf, but I can’t reach it.” She asked. 

He followed her gaze and reached up to pull the book out before reading the title, “You like this era?”

“So much.” She said as they moved to the check out counter, “Most of history is what we learn in textbooks about how they ruled or the political warfare, but I love reading about the parts that you have to dig to find out. There’s just so much about the past that you won’t know about unless you look for it.”

“That’s actually the reason I took the course.” He said as he followed her, “History involves real people and real people aren’t neat and focused. It's messy. Chemistry and math aren't messy, there's just a single right answer and a single right way to look at stuff.” 

“Oh exactly, I love hearing about how human it is.” She said, excited. “What made you pick a Chemistry major?”

“Nothing sentimental. I was good at it in high school, I enjoy it and the challenge. So here I am.” He said.

She looked at him, “What if you _had_ to be sentimental about it?”

He laughed, “Well, chemistry makes up everything around us. I like understanding that. Understanding how things react and interact fascinates me, I guess.”

She hummed, “The sentimental version is so much nicer, don’t you think?”

Taeyong grinned back, lingering around her while she checked out her books before realizing that he was trailing behind her without a purpose. Why on earth was he following her around? 

“I—“

“Taeyong!” 

Both of them looked over to Doyoung, Johnny, and Haechan who were walking towards them, “We were looking for you everywhere. We were wondering where you got off to but clearly you got distracted.”

Haeun’s eyes widened and she quickly gathered all her books and tucked her wallet away before smiling stiffly at the group, “I’ll see you guys around.”

Taeyong blinked at the complete change in her tone, “Haeu—“

“Are you sure you don’t want to want to hang out and study together?” Haechan asked, wiggling his brows. 

She just glanced at Taeyong before shooting them a watery smile, she never wanted to be the person that was invited just because she was there. She didn't want to suffocate him and force her way into his life. She wanted him to let her in because he wanted to, “Maybe next time. I have a laundry list of errands I need to get done.”

“Are you sure?” Taeyong asked with knit brows.

She nodded and adjusted her bag over her shoulder. “Another time.”

Haeun waved before running out of the library.

Johnny tilted his head and pursed his lips, “Wonder what that was about. She's usually always up to study with us.”

Taeyong furrowed his brows before looking off to where Haeun had disappeared to. He had thought that after the soccer game, things were looking better. They were chatting and interacting but the sarcasm and humor that slipped through on the soccer field weren’t as prominent now. 

She was holding back.

And literally running away from him.

Honestly speaking, it made sense, he hadn't really made an effort to make it up to her. He'd just been friendlier. 

He needed to do more.

\-----

Haeun instantly regretted running away. She should’ve stayed and studied with them in an attempt to grow closer to Taeyong but she had panicked last minute.

She was getting trapped inside her head. She didn’t want him to think that she was forcing her way into his life. It was a constant battle to find the balance of too much and not enough. Ever since that night, it had been harder to follow her instincts.

So to give her brain a break, she ran through her chores before ending at a grocery shop with Mark speaking to her through her earphones. 

“Get some eggs too. I finished the last one today.”

She rolled her eyes and picked up a carton, “I swear you’d rather starve to death than go food shopping with me. We're supposed to be splitting chores.” 

“Listen, I always pay you back and you’re so good at getting the good stuff.”

She hummed disbelievingly before continuing to add things to her cart. She could hear Mark’s fingers flying over his keyboard, “How’re things with Taeyong?”

“Don’t ask.” She mumbled.

“What happened? You guys were getting along so well when we played soccer.”

She turned down an aisle and slowed her pace, “I am incapable of flirting with him. I just freak out and run away.”

“What the hell?” He snorted, “You used to jump him whenever you could.”

She twisted her face, “Shut up, I was never that bad. But ever since that party and his apology, I can’t stop being self-conscious. I don't want him to feel weirded out whenever I try flirting or getting closer to him. Now that he knows I like him, he's going to read into everything I do or say, I know it.”

“Wait, what happened with his apology?” He asked. "What do you mean he knows you like him?"

She winced, “I told him I thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him because I might have feelings for him.”

“Holy hell, you're not really playing hard to get, huh? So what? You’re worried that now he knows it that he'll think everything you do is because you're madly in love with him? Newsflash, you _are_ madly in love with him.”

She huffed, “I keep thinking too hard about every interaction. I just don’t want to do anything to make Taeyong uncomfortable. You’d think after loving him for so many lifetimes, I’d be better at winning him over. Is this how guys feel when they try to hit on girls? It's the worst.”

He snorted, “No, guys usually don’t think this much about the girl’s comfort. Also, most guys aren’t chasing after their soulmates.”

She hung her head and dragged her feet, “This entire thing is a disaste—“

Haeun jolted up when her cart bumped into someone, “Oh, I’m sor—hey.”

Taeyong stared back at her, his fingers curled around a shopping basket filled with produce. His eyes darted across her face and she realized that he wasn’t as surprised bumping into her as she was. 

Which meant he must of seen her before she saw him. 

How much of her phone call did he hear?

“Everything okay?” Mark asked.

She grabbed her phone, “I’ll call you back.”

She tried to make up a smile, “Wow, twice in one day.”

He just kept staring. 

“Stocking up for the weekend?” She tried. 

He nodded slowly but was still silent. She shifted awkwardly before trying to nudge past him, “Well, I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

She was almost at the end of the aisle when he turned and called out her name.

“You're not making me uncomfortable, you know. I want to be friends.” 

Her eyes were comically large and he'd smile if he wasn't a nervous wreck himself, "What?"

"I don't know if you were talking about me, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but if you were, just be yourself, Haeun. I'm an overthinker too and it sucks. Let's just be ourselves. I'm starting to get the idea that you're very hard to dislike."

\-----

Once she got home and put away the groceries, avoiding a curious Mark, she settled in her bed, comfortable and cozy, and pulled out her laptop. Most students her age would be excited to do. Internships, grad school, study abroad, everything that you plan for after you graduate.

But it made Haeun anxious.

Applications had deadlines and time was running before she decided what she was going to do. But it was hard to make any decision without knowing anything about where she stood with Taeyong. 

Should she apply for schools out of the city? Or work-study opportunities out of the country? 

Would it break her heart if he’s on the other side of the globe?

It would mean having him out of her life for who knows how long, if she wasn’t able to win him over by the time they graduated. What if she ended up in Seoul and he went overseas? What if she left and he stayed? 

But she knew that this was a decision bigger than her and Taeyong, even if it hurt her. She always put her own dreams first, in every version of their lives. And he always supported her no matter what.

Taking a deep breath, she began applying for programs and positions that would take her far from Seoul and potentially far from Taeyong. Fate would bring them together even if they were miles apart, it had to, even if it was failing her now.

He wanted to be friends. 

He wanted her to be herself.

He thought she was likable. 

And he definitely heard her say that she had loved him for many lifetimes. 

Ugh this made her brain hurt.

She closed her laptop after a few hours of working and flopped down on her bed. 

Fuck it. 

She’d take his advice. 

No more overthinking, no more running away, she was just burning herself out. 

If she wanted him to fall for her, she’d have to be herself, it worked before.

Win or lose, as long as she had herself, she’d be okay.

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1889_ **

“You’re what?”

Taeyong’s brow twitched as he regarded his fleet of guards, “I believe I was clear.”

Young Ho looked gobsmacked, “You’re letting us finish training early?”

“I have an errand to run in town so I cannot be here to run training and I’ll need you to look after the Prince until I’m back.” He ordered firmly as Yong circled the group of men.

Doyoung failed to hide his smile, “What errand are you running in specific?”

Taeyong’s face twisted in annoyance, “You know what? I changed my mind, 20 laps.”

“No! No! We promise to behave. Please don’t make us train.” Young Ho said, slapping his hand over Doyoung’s mouth.

Taeyong hummed in annoyance before giving them all a sharp nod, “Rest and then I want you back at your posts. I’ll be back before dinner.”

“I’d like some rose cakes, they were out last time.”

Taeyong closed his eyes and let out a sharp breath between his clenched teeth. All his guards straightened up and bowed in sync. He turned and glared at Jaehyun’s grinning face. 

“You are unbearable, your Highness, I hope you are aware.” He muttered. 

Jaehyun stepped into the guards’ quarters, unshaken by the deathly glare from Taeyong. A glare that would make weaker men tremble but only made Jaehyun smile wider.

“It is beyond reason that a Crown Prince, next in line for the throne has this much free time to be stopping by the guards’ quarters.” Taeyong muttered. He turned back to his men and dismissed them with a wave of his hand. They hesitated but eventually cleared out. 

Taeyong said nothing and just disarmed his sword and pulled at the belt of his guard robes. Jaehyun’s smarmy grin fell and he just stared at his friend, the scars, and healed wounds on his back that came from years of training and protecting him and his family.

And there was a chance that Taeyong had found someone he wanted to show his scars to.

“You should tell her.”

Taeyong pulled his civilian robes over his shoulders and tightened his belt before looking at Jaehyun who had lifted Yong into his arms and read the sincerity in his eyes. “Why?”

“Because she makes you happy. And she should know that.”

\-----

“You didn’t…” Haeun’s voice cracked as she stared at her parents, tears flooding her eyes. 

Mark shifted nervously, his normal cheeky attitude evaporating when Haeun’s hands began to tremble. 

Her father sighed, “Honey, please understand.”

“You said you were going to visit mom’s sister. You lied to me?” She gasped.

“Otherwise you wouldn’t have let us go.”

“Because you promised!” She yelled, tears falling down her cheeks. 

Her mother approached her slowly, brushing away the tears, “We just met with one potential suitor and his family.”

“And he’s coming here!” Haeun shrieked, “I don’t want to meet him. You promised that I would get the time to focus on my life.”

Her father frowned, “We are giving you time.“

“No! You’re breathing down my neck with a strange man ready to go the second I look away. That is _not_ giving me time.” She tore away from her mother’s grasp and just glared at her parents. 

Her father’s frown was growing and she knew his patience was running out, “You’re 26, Haeun. You have no prospects. We are getting older and this shop needs your attention, even with Mark, you will not be able to handle this all on your own. We cannot, in good conscience, sit idly by instead of making sure you will have a family and a good future.”

“With a man I don’t even know?” She was appalled. 

Her father huffed, “We want you to get a chance to know him, that’s why we invited him here. You’re the one who doesn’t want to see him.”

“The matchmaker promised he was a good man. He comes from a good family and seemed like a gentleman.” Her mother said.

Haeun’s eyes widened, “You went to see a matchmaker? How long have you been planning this?”

“Honey, just give him a ch—Haeun!”

She pushed passed her parents, tears streaming her face as she ran out of the store onto the street. How could they do this to her? How could they break a promise so easily? She had spent so much time trying to figure out what she wanted but never acting on it because she couldn’t leave the shop. Her parents said she could go out and live her life before marriage but used the shop as an excuse to prevent her from ever leaving. The entire time, instead of helping her find her wings, her parents were just finding ways to keep her rooted. 

Because they really didn’t trust her. 

She stumbled out and gasped when a warm pair of hands welcomed her against their chest. She reeled back only to see Taeyong staring at her in worry. 

“What’s wrong?” His voice was warm and concerned and his grip on her tightened a fraction like he wanted to take her far away from whatever upset her.

She wiped her face but made no attempt to leave his grasp, “What are you doing here?”

“I—uh, I was in town for another matter and was in the area. Why were you crying?” His fingers moved up, pulling strands of hair away from her tear slicked cheeks.

“Are you Haeun?”

Both of them turned to the voice to find a young man handsome, dashing, kind, wringing a hat nervously in his hands.

“Who are you?”

Taeyong looked over at her, her voice was cold and sharp, void of all the bright compassion she would typically be flooding with.

The young man bowed politely, “My name is Kim Jungwoo. Your parents had met with me and my family a little while ago after a matchmaker paired us. I wanted to introduce myself to you in person.”

“Matchmaker?”

She froze at Taeyong’s voice, slowly pulling her gaze up towards him. His head was tilted and his brows were screwed together. “I—“

“Miss?”

She looked back at Jungwoo. He had a gentle smile and was handsome in a pure, shy way. If this was months earlier, and her parents asked her first, she might’ve been intrigued to meet him. But her heart wasn’t as opened to others anymore. 

It was only open to one.

“I’m sorry, I think you have me confused with another maiden.” She said quietly. 

Jungwoo opened his mouth but hesitated before nodding, “My apologies.”

She watched him walk past them and into the bakery. She grabbed Taeyong’s hand and hurried away from the shop. She didn’t care that people probably saw her holding hands with a man. It would be the talk of their town but she didn’t pay attention to it, she just had to get out of here. 

Haeun hesitated when they came to a crossroads but Taeyong just tightened his grip, “May I?”

She nodded and he led them down side roads and between building until they stood in front of a ladder leading to the roof interconnected by multiple shops. Her shaking hands gripped the ladder and Taeyong’s gentle grasp supported her waist as she began climbing before he followed behind her. 

They made it up to the roof and held hands as they maneuvered around the unsteady roof tiles before sitting down in a spot where they could see how the sun draped a golden blanket over everything it could touch. 

Haeun let go of his hand to bring her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them to curl into herself. Taeyong stretched his legs out and leaned back on his hands. “Are you okay?”

“No, I don’t think I am.” She whispered. “They went to see a matchmaker behind my back. They found a suitable man behind my back. They went and met him and his family behind my back. I am surprised they haven’t gone and got me married behind my back as well.”

“I’m sorry about that.” He said gently. 

She felt her throat close up, “I just wish they understood how hard getting married would be for me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking after my home, tending to my husband, and being a mother just for the sake of my age. Life is too short for me to live it without purpose and simply for the sake of getting by. You know I’ve never been to the neighboring towns? The furthest I’ve been is the palace.”

Taeyong fell silent, staring off in front of him. He had come here today to tell her about his feelings. That she was a constant presence in his mind and that he wanted her to be a constant presence in his life too. He wasn’t going to propose, but he was going to give her his heart so that she knew he loved her. And seeing other men wanting her attention made him uneasy. He didn’t want to lose the chance to be with her.

But perhaps that was a bad idea. 

He didn’t want to burden her with his feelings and he certainly didn’t want her to feel held back in life because of him.

“Then don’t.” He said suddenly. 

She looked over at him confused, “Don’t?”

“Don’t get married. Keep saying no. And start living the life you want without worrying about anything else. Just go out and do it. You deserve it, Haeun.”

She chewed on her lip, “My father said I have no prospects.”

“I wouldn’t let that bother you too much.” He said with a small smile, “I’m sure someone has you in their heart and will wait as long as you need.”

She snorted and shot him a look with her bloodshot eyes, “There is no man like that. You must’ve been away from real society for so long that you don’t know how garbage men are. I’m technically young but in the eyes of men and my birth giving skills, I am 6 years overdue.”

“Sunflower, you just had a suitor standing by your door ready for your hand and he didn’t seem like a hermit or a drunk. He was a fine young man. If there was one, there will be others.” He murmured. _There will be me._

Her cheeks burned without her permission and she pouted to compensate, “I don’t want a _fine young man_.”

“No? So what do you want? A barbarian? A vagrant?” He teased.

She glared at him with less fire than she needed, “No! I want someone passionate, devoted, full of life. I don't want someone to find me to be suitable, I want someone to find me in their heart to love me, to desire me. But none of that matters, I want to travel first. Then I’ll think about the person I want.”

God, if only she knew how much he desired her. How she could light a fire inside of him with just a smile.

“And I’m sure he’ll be waiting for you once you figure it out.” 

She huffed, and leaned against him, her head on his arm. Shivers ran through him as he stared at the top of her head. She was so small but so fiery and filled him with an irreplaceable heat. He wanted to pull her into his chest and just hold her until the end of the world. “You’re so optimistic for someone just as single as I am.”

He laughed, “I typically am not, but you're hard not to be optimistic around."

She bit down on her lip and laced her fingers together. In another universe, he wouldn't have such important responsibilities and she could ask him to accompany her around the world. In another universe, she wouldn't be so scared and have the confidence to tell him that she liked him and wanted to love him. That she wanted to live out her dreams with him next to her.

But instead, she appreciated their friendship. 

That he took her worries seriously and encouraged her to do what made her happy.

Suddenly she sat up and blinked at him, "Wait, did you come to the shop for anything specific?" 

"I just missed you."

They stared at each other, both wide-eyed and caught entirely off guard by his words before the same bashful blush dusted their faces as they looked away. Their growing smiles hidden from each other. She inched a bit closer to him and had to hold back the urge to scream to the heavens before daring to meet his eyes. 

It was like little galaxies existed in his irises and they were so rich in emotion that she wanted to stay close and stare into them until she died. 

Stare or kiss him, whichever happened first. 

"Well, I missed you too." 

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

Taeyong was still disoriented over how he had barely been at the university for a month but already struggled not to think about Haeun. 

She was confusing and mysterious and a lot more complex than he thought. And somehow infiltrated any spare minute his mind had to wander.

He raised the volume in his earphones and continued to run around the outside track. It was all in hopes that the exhausting his body would exhaust his mind. Haeun shouldn’t be occupying this much of his mind. She was a classmate and he wasn’t planning on getting distracted on his last semester. He wanted to focus on school, graduate and do things with his life. But Haeun's smile, her frown, her eyes, her laugh, fuck, it was everywhere in his head.

Every time he thought he understood her, she’d throw a curveball. 

_“You’d think after loving him for so many lifetimes, I’d be better at winning him over.”_

What does that even mean?

Was she talking about him?

She couldn’t be. She wasn’t in love with him, so it had to be something else. But what the hell did she mean by 'multiple lifetimes'? Was she a believer of reincarnation or something?

He shook his head and kept running. He didn’t understand how his emotions felt beyond his control. One minute he’d be up and another second he’d be down. All he knew was that Haeun was at the center of it all.

Suddenly, despite the rock music blaring in his ears, he heard a loud laugh in the distance. Lifting his head, he saw Haeun walking across the field with a group of girls, laughing and talking. 

And he couldn’t stop staring. 

Three times in one day, a record for sure.

Her laugh was wide and unabashed. Her lips moved quickly before the rest of the girls burst out in laughter. She was so charismatic, it was obvious why so many people were drawn to her. She was like a bubble of sunrays that made everyone swoon or melt. 

But it didn’t feel like she was that way around him.

He didn’t know where his comment from the grocery store came from, but he hoped that it would ease some of the remaining tension because he was telling the truth. He _did_ want her to be his friend. He wanted to laugh and joke around him like she did around everyone else and he wanted her to do it without worrying about how she was making him feel. Making friends and letting people into his life wasn't easy for him, but he wanted to try.

Specifically with her.

He didn't want to push people away anymore, not if they're like Haeun. 

Too caught up in his thoughts and not paying enough attention he slammed into something hard. Taeyong was on his feet one second and then flat on his ass the next. 

He groaned and rubbed his forehead before looking at the girl in front of him who was also on the ground with a moan, she had long black hair and familiar features.

“Nayoon, right?” He asked when he recognized her. He dusted his hands and stood.

The girl was also wincing, rubbing a sore spot before she turning to him, “Yeah…oh, you’re Taeyong.”

“Yeah, I’m friends with Jaehyun. I think he mentioned you.” He said as he helped her up. “You’re a fashion major, right?”

Her eyes darted around his face and it filled him with a sense of unease. Like the way Haeun first looked at him. 

“Yeah. I am. Nice to meet you, wish I didn't have to literally run into to do it, though.” She quipped.

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, “Likewise. And you’re okay? I hit you pretty hard. I can walk you to the medical center if you want.”

“No, I’m fine.” She said softly. "Just a little bump."

He smiled with a nod and adjusted his headphones, “Sorry again. I’ll see you around.”

Nayoon waved as he continued on his run and turned to watch him run the bend of the track. A warm smile curled up her lips as she watched him disappear before readjusting her bags and walking away.

\-----

At least the universe finally decided to cut her some slack.

She walked into her Korean History lecture and let her body relax before smiling the first natural smile she shared in a while at Jaehyun and Taeyong when they waved at her. 

It should’ve been a sign because the entire lecture she felt something electric in her and it made sense when the professor began describing an upcoming partner research project.

“I’ve randomly selected your partners and posted the list online. Look it over and meet up with your partners. The outline for the assignment will also be uploaded.”

She stopped listening at that point and her fingers moved deftly to pull up the list. She scrolled quickly until she found her name and her hand shook as she double, triple checked to make sure she saw correctly. Surely her luck wouldn't have been this good.

Turning to look behind her, Taeyong looked up from his own laptop before smiling back at her.

_Nam Haeun and Lee Taeyong_


	8. Eight

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

She knew she had to focus but it wasn’t easy. 

After being assigned as partners, Haeun and Taeyong had agreed to meet in the school’s library to pick a topic and begin doing some research. But the second they sat down across from each other in a secluded corner, her vision tunnelled to see him and only him. 

Her eyes traced the little scar near his eye, one that he had sustained when he was serving as the King’s guard once Jaehyun had ascended the throne. Each lifetime, the scar was the result of different injuries but it was always something she adored. It gave his face character and in her pastime she’d trail her fingertip around the scar until he’d laugh and duck out of reach. 

She wondered how he got it this time.

“So what were you thinking about doing? Having to write about any event in the Joseon period is kinda broad.”

Silence slipped by as she stared at his lips, pretty and pink. 

“Haeun?”

Blinking, her eyes left his lips and landed on his curious eyes. “Huh?”

His lips twitched, “Any ideas?”

“O-Oh, well, I took out some books earlier that could be helpful. We can look through them and see what seems interesting. We could write about policy in the Joseon era and compare it to present-day policy. We could also study rituals and traditions. There’s a ton of stuff here.” She said while pulling some books out of her bag. 

He picked one up and flipped through it, “Yeah that sounds good, but you don’t really want to do that, do you?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, confused. 

He smiled, his eyes running over the text. "Policy and tradition are boring and everyone's going to do it. You want to do our project about something no one else is going to do."

Her own smile blossomed as she opened another book, “I mean, I wouldn’t say no if you also wanted to do that.”

They worked like that for a few hours, flipping through the books she had brought with her and pulled some books from the shelves to look through as well. It was nice working with him, it was a comfortable silence as they read, shared ideas and took notes. She loved the peacefulness that the two of them could sustain, just relaxed without the need to fill silences with mindless chatter.

“What about this? The Jung Regime.” 

Haeun froze, her mind drawing a blank as the heat from her body draining until the tips of her fingers and the end of her toes were frozen cold. Her chest pounded and the sound of blood rushing filled her ears as she slowly looked up from her book to stare at Taeyong. 

Maybe she heard him wron—

“Haeun? What do you think about studying the Jung Regime?” He repeated while turning the open book to her. 

Her throat dried as she stared at the page in front of her. 

In elegant black lines, the image of a mighty dragon. 

The royal seal. 

Her trembling hand reached out and took the book from him. She flipped the page, her eyes hurriedly moving across the words. 

_‘In the 1840s began the reign of the Jung Regime. Led by the King who had helmed the throne for 60 years before voluntarily stepping down for his son, the Crown Prince to take the throne in the dawn of the 20th Century. During his tenure, the newly crowned King ruled the nation for 50 years before his passing. Being the only King to rule without a Queen, he also left no heir behind. After his death, the regime changed as monarchy turned to democracy.’_

How was this possible?

In all the iterations of their lives, in all the universes they had existed in, there had never been hard proof that their past lifetimes were real. They had tried at first, to find evidence of her skating career or of his vet clinic or of the Jung Royal family. They could never find any of it. It had led them to believe that each of their lifetimes were brand new, reset, and had no connection to their previous ones except for the people in it.

Like their past lifetimes never existed outside of their own memory.

Textbooks never had anything about the Jung Regime before, some other Regime would be in its place. Flipping the page, her eyes widened when she saw a photo of the painting of the Royal family. The same painting that Jaehyun had shown her when they first met and had joked about its extravagance. It was identical and the people in it looked exactly like him and his parents did in that era. 

“What do you think?”

She could barely hear him as she stared at Crown Prince Jaehyun staring up at her from next to his parents. She began aggressively flipping through the chapter, hoping to see a picture of the guards, but she knew that they were never captured in artwork. But skimming the pages, everything written about the Jung Regime was exactly as she remembered it. 

“Haeun?” He called out, his face twisting in concern. 

She flipped back to the family picture before shoving it in his face, “Who does this look like?”

“Huh?” He blinked and leaned back to properly look at the image. He stared at it for a minute before tilting his head, “Uhh…no one, really. Why?”

He couldn’t recognize Jaehyun, even though he was best friends with him and he looked exactly like him in this picture. 

“Doesn’t it kinda look like Jaehyun?” She asked.

He frowned and looked at the picture again before chuckling, “I don’t really see it but don’t tell Jaehyun that he looks like a prince.”

She smiled weakly before setting the book down. “Maybe I’m wrong.”

No.

She wasn’t wrong.

But this entire thing was. 

“Um, so for a topic, why don’t we write about the Crown Prince? He was the first King to never marry and it led to the start of the age of democracy. It should be cool to write about.” He suggested. 

She just nodded, barely paying attention, it was going to be so weird to sit with him and research about a part of history that he lived through. 

Two of the people who had the most insider information about King Jaehyun and his rule as a single man had no recollection. 

At least maybe there would be a chance that looking into all of this might trigger his memory. 

“I’ll go to the Archives after class and find some material we could use. Do you want to meet at the cafe tonight and work on it?” She asked. 

He nodded with an easy smile, “Sounds good.”

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1889_ **

Ever since that day, there was a sense of tension that existed whenever she was in a room with her parents. They weren’t really only speaking terms and it was making Mark so uncomfortable that he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Until a few weeks later when she was helping Mark close up the shop and her parents slowly approached her, side-by-side. 

“Darling, can we talk to you?”

She shared an uneasy look with Mark and wiped her hands on her apron, “What is it?”

“Your mother and I were talking and we understand how going to the matchmaker behind your back wasn’t fair to you and we wanted to apologize for that.” Her father said. 

She shifted on her heels and nodded, “Okay, I guess. I forgive you, just don’t do it again without telling me first.”

“There’s one more thing.” Her mother said with a small smile, “I found out that some of the village girls are going to be traveling to one of the neighboring towns together at the end of the week. It’s a long trip, it should take a few days to get there and back. I know it’s not as exotic and interesting as you’d like but, if you wanted to accompany them, you have our permission.”

Her eyes widened as the words sunk in, “Really? Is this is a trade? If I go on this trip, I have to meet with suitors when I get back?”

“No, we promise this is just a trip. We realized that if we never give you a chance to see the world then you’ll never feel ready to get married. I think you just need somewhere to start and we want to give you that chance.” Her father said while stroking the back of her head. 

Tears of joy filled her eyes as she raced to hug her parents. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you guys so much.”

They laughed and hugged her back, “We were wrong sweetheart, we just want to make you live a good stable life. But more than that, we just want you to be happy. You’ll figure everything out. You can get married when you feel the time is right.”

She sighed in contentment, a weight lifting off her shoulders, and squeezed her family tighter until she spotted Mark smiling at them from the corner. Haeun reached her hand out and waved him over, “Get over here, Mark. You’re part of this family.” 

\-----

After the hugging and crying, Haeun had finished her chores as quickly as possible before grabbing her robes and giving her parents a vague excuse of needing some fresh air before racing out of the shop. 

Moving faster than she ever did before, she managed to make it to the palace before sundown. She stood outside the palace grounds, bouncing on her heels until Taeyong had a chance to slip away from his command. He met her by the gate with a little jog and a big smile. 

“Did you wait long?” He asked when he stopped in front of her. 

Haeun shook her head, beaming up at him. His face melted into a look of pure surprise, “Did you receive good news? You’re particularly cheerful tonight.”

“Yes, in fact, I have just received the most amazing news that I had to come here right away to tell you about it.” She quipped happily.

He wondered if she knew how those words made his heart soar. What an addictive feeling, to be the person she wanted to share good news with first. He wanted more of that. He wanted to be the person she shared her bad news with too.

“I’m traveling!” She exclaimed.

He blinked before tilting his head, “Traveling?”

“With some of the girls from the village. We’re leaving at the end of the week.” She said happily. “It’s going to be my first time, I’m finally doing it!”

He stared at her long and searchingly without speaking before looking off over her shoulder. “Would you want to accompany me somewhere right now?”

\-----

“Are you sure this is safe?” She muttered worriedly. 

He brushed his hand against the side of his horse’s face, “I’ve ridden this stead since I was a teenager. I know him like the back of my hand. He’s the safest creature you could want.”

She was unsure but with a little coaxing, he took her hand and held her carefully before helping her up onto the saddle. Once she was settled, he hooked his food into the stern and swung his other leg to straddle the horse. He gripped the reins and glanced over at her. 

“Hold on tight, sunflower.”

Her eyes lit up and slowly slid her arms around his waist, palms flat against his stomach. She snuggled closer to his back, as her hands explored the firmness beneath her hands. He let out a breathy laugh to hide the delicious, wanting shiver her touch brought before snapping the reins. 

The horse took off out of the palace gates and Taeyong guided it through dirty paths as the chilly night breeze glided through their hairs and caressed their faces. She pressed her face against his shoulder, breathing him in, the heat in her body a contrast to the cold air. 

Eventually, the horse’s gallop slowed into a trot before it stopped in front of a beautiful tree with draping leaves and a soft pale green glow at the very top of a hill. Taeyong hopped off first and tied the horse to the back of a bench perched under the tree before holding his arms out to her. 

Taeyong held her by the waist and helped her down before leading her to the bench to sit next to her. She gasped when she finally took in the view in front of her. She could see the glittering lights of her humble town and the shining fireball that was the palace. Woven between the bright town lights were sleeping fielding where farmers worked to harvest the fruits of their labour. 

It was beautiful and it was her home. 

“Wow.” She breathed out. 

He watched her eyes dart around to soak in the beauty in front of her and in a way, he was doing the same. 

Finally, she turned towards him, “Why did you bring me here?”

“I cannot describe how happy I am that you’re finally embarking on your dreams. You will enjoy so much of what you’ll see and it’ll do nothing but further fuel your hunger to travel. I cannot wait to hear your stories.” He said with a relaxed smile. “I am very proud of you.”

Her smile split even further as he continued, “Do you remember how I said that if I found a woman who challenges my mind and steals my breath, I would welcome her into my heart?”

“Yes, I do.” She said softly.

He took a deep breath to build his nerve, “I believe I found a woman whom I want to welcome into my heart. Whom one day I could love.”

“Oh.” She breathed out, her eyes wide. 

He reached out and gently took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Her heart skipped once, twice, four times before it settled on a pleasant hum. She resisted the urge to curl up further next to him, instead she pulled her focus to his hand in hers. The firm yet gentle grip and the rhythmic stroke of his thumb against her skin filled her with indescribable glee. 

Wait. 

He was holding her hand and talking about a woman he could love.

There was no way he meant her. But then who else would it be?

“What I want to tell this woman while I hold her hand is that I’m not confessing my feelings to her. I am not asking her whether or not she returns my affections nor am I asking her to marry me now. All I want her to know is that in the time that I've gotten to know her, she has opened my soul up and brought out parts of it that I didn't know existed. Parts that yearn solely for her. Now, all these months later, my heart is entirely hers and when the day comes that she’s ready to be loved, that I will always be by her side to love her wholly and honestly. I am a man of duty with my life dedicated to the Royal Family but every bit of myself that I have left will be hers and hers alone.” He had leaned closer to that their foreheads were touching.

It felt surreal that the deep timbre of his voice was saying words that she only ever dreamed of. Words that she didn’t think she’d ever hear from him. If he hadn’t been holding her hand, she’d be trembling in a mix of shock and happiness. 

He was telling her that he loved her without putting the burden on her by actually _telling her that he loved her._

His words were getting airier like he was struggling to breathe, “I want her to know that if she feels the same and if one day the gods were to shine kindly to me and we were to marry, I would never hold her back from achieving her dreams, even in marriage. I would stand by her through everything her heart desired. Her soul, her dreams, and her aspirations would be safe with me. I would only care for her happiness and not forcing her into roles she doesn’t want yet.” 

He was so wonderful that it made her heartache in want. She didn’t think a man could exist who understood her the way that he did. Tears pricked at her eyes as her heart raced in anticipation. He was telling her that he felt the same, that he liked her and wanted to be with her. 

This must be what heaven feels like.

"She is the most beautiful woman I've ever know, the kindest and most intellectual. Her touch can heal the most wounded man and her smile can bring flowers back to life." He mused with a delirious smile. 

She scrunched her nose up with a laugh, "That's so saccharine." 

"The Prince suggested it and although it's true, it's almost mortifying to say out loud." He defended. 

She laughed and tightened her grip on his hand, "Go on."

"I just want her to know that she is all I think about, my heart yearns to be hers and I want to one day be a permanent part of her life. There is no one else for me that her."

Her breath caught in her throat with words she wished to say, “She must be a very lucky girl.”

He smiled and it was the kind of smile so full of love that she could almost taste it, “Go live your life, sunflower. I’ll always be here when you return home. And I’ll be here for when your life has room for one more. There’s no rush, the King used to joke that I have the patience of a tortoise.”

She chuckled before boldly reaching up and combing her fingers through his raven hair, “Is there anything you’d like me to bring back for you?”

“I am not selfish enough to say _you,_ so just bring me back something that makes you happy.”

She squeezed his hand and hoped he could read the emotion in her eyes; that she absolutely adored him, that her heart was just as much with him as his was with her. She was ready to tell him just how much she longed for him and wanted nothing more than to grow old with him. She never wanted to let go of him.

He was promising her a life that she wanted. One where she wouldn’t have to sacrifice what she held close to her, even after marriage. 

“You know what I heard?” She whispered before tilting her head up to the sky, “That one of the most beautiful things about the sky is that no matter where on this earth that you are, if you look up, we’re all seeing the same thing. We’re all connected.”

He followed her gaze up and smiled, “Then every night that you are gone, I will look up at the sky, at the moon, and imagine you doing the same.”

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Haeun and Taeyong had met at the same cafe that she had taken him to when they had first met. Walking in made her a bit anxious, it reminded her of his cold tone when he told her that he didn’t have a girlfriend and later that night when he confronted her at the party. 

But when she spotted Taeyong at a table with an iced tea waiting for her, while he flipped through a textbook, something unwound in her chest. Things were better.

“There isn’t a lot of information on King Yoon Oh’s life.” Taeyong said as he scribbled down his notes. “There’s no real reason why he went unmarried.” 

She knew why; it was because Jaehyun didn’t want to marry a woman he didn’t love. He didn’t want to rule the nation with a woman he didn’t know or trust. 

The only reason she knew this was because Taeyong had told her before his coronation. She had gained even more respect for Jaehyun when she had found that out. He had to have faced widespread criticism and pressure to find a suitable bride to be Queen. Much of the public was concerned as well, but Jaehyun had ruled so elegantly and confidently that soon no one could utter a bad thing. 

Taeyong was supposed to know all of this better than her. 

“Maybe he was a private person? Or didn’t think marriage would make him a better leader.” She suggested. 

“Or maybe he had a concubine.” 

Haeun chocked on her drink, her nose burning as she coughed. Jaehyun having a concubine was about as likely as her saying she wasn’t in love with Taeyong. When Jaehyun was King, all he ever thought about was his kingdom. He worked tirelessly, hearing the complaints of his people, working hard to ensure that the policies he passed worked in favor of the people and not to fill the pockets of the rich. He turned down alliances that would increase taxes on the poor, he studied statecraft every spare second he had and he traveled the world building relationships with every nation.

He was a selfless King while also being a ruthless ruler. 

She had barely seen him once he has ascended the throne, but when she and Taeyong got married, he had thrown them the grandest celebration, stating that this was in lieu of his own wedding. Those were the rare times that he seemed playful, dancing happily, otherwise, he was a serious man of the people and never bothered with the vices that other rulers would fall privy to. 

Lust, greed, power none of it ever went to his head.

She would hear whispers from Nobel women and fair maidens when she had moved in with Taeyong into the palace grounds. Many of them were turned down by the King’s aides and when one Nobel woman had snuck into his bed chambers, she was forcibly removed. 

Jaehyun wouldn’t take a concubine, if he loved someone, he would’ve just married her.

“I don’t think a concubine makes much sense.” She said while clearing her throat.

Taeyong furrowed his brows, “Why not? It was a common practice at the time.”

“But concubines were mainly for Kings who were already married. Why would he have a secret girlfriend if he was single?” She asked. “There would be no way he could keep that a secret.”

He pursed his lips in thought, “You’re right. But I’m sure his parents wouldn’t have just been okay with the heir to the throne not finding a bride, especially because that means no kid and no way to extend the Royal lineage. It would've been a big deal so there must have been some record of it somewhere.” 

She didn’t know how the King and Queen had reacted to Jaehyun not marrying before taking the throne. Taeyong had never talked about it with her, but she was under the impression that things at the castle were tense because of it. Taeyong was tasked to accompany Jaehyun to meet with a potential bride once. She remembered because that entire trip had kept her on edge as it had been a dangerous one. 

Haeun had once asked Taeyong if Jaehyun was lonely but he had only smiled sadly and said, _'People fall in love at the wrong times and become accustomed to loneliness. All they can do is wait.'_

Sighing she leaned back in her seat and stared at the books in front of her. Taeyong's lips quirked when he watched her eyebrows furrow as she flipped through the textbook, her eyes flitting over every line. She chewed on the back of a pen with a pout and it drove him insane how sweet and determined she looked just working hard.

No wonder she was batting guys away with a stick.

He snapped out of his thoughts when the door swung open. Speak of the devil. Jaehyun walked into the cafe, a textbook wedged under his arm as he tapped on his phone. He didn’t look up when he passed their table and just went up to order. 

She waited until he walked around to pick up his drink, “Jaehyun?”

He was so engrossed that it wasn’t until both she and Taeyong called his name that he looked up in alarm. He blinked at them before grinning, “What’s up guys?”

“Why’re you so zoned out?” Taeyong asked when he came over to their table.

He made a sound of disgust, “My brain is fried, I spent hours doing my psych readings and I kind of want someone to kick me in the head now. What are you two working on?” 

“The Korean History project.” Taeyong said while rubbing his eyes. 

Jaehyun clicked his tongue, “How cute, you guys are actually putting the _team_ in teamwork. My partner just sent me a list of things I need to get done and told me to send it to him. Must be nice.”

Haeun chuckled before looking at the book in front her. An idea sparked as she flipped to the family painting and held it up to him, “We’re writing our paper on the Jung Regime. Look.”

“Ohh, my last name. Let me see.” He took the book and scanned the picture.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and asked, “seem familiar?”

He paused and squinted at the book, holding it closer to his face. Taeyong’s eyes flickered between them. “No, not really. But damn, a good looking family.”

Her shoulders sagged as he set the book down, “Are you going to come to the frat’s movie night?”

“What?” She asked distractedly. 

Jaehyun looked over at Taeyong who held his hands up, “I was going to ask after we finished working.”

Taeyong turned to her, “The frat’s doing a fundraiser. It’s the last warm day of the week so we’re setting up a projector in the backyard and we’re going to playing a bunch of movies for people to watch with friends. I was going to ask if you and Mark wanted to come.” 

“Sure.” She said with a small smile. 

Jaehyun looked between the two of them before rolling his eyes. 

“Great so if I’m done here, I’m going to go and build a coffin with my textbooks.”

\-----

After spending a few more hours researching, Taeyong and Haeun left the cafe and started walking back towards their buildings. 

“You really don’t need to walk me all the way back, you know. The frat is closer plus the walkway is fully lit up and there’s a ton of students still out.” She said while wrapping her arms around herself to brace herself against the chilly air. 

Taeyong bumped his shoulder against hers teasingly, “Nah, it’s okay, I’d feel better about it anyway.”

She hid her smile and just continued walking in silence. Taeyong glanced over at her, today was probably the most amount of time he had spent with her in one day. Debating over history, laughing over coffee, burying themselves in the library, it was nice to be around her. She had a warm presence, it was relaxed and comfortable but her mind was sharp. 

He never met someone who loved reading _that_ much.

And looked so good doing it. 

“I know I’ve said it before and maybe it’s getting annoying but…I’m really sorry about what happened that night at the frat. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” He said.

She let out a long breath, “Thanks for apologizing. But can I ask…what the _fuck_ happened that night? I still don't get why you reacted like that.”

“I don’t have the best family life.” He mumbled while looking at his feet. “I like going by unnoticed. So, when you gave me all this attention, I panicked. I don’t want people’s pity when they find out my family’s broken, I don't want people turning away when they find out I have baggage. It's easy to like someone or be interested in someone but it's hard to actually stick around when you start to _really_ get to know a person. Flaws and all. I was drunk and my first reaction was ' _push this pretty girl away from me before she gets invested_.'”

“Were you that scared of someone being interested in you?” She asked. 

He raised his brow, “It’s a heavy feeling when you let people down. I don’t want to grow attached to someone while they grow tired of me. People always like me based on first impressions, when I’m different than what they expected, they leave. You seemed nice, I wanted to be your friend but when I thought you were interested in me and my life, I wanted to cut you off because you didn't really know me. And once you do, I thought you'd leave. I didn't want to make a friend that would leave.”

She could almost feel the crack in her heart. 

Taeyong was made of love, too much love, and it was like he never had enough people to share it with. He had always been sensitive, worried over how people perceived him, ever since she knew him but he had also always had such a tight group of friends around him that she never knew getting close to someone was a fear of his. 

The two of them always grew close easily, without even trying. 

Maybe she wasn’t the only one caught up in her own head recently. 

Maybe she wasn’t the only one overthinking. 

Maybe she wasn't the only one afraid.

"I shouldn't have been so mean about it, though." He shook his head, "Jaehyun’s been my friend since I was a kid. He knows my life but the other guys, even though we’re close, they don’t really know me. No one else really does."

“So let’s change that.” She said with a confident smile.

He looked at her quizzically but she was watching her feet, “Instead of letting me get carried away with the ‘perfect’ version of you, show me the messy side of you. The side with a broken family and insecurities. That's the side I'm interested in, anyway. It'll be like history.”

He laughed incredulously, “What about you?”

“Well, I’m a proud mess.” She chuckled, “My parents are normal, I don’t have siblings and nothing about my life is particularly out of the norm.” _Except you._ “But I promise you will see how messy I can be, my insecurities are usually on full display.”

He felt a nostalgic warmth lick at his heart, “Deal.”

“I’ll start with my horrible movie-watching habits. You’ll see at the frat movie night. I will either pass out before the opening credits or I’ll be talking your ear off during the entire thing.” She quipped brightly. 

His laughter echoed throughout the quad and settled warmly in Haeun’s chest. She looked up at the sky and smiled slightly, “Look at the moon. It’s really bright tonight.” 

He followed her gaze, it was nice and round, so clear that he could almost see the craters, “You know what’s cool? That no matter where we are, everyone’s looking at the same moon. In Italy, France, Montreal, Japan, everyone looks at the same one. It connects us.”

Her stomach fluttered and warmth rushed through her. Words she told him on the night she’d never forget. 

“Yeah, it does.”


	9. Nine

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1889_ **

It was everything she had imagined it out to be. 

She and the girls from her town journeyed through different small villages, venturing into street markets and relaxing in local pubs with a pint at the end of the day. And of course, every night, she'd stand outside and admire the moon. 

Each stop on the way, she found herself learning more and more about these young women and grew closer to them. Being a the shop, she hadn't had time to socialize with other women her age and she was utterly smitten by them. 

Sora was 19 and ran a small flower stall with her mother, she was travelling to put in an order for some new flowers for the upcoming New Year. She was the youngest of the group and was the brightest and cheerful.

Yenna was the oldest, 27 and with two daughters back home, her husband was a local farmer, she was traveling to visit family. She had a more elegant and mature persona, her natural instinct causing her to constantly fuss over the younger girls, making sure everyone was okay and well hydrated. 

Minyoung was 23 and worked as a seamstress, she was quieter but she was on this trip for a similar reason as Haeun, just because she had loved traveling and was able to tag along. 

Haeun enjoyed the company of these girls, they were all so different but shared honest and welcoming conversation with each other despite not knowing each other well. She learned all about their interests, their skills, how knowledgeable and intelligent they all were. And with them by her side, she felt more confident to chat up locals from different areas and hear their stories.

She smacked her lips as she set down her beer jug. They had stopped off at a small bar to get off their feet. Cheerful music played as a group of men and women performed on a makeshift stage. She hummed along to the tune, her heart full. 

Yenna licked her lips before tossing some salted peanuts into her mouth, “Are any of you girls married?”

Sora beamed, “I got engaged a while ago. I am marrying a young man from our town later this year. He’s an absolute angel.”

Minyoung looked at her feet with a small, timid, smile, “I married last spring. He's from a few towns over. He's so wonderful. He's the love of my life. We haven’t been able to live together because I have the tailoring business and he is looking after his ailing mother in his hometown. He was initially meant to move to where I am but with everything going on, we had to put it off until she got better.”

Yenna’s lips twitched as she tried to bite back her laugh, “So, since you married, you two haven’t shared a bed?”

“I—uh, no.” Minyoung’s face burned red. "We met and fell in love in my hometown where he was working but shortly after the wedding he had to move back."

Sora’s eyes widened, “Are you not curious about what sleeping with him would be like?”

“Well of course.” Minyoung mumbled. Haeun wanted to coo at the soft red that dusted the tips of her ears. “I know that there's more to a marriage than what occurs in the bedroom but I'd be lying if I hadn't wished we'd done it before he left. I—We want to, but our circumstances just don’t allow for it.” 

Sora grinned coyly, “Me and my fiancé didn’t want to wait until we were married.”

Everyone gapped at the younger girl, “You’ve already slept with him?”

“Yeah.” Sora said with a laugh, tipping her drink up to her lips, “It was amazing, by the way.”

The women all laughed but Haeun just stared at them in awe. They were all so independent and assertive, but they were all married or engaged. Haeun gripped her glass tightly, “How do you all do it?”

They turned to look at her and Sora made a face, “You want me to describe sex?”

“No, no, what I mean was, how do you get married without losing yourself in being a wife or a mother?” She asked. 

Minyoung leaned towards her, “Are you not married? I had just assumed…”

“No, I’m not.” She mused, “Not even engaged.”

Yenna’s eyes widened, “Oh wow.”

“I mean, there’s a man I’d like to marry but he had promised to wait until I was ready before proposing. And we’ve barely told each other of our feelings. There's a lot I want to see and do before I marry.” She combed her fingers through her hair before downing the rest of her frosty drink. Thinking about Taeyong did curious things to her stomach. 

She wished she could see him right now. 

Sora’s smile grew, excitement in her eyes, “That’s so cute. Well, my advice? Take him to your bed the second your get back to him.”

Minyoung giggled and Yenna just smiled understandingly, “To answer your question, it is often difficult to remember what you were like before you become a wife or mother because suddenly you have double the responsibilities you used to and all you can think about is keeping up with everything. You stop thinking about doing what you want and only think about doing what you must.”

Yenna looked at the untouched glass in front of her, “I was very lost after having my second daughter. I felt suffocated; tired of raising kids and taking care of the house every day. I love my girls more than the sun but it was a struggle.”

“What made it better?” Minyoung asked. 

Tears filled Yenna’s eyes as she looked at the women, “My husband. I hadn’t told him my fears, worried that he’d see me as unfit wife and mother but he woke up to find me crying in my daughter’s room one night. He had taken me in his arm and rocked me to sleep as if I was a baby myself. Then a week later he told me that he’d take time off work to raise the girls and I could go out and find something I love to do. I began learning music. I would play by the town’s square and barely make enough money to put food on the table but we had never been happier.”

Yenna wiped her face and sighed, “Eventually, I missed my girls and went back to raising them and my husband went back to the farms. But I was happier. I still play music, but I’m also being a mother and a wife. Having a husband is nice but having a partner is better. That’s what he was like, he was my partner and he helped me find myself. Now I have balance where I can be me while also being a mother and wife.”

Minyoung picked at the thread on her skirt, “After I got married and he left to go back home, we only were able to speak through letters. I didn’t feel like I had a husband. He felt like a ghost miles away that wasn't real because I couldn't see or touch him. Sometimes I get lonely at night or at lunch when my parents are too busy with the shop, I envy girls who can hold their husband’s hand, kiss him goodbye and share a bed with him.”

“You always have us.” Sora said softly, with a gentle smile, “We’re all in the same town, if you ever feel lonely you can come find one of us.”

Yenna smiled in agreement, “That would be lovely.”

Minyoung squeezed her hand before her shoulders dropped, "When he was gone, I learned to be on my own, to be self-sufficient and strong so I hadn't a need to rely on someone. But I fell in love with him for a reason and missed speaking to him and seeing his smile. Loving someone always requires giving a part of yourself away but I don't think you're losing or sacrificing that part of you. If the person you love respects you, they will keep that part of you safe. And they will give you a part of them in return."

Sora hummed in agreement, "That's love. It's a risk, it's uncertainty, it's vulnerability but with the right person...it's worth it."

"And marriage shouldn't be seen as settling down or slowing down. Our life should not be determined by our family status. You marry to build a life with a person you love but it doesn't have to be a boring or dull life. It can be the life you always wanted, you're just sharing it with someone else." Yenna added; conviction in her gaze. 

Minyoung groaned, "Now you've got me missing him all over again."

“Minyoung?” Haeun asked suddenly, straightening up, “what town is your husband from?”

She pouted, “Across the river’s bridge. It's in the opposite direction.”

“Why don’t we take you there?” Haeun asked, excited about the idea. “We could travel to his town, drop you off and then we can meet here and return back together.”

Sora sat up, “Actually, I don’t _have_ to go to a specific town for the New Year's flowers. I’m sure I can find someone in your husband’s village who sells what I need.”

Yenna raised her brow, “My family is coming to visit me for the holidays anyway. I can send them a letter about not being able to stop by.”

Minyoung gaped at the girls, “You can’t be serious.”

“We are! Come on, how amazing will it be to surprise him?” Haeun exclaimed. 

Minyoung scoffed in disbelief, "You'd do that for me?"

"Of course!"

She hesitated for a moment before she picked up and chugged the beer in Yenna’s glass. It brought out cheers from the other girls before slamming the empty glass down on the table. 

“Let’s do it.”

\-----

Oh, he missed her dearly, it was like a part of his heart was gone. 

It had been 3 days since she had departed and he had cursed himself for not being able to see her off because his duties kept him preoccupied. But he was able to rest easy knowing that he had told her how he felt and that considering she hadn’t run away in disgust, that perhaps she’d feel the same way. He could wait for her return because he knew she must be enjoying herself so much.

Still, he’d give a lot to be able to hear her laugh right now. 

Days were longer and darker without her.

“Where are you going?” Doyoung asked when Taeyong walked down the palace hallways. 

Taeyong nodded at him, “The King and Queen have called me to their audience chambers. Make sure the men continue their rounds.”

"And the Prince?"

"With his robe maker, he should be done soon, then he has his statecraft lessons." Taeyong recited.

Doyoung bowed and walked away. Taeyong rolled his shoulders and neared the tall doors. He knocked on the door and wait before the head guards opened the doors, allowing him in. He entered their chambers and was led in front of the stairs where the King and Queen were seated atop of before kneeling before them. 

“Your Majesties.”

“Please sit comfortably, Taeyong, we did not call you as the Prince’s guard. We called you for more informal business.” The King assured. 

Taeyong blinked before sitting back and nodding, “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” The Queen said kindly, “we have noticed that you had been spending a considerable amount of time with the baker’s daughter over the last few months.”

Taeyong nodded slowly, “Haeun. Yes, I have. Is that a problem?”

“Nam has always been a good, honest man. Others would try to take advantage of me partaking in their business, but her father never had such greed. He never asked for more payment than he required and always provided his best products to us. His daughter seems very similar in that manner.” The King mused. 

The Queen smiled wider than her regular diplomatic smile, “I’ve noticed she’s quite beautiful too.”

“I—yes, she is. Um…excuse my lack of manners but what does this have to do with me?” Taeyong asked worriedly. 

The King laced his fingers together, “We wanted to know if you had feelings for the young maiden.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened at the abrupt question, “Your Highness?”

“Do not treat us as Royalty but as the adults, you had grown up around and tease when you were a child. Jaehyun has told us a little about your meetings with her and how the mysterious kitten that has made its home here is hers. So, I'd like to hear it directly from you. What are your intentions with Haeun?” The Queen asked.

Taeyong stared at the ground before facing them, “I love her. I love her more than I thought I could. She is everything good in this world and I have this birthright _need_ to protect her. Being with her brings me endless joy.”

The King and Queen were positively beaming at his confession. “Does she know of your feelings?”

“She does. Although I made my intentions clear, I would marry her once she was ready. She has much she’d like to accomplish in life first. Haeun is ambitious and independent, I want nothing more than to support her.” He explained, refraining from going into detail.

The Queen nodded, pleased, “I respect her for that and I’m proud that you’ve understood and accepted her so well. That is actually why we called you here.”

“We wanted to inform you that when the time comes that you marry, we approve of a union between you and her and that we will do whatever it takes to give you and good wedding and a good home.” The King said. "Neither you nor she shall spend a dime of your own wealth on the celebration, we will take care of it the same way we will take care of Jaehyun's wedding."

Taeyong’s eyes widened, speechless. The Queen’s eyes brimmed with kindness, “You are like a son to us, Taeyong. You have been there for Jaehyun and your father was a remarkable man. We are beyond happy that you've found yourself a lovely woman and allowed yourself to love her instead of resigning yourself to your Royal duty. We always swore once your father had passed that we would make sure you have a good life with the woman that becomes your wife.”

He fought back the tears and bowed deeply in gratitude, “Thank you, your Majesties.”

“Now, come on.” The King said with a boisterous laugh, “tell us about her!”

\-----

Yenna slipped her arm through Haeun’s as they reached the river’s bridge. “You know, I’d like to hear more about this man of yours. You didn't get a chance back at the pub.”

“He’s hardly my man.” Haeun said quickly, her heart racing.

Yenna tugged on her arm, “Don’t be so coy. He practically told you that he’d get down on one knee the second you give him the okay.” 

Haeun had to hold back the whine that came with the image in her head of Taeyong on his knee while staring up at her, his eyes sparkling with a ring in his hand and a promise of a beautiful life on his lips. It could make her melt just thinking about it. 

“He is everything you’d want a man to be. He is brave and responsible. He is full of passion, so kind and understanding. When I’m around him, I can’t even think straight. I—I think I love him. I want to love him.” She said, her heart tumbling.

Yenna grinned and squeezed her arm as they finished crossing the bridge and entering the small town. “He seems like quite the man. I wouldn’t worry about losing yourself to someone who understands you. A person like that will always make sure you know who you are and remind you on the days that you feel yourself lost. Don’t fear, Haeun, as long as there’s love between you two, you will find happiness no matter what.”

\-----

They walked through the town, appreciating the beauty and quaintness of the houses and businesses. They stopped by a flower shop for Sora to put in an order before letting Minyoung lead them to her husband’s house. 

Haeun could see her hands starting to shake before reaching out and lacing their fingers together. Sora was quick to take the other as Yenna patted her encouragingly on the back. Finally, she turned down a street before stopping at a small dainty house with a beautiful garden. 

She tightened her hold on Haeun’s hand as she hesitated by the gate of the house. “Wh-What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“Don’t be silly.” Sora whispered. 

Minyoung shook her head while trying to pull away, “What if being apart has caused him to fall out of love with him?”

“It takes a lot more than the distance to hurt true love.” Yenna said.

Everyone stilled when the front door swung open and a young man stepped through, running his fingers through his hair with a tired sigh. Minyoung’s entire body tensed, it was like she couldn’t move as she watched him pick up a metal pail. He turned, his eyes flickering up at them before he froze. 

His eyes widened and the pail tumbled out of his hands. He took a step forward before he spoke up, disbelief in her tone, “Minyoung?”

Tears spilled down her face as she let go of Haeun and Sora’s hands and ran towards him, “Yuta!”

He raced to meet her halfway, lifting her in his arms and pulling her close to him. The girls watched warmly as he tucked his face into her neck and caressed the back of her head in awe. Swayed her back and forth, hugging her tighter, “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I missed you.” She mumbled. 

He closed her eyes and breathed her in, “I missed you too. So much, my love.”

She pulled back and before he could speak, she pressed her mouth against his hungrily. The girls’ jaws all dropped as her fingers dug into his hair. Sora was the first to recover, a mischievous glint in her eye, “Seems like she’s got it all figured out.”

“Atta girl.” Yenna snorted.

Haeun wanted to kiss Taeyong like that, with passion and urgency. Like time was running out and she wanted him to make it slow down. She wanted to be able to touch him without a second thought because she was his.

Yuta was quick to match her pace, cupping her jaw and kissing her back until they had to pull away for air. Minyoung leaned up and whispered something in his ear, his eyes darkening at whatever she was saying. He nodded and kissed her hurriedly before pulling back and bowing at the girls. 

Minyoung turned, his lips red and her eyes glassy as she grinned, waving at them before dragging him back into the house.

“I wonder if she’d ever want to leave here.”

\-----

When they finally turned back to return home, Minyoung was nothing but a shy, embarrassed mess when the girls pried for information. 

It was nice, everyone laughing and talking the entire trip back, as Minyoung described her first night with her husband filled with longing and making up for the lost time. While Minyoung and Yuta buried themselves inside his house, the rest of the girls explored the town, giving her enough time to purchase a few gifts before Minyoung emerged and Yuta had kindly offered them his house to stay for a few days.

He was a kind man who made Minyoung laugh and cared deeply for his mother. Haeun would smile when she’d catch a lingering touch between the couple whenever he spared a minute. It was a beautiful relationship. 

But their marriage wasn’t the only thing that was cemented, the four of them formed an intense bond that over the short time they spent together, sharing secrets, advice and funny stories, Haeun’s heart lifted at the friendship that was built.

They all shared hugs and made promises to see each other whenever they could before when they entered their hometown and went their separate way, back to the homes they came from. 

Haeun’s parents and Mark greeted her excitedly and she filled them in on her journey, leaving out the parts including the detour. She shared stories and told them about the girls she had grown to love before heading to her room to washing up. 

Once she was fresh and dressed, she grabbed the basket of cinnamon cakes Mark set on the counter and hurried to the palace. She delivered the basket to the King’s aide before finding her way to the Queen’s garden. 

Her heart choked her throat when she neared and saw a familiar set of broad shoulders that were turned back to her. “Miss me?”

Taeyong spun around, his eyes wide when he saw her, “You’re back!”

She smiled but before she could say more, his arms came around her and pulled her flush against his chest. It was impossible to think, his scent clouding her senses and the rhythm of his heart thudding against her chest. Her body sagged as it sunk into his embrace like being welcome to her second home. She fit perfectly in his arms, she felt safe within this hold. Haeun took a long breath before closing her eyes. After so many days without him, she couldn't imagine a more fitting homecoming. 

“Missed you terribly, sunflower.” He whispered in her ear.

She shivered and slowly slid her hands flat up his sides before hugging him back. He threaded his fingers through her hair before pulling away. Her eyes soaked him in, “I thought about you one too many times on the trip.”

“Don’t do such awful things to my heart.” He teased, dragging his palms down her arms before holding her hands. “I want to hear about everything.”

She pulled her hands away and touched his cheek, slowly sliding her hand down his chest, “Don’t you want to see what I’ve brought you?”

He raised his brow, everything inside him trembling from her touch to her smile to the glow that seemed bright on her skin. He wanted to stay up all night talking to her and watching her shine, “What have you brought me?”

Haeun untied the pouch against her hip and pulled out a chain, one long enough that it could be hidden under his robes. His eyes followed it down to the pendant and felt his heart soar. 

A sunflower.

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“This is insane.” 

It was probably the 15th time Mark had repeated that phrase since Haeun had shown him the textbook with the Royal family. 

“Yoon Oh. That’s not what we called him at the time though, right?”

She shook her head, “No, it’s not but it’s his official name once he became King, we just never used it.”

“And he didn’t recognize Jaehyun's picture?" Mark asked.

"No, bizarre, right?" She said.

Mark was still trying to grapple with it, "This is the second thing that's never happened in our previous lives. Proof that an old life existed in a new one. There's never been any crossover."

Haeun looked at the textbook before slowly squeezing Mark's arm. 

"There's something strange going on in this lifetime, it's not like the others, and I think if we want things to go back to normal, we have to find out what it is."

\-----

The walk to the frat house was intimidating to say the least. Mark had classes and was going to meet her there, so she had to walk over on her own and try not to remember the last time she was here. 

She stepped into the building and looked around. Everyone was considerably less drunk and more relaxed as people chatted amongst each other. The loud music was gone and it was just the frat guys yelling out instructions telling people where to go, where to find food, and when the movie was starting. 

Haeun had a bag with a pillow and blanket and just looked around looking for some familiar faces. Well, one in particular, but anyone would be nice.

“H-Haeun?” 

She turned and felt her heart skip a beat at the three girls in front of her. She couldn't believe it, “Minyoung? Yenna? Sora?”

Yenna let out a stunned laugh before pulling Haeun into a hug. The other girls followed suit, squeezing Haeun. “You guys remember me?”

Sora giggled, “Of course we do! Why wouldn’t we?”

“We tried looking for you but it was hard to find you, we thought maybe you were at a different university.” Minyoung said.

Haeun’s smile fell and it took a minute before the girls leaned back and noticed the change in atmosphere. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to fill you guys in.”

\-----

“Oh wow.” Minyoung whispered, “I can’t believe this.”

They had all grabbed snacks before going to the backyard. Haeun set up her blanket and pillow near the back where she told Mark to find her and was now catching the girls up on everything that had happened since the day she remembered Mark.

Sora pouted, “You guys were so perfect for each other and so in love. How could he not remember?”

Yenna frowned, “The real question is, how did the three of us, you and Mark remember but Taeyong, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Johnny don’t.”

Minyoung hummed as she sipped on the beer in her hand, “You’re lucky though, at least the people that remember are people close to you.”

“Actually yeah, that’s sort of a weird coincidence, isn’t it? Everyone who remembered are people who knew you before they knew Taeyong.” Sora said. “People who were your friends first.”

Haeun blinked, “Oh my god, you’re right. You guys are actually the only ones aside from me and Mark that have remembered so I never noticed that before. That’s so strange. Maybe that has something to do with this entire mix up.”

Yenna pursed her lips, “But what?”

“I have no clue.” Haeun said with a sigh. Why would it matter that only her friends remembered? It didn’t prove anything other than her and Taeyong being at the heart of this memory thing. Clearly every aspect of her presence in Taeyong’s life was erased, including the memories his friends could’ve had of her. Whatever was causing this glitch had to be related to her and Taeyong. 

That didn't really narrow much down, though. 

She turned to the girls, “Just don’t say anything to him, I don’t want to freak him out, he’d probably think I’m insane if I start talking about past lives.”

The girls nodded in agreement. Minyoung leaned towards her, biting her lip, “Where’s Taeyong? Is he just as handsome as before? I mean, I still can't believe you married a Royal guard.”

“Shouldn’t you be asking where Yuta is, instead? The senior varsity soccer captain needs to get you out of here.” Yenna joked. 

Haeun smiled softly at the mention of Minyoung’s husband, “You guys are together?”

“Yeah.” Minyoung whispered shyly. 

Sora snorted, “And they have no problem sharing a bed.”

Minyoung rolled her eyes, “He remembers our past lives too, by the way. But he wasn’t really all that close with you or Taeyong so he doesn’t know much aside from you being my friend. He isn’t really connected to you or your relationship with Taeyong.”

Haeun nodded glumly, “Makes sense. We only ever really talked a handful of times.”

Minyoung gave her a sad look before her eyes landed on Yuta and a group of boys walking into the backyard, “Speak of the devil, I’m going to catch up with him. I’ll talk to you guys soon.”

Yenna and Sora stood too, “We’re sitting up by the front. Make sure you leave a spot for Taeyong. Good luck.”

Haeun grinned good naturally, feeling her heart a little lighter after talking to the girls before checking her phone for any updates from Mark. Pulling her pillow onto her lap, she scanned the increasingly crowded backyard when someone dropped down next to her.

“You’re new.”

She frowned when a random boy she had never met before, smiled at her, “No, I’m not, and that seat isn’t for you.”

“Oh, come on, you have all this blanket space, I’m sure you can share.” He moved closer to her, his thigh brushing up against hers. Recoiling, she tried to edge away.

She gave him a dirty look, “No, I don’t think I will share. You can leave now.”

He wasn’t swayed and just leaned closer, “You don’t really want me to leave, right? You’re all the way in the back, alone, and I’m—“

“She said leave.”

Her eyes darted up to see Taeyong staring down at the guy with a pillow tucked under his arm and Mark watching worriedly from over his shoulder. The guy scoffed, “Fuck off dude, this is none of your business.”

Taeyong sighed, tossing his pillow on her blanket before grabbing the guy by the collar and dragging him up on his feet, “She said to leave, so you’re going to listen to her and leave. Walk into the house, out the door and far, far away from this frat house before I ask the president to kick you out.”

The guy gulped before brushing Taeyong off and storming away. Taeyong watched the guy retreat before turning to her, “You okay?”

Her eyes were wide as she nodded, “Yeah, thanks.”

“I can get Yuta to kick his ass for you. I just started getting on the SV boys’ good side.” Mark offered as he sat down next to her. 

She grinned, “What a coincidence, I just met his girlfriend and a few of her friends.”

He made a shocked face when she nodded with a wink. She’d have to tell him later about reuniting with her friends and their theory about who was remembering. Turning to Taeyong she patted the space next to her, “You can sit here if you want.” 

“Sure.” He smiled before sitting down. “Beats having to sit near Jaehyun so he can order me around.”

She chuckled before nudging his shoulder, “Thanks again.” 

Taeyong hummed casually while picking up a chip and eating it. He was wearing plaid pajama pants and an oversized grey sweater, the hood pulled up over his hair. The perfect picture of relaxation.

Oh, what she'd give to crawl into his lap and curl up under his chin with his arms wrapped around her, “You let him befriend the SV boys but won’t let him join the frat?”

Haeun teasingly glared at Taeyong, “Jaehyun's talking mad shit, huh?”

“He will not shut up about how if we recruited Mark we could’ve dominated the junior classmen.” Taeyong said with a laugh. 

Mark perked up, “See, I told you I’m popular.”

“Don’t act like you aren’t thrilled the soccer boys love you. There’s no way you could’ve done both.” She tutted. 

Mark glared at her, “I would’ve been so annoyed if you weren’t right."

Taeyong chuckled before looking at her, “Why were you against it?”

“I didn’t want the baby bird leaving my nest.” She said, pinching Mark’s cheek until he yelled in pain. 

Taeyong looked at the two of them fondly, they were so much like siblings. They didn’t appear overly affectionate towards each other but he could tell they cared a lot. He used to be like that towards Jaehyun until he went to a different university and they didn’t see each other as much. 

“What movie did he pick?” She mumbled as everyone began to quiet down when Jaaehyun was fiddling with the projector. 

Taeyong leaned back on his hands closer to her, “Some Disney movie. He thinks it’s healthy to force young adults who are in a rush to grow up to sit through movies to remind them of their fleeting childhood.”

“Are you serious?” Mark snorted. 

Taeyong nodded with a laugh, “The psych major in him kicked in.” 

Once the movie started playing, it was barely 5 minutes since the opening credits finished rolling that Haeun’s eyes started dropping. It was dark out and it was the perfect mix of warm with a cooling breeze, and it was lulling her to sleep. With Mark and Taeyong on either side of her, she was forced to doze off while sitting up. 

When sleep was getting too hard to fight, her head started bobbing before she slouched against Taeyong’s shoulder. He froze, popcorn crushed in his hand when he looked over at the top of her head that was nestled in the crook of his neck. 

“Haeun?” He whispered, trying to wake her, “Haeun?”

“There’s no use.” Mark said dryly. “When she’s out, she’s _out_.”

Her breathing, even and warm, brushed against his neck, “What am I supposed to do?”

Mark pursed his lips before grabbing his blanket and tossing it haphazardly over her, “Sweet dreams.”

Taeyong huffed and let Haeun sleep on his shoulder for another 10 minutes until the position was starting to make him sore. He carefully maneuvered her head so that it rested on his legs. He slid a pillow under her head and felt a small smile grow up his lips, satisfied. 

Tilting his head, he combed his fingers through her hair, oblivious of Mark trying to hide his smirk. She looked so peaceful and cute when her nose scrunched up at his ministrations. She let out a content smile and leaned into his hand as he continued a methodical rhythm through her locks. 

Taeyong had a trace of a smile on his face as he looked up to watch the movie, his fingers mindlessly massaging the base of her skull with an almost loving touch. 

\-----

Haeun was deep asleep when she felt someone shake her shoulder. She frowned, letting out a little whine before turning on her side and sliding her hand under her pillow. A gentle hand smoothed over her forehead before her shoulder was being jostled.

“Haeun, wake up, the movie’s over.” 

She sighed at Taeyong’s voice, even in her dreams he sounded beautiful, “Later, Yong.”

A rough laugh came as a reply before she was shaken even harder, “Come on, Hae.”

Haeun groaned and squinted before peeling her eyes open. She stared up at Taeyong’s face. He was hovering over her with a gentle grin and close enough that if she tugged him down, she could kiss him. He’d probably taste like warm beer and popcorn.

Was she in heaven?

“Movie’s over. You weren’t kidding about knocking out during movies.”

Gasping, she sat up, nearly smacking her head into Taeyong before realizing that when she thought she was sliding her hand under the pillow, she was actually sliding it under his thigh. “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” 

She pulled her hand out from under him and sat up. Mark was laughing behind her and she was quick to smack him, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You were dead to the world and looked way too comfortable.” Taeyong teased. 

She pouted at him and he just poked at her head, “Don’t apologize, it was nothing, but it’s getting cold, we should go in.” 

Most of the backyard had cleared out, so she had made quick work of packing up her things and following the guys in. Mark kept wiggling his eyebrows at her and she had to turn away from him completely to avoid his cheeky looks. 

“NCT members gather up we need to start cleaning!” Doyoung called out. 

Taeyong made a face before looking at her, “Duty calls. It was nice seeing you tonight, I uh…I hope it was better than the last time we were here together.”

“It was.” She said, “I’m glad I came.”

He slipped his hands into his pockets and grinned, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“For sure.”

He nodded before looking back at her with a smarmy grin, “And if you ever need another pillow…”

She groaned and pushed him back by the chest towards the other frat brothers. He laughed and jogged away. Looking at Mark, they shared knowing smiles, no matter what was happening, she and Taeyong were growing close. 

With everyone saying their last-minute goodbyes, Mark was swept away by Yuta and Heiran found herself in Jaehyun’s company.

“You came! I didn’t see you.” He smiled.

She helped him toss away plastic cups, “Yeah, I ran into some friends, and then we ended up sitting in the back with Taeyong.”

“Ahh, that’s where he went.” Jaehyun smirked. “I was wondering why he wasn’t sitting with us.”

She stuck her tongue out at him, “You two are close, aren’t you?”

“Hell yeah.”

Haeun chewed on her lip before looking at him, “What’s he like?”

He raised his brows and mulled over the question before tossing some paper plates away, “He is one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my entire life. He’s basically my brother. We grew up together; I don’t think I’d trust anyone more. Hell, I don’t think I know anyone as well as I know him.”

“Kinda like me and Mark.” She said. 

Jaehyun nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, except you’d beat Mark up if he took the last pop-tart.”

“He doesn’t even do grocer—-okay, not the point. I get it. That’s nice, someone as douche-y as you can have friends.” She joked.

Jaehyun tried kicking at her but she dodged his attack with a cackle. He shook his head before his smile slowly fell, “He told me what went down between you two at the party. That must’ve been hard. Sorry, that happened.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “it was.”

Jaehyun chewed on his lip before setting the garbage bag down and tugging her to the kitchen. He sat on the ground and she followed suit, “Look, Taeyong normally doesn’t act like that. He’s soft-hearted, sweet, and a little weird. But, things weren’t easy for him growing up, it made him sensitive to people getting close to him and made him insecure.”

“What happened to him?” She asked, frowned. Was this because of his father? His father had passed away in every lifetime. 

Jaehyun just sighed, “Kids bullied and made fun of his family situation when he was young; used it against him like an insult. Then he started to grow up thinking and fearing that everyone would weaponize his family to hurt him.” 

“Was it because of his dad?” She asked.

Jaehyun looked a little surprised before looking straight ahead, “He’ll tell you about his family when he’s ready but I hope you didn’t take what he said that night to heart. If you let him into your life and he lets you into his, you’ll have a friend forever. The most loyal, giving person you could imagine.” 

She knew all this, but hearing Jaehyun say it, made her soft. It also made her wonder about the part of Taeyong’s life that, for the first time, she didn’t know about. 

“Thanks, Jaehyun.” 

“Yeah, yeah, now help me with this vase, someone put popcorn in it.”

\-----

Taeyong was helping clean while ignoring a new stain on the carpet and sticky patch by the floor, but he couldn’t be bothered with it. His mind was elsewhere.

He liked being around Haeun. He felt like himself around her, like she wouldn’t judge him for who he was. It made him want to spend more time with her. And there was something about being able to see her up close that really hit home just how _pretty_ she was especially when the chilly night air pulled a blush on her face.

He wished he could walk her home.

Distracted with his thoughts, he wasn’t paying attention when he bumped into someone. Turning his apology died on his lip when he saw the person behind him, “Oh wow, I need to stop knocking into you.”

Nayoon laughed, “I know. I didn’t realize you were in NCT.”

“Yeah, Jaehyun bent the rules and let me join when I transferred.” He explained. 

She nodded when her phone buzzed, “Well, my Uber is outside, I'm really happy I got to see you.”

Taeyong gave her a strange look but smiled back, “Me too, have a safe ride home.”

“You really don’t remember me, do you?”

His smile dropped, why did people keep saying that to him? “Oh…do we know each other?”

She smiled wistfully before turning to the door, “I hoped we did.”


	10. Ten

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Taeyong and Haeun were walking through the campus in their own bubble playing a lightning round of 20 questions.

If only she could hold his hand too. 

"Favourite colour?" He asked. 

She grinned, "Yellow. Favorite sport?"

"Soccer." He said with a laugh, "No, I swim. Not competitively but for fun."

Her eyes widened, she never knew he could swim, now she really wanted to see him in his swimsuit glistening in water, oh lord. Taeyong bit down on his smirk when he saw the way her lips parted, "What would you do if you win the lottery?"

"Travel everywhere. Even small lesser-known countries. What's something you'd never want to do again?" She fired back. 

He locked into her gaze with a slow smile, "I went skinny dipping drunk. I'd rather be drunk and full clothed or sober and naked but not both. Weird interests?"

Did he realize that he was driving her insane?

"Astrology. Love looking up horoscopes and reading signs and all that stuff. You?" She asked.

Taeyong pursed his lips in thoughts, "Feeding ducks. I know, I sound like a grandpa."

"Oh my god!" She said with a laugh, imagining him in a flat cap, sitting on a bench with a paper bag full of bird seeds, "That's so wholesome. Who's your hero?"

Taeyong's smile faltered a fraction before it melted into a wistful look, "My dad. Biggest fear?"

"Spiders. Or any bug that can crawl really fucking fast." She shivered at the thought of little legs twitching. 

Taeyong made a face, agreeing with her sentiment as she thought of a new question, "Pet peeve?"

"People who knowingly hurt other people. What about you?" He asked. 

She looked at her feet, "Being forced to do something just because people expect me to. I like doing what I want."

He grinned, "Explains a lot about you."

"Oh shut up!" She said with a laugh, nudging his arm. "What would you change about yourself if you could?"

He chewed on his lip, "I want to be more outgoing, like Jaehyun."

"I don't know," she said in thought, "I like your personality just fine the way it is."

His face flush and he averted his eyes but the way his lips curled hinted that he was flattered by the compliment. "What do you want to do after you graduate?"

"I'm looking to intern at a museum or something. Or maybe be a research assistant for a historian. I don't really know. I applied for a bunch of positions in and out of the country." She said as they walked along the spiral pathway.

Taeyong furrowed his brows, "Outside the country? You'd leave?"

"Um...yeah. Maybe." She said quietly, feeling a heavyweight tug down on her heart. She'd be away from him and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle it but she couldn't handle being near him when he wasn't in love with her either. And with them out in the real world, she couldn't deal with the possibility of him finding someone else, "I don't know, depends on what other options I have. You?"

He slipped his hands into his pockets trying to ignore the sinking in his stomach, "I didn't really apply out of the city. But I applied for some research assistant positions at some labs. It'd be weird if you left."

"Oh...why?" She asked softly.

He shrugged, "Gonna miss not seeing you every day."

"Already?" Her throat closed up, trying to sound lighthearted, 

"Yeah, you're already a good friend, what can I say? I grow attached fast. It's going to suck not being around you and not being able to figure out adulthood together next year." He said it so easily like it wasn't thick with unbridled emotions.

"At this point, you should just come out and say that you'll miss me." She quipped.

He tipped his head and stared at her, "Yeah, if you moved out of the country, I'd miss you."

Her smile froze as she dug her nails into her thigh. How was he saying such vulnerable things without knowing how much it affected her? He didn't even know how she'd pick an internship in the city if he asked her to. He didn't know how she wanted to spend the rest of her life by his side, "Really?"

"Yeah." He said with a grin, "I wish we met earlier so we could've gotten to know each other for longer."

She wondered if he could see the longing in her eyes because if it was strong as the longing in her chest, it must be clear as day, "Well, I haven't gotten any offers yet. Maybe I'll end up right here."

"That'd be nice." He said softly and her heart flipped, "But you should always do whatever is best for your future. Just because we're apart doesn't mean we won't be friends anymore, right?"

Haeun nodded, "Right." Of course, the Taeyong in this life still wanted her to chase after her dreams. He'd never be selfish enough to ask her to stay just for him. "We'll always find each other."

He let out a loud laugh and it was so beautiful that goosebumps pebbled across the skin on her arms. "Exactly. Even if you're in another country."

Oh, but how badly she wanted to stay.

\-----

“King Yoon Oh was pretty cool, by the looks of it.”

Haeun chuckled at Taeyong’s comment. They were tucked in the corner of a library working on their assignment. Conversation flowed easily between the two of them now, it was funny seeing Taeyong speak so highly of his best friend without even realizing it.

“Yeah?” She asked. 

Taeyong bopped his head, “Other leaders, no matter how good, have _some_ type of dirt on them but this guy was incredible. He turned down donations or gifts from other kingdoms that probably came with fine print. He rarely flaunted his own wealth and was always interacting with the townspeople of his kingdom.”

“Yeah, he really was an anomaly for a King, but none of this explains why he didn’t marry.” She said. 

Taeyong picked up some of the archival papers she had photocopied and flipped through them. He scanned each one before stopping at one in particular. “Look at this. It’s sort of like an interview with him.”

He handed her one page that had a picture of a painting of King Yoon Oh. 

It made her nostalgic, like seeing an old friend, even though she saw Jaehyun every day. His face was more defined and mature and he fit the Royal reds of his King’s robes so well. They weren’t as intricate as the robes he wore as a Prince, she remembered vaguely how his robe maker had stopped making his clothes and his father’s robe maker had taken over once he was King. 

She wished she had a picture of Taeyong when he was the King’s guard. 

He always aged so gracefully, only becoming stronger and more mature while retaining the gentle loveliness that always made her weak. She could tell that in a few years, he’d only look more devastatingly handsome. He was already sending her heart out of control when he’d run his fingers through his hair or give her slow smiles. 

Today alone, she’d find herself in a trance just watching him work.

“Look here, it says that he chose not to marry because he felt that marrying for the sake of forming alliances between states was wrong. He thought that any bride that he married just for that purpose would not become a Queen that would rule with the people’s best interest in mind.” Taeyong read. 

Haeun’s eyes widened, she didn’t know that about him, “Really?”

“Yeah and he was asked if there was a woman who would be a suitable Queen and he had said that a suitable Queen would be one that understood the people but that such sentiments, and I quote, _‘conflict with the values that are expected of royalty.’_ ” He read. 

She tilted her head, “What does that mean?”

“I think he was being vague on purpose just to be diplomatic. The rest of his quotes are on his policy and love for his people. I think it’s a comment on class. That Royalty is expected to only be people from the upper class. Like Nobels or sires.” He said. 

Haeun’s smiled wavered as anxiety clawed up her throat. She tried to choke out a reply, “We could use his quote and his decision to rule without a Queen as an example of how distinctly class was divided in that era. Then we can connect it to the rise of democracy which is supposed to be a system of government that is decided by the people.”

“That’s good. From a monarchy that gives power to people from a certain lineage to a democracy where people regardless of lineage decides who gets power.” His eyes sparkled, excited over their growing idea. “The working and ruling class still existed, but we can argue that King Yoon Oh helped dismantle a lot of it.”

She tried not to let the dark memories drown her in an attempt to keep her head above water. “Yeah, because of him, Noblemen lost all their power.”

The downside to vividly remembering past lives was that it wasn’t just the good memories that stayed with you.

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1889_ **

She should’ve known that today was going to be nothing but problems. 

It started when she knocked over a bowl of batter and splattered it all over her hair and clothes, so Haeun had to run up the stairs after the lunch rush to shower and change. Without having the chance to eat, she patted her hair dry, her stomach rumbling, when she heard a commotion from downstairs at the bakery.

Haeun dropped her towel on her bed and crept down the stairs. It sounded like someone was yelling and knocking things over. She cut through the kitchen and peeked around the door, her eyes widening at the sight in front of her. 

Her mother and Mark and holding each other, cowering behind the counter while her father tried calming the man down. He was older, overweight from the gluttony and greed. Based on the expensive robes and his many guards, he had to be a Noble. His face was flushed red, a vein straining against his neck as he screamed. A crowd was forming outside the shop, concerned townspeople watching from the doors and windows while the Nobleman’s guards stood motionless by the door. 

“How dare you!” He shouted, knocking over a display of bread, “You must think lowly of me. When the King requests cinnamon cakes you run to make it happen but when I ask, you’re all out?!”

Her father sighed, “Sir, it is not intentional, we have no more cinnamon and we haven’t gone to purchase more. It isn’t a personal attack against you, we simply cannot make any right now, even if we wanted. I assure you that if you come back tomorr—“

“Come back? You think someone as important as I, has the time to run back and forth according to you? Who do you think you are?!” He knocked over a stand holding muffins, “I will destroy this bakery so that you and your entire family are on the street. The King will not save you this time, I will personally make sure you that the King never frequents your shop ever again. You sewer rats will be right where you belong. Homeless, begging for mo—“

“That is enough!”

Everyone turned to Haeun, who stood behind her mother and Mark, hands trembling in anger. 

“Sweetheart, please don’t.” Her mother warned hurriedly. “It will only make it worse.”

Mark tried to hold her back, “Hae, don’t.”

She shook them off and stormed over to the Nobel, shielding her father, “This is an establishment, you have no right to cause a scene and damage our property. We cannot magically summon the cakes you would like, so either leave our shop or purchase something else.”

He scoffed, a disbelieving laugh, “You must be the famous unwed maiden. I can see now why no man would take you. You think you have the right to speak to me like that? I can buy your entire family to be my slaves.” 

“We’d rather be sewer rats.” She hissed. “You are nothing but a self-righteous, pompous fleabag who treats people like dirt when he doesn’t get what you want. Like a misbehaving child. We do not want to serve someone so pathetic. The absolute _gall_ that you come in here and insult my family and our business is sickening. It is not us that belong on the street but _you._ ” 

He sputtered intelligibly before growling and winding his arm back and striking her across her face. The pain exploded through her cheek as she stumbled back. She could hear her parents and Mark shout in worry. 

Fury could not describe what flowed through her. How dare a man like him lay a hand on her. She ignored the burning sting and spat in his face before yelling, “Go to hell.”

The man wiped his face with unbridled anger and fury. Her father reached for her, but before he could move her out of the way, the Nobleman grabbed a fist full of her hair and yanked. 

Haeun screamed and fell forward on her hands as he dragged her out by the hair. Her family ran out after her, trying to intervene, but his guards held them back. The crowd gasped and murmured as they watched him pull her to the middle of the square surrounded by people. 

“Look how docile and complacent you are now.” He growled with a harsh jerk, “Wouldn’t dare talk back now, would you?”

She glared up at him but groaned when he forcefully yanked on her hair. She could feel strands of her hair being ripped from their roots and her scalp hurt with every move.

“Now everyone will see what happens when you dare speak down to me!” He called out. 

Haeun looked over at her family with teary eyes, her mother was sobbing and screaming, her father and Mark looked anguished, trying to break past the guard, yelling for the man to stop, begging to give him anything to let her go. 

“No man wanted you before, I’ll make sure they’ll never want you after.” 

He tore off her robes and she shivered in just her underdress. Her mother’s screams only grew and even some of the townspeople were asking the Nobleman to let her go. Haeun tried to hang onto her robes, but he ripped it out of her hands and threw it aside. 

The Nobleman turned her on her chest and sat on her legs before brandishing a knife he had on his belt. 

“No!” Her father screamed and she had never heard him so pained before, “Please! Don’t.”

She didn’t know what he saw but before she could turn her neck, he held her head down and dragged his knife into her back. A scream ripped through her as the knife carved down to the base of her spine. Her entire back stung, the pain throbbing through her body as the blood-soaked through her underdress and down her body. The back of her dress was sliced open and only hung onto by the sleeves. She could feel the wetness her blood drown her and every time she shifted, the pain would slam her full force. 

Barely breathing, she heaved, tears streaked down her face as she whimpered, unable to move. Her head was foggy, vision fading in and out as her body went limp. The Nobleman stood and wiped his bloody blade on his clothes. 

“Bring her to the palace, the Royals will have her punished.”

\-----

Haeun barely regained consciousness when she was dragged through the palace by her arms and thrown in front of the King and Queen. She tried holding herself up by her hands, but the pain was unbearable and she fell forward, shaking.

“What is the meaning of this?!” The King boomed as he stood.

The Queen’s mouth dropped in shock as she stared at the limp form crumpled on the ground. The young woman looked familiar but her face was turned away. 

“Your Highness, this _despicable_ maiden has the audacity to disrespect and attack me in front of the townspeople. I ask that she be jailed and executed immediately.” He said. 

The King was stunned, “She attacked you? For what reason?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue. She just started yelling and then spat at me.” He accused. 

The Queen turned her head up, “Then why is she in front of us, bleeding to death?”

“I only retaliated to make sure the public knew that kind of behaviour is not tolerated.” He stated surely. 

The King and Queen shared uncertain looks as the Nobleman bowed.

“What is your decree, you Majesty?”

\-----

“Taeyong! Commander!”

Taeyong set his sword down, panting and sweating before looking in the direction of whoever interrupted his training. He never allowed a disruption while he trained unless it was a real emergency.

And his men definitely didn’t call him by his title unless they had to.

Turning with a scowl, he spotted Young Ho running in with Doyoung, dread evident on their faces. Immediately he was on high alert, his body tensing. “What’s wrong?”

Doyoung struggled to catch his breath, “We just saw a Nobleman bring Haeun into the King’s audience chambers.”

Taeyong’s eyes darkened in a way that caused Young Ho to flinch, “What for?”

“We’re not sure but, I don’t know if I saw it wrong, but Haeun looked injured. Severely.”

\-----

“Well, your Highness? What shall we do with this wretched wench?”

The Queen narrowed her eyes at the girl on the floor as she struggled to push herself up off the ground. She collapsed but turned her head to lock eyes with the Royalty. The Queen gasped and stood before the doors to the chambers slammed open, echoing through the palace halls. 

Everyone turned to see Taeyong storming into the room, his eyes darting around the room before landing on Haeun. His face set in a deadly lethal stare of a man who wanted to draw blood and see beads roll. 

He froze, mid-step causing Doyoung to ram into his back. His eyes were wide and breathing was shallow. He felt a cold rush envelope his entire system as his heart stopped beating and a foreign rage overrode his senses.

It was impossible.

There was no way that the heap of a woman on the floor, blood coating her back, struggling to move was Haeun. Haeun who smiled, laughed, and brought colourful vibrant energy wherever she went. There was no way that same Haeun was in front of him broken, bleeding, and terrified.

Suddenly all he could see was red as he slowly turned his head to lock eyes with the Nobleman. 

Ah yes, his head would look nice mounted on the wall of his private quarters.

“Haeun.” 

She whimpered and slowly turned to look at him, eyes tear-filled and scared, only confirming that the woman he loved more than life was barely able to speak.

Blood was dripping into small puddles around her body, like a sick halo. He was about to wreak havoc, making sure that no one left this room alive. Whoever dared to lay a finger on her would face wrath worse than the seven circles of hell.

Taeyong was deep in plotting his demise when the Nobleman scoffed. “The palace help knows her? Is she a mistress for the Prince?”

Taeyong growled, his fingers tight around his sword, ready to draw it, when the King interrupted, “Stand down, Guard Lee. Nobel Kim, I ask you to refrain from speaking so lowly of my son and _your_ future King. As for this young maiden, I find it hard to believe she attacked you unprovoked.”

“I was informed of what really happened.” Taeyong spoke, his voice so low and so dark that it was almost hard to hear him, “He had destroyed Nam’s Bakeshop because they didn’t have cinnamon cakes left.”

The Nobleman gulped and Taeyong’s gaze narrowed, “He said that he could make the King ruin them. Demanded he be treated the same as Royalty.” 

The King was aghast, “All this over pastries?” 

“She spat at me!” He yelled.

Doyoung cleared his throat, “Your own guards told us that she only did so…after you slapped her.”

“You did _what_?” Taeyong’s void was so devoid of emotion, so cold and callous that it made everyone flinch. His eyes were back at her form, he wanted to go to her, to take her away, soothe her shaking body and stop any pain she was feeling, but he wanted to square away the man who harmed her first.

The Nobleman sneered before walking up to Taeyong and poking him in the chest, “You’re a guard, this doesn’t involve you.”

Taeyong grabbed his wrist and twisting it, wishing he could just snap it clean off. His voice came out like a demonic animalistic growl, "The second you decided to touch Nam Haeun, you _made it_ my business."

The man yelped and something fell from under his robe. Doyoung lifted the small pouch and dumped the contents out in his hand before laughing incredulously. “Looks like our humble Nobel has been stealing Royal coins. Were you planning to pawn these off?”

“Wh—“

“Last I checked, stealing from the Royal family is against the law and is considered high treason.” Young Ho added.

Haeun’s breathing was growing more and more laboured and it was running Taeyong’s patience thin. “Your Highness, do we have your permission to jail him and let Haeun free? She is growing weak and if I'm around this man any longer, I may do something I'd regret.”

“Jail me?! You are nothing but a guard. How dare you suggest suc—“

“Yes, Taeyong, you have my permission. The Queen and I will discuss his charges. Get him out of my face.” The King ordered.

Taeyong nodded at Doyoung and Young Ho, “Take him, I’ll bring her to the healer.”

They took the Nobleman away, his yells falling on deaf ears as Taeyong rushed to Haeun. She was curled up, face pale, back drenched in blood. Her hands were cold and her body was shaking, “Sunflower? I’ve got you.”

She just groaned in response as he lifted her carefully in his arms, the sleeves of his robes drenched in her blood as he raced out of the audience chambers and into the healer’s chambers.

Tears were pricking his eyes. Her body was limp in his arm, her eyes fighting to stay open. "Just stay with me a little while longer."

“What the gods happened to her?”

He set her carefully on the bed so that she was on her stomach, “Qian, can you help her? She’s lost a lot of blood.”

“I’ll have to stitch her up and stop the bleeding. She’ll struggle with regaining energy for a while and moving about, but I’m sure I can manage it.” He said while inspecting the wound and amount of blood. 

Taeyong nodded, his throat growing tight, “Please do whatever it takes.”

He looked over at him, surprised by the emotion heavy in his eyes and the thick crack in his voice, “I will, Taeyong.”

When the healer turned his back to gather his tools, Taeyong leaned down on his knees and caressed her head as she blinked heavily, “You’re going to be okay, sunflower. You’re safe now.”

She whimpered, tears slipping down her cheeks, “Don’t go.”

“I need to, Haeun, but I’ll be right outside, the healer needs room to work on you. I will never be too far.” He murmured, his eyes soothing her nerves. Truthfully, he didn't think he could stomach watching Kun sew her skin up or witness the depth of her cut.

She panted, each breath a struggle, “I’m scared.”

He pressed his lips against her forehead while his fingers stroked her skin, “You have nothing to be afraid of, sunflower. You’ll be perfectly fine and I will come see you once you’re better. You are so strong, you will be okay and you are in the best hands. I will send word back to your family.”

“Taeyong, I need to get started.”

He brushed his fingers against her cheek and kissed her forehead one more time, “Remember, I will be right out the door waiting for you.”

\-----

Taeyong shut the door and found Doyoung and Young Ho standing outside with a bow.

“How is he?” He asked. 

Doyoung straightened, “He’s in a cell and the King and Queen are discussing appropriate punishments.”

“He’s causing a fuss but I’m sure he’ll tire himself out. Do you want to visit him?” Young Ho said with a quirked brow and devious smirk. 

Taeyong’s face twisted, “No, if I were to go down there, I wouldn’t come back until he shed just as much blood as he made her.”

“He’d deserve it.” Doyoung quipped. 

Taeyong shook his head, “What he deserves is to suffer, and murdering him quickly will not achieve that. He deserves to starve and rot in that cell. Inform Haeun’s family of her status. She’s being treated by the healer as we speak. We will keep her here until she’s healthy and will bring her back to her house. Her family is free to come to see her whenever they need.” Taeyong ordered.

\-----

A few hours had passed and Taeyong had stationed himself in front of the door, seated on the floor waiting for Kun to allow him to see her.

He stared at the cuff of his robe, soaked in dried blood. Her blood. Closing his eyes, Taeyong felt his hands tremble. Her body felt so cold and jittery when he held her, lacking the life and heat that always drew him into her. Even his hands were stained with her blood.

His stomach was sick at that the thought of the pain and humiliation she must’ve felt being thrown around and hurt by a man who thought his title meant that he could abuse his power. Taeyong only wished he could’ve gotten to her sooner, long before she was hauled in here like a common criminal. 

“I heard! I heard! I’m so sorry!”

Taeyong looked up to see Jaehyun running towards him while holding a towel. “I can’t believe that happened to her. That gutter scum. I’ll make sure my parents show him no mercy. How is she?”

Jaehyun took the wet towel and used it to wipe down Taeyong’s bloody hands. “Kun has been working on her wounds, it was the length of her spine. I’ve been here, waiting.”

“And how are you doing?”

“Not nearly as well as I look.” He said quietly, “You should’ve seen her, Jaehyun. It was like she was barely hanging onto life. I—I never want to see her like that again.”

Jaehyun let out a long breath, “I know. I'm sure you will never let it happen again. It makes you consider how short our lives are and how we shouldn’t waste time on things we’d regret not doing.”

The door opened and Taeyong scrambled to stand as Kun stepped out, blood covering his robes as he cleaned his hands, “She’s okay. I’ve given her some medicine to ease the pain but she is a little loopy. She will need a lot of rest but for now, no permanent damage aside from the scarring.”

“Can I go see her?” He asked. He was seconds away from climbing over Kun just to get into the room.

Kun smiled knowingly before stepping aside, “Of course.”

\-----

“Hi, sunflower.”

Haeun was tucked under a blanket on her stomach wearing spare robes. Her underdress was in a bloodied heap in the corner of the room. Seeing it made him nauseous. Her back was bandaged and her arm hung limply off the side of the bed. 

“Yong.” She slurred with a delirious smile when she spotted him. 

He sighed in relief and sat down next to her, taking her outstretched hand in his. His heartfelt fuller when her hand was warm. Overcome with emotion, he brought her hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, smoothing his other hand over hers. 

She smile was wide, “First it hurt but then Kun gave me something to eat and now I feel good. So, so, soooo good. Like I’m floating.”

“I’m incredibly happy you’re okay.” He whispered, “You really scared me when I was told you were injured. I’m so sorry this happened to you but that man will never hurt you again.”

She slipped her hand out of his grasp and he stayed still as she mapped his face out with her fingers, “M'sorry I scared you, Yong. My Yong.”

He smiled softly, his eyes coming back to life as he melted under her touch, “Yong? The little feline?”

“No. You.” She said, brushing her fingers against his lips, “My Yong.”

He was a little breathless. “Yours?”

“Mmmm. All mine.” She mumbled while watching him. “Am I yours?”

He nodded without hesitating. He was fully swooning, “You’re all mine.”

“I’m a lucky girl, then.” She said with a grin. 

He matched her, “And I’m a lucky man.”

“Thank you for coming.” She said, drowsy. 

He smoothed his palm over the back of her head, a gentle caress. “I’ll always find you, sunflower.”

“Can you kiss me on the head again?” She slurred. 

A stunned laughed escaped him before he acquiesced. He got up out of his seat and leaned over her before pressing his lips tenderly against her forehead. 

She sighed, satisfied before closing her eyes, “I love you, Yong.”

It was like the air was knocked out of him as he stared at her, thunderstruck. He could hear those words played again and again in his head and long after he woke the next morning. It was the sweetest sound to ever grace him. His heart was singing and his blood rushed to his head. Sparks flickered up and down his body like an array of small fireworks being set off to the beat of his heart.

He wanted to ask her to say it over and over until her throat was sore, but she was so sleepy and definitely clouded with medicine that perhaps that was an unintended slip of the tongue. He’d like her to whisper those words again when she was of sound mind and he’d like the chance to say it back to her.

A soft knock on the door broke his focus and Kun appeared, “Haeun’s family is here.” 

Taeyong stood and bow when they rushed in and sat by her side. Her father turned to him, teary-eyed, “The guard that brought us said that you had intervened and saved her.”

“The King and Queen wouldn’t have punished her anyway.” He said with a modest bow.

Her mother came up to him and cupped his face. His eyes were wide at the pleasant touch of her hands and the overflowing love of a mother, “But they listened because of you. Thank you for protecting my girl.”

Taeyong was speechless as she moved back to Haeun’s side and picked up her hand.

“She will have to stay here for a few days to fully heal before she can move on her own. Sending her back by carriage would cause her too much discomfort.” Kun explained. 

Her father looked uneasy, “Will the Royals allow her to stay? We don’t want to be disrespectful.”

“Nonsense.” Taeyong said, “She is more than welcome to stay until she’s better, it would not be disrespectful. I will personally make sure she’s okay here.”

Her mother began to cry, “Thank you, thank you.” 

“What about the man who did this to her?” Her father asked while wiping his eyes.

Taeyong’s jaw locked, “He’s been jailed for the assault and for other crimes. He will not be harassing you or her.”

“Thank the Gods.” Her father whispered. 

Mark’s bloodshot eyes caught his own and mouthed a _thank you_. Taeyong nodded, lingering for a bit until he left them alone for Kun to explain her prognosis. 

He walked through the palace, dazed and little overwhelmed. 

_‘I love you, Yong.’_

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Taeyong and Haeun spent the rest of the day finalizing research and putting into writing.

Time flew as they buried themselves under the books and notes, most of the library had cleared out and when Haeun looked up from her laptop to ask Taeyong something, her fingers hovered over her keyboard.

His head was rested over his textbook, his arm outstretched. 

She glanced over at his laptop only to find his entire portion of the paper written and completed. He must’ve been done ages ago but he had stayed and waited for her even though he was tired when he could've left as soon as he was finished. 

Closing her laptop, Heiran leaned her head on her book and watched Taeyong as he slept, his lips parted in steady breaths. It reminded her of every lifetime when no matter who or where they were when she’d wake up in bed next to her looking at her full of love. Smiling, she closed her eyes and waited until the librarian would wake them up to tell them they were closing. 

Until then she was content being so near. 

_‘I love you, Yong.’_

\-----

“So what do we have so far?” She asked Mark as they sat on her bed together. 

Mark looked at the notes he had written, “You, me, Minyoung, Yenna, Sora, and Yuta are the only ones that remember. That the reason we only remember is because we all knew you before we knew Taeyong. We have textbook proof that our previous lives existed in this lifetime. And last but not least, something is stopping Taeyong and all of his friends from even _recognizing_ Prince Jaehyun. Did I miss anything?”

“No, I think you got everything. Where does this leave us?” She asked as she stretched her legs out. 

Mark pursed his lips, “You’re the common denominator. Maybe we need to find more people that knew you before Taeyong and see what they know. We could piece something together. Maybe we can try calling your parents tomorrow. They might be useful.” 

“You know, we don’t even really know why these reincarnations happen to us. What was so significant about mine and Taeyong’s relationship that we are always reborn and that I remember our past lives only after Taeyong triggers something. Because this isn’t normal. People don’t just get reincarnated countless times and remember all their lives. So why us?” Haeun said while chewing on her lip.

Mark let out a heavy sigh, “I mean, you guys are soulmates. You find each other no matter what.”

“Is it really that simple?” She murmured, “Or are we just romantics?”

Mark shook his head, “Well, if there’s information about our lives in the Joseon Dynasty, there must be information about our other lives, hell, there might even be information about what might’ve caused this entire spiral.”

Haeun nodded, determined, “We need to do more digging.”

“It just sucks that we never know what Taeyong’s thinking if he’s remembering anything or getting flashbacks.” Mark said. 

Haeun gulped and felt tears itching up, “I know. Talking to him or being around him is like walking around a pitch dark room hoping you’re going in the right direction.”

“It’ll be okay, Haeun. This is fate. It will all come together. We need to trust it.”


	11. Eleven

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“Here it all is, your skating trophies, his hockey team wins, the lease to his vet clinic, his bar, the companies you both worked for, and every other life you lived. We have proof of it all.” Mark whispered in disbelief. 

They were at the archival library, piecing together the proof of their past lives and it was a lot more fruitful than she thought. It had taken a lot of searching but somehow they managed to create a whole picture.

“I can’t believe this.” She said, stunned. "We have evidence that multiple universes exist simultaneously. We have a bunch of different lives all taking place in the same year. How has this just been sitting in the public archives and no one noticed?"

Mark stared at the expanse of papers in front of him, "Because no one's looking into the life of a regular girl. Or maybe, like Taeyong, when people who don't remember their past lives look at all these documents, they don't see the same girl and guy somehow living nearly 100 different lives all at the same time. Maybe, just like how Taeyong doesn't see Jaehyun's face in that textbook, they see different faces when they look at these archives."

"Fuck. This entire thing is so messed up." She muttered, "It's like we discovered the secrets of the universe."

Mark snorted before raising a brow,"Do we show this to him? He might actually believe us.”

“And say what? You’re reincarnated, here are your past lives, everyone remembers except you and your friends, oh and also we’re in love.” Haeun said bitterly, “It’s too soon to say anything.”

“And your parents still aren’t picking up the phone?” He asked. 

She nodded, “I think they’re still at work.”

Mark sagged and stared at all the documents in front of him, “I can’t believe we could never find this before. Why were we able to find it now when Taeyong can’t remember anything?”

“I have no idea.” She muttered. 

He looked over at her, “Any luck on your end?”

“Not really. I’m looking into the Jung Regime. There’s mention of the rebel attacks and political uprisings that were occurring at the time. I remember being scared whenever Taeyong had to accompany the Royal Family out of the Kingdom’s borders. There were rumors of a coup after the Nobleman’s jailing. And lastly, the King and Queen had limited trade with a neighboring kingdom. Other than that, nothing really stands out.” She sighed, tiredly.

She rubbed her eyes before closing the book, “Okay think. This has to do with our past lives, why else would we have proof of them for the first time? So, is there anything you can remember from our past lives that connect them to each other? You know, other than me and Taeyong recognizing each other.”

Mark squeezed his eyes shut and raked his brain before letting out a loud breath, “No, all of our lives were different and there were a lot of inconsistencies. The core aspects of us were the same like his dad dying, Jaehyun being single, my parents not being present and stuff like that. But the rest of our lives played out a little differently based on our circumstances. You were rich when you worked at that big company, you were middle-class when you had that bakery, you were a famous athlete in another.”

“Yeah, and the same went for you and the rest of our friends. We had different problems and different successes in each life. Like a normal person.” She muttered.

“Wait.” Mark said, “There’s one reoccurrence, none of us would remember anything until you and Taeyong did. You two were always the catalyst.”

She made a sound, “That doesn’t help us, though. All that tells us is that me and Taeyong are at the heart of this glitch and we still don’t know why.”

"Excuse me?"

Haeun and Mark looked over at an older woman, looking in her 50s, standing by their table. She had a name stage pinned to her shirt and Haeun recognized her as the Archive Manager. "You dropped this book."

"I don't think that's ours." 

The woman peered at her from over her glasses, "You two are the only ones here and this book wasn't on the ground before you got here, so I'm guessing that _y_ _es,_ it is."

Haeun was taken aback by the curt tone and just decided to take the book from her. Mark scratched the back of his head, "Maybe that's one of the ones we took out from the library. We brought a bunch, we probably just didn't recognize it."

The woman grumbled and walked away while Haeun surveyed the cover. Mark peered over her shoulder, “What is it?”

"Looks like something about old folklore." She mumbled. Mark nodded and busied himself with the timeline he was drawing. Haeun had given up after Mark started color coding and making Venn diagrams. Her life was complicated enough without trying to make sense of how everything lined up and co-existed. 

She hummed and continued to skim through the book until something stood out. “The Lover’s Curse.”

“Huh?”

“There’s a story here called The Lover’s Curse. It’s about soulmates who are born every century who live the most romantic love story but are then torn apart due to a great sacrifice or devastating incident.” She read out loud, her breathing catching short. 

Mark gulped nervously, “How does it end?”

Her hands shook, “With them accepting their fate of eternal heartbreak."

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1889_ **

Over the last few days, Haeun had spent in the healer’s work quarters, resting and recovering. Her bandages were often replaced as her wound was cleaned. After a while, the pain evaporated and was replaced with simple discomfort. 

Eventually she was able to sit up. She stared at the mirror placed across the room and slowly unwound the bandages before turning her back and looking over her shoulder at the scar down the length of her spine. She winced, it was a harsh line, lighter than the rest of her skin, puckered and rubbery. It made her feel sick and look imperfect. At least she could hide it under her robes, but if anyone was ever to see her bare…

A knock on the door had her quickly pulling her robes back over her shoulders and knotting the belt. “Come in.”

Taeyong stepped through with a gentle smile and bouquet of sunflowers in a vase. “You’re sitting up. That’s so good to see.”

He walked over and handed the flowers to her outstretched hands, “And how are you feeling?”

“Much better. Thank you for these. They are beautiful. Do you think the Queen will start to notice the missing patches?” She asked, touching the silken petals.

He pulled a little stool next to her bed and chuckled, “She’s started to notice, but she’s more than happy as long as they are going to you.”

She gaped, “I can’t believe the Queen is making me an exception.”

Taeyong found out shortly afterward that Haeun didn’t remember anything from the medicine induced haze. She hadn’t remembered the words she had gently cooed at him or the uninhibited touch that she graced upon his face. 

“Are you excited to go back home?” He asked. At the rate she was healing, it’d only be another day or two until she would be healthy enough for the ride home.

Her smile faltered before nodding, “Yup!”

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

She tried shaking her head, “Nothing.”

“Sunflower.” He murmured while reaching up to cup her cheek tenderly. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Her eyes dropped to the flowers in her lap and chewed nervously on her lip, “Going home means my mother will ask to see the scar on my back. It will upset her and although she’ll never tell me directly, I know she will feel like everyone in my town will see me as less than perfect, less than whole now they all witnessed what the Nobleman did to me."

“Can I see?” He blurted. 

Her eyes widened and her face flushed with a red blush, “I would have to take my robe and underdress completely off…isn’t that a bit…intimate.”

“Of course!” He said hurriedly. He stood and backed up, nearly knocking the stool over, “Of course it is! I apologize, that was incredibly inappropriate and vulgar of me. Please don’t take offense, I don’t know what I was thinking when I as—“

“Okay.” She whispered. 

His eyes were almost comically large, “N-No, Haeun. Please, I’ve pressured you and made you uncomfortable, you don—“

“I want to.” She said, her eyes on her lap, “My future husband will see me bare one day, I guess I should be used to someone seeing me. You can give me a man’s opinion.”

“Haeun.” He said pleaded.

She smiled calmly and turned her back to him before sliding her robes down her shoulders. His breath was trapped in his lungs when smooth skin came into view. His throat dried when she pulled the straps of her underdress off and let the fabric pool around her waist. The soft curve of her hip, the slope of her shoulders and expanse of her back had him spiralling. She hugged her chest and peered at him over her shoulder. 

“May I?” He asked, his hand reaching towards her. 

Gulping, she nodded and gasped when his cool fingers traced down the curve of her spine, over her scar. A shiver trembled through her as he reached her lower back.

“You are so beautiful.”

He almost sounded pained, like the sight of her skin anguished him as he followed the path of her scar again. “Taeyong.”

“No.” He mumbled, his breath near her the nape of her neck, “You have always been beautiful. And you always will be. I dream of you, I miss you constantly and you will make a worthy man so incredibly happy.”

She sighed, her eyes slipping shut when his lips pressed against the base of her neck. “You are not less than perfect.” His hand curled around her naked waist, “You are the personification of it.”

Heat curled through her body, starting at the pit of her stomach before she let herself be brought back down from the sky and to earth, “Taeyong now that I am better able to walk, can you come somewhere with me?”

“Of course, sunflower.” He mumbled lowly. 

He pulled his hands off of her and stepped away so that she could pull her clothes back on. Her heat still lingering on her palms. When she was ready, he was by her side, letting her hook her arm through his and she led them through the palace. Many of the staff were staring and a few greeted the two of them with knowing smiles but she had become used to it. The sun had set and little lanterns were lit to illuminate the palace grounds. There was a light breeze that caused the plum trees to shed of its petals, floating through the air and caressing passerbys. 

Haeun led them back to the Queen’s garden, the space that had unofficially become their not-so-secret meeting spot and looked up at the starry sky. 

“I’ve been doing some thinking even before the Nobleman attacked me. Ever since that night you took me to the hill, I’ve been distracted with what you had said to me then.” She said while reaching for his hand. 

He relished her grip, firm and steady, “I didn’t mean to burden you with my fe—“

“No, Taeyong. Let me finish.” She said with a coaxing smile. 

He nodded and leaned against him, “I realized that I felt conflicted between you and my dreams. I wanted both but felt like I had to choose. Maybe I’m being greedy, but I don’t want one or the other. I don’t want to wait until I’ve lived my dreams before being able to be with you. I want to live my dreams with you next to me. I want to do both at the same time.”

Taeyong felt his heart tumble and he moved closed to her, drawn to each other, “I want to love you and see the world and meet interesting people and read fascinating books. I want to do it all with you. Together.”

“Oh, sunflower.” He said with a dazed smile, “are you sure?”

She smiled up at him, tears filling her eyes, “I am sure. B-But marriage…”

“We can wait.” He said, releasing her hand and looping his arms around her waist, bringing her to him, “I will wait until you’re ready. I’ll spend the time until then just loving you, it will be time well spent.”

“But what does this make us? We are not engaged or married.” She said unsurely. 

He leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes spilling love, utterly captivated by her, “Let’s tell people I’m officially wooing you.”

“But you’ve already wooed me.” She mused with a playful smile. 

His laugh was raspy as he tightened his grip around her. She gently rested her hands on his shoulders and he never wanted to let go, “Then, tell your parents you’ve found a prospect and that they need not search for any more suitors."

“Hmm, that sounds nice.” She whispered as she tilted her head up at him. "They don't need to look for a suitor because I've found one."

He swayed her lightly, “I want to spend my life next to you and I want to wake up beside you. I long for you even when I’ve just seen you. I yearn for your most innocent touch and daydream of when we’re alone together. I care so deeply for you and doing so brings me so much joy. I am lucky to simply be in your presence.” 

“My soul rests easy with you, Taeyong.” She said, pushing up on her toes.

His eyes fluttered as he tilted his head and let his lips hover over hers, “I love you, sunflower.”

“I love you, darling.” She mumbled before kissing him. 

It was everything that she thought it would feel like. 

Her heart leaped to her throat and every bone and muscle in her body turned to mush. It was as if she wouldn’t be able to stand on her feet if it wasn’t for his arm holding her up. His lips were like home and they moved like they had kissed each other a million times before. The kiss was slow, almost leisurely, like he was in no rush to feel her and wanted to savor the feeling for as long as possible. 

Her tongue grazed his lip and they pulled back just long enough for him to tilt his head and part his lips so she could lick her way into his mouth. The fit of her mouth against his, the taste of her surely lingering on his tongue until the next time they kiss, made him crave this intimacy for the rest of his life. She was greedy for him, her hands and lips pressing ardently against him as if she feared for the end of the world.

His hand glided along the side of her neck, fingers sweeping across her nape to lead her into a third, fourth kiss, holding her gently as the kiss grew firmer. The sensation was just as tender, so sweet and honest that it was starting to feel unreal. 

Surely, this had to be a dream; a figment of her imagination. 

“Sunflower…” he whispered while panting. Definitely not a dream. “We need to stop because you are beautiful and I am a horribly weak, _weak_ man.”

“You don’t seem so weak, Guard Lee.” She purred, eyes dark with something breathtaking. There was a fire in her that left him speechless and so helplessly in love.

He groaned, deep and gravelly when she leaned into him, her mouth sinking into his. She felt so perfect, her lips rosy and inviting, it should punishable for a single person to be so enticing. She sunk her teeth into his bottom lip as he pulled back and it made him mildly delirious. 

“You make me wonderfully weak and I will not survive at this rate.”

Her eyes were unfocused and he thought perhaps, that he could run away with her somewhere where they can spend the entire day with their lips locked.

“But I’ve spent so long wishing to kiss you.” She mumbled. 

He let out a stunned breathed before brushing his nose adoringly against hers. “Then…just once more.”

He ducked his head and slipped his hands around her waist and drew her impossibly closer, nipping playfully at her lips before slanting his mouth over hers, breathing her in as his fingers skimmed along the curve of her spine. 

The path his hands took was more meaningful, a gentle reminder of the scar he had seen and how little it did to dissuade him from her. She sighed into him, her own hands trailing up his arms and down his chest before they looped around his neck. 

“I’m.” Kissed. “All.” Kissed. “Yours.” He murmured. 

She giggled against his mouth until he was smiling with her. Their grins pressed against each other.

“You don’t know how happy you’ve made me, Haeun.” He muttered. “Thank you for letting me love you.”

She shook her head with a dubious smile before kissing him sweetly, “I love you.”

“When the day comes that we marry and you decide that residing in the palace is unenjoyable, then I will make arrangements. If you want to spend every minute by the bakery then I will make sure to order extra for my men. Our marriage will not just be on my terms.” He affirmed. 

She rested against his chest and craned her neck back to gaze into his eyes with so much adoration that he swore she was trying to swindle him out of his house and home. “Our marriage will not just be on my terms either. It will be on _our_ terms. We are lovers but we are also partners.” 

He laughed incredulously like it still didn’t sink in just how unbelievably amazing this woman was and how she had loved him back.

“You are the best thing to happen to me and if I am reborn, I pray that I fall in love with you every single time, sunflower.”

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“Taeyong, I think…”

He looked over at her, eyebrow raised. They were in his room, he was on the bed and she was at his desk working on their assignment, putting together their individual parts into one well-flowed paper. 

She had left Mark earlier that day, the folktale made her anxious. It was eating her up, the idea that there might not be a solution to whatever anomaly this lifetime had created. There was no way she could stomach just _accepting_ that Taeyong would never remember her and that he would never love her the way that she loved him. 

She was never going to stop fighting for them.

Their heartbreak was _not_ going to be eternal. She refused the notion.

Desperate, she had called him up and suggested working on the project just as an excuse to see him. She needed his face to ease her worries.

“You think?” He prompted.

She spun on his chair and faced him with a pout, “I think my brain has given up.”

He snorted, looking at the papers scattered around him, “Same here. Somehow I thought this was going to be a lot easier.” 

Haeun looked around his room, curious. His walls were a warm blue, his bed looked soft and she could almost imagine him buried under blankets, trying not to wake up in the morning. Other than that, he had a tall bookshelf filled with his textbooks and folders and his desk. He didn’t have much on it aside from some pictures of him and the frat brothers. But it was a cozy space.

“Wanna take a break?” He asked. 

She faced him and nodded enthusiastically, “Please.”

They hung out in the frat’s living room, watching something on tv while talking about their classes before they moved to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

“How are you and your frat even still alive?” She gaped as she shut another empty cabinet.

Taeyong huffed, “We mainly eat out, I guess. One of the guys is in culinary arts but he cooks all day that he told us that he’d never cook for us. Not even toast.”

Laughing, she started gathering some ingredients she found, “Well, I can help you there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll show you how to make your own bread. It’ll change your life, then you can make sandwiches and paninis. Plus this bread is so good, you’ll want to just eat it plain.” She said while dumping things on the counter. 

Taeyong started panicking, fluttering around her nervously, “I’m a cooking grenade bomb. I’ve burnt a pot trying to boil water before, nearly setting Jaehyun’s kitchen on fire once.” 

She laughed at the image of him frantic and fumbling over a stove, “Well, this is easy, I can get you the recipe, even people clumsy in the kitchen can make it. Just follow along.”

He watched intently as she took bowls out and measured dry ingredients and pouring them together. “Can you get me the butter?” 

Taeyong rushed to pull it out and hand it to her. “How are you doing this by memory?”

“My dad used to make it for me when I was a kid. I don’t think I ever had store-bought bread in my life. He made everything and once I was old enough to use the stove, I started making all the recipes he did. It’s second nature.” She said while stirring in the butter into the dough. 

He leaned against the counter and watched her work, her hands moving naturally, “That’s sweet. I was never taught anything like that. I had to learn how to do a lot of stuff on my own, cooking included. I can’t make anything from scratch.”

She pointed to a jar, “Open the honey, please. Your parents aren’t big on cooking?”

He twisted the lid off and handed it to her with a wry smile, “Something like that. You’re really good at this.”

Dusted flour on the counter before dropping the dough on the counter. She looked over at him, concerned at how quickly he changed the subject. He always did that when he wanted to avoid answering questions that made him uncomfortable. 

“Well, baking is a lot like chemistry, right?” She said. 

He hummed, amused, “I guess you’re right, just doesn’t taste as good.”

She smiled and kneading the dough until it was smooth. She then stepped aside and nodded at him, “Your turn.”

“I don’t know, it looks like you’re doing a good job so far, Haeun. Do you really want me to ruin it?” He said, eyeing it wearily.

She grabbed his wrists and brought them to the dough before letting him sink his fingers into it, “Come on, it’s not hard. Just massage and fold.” 

He looked unnerved but he followed her instructions and continued folding the dough, feeling more confident with each of her praises. 

“There’s something about baking that’s so therapeutic and satisfying. Everything about baking is nice, delicate, sweet, pretty. It’s just so calming. Cooking is therapeutic too but for me, it’s the sizzling and frying that feels too chaotic. Baking is lighter. It helps me clear my head.” She felt like she was rambling but all the emotions from when they first met were coming back. She didn’t bake often but when she did, it made her understand her father a bit better.

Taeyong’s hands were moving with more fluidity, “Do you still bake?”

She smiled sadly to herself, “No, it feels like lifetimes ago since I last baked.”

“And it’s satisfying to see how good they look?” He asked.

She leaned her hip against the counter, “Yeah but also it’s just rewarding to see something you made from start to finish. Even if I feel like my entire life is falling apart, I can look at a chocolate cupcake and think _I made that._ ”

His hands slowed and he turned to look at her, “That sounds really nice.”

“I’ll take over.” She said before gently nudging him aside, “Go wash your hands.”

Taeyong followed her instructions, deep in thought. Haeun brushed her hair off her face and continued kneading the dough a little bit longer before molding it into a proper loaf shape. 

Distracted with creating the perfect shape, she hadn’t noticed Taeyong dry his hands before stationing himself next to her. Satisfied with the shape, she lifted the loaf and turned to show it to him when he reached forward and dragged his thumb against her cheek. She stilled, her heart-stopping when he dragged it back and forth a few more times. When she looked at him, his eyes were trained on her cheek, almost like he wasn’t paying attention to anything else. 

Once he caught her stare, he pulled his hand back and cleared his throat, “Sorry, you had some flour on your…face.”

“O-Oh, thanks.” She stuttered. She stepped back quickly but her heel slipped on spilled flour. Haeun gasped and dug into her fingers the dough while struggling to find balance when Taeyong’s hand gripped her around the waist. 

He pulled her upright with a more force than needed and ended up with her pressed up to his chest. He licked his lips, his fingers tightening around her hip as his eyes darted around her face.

God, Haeun was pretty. She had a beautiful smile and her eyes never tried to hide anything. They shine brightly and were always open and honest and reminded him of little ge—

“Taeyong?” She whispered because her voice had no power to be any louder with how he was looking at her. 

His eyes darted to her lips before the oven beeped and sent them sailing away from each other. 

“Sorry. Sorry!” He said louder, backing off.

Her eyes were wide and her breathing was uneven. She could still feel the heat in his grip and press of his fingertips. “I-It’s alright.” 

She turned, quickly, and placed the loaf on a lined baking sheet before distracting herself with the oven. Sliding it in, she fiddled with the timer before turning back to him with a shaky smile, “In 2 hours, prepare to have your life changed.”

\-----

“You swear this is just bread?” 

Haeun laughed, she was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter, slathering butter on a piece of warm bread next to Taeyong who was sitting on the edge, his feet swinging, doing the same. “You saw me make it. Flour, yeast, honey, and some other boring stuff. 100% carb-y, dough-y good breadness.” 

“It just doesn’t make sense.” He said taking a bite, “it’s so fucking good.”

Her shoulders shook at how wide and disbelieving his eyes were, “How’s your world?”

“Totally changed. Sliced bread tastes like garbage in comparison.” He said. 

She waved her finger at him, “Now imagine this but with olive oil.”

“That should be illegal.” He deadpanned. “I’m sorry, I still think there’s cocaine in this. You’re lying that it was flour.”

She burst out laughing just as a group of frat brothers walked into the kitchen. 

Kun dropped his bag and stared at them his eye twitching, “What…did you do…to my kitchen?”

“We used it. Since you refuse to.” Taeyong said, picking up another slice.

Doyoung snorted, “Why are you so mad, you don’t even cook for us Kun.”

“I have to cook for like 7 hours a day for class, I don’t want to come home and cook for another 3—is that bread? Did you use my yeas—“

Taeyong grabbed Kun by the back of his neck and shoved a piece into his mouth. She watched in anticipation as he chewed and swallowed. A thoughtful minute passed before he narrowed his eyes at Taeyong, “There’s no way you made this.”

“You can thank Haeun.” He said, winking at her.

Kun dropped to his knees his head hanging low, “I spent 8 years and thousands of dollars studying cooking and she makes the best bread I’ve ever tasted as a fun side hobby.”

Haeun cracked up as the other boys started taking pieces. Taeyong scrunched his nose up in distaste, “Why are you hooligans acting like you haven’t eaten all day? This is _ours_.”

Ours.

She liked the sound of that. 

“The recipe is yours.” She whispered. 

He smiled until Kun grabbed his ankle, desperation on his face, “Please share it with me.” 

“Fuck, this taste so good,” Johnny said with his mouthful. “Kun, please start cooking for us, I forgot what real food tastes like.”

Kun snapped, “You guys don’t appreciate me enough!”

The bickering started, the boys alternating between fighting with each other and stuffing their mouths full of bread. Haeun enjoyed the ruckus but Taeyong tapped her and pointed up the stairs. She bit her lip and nodded before jumping off the counter and running up the stairs, undetected. 

“From now on, we only bake at your place,” Taeyong muttered before flopping down on the bed. 

Her heart flipped but she tried to hide her emotions, “Sure, but Mark has the stomach of all your brothers combined.” 

“Anything is better than those animals.” He grumbled as he opened his laptop.

She sat by his desk, wishing she could curl up next to him in bed, “Do you want to keep baking?”

He gave her a shy smile, “We don’t have to, but…I’d like to learn, so if you ever have free time or the next time you divide to bake something, can you call me over?”

“I promise.” She said, opening her own laptop. “But I swear, when you start baking on your own, Kun’s going to have an existential crisis.”

\-----

“Dude, what the fuck, it’s 2AM.” Jaehyun muttered when he came down the stairs later that night and found the kitchen lights turned on and the smell of dough rich in the air. 

Taeyong was crouched in front of the oven and looked over at him, “You’re awake too.”

“Yes, because I am dead inside and time isn’t real. Also, I’m here for more coffee. What’s your excuse? Wait—are you baking?” Jaehyun said, bewildered, before sitting down next to him. “No offence, dude, you suck at cooking.”

Taeyong laughed quietly as not to disturb anyone, “Yeah, I know. But it’s actually turning out nice.”

“Hold on, did you make that bread that everyone was talking about? They kept eating it, I had to make sure no one baked weed into it.” Jaehyun asked. 

Taeyong pursed his lips, “Haeun was here earlier, she made some when we got hungry.”

“Huh…didn't know she was still into baking. So, I’m guessing you guys are like friends now?” Jaehyun asked. 

His lips hitched and Jaehyun found himself mimicking the gesture, “Yeah, I think we are.”

“Good for you, man. I’m happy you’re letting more people in.” Jaehyun said, squeezing his shoulder.

Taeyong’s smile fell a fraction, “Yeah, I guess.”

“No. You’re not going to get all up in your own head about this. She’s a good person. She’s trustworthy. Period. End of sentence. End of train of thought. Keep doing this. Keep seeing her. Keep showing her who you are.” Jaehyun said firmly. "She'll make you so happy."

Taeyong’s face morphed into a serene look, “I know.”

“Who knows, maybe your whole aversion to dating in your last semester might change. Maybe you’ll actually find someone you want to be with.” 

Taeyong said nothing and just stared at the bread. Jaehyun made a face, “Where did you even learn to do this?”

“She sent me the recipe and I wanted to give it a try on my own,” Taeyong said softly. 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “I get the point, I need to stock the fridge.” 

“Jaehyun…” Taeyong said quietly.

He hummed and stood to refill his coffee cup.

Taeyong leaned closer to the oven, “I get why everyone likes her.”

“Glad you caught up. Hope it won’t always take you this long.” Jaehyun said smugly. He walked by Taeyong and softly kneed him in the back. 

“I’m going to try to cram 3 more chapters in, have fun,” Jaehyun said. 

Taeyong nodded before looking back at the bread baking, watching it rise. It had taken him longer to make the dough than Haeun did. He made sure to carefully follow each instruction and resisted the urge to call her up in the middle of the night to make sure he was doing it right. The entire time, his heart was racing in excitement. He felt like a kid.

Once the oven beeped, he grabbed a towel and carefully moved the tray onto the counter, letting it sit on a cooling rack. It was a beautiful golden colour and smelled heavenly. 

He didn’t bother trying to taste it, he just placed his arms against the tabletop and rested his chin on top as he stared proudly at his creation. 

It was hard to explain how happy it made him. 

He never had anyone to teach him how to do things like this. He never made something with his own hands without messing it up. Haeun was right when she said it was therapeutic and rewarding. He didn’t think he could feel that way. She was showing him a lot about his own capacity to be. 

It was a new feeling. 


	12. Twelve

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“Mark, are you sure you aren’t sick? Or is this a body-snatching thing?”

Mark shot a glare at Haeun as he placed the shopping bags on the kitchen counter. “I felt bad and did some grocery shopping, okay? Stop being annoying.”

Haeun peeked into the bags, “Well you got the wrong milk and these apples are way too bruised up but it’s a solid first effort. Thanks kid.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He grumbled but despite it, she could see the proud glint in his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

Haeun grinned and began unpacking the groceries when Mark’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen before rushing to answer it.

“Hey, mo—huh? Oh, wait really? I mean, yeah. Yeah, that would be great. I can come back this weekend. S-Sure. Okay, see you then. Love you.” 

She watched as Mark hung up with a dazed look on his face, “Are your parents okay?”

“Huh? Yeah. Yeah, they’re great in fact.” He sounded stunned as he stared at her, “They said they’re moving back from Canada. They want me to come over and spend the weekend.”

Haeun’s eyes were wide. As nice as Mark’s parents were, they _never_ spent a lot of time with him. They were always busy with work that sent them around the globe. The only time they were in Korea was for layovers.

And all of a sudden they were moving back and wanted to spend time with him?

“That’s good, right?” She asked, “You’ve been missing them.”

He was still bewildered, “Right but…this has never happened before. In our past lives, my parents were never present, they never made an effort like this to be with me. This is just another thing about this world that doesn’t line up with the rest of our past lives.”

“But they remember their past lives?” She asked

Mark nodded, “Yeah they mentioned you and how you’ve looked after me for all these lives.”

As if on cue, Haeun’s phone started to ring, her parents’ number flashing. She gave Mark a wide-eyed look before answering the call on speaker, “Mom?”

“Hi sweetie, I saw your calls, sorry we haven’t gotten around to calling you back. How are you doing?”

Haeun set her phone on the table, “I’m good, I’m good I just…I met Taeyong.”

“Oh, honey, we know.” Her mother said with a laugh, “When our memories came back we knew.”

Haeun sighed, “Mom, do you ever remember anything weird with Taeyong and I when we first ever met? Anything that stood out?”

“That’s why you called? Okay well, let me think. I remember when he helped you in the palace with the Nobleman after that, a few months later you introduced us to me and after a while, we approved of the relationship and that was that. You two spent a lot of time together and eventually when you were ready you two got married and you would stay at the palace and when Taeyong needed to travel with the Royals, you would stay with us. Other than that, I can’t really think of anything else.” Her mother explained.

Haeun rubbed her eyes, “What about dad? Does he remember anything?”

Her father came on the line, “About Taeyong? Not really. I knew him from when I delivered to the palace. He was always kind and polite and we’d talk about our lives but that’s it.”

Her shoulders slouched, “Right.”

“You didn’t tell us that you were romantically involved until months after you two got together, so we weren't really paying attention to anything between you two.” Her father said.

“Alright, thanks dad.” She mumbled.

“Why are you asking? Did something happen?” He asked. 

She chewed on her lip, “Have you ever heard of The Lover’s Curse?"

“The folktale? Sure.” He quipped. 

She perked up, “Did you ever believe it?”

Her father hummed, “Not really but the shamans in the village always treated those kinds of folktales like that seriously.”

She sat up, “Shamans?”

“Yeah, like the elders that used to live in the temples, they always talked about different folktales. Lots of important people would go to them for advice and townspeople would go to them to get their fortunes read. If you want to know more about all that stuff, you should find one of them.”

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1889_ **

Maybe Taeyong was a romantic and an idealist but he thought that after he and Haeun had confessed their love for each other and agreed to be together, that he’d be able to see her more often, that he would just be given more time to speak to her, to touch her, to at least lay eyes on her.

The universe seemed to be personally dedicated to making things difficult fo him.

After that wonderful night, he had seen Haeun off with a chaste kiss in the carriage that took her back home the following morning and was immediately drowned with his duties. Instead of being able to sneak off to see her in town or spend time with her when she came to drop of treats, he was stuck in the palace around the clock. 

To say there was tension in the palace would be an understatement. The topic of Jaehyun’s marriage had come up again but it was unlike anything that had ever taken place before. Instead of Jaehyun politely dodging the topic, there was yelling, screaming, fighting, doors slamming, and threats. Taeyong always knew this was going to happen one day. He knew that Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to ignore his parents and duties for much longer. 

His dreams of choosing his own bride were never really realistic despite his parents' promises and both he and Jaehyun knew that. Now Jaehyun would have no choice but to face the issue of his marriage head first. No longer could he cross his fingers and hope for things to go his way. There was no room for his own choices or his own emotions in the palace. But how he handled this situation and his future marriage would define the rest of his life. 

It was his chance to determine his own fate.

His parents were finally officially beginning the process of finding the Prince a bride. 

And unlike the promise they previously made, the choice wouldn't be left entirely up to the Prince. Infact, the King and Queen had already begun the courting process of many suitable women.

Taeyong found himself by the Prince’s side, not just protecting him but listening to his woes and sorrows. It wasn’t often that Jaehyun looked so pained and broken. He’d sit in his room for hours just staring out the window and when he had to appear with his parents, his face was void of any genuine emotion and only smiled when required. It was empty and soulless.

Though he never spoke the words, Taeyong knew that these were the rare moments Jaehyun resented being a Crown Prince. Where he wished he wasn't next in line for the throne.

Taeyong’s heart went to his lifelong friend, someone normally so happy and optimistic was now walking around the palace like a ghost. He could never imagine being put in the same position, especially now that Haeun had his love and he had hers. He’d be devastated if he was forced to give her up. 

After a long day, he had left the palace grounds with Young Ho and Doyoung to stop at a small pub to relieve the exhaustion of the day. It was the first time they got a break but it barely felt like something to celebrate.

“It just feels wrong being at the palace, now.” Doyoung mumbled as he took a seat, “Seeing the Prince that sad and his parents so angry, doesn't feel right. I can’t even breathe when I'm there.”

Young Ho frowned, “I feel so bad for him. He’s such a good son, he does whatever is expected of him without ever complaining. He doesn’t deserve to be punished like this. We all can pick whoever we want to be our brides, he should be able to do the same.”

“He is royalty, he has to live by a different set of rules.” Doyoung said glumly. 

Young Ho looked at Taeyong, “Did he say anything?”

“No, he’s just in his room. Quiet.” He murmured as the bar maiden set a jug of beer down on his table. 

He took a sip before leaning back. Young Ho shook his head, drinking his own, “What is he going to do?”

“I don’t know.” He said softly, “I know he’s upset but I think at the end of the day, he’s going to do what’s best for the Kingdom. He will marry whoever his parents think is fitting.”

“I thought he was going to be given a choice.”

Taeyong hummed, “His parents will just give him a list of potential Princesses and Nobel woman and he will probably just choose the one he likes best out of them. _That's_ the choice he's being given.”

“That’s so sad.” Young Ho mumbled, “He deserves so much more. He wasn't even given a _chance_ to go out and find a woman, the King and Queen always force him to stay in the palace.”

Doyoung sighed, “All he ever wanted was to be able to chose his bride on his own terms. Now he'll never get the oppurtunitiy to see if he could find a woman like that. He'll never know what falling in love is like.”

“Sometimes we can’t have all the things we want no matter how much we want them. We must sacrifice one thing we hold dear in order to have the other; the universe will never allow us to have both. For him, it’s either his freedom or his Crown and we all know he’s always had big aspirations for when he’d take the throne.” Taeyong explained. 

Young Ho frowned, “Why couldn’t he have sacrificed something else? Something not as important?”

“Then it wouldn’t be a sacrifice.” Taeyong murmured. 

The men fell into a contemplative silence, nursing their drinks, and their heavy thoughts when a voice at a neighboring table caught their attention. 

“Did you hear about the maiden that was taken by the Nobleman?”

Taeyong froze, his hand tight around his glass as he listened to the men seated behind him. Doyoung and Young Ho looked at their leader worriedly. 

“Yes! The 26-year-old, right? I admit, the Nobleman brutalizing her in the middle of the Townsquare was appalling, but at the same time, I couldn’t believe a woman that’s unwed at her age had the nerve to attack a Nobel. It’s no wonder no man would want her. A woman her age should be walking around with her head down hoping someone would find her suitable. Instead, she is disrespecting nobility and lacking the maturity and demurity of a proper wife. I am sure she will die an unwed spinster at this rate.”

Doyoung gulped when Taeyong’s hand started to tremble and his jaw tightened the way it would whenever he was scanning crowds for threats and find ones. 

“I agree. I heard that the Royal family did not punish her and there are rumours that the Nobleman was executed instead.”

“That ridiculous. There’s no way they’d execute him.”

“Unless she’s a concubine or mistress. People in town have seen her galavanting with a man and she was seen leaving the palace late at night too.”

“No wonder she isn’t married, she’s probably being bed by the entire court. Passing her around each night and now she gets special treatment from the Royals who wouldn't dare risk punishing her when she could expose the bedroom secrets of the entire nobility.”

“Taeyon—“

He slammed his glass down, the entire pub quieting down. He stood slowly and loosened the belts on his robe so that it hung loosely on his shoulder, his royal tattoo peeking out. He turned and stared down the table.

Their eyes widened at the seal and he glared, terrifying the men, “The Nobleman _was_ executed for assaulting a woman, stealing from the King and damaging a business. My men and I tossed him in his cell and witnessed his beheading.” 

“I—“

“And that young maiden does not sleep around the palace, she is not a concubine or a mistress. She has more character in an inch of her hair than you men have in your entire body.”

“Wha—“

Taeyong gripped one of the men’s collar and dragged him up to his face so that he could seethe, “And if you ever talk about _my woman_ like that ever again, I will make sure you feel the same fate as the Nobleman.”

He gulped while trembling, “Y-Yes, sir.”

Taeyong dropped the man down and turned to his men who were also standing as if ready to pounce. “Sit. I’m going to head out.”

“Are you sure? We’ll come with you.”

Taeyong dropped some coins on the table, “No, I will cover your tab, enjoy yourselves, you earned a break. I’ll see you back at the quarters.”

“Where will you be going?” Young Ho asked.

“I’m going to see Haeun. I must apologize for calling her ‘my woman.’”

Doyoung and Young Ho smiled and nodded. Taeyong turned and stepped out of the bar and into the streets. They were relatively empty except for a few drunk men shouting loudly at each other. He walked in the direction of Haeun’s house when he felt himself being watched. He turned and noticed an older woman standing and staring at him.

Curious, he moved towards her when he noticed that she was dressed in ancient robes, he immediately recognized her as a shaman that lived in the temple atop the hill. The Royals used to visit her whenever they wanted to ask their fortunes. She was known for traveling to different Kingdoms and offering her services.

He bowed respectfully, “Is something the matter, shaman?”

The woman’s gaze did not falter but her eyes flickering over his face quickly before she stared up at the sky. He followed her gaze but when there was nothing above other than the stars, he looked back at the woman to see her lips moving quickly as if in prayer. 

“Are you alright?” He asked again. 

After a moment, the woman turned to him touched the top of his head, her eyes dark and cold. 

“Prepare yourself. Make the right choice and you might find salvation and eternal happiness.”

Taeyong blinked back, alarmed at the darkness coating her face, "Pardon?"

"Because death hangs over you like a curse." 

\-----

Haeun had finished washing her face and had changed into her sleeping robes before slipping under her blankets. 

She was exhausted, the store had been growing busier and busier with each passing day and it was like she didn’t have a chance to get off her feet. Hell, she didn’t have the chance to even slip away to see Taeyong. Whenever she had to deliver the cakes, she barely had time to pass the basket before turning and rushing back to the shop.

With everything that was happening, it saddened her that she wasn’t able to spend time with Taeyong. To kiss him and to watch him smile under the moonlight. Sighing, she closed her eyes, sleep heavy when she heard something hit her window. Frowning, she sat up before swinging her feet over her bed and creeping towards the window. Another little pebble hitting the glass had her peering out to see Taeyong staring up at her. 

Her heart leaped as she slid her window up and poked her head out, “Taeyong? What are you doing here?”

“Sorry to wake you, I wanted to see you. Can you come out?” He whisper-shouted. 

Haeun nodded and grabbed a robe before hurrying out to the door. She reached for the knob when her father cleared his throat, “Where are you going this late at night?”

“O-Oh, just to the yard to get fresh air.” She said. She had yet to tell her parents about Taeyong. She needed to tell them but a part of her was still nervous and it never felt like an appropriate time.

Her father took a sip of his warmed milk before nodding, “Be quick. It’s very late.”

She smiled and rushed out, her robes fluttering behind her as she ran around the house to find Taeyong tucked in the shadows. He smiled when she rushed towards him, hands outstretched to lift her up, and hug her tight. He spun her around before kissing the side of her head. Setting her down, he ran his fingers through her hair, “Hi, sunflower.”

“Hi.” She cooed. “I’m so happy to see you.”

He brushed his lips against her forehead, his fingers cupping her jaw. She sighed happily, her fatigue seeping away. “What brought you here?

“I wanted to apologize, I said something tonight that I might have crossed the line with.” He murmured, swaying on his feet, a little drunk off her heat.

She pouted and eyed him cautiously, “What happened?”

“I may have called you _my woman_ in front of a group of men.” She stepped back, her lips parted as a furious blush took over his face.

Her eyes widened and a bright smile clawed up her lips, “Did you now?”

“I didn’t mean to sound so…possessive.” He muttered, “I came to say sorry and say that I’ve missed seeing you.”

She hummed and stepped closer towards him, her fingers trailing up his chest, “I have to admit, it’s a little old fashion to be calling me your woman.”

“I know, sunflower.” He said guiltily.

Haeun stepped even closer until she had to tilt her neck back to get a good look at him, “Let’s make a deal. I’ll let you call me your woman if you let me call you my man.”

He let out a stunned breath, “I would be so honored to be your man.”

She giggled before clutching his clothes and tugging him down to meet her lips. His hands found her hips and he kept their lips locked while maneuvering her backward until her back was pressed against the side of her house. 

Haeun arched into his body, her mouth feverish against his. He tasted like bitter beer and salted peanuts; it flooded her body and itched an ache that was growing in her gut. She tilted her head and kissed him at an angle that gave their lips a better hold on each other. Her fingers slid into his hair and she experimentally curled her grip and tugged. He moaned into her mouth and she shivered at the deep sound.

He pulled away despite the way her teeth tried to bring him back. His lips dragged across her jaw and brush up the side of her neck in a way that drew a sound of her that she had never heard before. However, it seemed to only spur Taeyong on, he laid his body flat against her before grazing his teeth against her skin. A strong shiver down her spine brought his lips back to hers. Long fluid kissing slowed into small pecks until they finally moved away from each other, out of breath and painfully in love. 

Her eyes were glazed, cheeks rosy and lips swollen; she was exquisite. 

“Would you like to take a walk with me?” His voice was gone, disappeared in his breathlessness. 

She licked her lips and nodded, sharing in his windedness. 

He offered the crook of his elbow and she quickly wrapped her arm around his and leaned her head against his shoulder. They walked around the empty streets and Taeyong could feel the weight on his shoulders begin to lift in her presence. The heaviness in his heart whenever he saw Jaehyun in the palace lingered, but his mood lightened. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come see you.” He said, welcoming the fervor of her against his side, “I didn’t want to spend the first day as a couple away from you but things at the palace haven’t been running as smoothly.”

She hummed, relaxed, “That’s okay, the bakery has been busy, so my days have also been long and without rest. Is everything okay at the palace? Is the Prince doing okay?”

“He is going through a very hard time right now. As you know, the topic of his marriage is a very important matter.” He explained. 

Haeun looked over at him shocked, “Is he…getting married?”

“Soon, I think.” He said as he gazed off in front of him. "The palace will be preparing the process of finding him suitable matches."

She studied his face before sighing, “A wedding should be a happy occasion, so judging by your expression, this is not something the Prince wants.”

“The Prince doesn’t want to marry someone he doesn’t love and doesn’t believe he could ever love someone who was introduced to him as a means to form an alliance between Kingdoms.” He said.

She sighed, sharing the feelings of the Prince, “And now he must choose a bride who was intentionally introduced?”

“Yes.” He said sadly. “It’s only a matter of time before we will have to attend meetings with his potential brides. He doesn't think he could ever love whoever he must wed.” 

She let out a long breath, “Hopefully he’ll be able to find peace. Perhaps he can discover a way to be happy and to love his future bride. I'm sure he will find a wonderful Queen.”

Taeyong said nothing and just kissed the side of her head. She sighed, content, and snuggled closer to his side, “You are a good friend to the Prince.”

Taeyong smiled slightly, “I try to be.”

“And please do not exhaust yourself trying to see me when you are busy. I can wait until time is on our side. I, myself, am keeping busy.”

He quirked a brow, intrigued, “Really?”

“Yes! I am planning a trip with Minyoung. She is going to see her husband again and I am going to accompany her.” She explained. 

He nodded with a smile, “It will be a nice break for you after the working long hours at the bakery."

“I cannot wait, although I wish you could come along with me. Imagine, camping out under the stars together and walking through beautiful towns and markets together. Oh! Imagine drinking together at a local pub.”

She barely finished the sentence before Taeyong caught her jaw and pulled her for a long, firm kiss. He licked into her mouth, something driving him to kiss her harder than he had before. Her gasp died in her throat and butterflies replaced the surprise as she kissed him back. His teeth dug in just a little before his tongue smoothed over it with kittenish licks as if in coy apology.

He pulled back and stared at her in the eye, “I want to do all of that with you, not imagine it, but do it. I promise one day, I will come with you. I’ll bring you on a ship, I’ll lead us by horse, I will drive our cart. I promise I will give you everything you desire.”

“Just stay next to me,” she whispered, “and I’ll always be happy.”

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“Your kitchen is way nicer.” Taeyong commented. 

Haeun chuckled as Taeyong leaned across her and dumped a bowl of mashed bananas into the batter Haeun was working on. She had invited him over, no excuse other than she was craving banana bread, and wanted to know if he’d like to come help her make it.

That’s how they ended up making her kitchen a mess. 

“The perks of off-campus housing.” She quipped. 

He narrowed his eyes at her, “Who let me join a frat?” 

“Jaehyun. Blame him, he is the center of all of our problems.” She joked. 

He snorted and brought over the greased pan for her to pour the batter in. The banter with them always felt so natural, like he had spent his entire life talking to her, “I finished editing the paper. We’re basically done, we just have to do the bibliography and we’re good.”

“Wow, 3 weeks early. High fives for over-achieving.” 

He slapped her hand with a loud laugh and helped her place the pan into the oven before setting the timer. He watched with a fond smile, this was his first time in her apartment, but he felt like home already. Haeun had that quality about her as if she welcomed you into her life with open arms and a loving smile. 

She started cleaning up and opened some of the cabinets in search of cloths to clean when something caught her eyes.

“Hey, do you have anything important going on the rest of the day?” She asked as she crouched down to shift through the open cabinet. 

He tried to lean over to get a look, “Not really, why?”

She pulled out a bottle of vodka with a mischievous grin. “Wanna have some fun?”

\-----

They drank out of coffee mugs and sat on the ground near the oven. 

Taeyong filled their cups with soda before handing it to her to mix the alcohol with. They were a little tipsy, a nice buzz easing off the edge and filling their bodies with an addictive flush.

“He hit on you?” Taeyong asked in shock.

Haeun giggled before taking a big gulp, “Uh-huh, we were at a NCT party before he was president. I went with Mark and he kept telling me how pretty I was, how good we’d look together, and kept asking me to hug him.”

“But he told me that he didn’t like you like that.” He said. 

She snorted, “Someone tried to spike my drink, he saved me and helped get the guy kicked out. After that, we just became friends, like a silent agreement. To be honest, I don't think he was ever serious about the flirting. Wait—why did he tell you that?“

“I asked if he was into you.” He said with his cup in his mouth. 

Haeun’s eyes widened and she leaned towards him, “Why?”

He reached to add more alcohol to his cup, “I didn’t want to overstep when I went to hang out with you. If he had something with you, I wanted to know so I’d steer clear. I didn’t want to mess things up.”

“Want you to mess me up.” She mumbled. 

He blinked, “What?”

“What?” She said back quickly. They stared at each other for a silent minute before she cleared her throat with a smile, “So, you and Jaehyun are big on the whole bro-code thing, huh?”

He scrunched his nose and took a sloppy sip, “Nah, bro-code stuff is stupid but with Jaehyun, I always make sure. I never want to do anything to hurt him.”

“He told me how much he cares about you. It was really cute.” She said with a bubbly giggle. 

Taeyong laughed with her, bumping their shoulders together, “Yeah. Jaehyun…there’s no one closer to me.”

“How’d you guys get so tight?” She asked, taking a sip.

Taeyong took a long sip before setting his cup aside. He leaned his head back against the banister and just contemplated before speaking. 

“My dad died when I was a kid.” He admitted. 

Her heart broke as she watched him. She had never been around when his father died, she never saw how hard it hit him, he always spoke about his father calmly and fondly, the emotion having had long settled. 

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “What happened?”

He leaned back in his seat, “He was a firefighter. He died on the job.”

Tears filled her eyes and she quickly blinked them back. No matter how many times they talked about his dad, she never got used to it. It always made her sad, she always longed to make him feel better. Each lifetime, he had to experience the worst pain possible over and over. 

She wished she got to know his father, she wished she could bond with him and have his approval for their relationship. Taeyong never complained but she knew he always wished his father was at their wedding and when she introduced him to her parents, he wished he could do the same. 

Taeyong hand cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking her cheek. She jerked up, her eyes searching his. His smile was soft and a tender laugh escaped him, “Why are you crying?”

Her eyes widened and she quickly brushed at her face, “O-Oh, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I just…sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He murmured, his eyes sinking into hers. His heart surged to her, it warmed his soul. It wasn't often that someone reacted like that. As if his pain was hers. Being around her he sometimes felt more human than he thought was possible. The vulnerability wasn't a weakness around her, he was discovering. Suddenly, he felt an urge of confidence. 

He dropped his hand but it landed on her knee. He didn’t move it but he stared at it, “My mom gave me up a little after.”

She froze.

Wait.

What?

“Your mom?”

He nodded, his gaze averted. “I was like 12, at the time. After my dad died, my mom took it really hard. She didn’t have time to deal with me, actually, I don’t think she _wanted_ to deal with me. I was basically a spitting image of my father, I guess. She sent me to a church and basically abandoned me. I lived at the church for 6 months until Jaehyun’s family found out. They were family friends and horrified when they found out I was sent away. They found me and adopted me.”

Haeun stared at him in shock, her heart wrenched in her chest. Her fingers found his hand and curled around it. In the past, Taeyong’s mother left his father a year after Taeyong was born. Taeyong never bonded with his mother, he never knew her. 

But this life was different for him. Just like it was for her and Mark and Minyoung, Sora and Yenna.

He had his mother for 12 years before she threw him away because she couldn’t cope with the loss. He must’ve been so lonely, so hurt, having to deal with his father’s loss while also dealing with his mother leaving him. He had no one to support him, no one to love him. 

His thumb slowly traced over the juncture between her thumb and index finger. Her skin was smooth and warm, just like anyone else's but touching her made him sigh in satisfaction, “The Jungs loved me. They treated me as if I was their son like I was no different than Jaehyun. And Jaehyun loved me like a brother, he never resented me or his parents for taking me in. I had so much love with them. But, as grateful as I was, it’s not the same as being with my real parents.”

“Yeah, I understand that.” She whispered. "God, I'm so sorry." 

He squeezed her hand, “Kids that age are awful, when they found out that I was abandoned, lived at the church and was adopted by the Jungs, it was everything they needed to know to make my life hell. They’d say I was church boy, that my parents didn’t love me, that they hated me so much, that they didn’t want me. And it got worse with Jaehyun, I was a moocher, I was charity, that the Jungs’ only loved me because they felt bad for me. I heard it all.”

She could feel every emotion 12-year-old Taeyong had felt like a punch to her gut. He must’ve gone through so much, _felt_ so much, and had no one to turn to. He just bottled up all the rejection, insecurity, hatred that was hurled at him and pushed it down until it defined the way he looked at himself.

As someone that deserved to be abandoned. 

God, she just wanted to tell him how much she never wanted him to leave her. 

How she always wanted him to stay. 

And how if she had to choose, she’d want to love him in every lifetime.

“Fuck.” She whispered, her hand trembling. This was so much worse than all his lives before. In the past, his mother left when he was too young to understand what was going on and he at least had the memories of his father's love and the palace walls to keep him company. But this life, he lost his dad and his mom when he was old enough to have it seared in his memory for the rest of his life. 

And he was left alone until the Jungs found him.

If she could track down every single greasy, sweaty little twerp that ever picked on him and found them today, she’d fight them. “Taeyong…”

His thumb continued working slow circles on her hand and barley noticed how he was inching closer and closer to her, “It scared me because I believed them. I believed what they said and I was worried that anyone new in my life would find out and realize that I’m not someone they can love either, that I’m the sad kid my mom tossed away. Like knowing about my past would open their eyes to the real me and they’d think _maybe his mom was onto something._ ”

“No.” She whispered, “Those kids were never saying anything true. You are so, _so_ lovable. Everyone knows it, everyone sees it. You are so kind and wonderful and anyone who thinks that your past means that you shouldn’t be loved is an idiot.“

She turned to face him, determination bubbling through her drunk veins, “Look at you, you’ve grown up to be such an amazing person despite how you could be so bitter and resentful. Your dad would be so proud. Don’t think about those ratty kids. You have a family with a Jungs and you have the memory of your dad. You’re so loved. I—no one would ever want to leave you.”

Taeyong stared into her eyes, a little glazed, a dubious smile on his lips. He couldn't imagine this kind of a response from anyone who had heard this story, something so understanding and warm. He wanted to always feel that way but more importantly, he always wanted her around, “I’m so happy you didn’t let me push you away.”

Haeun was still heated, angry at the faceless, nameless children who traumatized him and leaned to him, “You believe me though, right? Those kids are trash; they don’t know what they were talking about. They don't know _you_. They don't know how you were so loved that another family wanted you to be a part of theirs. You are so strong and if you let people in, they’ll always want you in their lives."

"I'm starting to believe that now." He said softly. She made him believe a lot about himself. A lot of good stuff. 

"And it's not just because of your past but because the person you are today is so, _so_ wonderful. At least, that’s how I feel about you.” She continued. 

His face was closer now and his eyes trailed down her nose, lingered on her lips. His tongue swept over his own before looking back up to her. “That's how I feel about you, too.”

The rasped voice sent shivers down her spine and the darkened look in his eyes set something aflame in her gut. She was no stranger to this look, he always used to look at her like that before he pressed his lips against her. Before he’d make her fall apart with his mouth and come undone with the press of his tongue and maneuver of his fingers. 

After everything he had been through, she wished he knew how much she was in love with him. If only he had those memories to remind him how he was anything _but_ abandoned. 

Every lifetime no matter what, she found him, he found her and they’d never leave each other alone. 

If only he knew.

She had to hold her breath to prevent the desperate sound that wanted to escape her mouth. Haeun inched towards him and stared at his lips while he watched her with heavy-lidded eyes, “Thanks for listening to me. Not a lot people know.”

“Of course,” she whispered, “I’ll always be here if you want to talk.”

He hummed, his tone deep and gravelly and slowly inched his face closer, his nose _barely_ touching hers. He wanted to kiss her. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just because suddenly, being so close to her, everything in his life felt so right. That kissing her was in his destiny. As strange that might sound.

She wasn’t sure what she’d do if he kissed her, she’d melt to the ground, never to be solid again. 

But of course, the universe loved toying with her. 

Just as their lips were going to touch, the oven screeched with a loud beep just as the front door swung open. They sailed away from each other, nearly knocking over the bottle of vodka with a gasp. Her eyes were wide, cheeks rosy and he was panting, out of breath. 

“Are you making banana bread? Holy shit, it smells so good.” Mark’s voice boomed.

Her hands shook as she picked up the bottle of alcohol and soda. Taeyong grabbed the two mugs and both of them slowly stood. Mark flinched, surprised, before gaping at Taeyong and Haeun. 

“Wh—are you guys drinking? It’s like 4pm.” He sputtered, “Wait, is that my vodka? I hid that.”

“Uh, we just wanted to kill time.” She muttered. 

Taeyong grabbed the oven mitts and busied himself with pulling the pan out and setting it on a cooling rack. “Do you want a piece?”

“Yeah. Let me get the plates.” She said, clearing her voice when it cracked. 

Mark just stared at them, stunned. “Why are your faces so red?”

She set down three plates and shot him a look, “It’s just hot with the oven on.”

Taeyong was silent and just put a slice of bread on the plates. “Do you have ice cream”

“In the fridge.” She said. 

He brought it out and scooped it on to each plate, “Here you go.”

Mark eyed them suspiciously before taking a bite, “This is really good.”

“You’re spilling.” She said just as Taeyong took a napkin to wipe the ice cream that dribbled down Mark’s chin.

Mark groaned and took the napkin from him, “Great, it’s like I have two sets of parents now.”

She laughed, finally breaking out of her jittery trance before taking a bite. They spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing like he was meant to be with them under this soft light with the scent of bananas and cinnamon in the air. 

Haeun didn’t care about The Lover’s Curse or about Taeyong’s memory because she was in love with the man in front of her, the one that was vulnerable and opening himself up to her. The one that wanted her to know him and what made him the person he was today. 

This Taeyong was different and the same. 

He was all the things she remembered and all the things that she was learning about for the first time.

And like each version of their life before, she wanted to hold onto him and love him with everything she had. 

She wasn’t going to let the universe stop her. 


	13. Thirteen

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“You know what I was thinking about?”

Haeun lifted her head from the book she was reading and looked over at Mark. She was watching their soccer practice, well, more like sitting on the bleachers and catching up on readings. Mark had split from the team to run over to her, picking up his water bottle.

“What?” She asked. 

He sprayed the drink into his mouth and caught his breath before patting his face with a towel, “Isn’t it weird that we always remember the Joseon lifetime first?”

“This is what you’re thinking about when you’re practicing?” She deadpanned. 

He grinned, “I’m a multi-tasker. Anyways, think about it, we always remember that lifetime first. Before any of our other memories come back, it’s always that one. Why is that?”

She set her book down and tilted her head at him, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I never thought about it before. I mean, can you remember anything before that life? When I try to think back, the furthest my memory can go is to the Joseon era.”

“Same. All the lives after that come in a blur but that was the one is always so clear in my memory. Why do you think that is?”

She thought it over, “Probably because it was when Taeyong and I first met.”

“Lee! Get over here! We’re starting!”

Mark waved at his team before dropping his towel and water bottle onto his bag, “That must mean that particular lifetime is more important than the rest."

\-----

“You should try to be their assistant coach.”

Haeun’s head snapped up when Taeyong sat down on the bleacher next to her. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Jaehyun told me that Mark was at practice so I figured I’d find you here.” He said with a smile. 

Her heart flipped, “You were looking for me?”

“Yeah and I brought orange slices for the team.” He joked. 

Her snicker turned into a full-on laugh when Taeyong pulled out a giant container filled with the fruit. He opened it and offered it to her. She smiled and took a piece. 

“How was the hangover?” She asked with a raised brow. 

He glowered, remembering waking up with a pounding headache, “It’s been a few days and I still think my head is pounding.”

“Lightweight.” She chuckled. 

He scoffed with a smile giving away his annoyance. He sometimes hated himself when he thought about how he had snapped at her all those weeks ago. Now it seemed impossible to get mad at Haeun, “You like acting tough but you wouldn’t last in a room against Haechan. That freshman can drink an entire bar under the table.”

Her heart always felt happy around him, like a flower that bloomed under his smile.

“Why were you looking for me?” She asked, closing her book and looking at his profile. 

“Honestly? I don’t really have a reason. I just wanted to find you.” 

Don’t cry. 

_Don’t cry._

He’s going to think you’re crazy. 

Please don’t cry.

He blinked at her, “Are you okay?”

“Fine! I’m fine!” She said quickly. Her heart was aching for him; longing for him to say _I found you, sunflower_. 

He narrowed his eyes before standing, “Do you want to come somewhere with me?”

\-----

“I’m never coming anywhere with you.” She grumbled.

Taeyong grinned, bouncing the basketball in his hands, “Aww, come on, why?”

“When you come over, you get to stuff yourself with sweets. When I come over, you make me exercise.” 

He laughed and bounced the ball to her. She grabbed it and slowly dribbled it, “Why are you even a chemistry major when you could just get a sports scholarship?”

“I’m not that good. Jaehyun’s super athletic so growing up with him, he’d drag me out to play with him. I went to pick up games of every sport humanly possible. I’m pretty sure he’s even made up some.” He explained. 

She walked towards him, still dribbling the ball. “Mark makes me play too. He usually needs to pay me to do it but I’m pretty good too.”

“Oh really? Scrimmage?” He challenged with a raised brow. 

She smirked and crouched as he mirrored the stance, “Bring it.”

Taeyong lunges for her and she quickly dodged out of the way before running to the basket. She jumped and threw the ball and watched it sail in a perfect arch. Taeyong whistled and caught the ball before trying to run to the opposite end. She tried to catch up but slipped out of her reach and leaped and slammed the ball through the basket. 

They played back and forth, neck and neck, laughing and taunting each other as sweat glistened over their faces. The ball was in Haeun’s hands and she stood still, dribbling it while watching him.

“I can keep going all day.” She challenged. 

His lips hitched, “So can I, Hae. Why? You want me to stop?”

“Never.” She mused, her eyes dark. 

He let out a breath before catching his bottom lip. She looked good, out of breath, hair stuck to her sweat-slicked neck. Thinking about it now, he had to admit that she always looked good. Always. “Then let’s go, angel.”

It slipped out by accident, the adrenaline in his veins and the heavy pounding in his chest drew the name out, and judging by the way the basketball nearly flew out of her hands, it surprised her too. Her lips parted in shock and if he could see her closer because then he'd see the way her pupils dilated. Like the singular word had a visceral effect on her. And maybe he'd fucking _love_ seeing her like that.

 _Angel_.

Distracted, Taeyong charged at her and she screamed when he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up over his head. The ball dropped and she grabbed the back of his shirt as he spun them around.

“You’re a cheater!” She yelled, kicking her feet with a laugh.

He chuckled and slung her over his shoulder before kicking the basketball away, “Let’s call it a tie!”

“No way! I was going to win!” She argued.

He hummed jokingly, “Well, there’s no way we’ll ever know for sure.”

After teasing her a bit longer, he set her down but kept his hands around her waist. Her hands rested against his shoulders and her smile dropped off her face when he found them chest to chest. Her eyes flickered to his lips before looking back into his eyes, something sparked when he noticed how her eyes moved. 

It was deja-vu from that day in her kitchen but this time they couldn’t blame whatever they do on the alcohol. He could feel her body move with each bated breath through his palms. 

He was pretty sure he was going to kiss her. 

Her face was flushed with a pretty pink blush and she swiped her tongue against her lip, looking glossy and wet and _fuck_ was he dizzy?

He couldn’t recognize the guy from all those months ago that stood in front of her and said that he didn’t want her in his life; that dating wasn’t going to be a part of his plan for graduating. It was hard to think back to that version of himself because Haeun wasn’t like anything he could’ve imagined. 

She was funny, smart, empathetic, understanding. And so, _so_ pretty. 

He felt safe with her like she could know him, _really_ know him, and still like him, still want him around. She listened to him and made sense of pain that even he struggled to come to terms with.

He didn't know what it meant but he just knew that he really, _really_ liked her.

Before a formal thought or decision could be made in his head, the doors to the gym swung open. Both he and Haeun looked over to see the basketball team come in, chattering and laughing to themselves. They shared a look before stepping away, gathering their things, and leaving. 

Maybe one day he’d get the timing right. 

He had all the time in the world for things to fall into place.

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1890_ **

Haeun had come to the palace to drop off the cinnamon cakes and find Taeyong for a moment alone. After dropping the basket off, she stopped by the garden but didn’t find anyone there. 

Continuing through the palace, Haeun failed to find Taeyong anywhere. It still made her nervous to be wandering around alone, at least with Taeyong by her side, no one gave her much thought but she worried that on her own, she might be questioned. 

She tried to stay in main hallways, peeking into open rooms, sweeping for Taeyong until it was clear that he was either away from the palace or training with his men. Pouting and a little disappointed, Haeun turned the corner and ended up in the kitchen. 

After so many months, she still found herself at a loss in the palace. 

The room was darkened and stepping in she froze when she spotted someone sitting by the counter, reaching into the basket that she had delivered earlier. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She said, retreating. 

The person turned and she paused when Jaehyun blinked at her, “Your Highness? I apologize for interrupting, I was looking for Taeyong.”

“Ah, he is attending a strategy meeting with my parents’ guards.” He explained before turning his back to her. 

She gulped, his shoulders sagged and his face was missing the typical cheeky brightness that she had come to grow accustomed to. “Would you like some company?”

“Please.” He said, gesturing to the seat near him. 

Taking the stool, she glanced over at him to get a closer look at his expression. He leaned over and lit a gas lamp to illuminate some of the room. The glow of the flame only accentuated the bags under his eyes, the tension in his jaw, and the exhaustion in the way he carried himself. 

“Taeyong told me.” She finally admitted after being drowned by silence. 

He sighed and stared off at the window where he could look into the palace court. “How much?”

“Just that you need to be making hard decisions soon.” She said, “You’re being pressured to pick a bride.”

Jaehyun smiled bitterly, “I recently found out that none of them want me.”

She stilled, “Is that…is that a joke?”

“Hardly. My parents sent their aides to travel to different Kingdoms and meet with eligible Princesses and Noblewoman. Only one Princess responded back with interest.” He explained. 

That didn’t make sense, Jaehyun was handsome, kind, charming, and grounded in his love for his kingdom. Princes were often self centered and greedy for power, Jaehyun was quite the opposite. Every woman in town loved him, how could any Princess and Noblewoman turn him down?

“How is that possible?” She said, aghast. 

He shrugged carelessly, “The increasing rebel attacks and the execution of the Nobleman have scared away any King from making an alliance with our Kingdom and marrying their daughter to me.”

“Oh god, Jaehyun, I’m so sorry, this was all because of what happened to me and how I acted. I didn’t realize how much it would affect you. I’m so sor—“

“Do not apologize to me.” He said bluntly, “My parents did what was right and you did not deserve to be treated like that. In fact, I should thank you.”

She was stunned, “For what possible reason?”

“Princesses do not want me so, I do not need to attend painful meetings with these women while their aides breathed down our backs. I need not entertain such things, I am grateful for that.” He explained.

She chewed on her lip, “What about the one Princess who said yes?” 

“That is the other side of the coin.” He said sadly, “I am happy that I do not need to meet and choose from a list of Princesses but with only one prospect, I have no choice but to wed her.”

Haeun looked at her lap, “You _must_ wed her?”

“I have no other option. I have thought over every possibility. The only escape is if I reject her, however, doing so would cause great uproar and would be a direct insult to her Kingdom. My parents would surely disown me.” He mused with a dry smile. 

“What is she like?” She asked timidly. 

Jaehyun smiled tiredly, “I do not know, I hadn’t bothered to pay attention when my parents told me.” 

“Maybe you could love her, your Highness. Maybe she is wonderful, lovely, kind, and beautiful. You do not know, yet. She might be a woman who would live and die for this Kingdom the way you do.” She offered. 

A genuine smile showed up, “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“But at the end of the day, you cannot rule this Kingdom if you do not trust the woman you will rule it with. You must do what your heart tells you to.” She said firmly.

His smile became sour, “My heart is telling me to be selfish. Why must I follow it?”

“If you are already ignoring the direction in which your heart is guiding you, how will you be able to listen to it when you are King?” She said. 

He turned to her, his eyes wide. She smiled took one of the cakes from the basket and bit into it. She chewed and glanced at him, “You will be a _mighty_ King, your Highness, no one doubts it. So, listen to your heart, do what you believe is right because that is the only thing that will keep you on your path. I imagine that once you are King, you will be pulled in every direction, your heart is the only thing that will speak truth to power. So, learn to trust it.”

Jaehyun fell silent, mulling over her words before laughing, “You are wise beyond your years, Haeun.”

She just grinned, tossing the remains of the cake into her mouth. Jaehyun sighed, “Perhaps you are right or perhaps being selfish is unfair. Only time will tell.”

“Sunflower?”

Haeun and Jaehyun turned to the door where Taeyong stood. Seeing them together, worry-filled his features, “Is everything okay?”

“Your heart will burst at this rate.” Jaehyun muttered, “Always panicking.” 

She smiled when Taeyong frowned, “It is my job to panic.”

“I hope Haeun makes a calmer man of you.” Jaehyun grumbled. 

Taeyong blinked at him, surprised, and Jaehyun just smiled, the first one he had seen in a long time, “You didn’t really think I didn’t know you two were finally an item? I have known you my whole life, I tend to notice when my best friend is happier than he's ever been.”

“I didn’t say anything be—“

“It’s fine.” Jaehyun said, “I have not been the easiest to talk to. I am happy for you both. I wish nothing but pure happiness and prosperity for the two of you.”

Haeun moved to stand next to Taeyong who pursed his lip, “Are you sure you are okay?”

“I think so, Haeun has given me much to think about in the upcoming days. I am pleased she will be in our lives.” Jaehyun concluded. 

Haeun raised her brows, “Our?”

“You are family now, Haeun.” Jaehyun said lightly, “You are basically my sister."

\-----

He knew something was off. 

It was evident in the way Haeun’s mother and father had stopped moving entirely and just stared at the two of them, no reaction in their faces. Haeun’s hand also tightened around his to a point where it was almost painful. 

“Mom? Dad? Did you hear me? I said that this is Taeyong, he is my suitor. We will not marry right away but you don’t need to look for anyone for me. I have found a man.” She reiterated. 

Mark was grinning, she had introduced Taeyong as her suitor to him early in their relationship and he was over the moon. Her parents, on the other hand, were harder to read.

Her mother was the first to recover. She cleared her throat and dusted her hands, “Taeyong! Yes. I am Haeun’s mother, it’s nice to meet you.”

He greeted her with a smile and her father slowly snapped out of it and patted him on the shoulder, “Who would’ve thought you would’ve been the man to woo my daughter. I had no idea the two of you were even acquainted.”

“Oh, her deliveries to the palace make a lot more sense.” Her mother said, but even her smile seemed strained. 

Her father looked at Taeyong and let out a little breath, “A royal guard, I don’t believe it.”

\-----

After sitting with him for dinner with her family, the rest of the evening proceeded smoothly as she waved him off with a chaste kiss to her cheek. She waited until he was out of sight before closing the door and turning to her parents.

“What happened? Why aren’t you two happier? Isn’t this what you want? I found a prospect that wants to marry me.” She asked. 

Her mother and father exchanged looks before bringing her to take a seat, “We are just…surprised. We had no idea that you were spending time with this man and that you were romantically involved.” 

“I was spending time with him to get to know him and I just wanted to make sure he was the right man for me. I just wanted to wait for the right time to tell you.” She explained, guilt ticked at her, “Are you upset? I never meant to hide it from you.”

Her father crossed his arms over his chest, “I’m not mad about that and frankly, Taeyong is an extremely good man. He is respectable, his father is revered and he has a very commendable job. I know him very well, I would be thrilled to have him as a son-in-law.”

“But?” She prompted.

He let out a long breath, “There’s no easy way to say this but the work he does for the Royals…it’s dangerous. He is constantly in harm's way. The rebels are getting more and more aggressive which puts him in greater peril.” 

“I don’t understand.” She mumbled. 

Her mother smoothed her palm over the back of her head, “His own father passed too early because of his duty to the King. A guard is an admirable charge and protects this Kingdom but it is still dangerous. We think he is a fine young man and he seems to adore you and thinks the world of you, as he should. We just don’t want you to be a young widow, gods forbid. You've lived a humble, honest life, it would break our hearts if you were left alone, especially if you have children.”

“We don’t want to leave this earth knowing you are married to a man who may also one day leave this earth too soon.” Her father whispered. 

She felt tears well at the pain in her parents’ voice and the thought of one day opening the door to Taeyong’s men solemnly holding his royal guard robes. “I know you are worried and want only the best for me. You always do. And I know that every day he puts himself at risk, but there is no one better suited for me. There is no man I could ever love half as much. There will be times when he’ll have to travel and leave me behind for weeks if not months and there might, gods forbid, be a day where he will be taken from me too soon. But the time that I get to spend with him makes those risks and sacrifices worth it. I promise you.”

“You love him that much?” Her father asked softly. 

She nodded with a smile, “I do. So much. I understand why you’re cautious but knowing everything that could go wrong, everything that could one day break my heart, I still want to spend the rest of my life with him. That's how much I love him.”

Her mother’s eyes were wet with tears, “We understand. If you truly love him, we will always support you. You have our complete blessing and we would be proud to welcome such a man into our family.”

“But he should know.” Her father grumbled, “As long as I am alive and kicking, he will personally have to answer to me if he ever makes you cry.”

Haeun laughed while wiping her tears, “Thank you.”

They both wrapped her in their arms and hugged her tight, “As long as he makes you happy, honey, that’s all that matters.”

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Jaehyun's eyes were wide, cheeky and mischievous. Best three words to describe him. 

But what else could he do as he stood with Taeyong, watching the way he stared after at Haeun as she waved and heading to her next class?

She stopped for a short conversation, casual chit-chat but Jaehyun noticed immediately how Taeyong's eyes sparkled. That man had galaxies in his eyes on a normal day but in front of Haeun, it was like the entire universe had appeared in them. 

Taeyong was laughing more around her, talking more lively and when she had to go, the longing that washed over his expression was so noticeable. If he didn't know any better, he'd think his friend was smitten. 

"Haeun's really pretty, isn't she?" He said once she was finally out of view and they both started walking. 

Taeyong frowned and glanced over at him, "I thought you said you weren't interested." 

Jaehyun bit the inside of his cheek to suppress his smile, "I don't have to be interested to know she's pretty. I have eyes. Anyone with eyes thinks she's pretty. I'm sure Mark would even reluctantly admit that she's pretty."

"Oh." Taeyong said, shifting on his feet. 

Jaehyun tilted his head, "Do _you_ think that she's pretty?"

Taeyong fell silent before sliding his hands into his pockets, "I mean, you said it, anyone with eyes knows she's pretty."

"But you've never really been just _anyone with eyes_."Jaehyun said softly. 

Taeyong tried to shrug carelessly, "She's pretty. She's always been...pretty." Beautiful, even. Hell, if he was being poetic he might even say that she was exquisite, magnificent, spell-binding. 

"Hmm. Well, I know Haechan hasn't stopped talking about her, but he also doesn't stop talking about any girl who breathes. So, I'm thinking Johnny. He's tall, he's slightly above average in the looks department and I think he has that goofy gentle giant thing going for him." Jaehyun said casually.

Taeyong made a face, his brows knitting together, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm thinking about maybe setting Haeun up with someone." 

Taeyong froze, his eyes wide, "What?"

"Yeah, I mean, I always tease her about it but I really think she needs to put herself out there more often. Especially since we're going to be graduating soon. I think her and Johnny would get along. I mean, they're already know each other pretty well but like not _too_ well that dating would be weird, you know?" He said. 

"Don't."

This time it was Jaehyun's turn to freeze as he stopped walking and turned to his friend, "Huh?"

"I—um—don't." Taeyong repeated with slightly less confidence. 

Jaehyun raised a brow, "You're repeating yourself. Don't what?"

"Don't set her up with him. Look, um, if she asked you to do it, then I guess you should, but if you're just doing this for fun can you, I don't know, _not_ hook her up with Johnny?" He said quietly. 

"Why not? You don't think they'd look good together?" Jaehyun asked. 

Taeyong's lips turned down, "No, it's not that I just—you know what? Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Set her up with whoever."

"No, no, no. We're not doing this. We don't keep shit from each other, remember?" Jaehyun said sternly.

Taeyong sighed hopelessly, "I just don't want to see her date other people. But like I said, it's her choice, if she asked you then you should do it, Johnny's grea—"

"She didn't ask me, idiot. In fact, I'm sure she'd try to rip my eyeballs out if I did." Jaehyun snorted. "But when you say that you don't want her to date other people it typically means you don't want her to date other people who aren't _you."_ Jaehyun said, poking his friend in the arm. 

Taeyong shot him a look, "That's not what I meant." 

"Really? I find that hard to believe. So give me one reason why you don't want her to date other people." 

Taeyong took a deep breath, "We're getting close and it's nice. I told her about my parents and my childhood and she was so sweet about it and just—fuck—she's sorta perfect, Jae." 

"You think it might go somewhere?" Jaehyun prompted softly. 

Taeyong shrugged, "Maybe, I don't know, but I would kinda like to see if it does. I just don't want to rush things."

"When did you figure out that you were even feeling something for her?" Jaehyun asked curiously.

Taeyong stared aimlessly in front of him and it was clear he was thinking about Haeun, imagining her in front of her, "When I realized that she smelled like that sun."

"What happened to the guy that wanted to focus on school and didn't want to date anyone in his last year of university?" Jaehyun quipped with a stunned laugh. 

Taeyong's lips twitched. "That guy met Nam Haeun." 

\-----

Mark didn’t know what time it was when Haeun barrelled into his room, shaking him awake. 

His limbs flailed, fingers curled into fists, swinging in a panicked response as if to fight off whoever the intruder was, “Wha—huh? Who’s there?”

“It’s me. Wake up.” Her voice was frantic as she pulled the blanket off of him. 

He groaned and curled up to fight off the shiver, “What’s happening? What time is it?”

“I don’t know, 3 AM? Who cares, wake up!”

His groan grew louder when she flicked on the light in his room. He sat up, squinting, “I’m up! Why are you pacing?”

“It slipped my mind because I didn’t think much of it at first because he ended up coming back so it didn’t stand out at first. But after we talked about our Joseon era lifetime and how it was the start of everything, I began trying to write out every memory, every little thing from our life then to see if anything was out of the norm. Something that might explain why _this_ life has been so different and so wrong.”

Mark’s brows furrowed as he tried to keep up with her, “Oh…kay?”

“Three days. Three days where he went missing. No one knew where he was. Remember? But then he came back and said he was injured during the journey and stayed at a neighboring village to heal. We were so glad that he was back that we didn’t think anything of it.” She said, her hands shaking. 

Mark sat up, “Oh fuck, yeah I remember that. But, I mean, why does that matter now? He was injured and he rested before coming back. There’s not much else to that story.”

“Except what if there was? No one ever asked him what went on in those three days or who he stayed with. Maybe something happened or he ran into someone who might know something? I don’t know about you but those are the only days that neither us nor his friends could account for him.” She said excitedly. 

Mark bit down on the inside of his cheek. He was pretty sure she was grasping at straws, desperate to find an answer to how fucked up this universe was. The way her hands shook and her eyes widened, she was willing to take _anything._

The truth was, he was losing hope when it came to finding an answer. It was becoming more and more evident that without anyone from Taeyong’s side remembering their past, they would never find out why this was happening to them. 

And the more terrifying thought was that perhaps there was no explanation. 

They were never given any rules about why they were all remembering their past lives and why certain things about them always stayed the same. There was no magical book with all the answers. Which meant there was nothing guaranteeing that they were going to live this way forever. 

It had crossed his mind that maybe this was going to be their last life together, the last one that they’d remember. And he knew it’d break her heart if the last one was one where her soulmate couldn’t remember her and their pasts. 

Which was why he couldn’t ever mention the possibility out loud to her. 

He could never tell her that maybe there was no point in searching for answers because one didn’t exist. That there was no way to fix the situation they were in. 

That maybe they should accept it and just try to live this life the way it was to the best of their ability.

Maybe she should just be happy she had Taeyong in any capacity at all.

But he couldn’t be the one to drain all the hope out of her.

So despite his better reasoning, he smiled determined, “Then we need to find out what happened in those three days.”


	14. Fourteen

**_Hongdae —— 2005_ **

The repeated knocking on her door forced Haeun up and out of bed long before she wanted to. It was 1pm and honestly speaking, she should’ve been up by now but it was the weekend. She deserved this.

What she _didn’t_ deserve was stumbling out of bed and swinging her front door open to stop the banging on her door. 

“What.” She hissed, with a glare. 

Her neighbour, Lee Taeyong blinked at her, glancing at her rumpled pajamas and messy hair before holding up a box, “Your package was delivered to my place.”

She glanced down at it before staring up at him, aghast, “And you had to wake me up for it? You could’ve just left it by my door.”

“I woke you up…at 1pm? Really? What is your life?” He asked. 

She growled and snatched the box from him before slamming the door shut. 

To most people, she would describe Taeyong as her next-door neighbour. In her head, she’d describe him as her mortal enemy. 

Okay, maybe that was a _bit_ dramatic, but that wasn’t her fault. 

She was an adult, but sometimes being an adult was hard and taxing. Sometimes she liked waking up in the middle of the day, eating greasy takeout as meals, and binging trash tv. 

Taeyong was a lot different. 

When she was up at noon, he had been up since dawn (a discovery she made when she had a flight early and was in her car, half-awake just as he left his place in his jogging clothes). 

When she opened her door to get her delivery food, she’d see him carrying fresh groceries from the nearby organic market. 

And when they had to make awkward small talk in front of their yards, he’d be talking about some pretentious foreign film while she was watching life hack videos on her phone. 

And he was insanely attractive. 

There was no way his face was real.

They were not the same and rarely interacted but there was something about him and the way he spoke to her that made her feel like he thought he was better than her. 

She was a freelance writer and he was a fancy tech developer. There wasn’t a lot of crossover and although their sparse conversations were very generic, she had built him into her enemy in her head. 

He seemed like he had his life together, she often felt like she did not. 

Go to hell, Taeyong.

The rest of the week was exactly like this, every time she did something a bit clumsy or uncouth, he’d be in the vicinity to bear witness to her while he was doing something productive, healthy and intellectual. 

It was particularly embarrassing when he was watering his plants (because apparently he has time to garden) and he watched her go through a cycle of emotions when she realized that she had lost her house keys. She could tell he was staring at her, probably waiting to see if she was going to chuck a brick through her window but she had just spun on her heel and drove off to the plaza around the corner until the locksmith came. 

But of course, she _loved_ outdoing herself, like the other day when he was walking his dog and watched, from the other side of the sidewalk, as she chased after the bus, her jacket half on and her purse hanging off her elbow. Her hair was still wet and just as the bus drove away, the coffee in her travel mug spilled over her mis-buttoned shirt. All because she forgot to fill her car up with gas and accidentally set her alarm to PM instead of AM.

She collapsed on the bus bench, tired and out of breath when she noticed him staring. Embarrassed, she pulled her phone out and dialed the editor that she was working with to tell her that she was going to be late. Haeun glanced at Taeyong from the corner of her eye. Her editor picked up and she relayed the message while seeing Taeyong look over at her one more time before his dog started to pull on his leash.

A shitty, shitty day.

But when she was finally home, she was able to stretch out and relax for the first time that day. She took her time showering, changing into something warm and heating up some leftover takeout. She had her tv playing and felt her eyes growing heavy as the night went on when someone rang her doorbell. 

She froze, her parents never came over without calling first and the same went for Mark and her friends. Standing, she crept towards her door, picking up an umbrella and peeked through the window. Her umbrella dropped before she opened the door out of pure shock. 

“What the hell happened to you?”

It was a sight to behold, she almost wanted to get her phone and take a picture. 

Taeyong was standing in front of her, drenched from head to toe despite the skies being clear. His shirt was muddied and half-untucked and his hair was sticking out at all angles with pieces of leaves stuck to him. His arms were scratched up and he was shivering. 

“Ruby ran out through my backyard and escaped to yours. I tried to climb the fence but I didn’t see the tree on the other side. I got stuck in there for like 15 minutes and when I got free, your sprinklers turned on.” He grumbled, his hair dripping onto his face. 

Haeun’s teeth were digging so hard into her lip that she was sure she was going to bite it straight off. The entire thing was hilarious, she had forgotten to turn off the automatic timer on her sprinklers. She couldn’t believe that he was climbing and running around her backyard and she hadn’t heard a single thing. 

“Just laugh and get it over with.” He muttered. 

God, he was almost cute. 

Her heart was doing backflips out of joy, she had never seen him so rattled and out of sorts. It was like the universe finally gave her a reward.

“Why didn’t you just knock on my door?” She said, muffling laughter. 

He kept his eyes averted, “I thought I could get her back faster this way.”

“And did you?” She mused.

He frowned at her but just looked like a cat that just took a bath, “I wouldn’t be standing here if I did.”

She finally grinned and stepped back, “Come in, try not to drip on anything.”

Taeyong walked in and she led him to her backyard, “Do you know if she’s still out there?”

“Yeah, I saw her hiding under your patio furniture. You should really get covers for those, by the way.” 

Haeun shot him a look before pointing up to her stairs, “My bathroom is on the left, go dry off, I’ll try to bring her in.”

Taeyong didn’t argue and Haeun slid the back door open and scanned her furniture until she spotted a tiny ball of fur staring at her from under the chair. The dog was shivering, drenched in the same water that soaked Taeyong through. 

Haeun crouched down and held her hand out, making little kissy sounds, “Hey baby, your dad’s been looking for you. C’mere sweetie.”

Ruby perked up and took a few tentative steps towards her, eyeing her cautiously before scurrying into her lap, “Aww, that’s a good girl.”

She scratched Ruby’s ears and hugged her before standing and bringing her into back into her house. Taeyong had a towel around his shoulders and had another one in his hands, outstretched to take Ruby from her. Just as he reached for her, the puppy barked and snuggled into Haeun. 

Haeun chuckled, “Looks like someone is pissed. What’d you do to her?”

“Nothing! She’s just being fussy.” He grumbled. 

Haeun bent down and set Ruby on the floor but she stayed near Haeun’s feet and just stared up at Taeyong indignantly. “I think she’s trying to make you jealous.”

He glared at his pup, “I’ll leave you here, missy. I don’t care. Try me.”

“You’re so cute.”

Taeyong jerked his head up and gaped at Haeun. Colour drained from her face before she looked down at the dog, “Ruby. I was talking about Ruby.”

“O-oh right…” 

“Did you want like tea or something? To warm up?” She asked awkwardly. “Might give her some time to stop being angry at you.”

He stared at her, his brows furrowing before he let out a sigh, “No, it’s okay. I’ll just take Ruby and head back.”

“Of course you would.” She muttered while turning away. 

He blinked at her, “Excuse me?”

“Look, it’s not like I took your dog or anything. You’re the one who came over to get my help, you don’t have to act like being around me is somehow beneath you.” She snapped. 

Ruby’s footsteps and the clinking of her collar were the only sounds in her house as Taeyong stared at her, bewildered by her outburst. He spent a full 5 minutes just staring at her before the shock morphed into confusion, “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I get it. I’m a mess, but would it kill you to at least have some tea?”

He tilted his head at her, “I don’t think you’re a mess.”

“Oh please, you’ve seen me at the bus stop, at my front door, in the middle of the day. And I've heard your little judgy snipes when you try and give me advice. I know I scream _I don’t have my life together_.” She said while looking away, his gaze was too heavy. 

He scoffed, “Is that what you think? I’ve never thought you were a mess. I’ve never judged you.”

“You literally stop and stare like I’m a walking car accident. Plus you literally said _what is your life_ , to me.” She spat.

He looked stunned, “Yeah, because I was genuinely curious. You don’t have a regular work schedule because you’re always out at odd times so I wanted to know what you did for a living. And I stare because you’re really fucking pretty and no matter what situation you’re in, you _refuse_ to ask for help, even if I’m right here waiting for you to ask.”

“Wait.” Her eyes were wide and her throat was dry, “Hang on. Hang on. Wait. What?”

He let out a huffed breath and to her shock, a blush started to grow, “Ever since I moved in I’ve noticed you. You’re so beautiful and when you get embarrassed or shy you’re like the cutest thing on this planet but I never know how to talk to you. I thought maybe you just like to keep to yourself. I didn’t want to bother you. I just…I’m just not great at talking to you. I end up boring you. I thought maybe when you locked yourself out or missed your bus that you might ask me for help and that would be my chance to get to know you but you never would.”

“I—oh. All this time I thought you hated me because of how lazy and disorganized I must seem compared to you.” She mumbled. All this information was making her dizzy. He thought she was beautiful? This entire time she thought he was being pretentious and snotty but he just wanted to get to know her. “You always seemed so together and I’m…well not.”

Because he liked her.

His eyes were wide, “No! I always thought that you were cool. You did what you want, how you want. You never pretend to be anything for anyone. I admired you. I’m sorry if I—wait, does this mean that you hated me?”

“Only a little!” She said quickly, “I just hated seeing you being perfect, and on top of your shit. You know, like a normal adult.”

“You think I’m perfect?” He asked with a grin. 

She glared, “That’s not what I mean.”

“Can we start over? And actually have a cup of tea together?” He asked. 

It was hard, part of her wanted to keep holding onto her petty grudge but when he smiled, slow and coyly, something inside her flooded, “I’d like that.”

It happened the next morning. Her eyes shot open at 9 AM, earlier than she’d ever been awake and sat straight up. She wasn’t sure what triggered it this time but all she could think was that the man living next to her, the man she had built a mini one-sided rivalry with, the man whose dog was always escaping to her backyard, the man who had a crush on her for months was her soulmate.

He was the man that she fell in love with over and over again, without doubt, wholeheartedly. 

Leaping out of bed, she ran down the stairs, nearly rolling her ankle before swinging the door open. 

And speak of the devil. 

Taeyong was panting, still dressed in his jogging clothes with his finger suspended over her doorbell. 

They stared into each other’s and she was home. 

“I took longer because I was half a mile into my run and had to run all the way back to you. To find you.” He said, out of breath. “Even before I knew who you were I was whipped.”

In this life, they were 31 when they met.

She felt tears well up, “I love you.”

He laughed in disbelief before sliding his fingers into her hair and guiding her to him, “I love you too, sunflower. Always will.”

**_Incheon —— 1980_ **

“Oh…hi.”

Taeyong looked up from his book, glasses perched on his nose. Haeun looked uncomfortable as she entered the room with a steaming mug and a book tucked under her arm. 

The two of them had been married for about 6 months and it was still as uncomfortable as their wedding day. Their entire relationship which started at lunch with both their families when they met for the first time, to when they were told that they were to be engaged and married within the year, had been nothing but strained. 

Conversations had been awkward, touches had been reserved and hesitant and their lives were essentially separate, just like their bedrooms. 

But what did you expect when your entire marriage was an agreement concocted by your parents who wanted to use you to align their companies. He didn’t mind it too much, he never bothered himself with dating, he figured that his marriage would be just like any business transaction. In fact, he thought it would probably easier.

He was wrong.

It had taken him 0.2 seconds into meeting Haeun to realize how beautiful she was and how much she _didn’t_ want this arrangement. 

She had fought her parents but eventually, he was sliding a ring on her finger and calling her his wife. She didn’t really take it out on him, she knew he was on the same boat, but she did retaliate by barely acknowledging him once they moved in together. 

In her eyes they weren’t married, they were roommates.

He watched her and the way she shifted awkwardly on her heels, her eyes glancing between the room and the hallway, “Hey, did you want to sit?”

“Umm…it’s okay, I can go to my room.” She said, trying to back away.

“No, it’s okay.” He said, stopping her, “Sit.”

Other couples would’ve snuggled up together on the couch, Haeun sat on the opposite one, pretending not to see him as she got comfortable. He couldn’t stop watching her as she flipped to a page in her book before sipping her tea. She was wearing an oversized sweater and was curled up against the arm. 

God, he wanted her to curl up against him instead. 

“Am I bothering you?”

He flinched when Haeun looked at him pointedly. He gulped and glanced down at his book before looking up at her, “No, you’re really not.”

“Then why do you keep staring?”

Honesty never failed them before, “You’re beautiful.”

Her eyes widened and her lips parted in shock, “Wh—“

“I have a beautiful wife and I don’t think I’ve ever said it to you.” He explained. 

“Oh.” She said quietly, “Thanks.” 

Taeyong smiled slightly before looking back at his book, satisfied that he had finally spoken it out loud. A silent moment passed before Haeun loudly cleared her throat. 

“You’re really handsome, too…you know, for a husband.” 

He tried so hard to keep a straight face but he broke down in a second, covering his face as he smiled. She stuttered, sitting up trying to take back her words when she saw his reaction. “Why are you smiling? This isn’t funny! I’m trying to be nice." 

“I know! I know!” He said. “This whole thing is just so absurd. We’re a married couple and this is the first time we’ve complemented each other and it feels so weird.”

A laugh bubbled and escaped her lips, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“Look,” Taeyong said, closing his book, “we’re a married couple, the least we can do is be more comfortable around each other, right? If anything, it’ll make it easier on us.”

Haeun tilted her head, “Okay. How?”

“For starters, you don’t have to avoid me whenever we’re in the same room together.” Her eyes glancing away gave her away. He laughed, “And once we’re in the same room together, you don’t need to sit in the most opposite corner of the room.”

“Oh…” Her face was red from being called out. 

He spoke softly to convey just how much he understood how she felt, “I know you didn’t want this. And you have every right to resent me but can we at least try to act married?”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, “Yeah, I mean, I don’t resent you, I resent the situation we’re in. But, I guess I’d like to try.”

“Then do you want to sit next to me?” He suggested. He pointed at the seat next to him. The couch was long, she could sit on the same one as him while still keeping a distance that made her comfortable.

She stood with her mug and her book and slowly moved to sit next to him. He smiled and didn’t want to put any pressure on her. He just opened him book and gave her a grin, “It’s a good start.”

“You ever think about how if our lives were different, if we were in a different universe, we might’ve been married without the arrangement? Like, we would’ve dated and fallen in love on our own?” She asked quietly. 

The thought brought him mixed feelings, “I think about it a lot.”

She peered at him curiously, like she didn’t believe that he actually did, “Doesn’t it make you sad that we’re forced and didn’t get the chance of having a real relationship?”

“No.” He said, “I’m happy, no, blessed that the wife I was arranged to likes to read in silence, drink tea, and bake bread when she thinks I’m not home.”

Her eyes were wide, “Oh…wow.”

“I enjoy your company a great deal, Haeun. Even when we act like we live separate lives. I feel fortunate that I married a woman like you. It might not be the most ideal way to get married but I’m grateful to be with you at all.” He said with a smile. 

Her lips quirked, “Well, of all the awful men my father could’ve chosen for me to marry, I’m glad it’s you. A man who lets me ignore him, who falls asleep in front of the television and who notices when I bake bread. I’m grateful to have a husband like that.”

It was his turn to look surprised, “You’ve seen me asleep in front of the television?”

She held her book up to hide her face and pretended to read, “Who do you think’s been covering you with a blanket every time?”

By the end of the night, her legs were stretched out on his lap, his arm draped over her calves while flipping through his book. When he looked over a few hours later, her tea was cold on the table, her book was face down on her chest and she was fully passed out.

A fond smile curved up his lips, he would like this life. He would like her to be asleep next to him, to share silences and conversations together. To love her and have her love him back. 

He set his book aside and pulled his glasses off before sliding her legs off of him. He set her book away as well and slid his hands under her lifting her up in his arms. Taeyong carried her to her room and nudged the door open before setting her down on the mattress.

He hoped that one night she would be able to share a bed with him. 

Once she was tucked in, he turned to leave when her voice cracked through.

“Taeyong?”

He turned to look at her, she was sitting up, rubbing her eyes.

At that moment, sleepy, warm, and disoriented, it all hit him in one long blow. Every version of their lives washed over him and he knew exactly who she was, how much he loved her, and how _fucking_ happy he was that she was his wife.

“S-Sunflower.” He breathed. 

In this life, they were 29 when they met.

Her eyes filled with tears as she sat up on her knees and held her arms out for him, “Thank god.”

He ran over to her and took her in his arms, squeezing her tight. 

“This had to be a first.” He whispered into her neck, “Getting married to you before falling in love with you.”

She smiled, “I can’t believe we were arranged.”

“Would’ve fallen in love with you anyway.” He mumbled, his lips brushing against her neck.

Haeun sat back on her heels, tilting her head back to kiss him hard on the mouth, her fingers curlings into his shirt before pulling him down on the bed against her. 

**_Seoul —— 2011_ **

“Hmmm, well fuck me silly, the prodigal hacker arrives.” 

Haeun rolled her eyes when Jaehyun came into view, leaning back in his chair. It hadn’t been long since she began working for NCT’s gang. She wasn’t sure if you could call hacking into major databases to gather intel a part-time gig, but that’s what she’d say. 

She was still in university and when she was strapped for cash, her friend Mark had hinted about some creative methods for her to line her pockets. It took a bit of time and a lot of convincing for her to fully get used to the idea of working for a criminal organization but eventually her bills were knocking on her door. 

“What do you mean? I’m always here.” She muttered.

Taeyong raised his brow, “On Tuesdays and Thursdays. It’s Sunday.”

She glanced at Taeyong from the side of her eye. She got along with quite a few of the members who would drop by her office to chat while she was working. People at NCT were relatively friendly and playful as long as you didn't get in the way of their jobs. 

But there was something about Taeyong that was different. 

Whatever relationship, friendship or business partnership they had was a lot more intense than what she had with the others. It had been like that since they first met, like something profound and fierce just drew them together. 

Whenever they were alone, it felt like there was something unspoken thick in the air. Something heavy and layered in tension. They stared too long, stood too close, spoke too intimately, but it was never anything more. 

He never kissed her. Never touched her. Never made a move. 

Even when she wanted him to.

But it was there in the way that his eyes landed on her the minute she walked in the room or how he’d seek her out whenever she came to headquarters. And it was definitely in how his eyes darkened whenever she smiled and took her sweater off slowly in front of him. To be fair, she sometimes did that last one on purpose.

The attraction was there, but they liked to act like it wasn’t. 

Jaehyun glanced at his right-hand man before looking back at her, “Well?”

“Why does your makeup look weird?” Taeyong asked suddenly. 

She stiffened and tensed her jaw, “I was in a rush this morning. Didn’t get to apply it properly.”

He moved towards her and she avoided looking at him until he gripped her chin and turned her to face him, “It’s thicker around your eye.” He leaned close, “Are you…are you hiding a bruise?”

Jaehyun sat up, his face tense. If there was anything he hated more than liars it was when one of his own got injured, “Haeun…why are you really here?”

She shifted away from Taeyong’s touch and felt her body tremble as tears filled her eyes, it was rare that her emotions ever showed up while she was at work. But she was going insane and was desperate, “I’m so tired. And I just need help. I thought I could handle everything on my own but it’s so hard.”

“Is it your boyfriend?” Taeyong’s voice was softer as his fingers stroked down her back. 

She smiled bitterly, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“No, he’s just the guy you sleep with who leaves you with a black eye.” Taeyong muttered. 

Jaehyun frowned, “Is this true?”

“Yes.” She mumbled. “It is.”

Taeyong was seething silently, “He hit you.”

“Yeah. I mean, this is the first time he actually hit me but usually, he’s just aggressive.” She said with a frown.

Jaehyun huffed, “What can we do?”

“Anything. I just want you to get rid of him.” She rasped, knowing exactly what she was asking. “I’m…I’m scared. I hate it. I hate that he makes me feel this way but I don’t think I can do this anymore. Not after what he did.”

Jaehyun sighed, “What we can do is have you stay here with us for a while. There’s no way that guy is going to find you here. It’s a fucking fortress. We have the cops sniffing around right now but once we’re in the clear, we can handle your ex. How does that sound?”

"Really good." She nodded, feeling a weight lift off of her, “Thank you.”

“Taeyong, show her to one of the suites.” Jaehyun ordered.

His hand slid into hers, squeezing it gently before leading her out the doors and towards the stairs up to the floor of suites that members of NCT often used. 

“Everything you need is in here and if you want groceries or something let me know, we can have it delivered.” He explained as he showed her around. 

She shifted on her heels and nodded, “Thanks, but I’ll need to get some of my stuff from my apartment.”

He turned and sat on the armrest of the couch as she came up to stand in front of him, “I can take you.” 

“Cool…” She said quietly, looking around the apartment. 

“Haeun.” He called gently until she looked at him, “What happened?”

His fingers came up to brush her cheeks. It was rare for him to touch her, especially with this much tenderness. Taeyong was a strategist, he dealt in guns and defense. Not in concerned gazes and worried touches. 

“I’ve wanted to end it for a while. He’s always been…off. He’d say things that made me nervous or use more force than I’d like. It made me uncomfortable, so I tried to talk to him but he got aggressive and then, well, you know the rest.” She mumbled. 

He frowned and just continued caressing her skin, “I’ll get you some ice for it. Fuck, I never liked that guy.”

“You knew him?” She asked, surprised. 

He let out a breath, “I did my research.”

“Why?” She snorted.

He hummed and pulled her closer to him, “I wanted to size up the man that you were sleeping with. Wanted to why you thought he was so great.”

“Why?” This time it was breathier, eyes wide.

He smiled slowly, “Why don’t you answer my question first. What made him so great?”

“My life is a bit…chaotic. There’s not a lot of people who would stay quiet when their girlfriend was disappearing for hours on end and had no explanation for it. It was easier to be with a guy who would come over when I want and leave in the morning. He didn’t ask questions.” She explained. “It was…easy.”

Taeyong let his hand drop and stared off to the side, “I could make things easy.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

He looked back over at her, “Being with me would be easy too. And you wouldn’t need to lie, you could actually talk to me about shit and I’d rather cut off my leg than lay a hand on you. I think I could really make you happy. Like actually honestly happy. Things could be _so good_ with us.”

Her eyes widened, “Wait—“

“Rest up, babe.” He murmured before standing, “let me know if you need anything, I’ll be with Jaehyun.”

She sat frozen as Taeyong walked out the door.

He was right. She knew it. Hell, when she was in her worst moments with her ex, her mind would immediately go to Taeyong and how he’d never do those things to her. Her thoughts always drifted to him. Whenever she’d see him at headquarters looking serious or when she’d catch him laughing and running his fingers through his hair. It was always him. 

Fuck, things _would_ be so good with the two of them. 

She sunk against her couch and closed her eyes. Maybe another day when she was stronger, she could press him harder about what he had said. For now, she wanted to take this makeup off and go to sleep. 

The sleep, however, was short-lived when her phone buzzed angrily against her ear. Despite how tired she was, she sat up, wide awake, worried it would be her ex threatening to bang down her door. 

“Hello?”

She was out of breath but her words died in her throat as she listened to the person on the other end.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

\-----

Jaehyun looked up when Haeun walked into his office the next morning with a lot more force than he was used to from her, “Yeah?”

She was barely awake, shaking but not from fear or anger, “I thought you said it was going to take a while.”

He blinked at her, “Is this about your ex?”

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t going to go after him until the cops were out of your hair?” She asked.

He nodded, “That’s right. So, what’s your question?”

“Why did I just get a call from the hospital saying that he died on the spot after a car hit him?” Her voice shook as she held up the phone as if it could show him the conversation she had with the doctor. 

Jaehyun’s eyebrows shot up but as typical, the rest of his face lacked any emotion, “I don’t know but it wasn’t me, I swear. How do you know it wasn’t an accident?”

“I mean…I guess it could be, but really? All this was just a coincidence? I don’t buy it.” She said nervously. 

He raised a brow, “What did the hospital say?”

She pursed her lips, “They said it was an accident. I was listed as his emergency contact so they told me about the police’s statement.”

“So just be happy that it’s over. The universe took care of him on its own and we didn’t have to get our hands dirty. I’ll call Taeyong and get him to—oh!”

Taeyong strolled in, hands tucked casually into his pockets, “What’s going on?”

“I was just about to tell you to take Haeun home, her ex is gone.” Jaehyun explained. 

Taeyong glanced at her and she gulped under his penetrating gaze. Memories from last night hit her, “Gone?”

“He’s…dead.” It sounded weird to say and even weirder to not feel an inch of sympathy about it.

A beat of silence passed as if he was taking in the information before he walked over to her and took her hand, “Let’s go get your things.”

Jaehyun watched with an amused look as Haeun pressed herself close to Taeyong as he led them upstairs. 

“What are the chances?” Haeun murmured as she packed all her things in her bag. 

Taeyong was seated on the bed, watching her, “What? Him dying?”

“Yeah, I mean, I basically asked Jaehyun to kill him for me and a day later he dies.” She shook her head in disbelief.

Taeyong shrugged before laying down on his back, “It’s karma. He hits you, a car hits him.”

“Huh.” 

He leaned up on his elbows, “What?”

“I never said he was hit by a car.” She whispered. 

Taeyong blinked at her, “Jaehyun told m—“

“Don’t you dare.” She said, walking to stand in front of him, “Don’t lie to me.”

He sat up further and his palm gripped her thigh while looking up at her, “I’m not going to apologize for doing whatever it takes to protect you. Eve—“

The moment their eyes locked, something changed. In a second, he pulled her forward and rolled over her so that she was splayed out under him, “Sunflower.”

“You killed a man for me.” She deadpanned. 

In this life, they were 26 when they met.

It took half a second before his lips latched onto her neck, “Fuck, I’d do a lot more than that for you, Haeun.”

She ducked away from his mouth just so she could redirect his lips to hers. The kiss was long and heady as she pulled him towards her, “I love you something _fierce_.” 

“Don’t move back to your place.” He groaned between kisses. “Stay.”

She struggled to push his jacket off his shoulders, “I found you. I’m not going to leave you.”

“God.” He whispered while pulling back to look at her behind heavy lids, “I am terrified what you might do to me. I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> A chapter full of past lifetime/universe flashbacks.
> 
> I’d like to thank: 
> 
> @nctlucascontent @fingkyrasdianti @ilveububu @Arheana11 on AFF
> 
> For their suggestions on twitter about the AUs that I wrote for this chapter! Loved writing them!
> 
> The next chapter is going to be 100% Joseon


	15. Fifteen

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1890_ **

“Commander?”

Taeyong glanced over at his men who were smiling at him in a way that only spelled out trouble. He had just returned from a meeting with the King and Queen’s guards to discuss strategy, “What is it? Shouldn’t you be on your rounds or preparing for our journey?”

“Haeun is here.”

It was like his entire body caved at the mere mention of her name and the ache in his gut and in his soul that always clawed up his throat. It didn’t make sense that after all this time, she still had such an impact on him. Every little reminder of her would awaken an intense longing that lay dormant inside him.

“Right. Well, I’m sure you didn’t all have to come to tell me that.” He said stiffly. 

Doyoung grinned, “We are aware. We were just curious.”

“About?”

Young Ho cleared his throat, “What is your relationship with Haeun? We have seen you two together quite often and after the night at the pub…”

“Don’t you have Royals to guard?” Taeyong deadpanned.

“Well?” One of his other men prodded.

Taeyong sighed and rolled his eyes, “I am in a relationship with Haeun. I have courted her.”

His men erupted in cheers and even Taeyong couldn’t help but smile. “Alright, alright, that’s enough, get back to work.”

“Will you be marrying her?” Doyoung asked curiously. 

Taeyong tried to bite down the smile, “One day.”

“Oh my god. I’m so excited. Haeun is so nice, it’ll be so fun having her at the palace.” His men said enthusiastically. 

Taeyong snorted before unlatching his sword and hanging it up, “Okay, you’ve all had your fun, get to work.”

“Do we get to call her sister-in-law, yet?”

\-----

He found her sitting with her back to him as she stared at the flowers surrounding the Queen’s garden. 

He moved towards her stealthily until he stood right behind her. He lowered his head and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. She smelled like caramel. 

“Hi, sunflower.”

She gasped and flinched before laughter shook her body. She reached back and ran her fingers through his hair. He sighed against her, only pulling away when she made to turn on the bench. Haeun tilted her head up and smiled when he leaned close to gently pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her a few more times before leaning back, “What brings you here?”

“Wanted to say hi to my favourite guard.” She murmured, skimming her fingers against his cheekbone. 

He sat next to her and kissed her shoulder, “Well, in that case. Hi, again.”

She loved staring at him, he was equal parts beauty and strength, her heart did jumping jacks whenever he got close. Sometimes, when she would lay in bed at night, she’d wonder what it’d be like to roll over and see him there. Next to her. 

It sometimes still astounded her that he was really hers.

Her smiled seemed halfhearted as she scanned his face. He frowned, nerves chewing at him, “Is everything okay?”

“My mother asked about you, wanted to know if you were eating well.” 

An embarrassed flush nipped at the tip of his ears, “I am, thanks to all the pastries and breads she sends with you. But why is that distressing to you?”

“My parents have approved of you but I can tell they’re still worried.” She mumbled. 

His brows quirked, “Worried?”

“About me marrying a man who risks his life everyday.” She said softly. 

Taeyong should’ve expected as much but it still stung to know her parents were skeptical, “Haeun, you know that I love you more than I can fathom. You…you are becoming my entire life. Every thought, every dream, every memory. They’re yours.”

She hummed and leaned her head against his shoulder, “I know, my love. I feel the same.”

“But your parents are right, darling. My life will always be put second to the Royals. Especially to the Prince.” He confided. “I-I am a selfish man. I wanted a woman because I love her but I didn’t pay much attention to how you’d be impacted should something…fatal happen to me.”

She closed her eyes, “Taeyong, please.”

“Haeun, I will not persuade you. You are an assertive woman who stands by her decisions. But I hope you keep in mind that one day I might leave you very, _very_ lonely.” He whispered, sadness heavy in his gaze. 

She felt tears well up, “You are right, I stand by my decisions. I will stand by you, no one is making me give you up. But how is it so easy to speak about your mortality?”

“Death is a part of my job, it is my sibling, my partner, my friend. I have never gotten too comfortable with my life.” He said, “But when I met you, death felt like an enemy. Something that threatened to take me away from you. I fear it now.”

“Taeyong, no matter what happens, I will always love you. I will fight every higher power to be with you and to make sure you know how much my heart is yours.” She said firmly, “You have nothing to fear. You will never be leaving me. I will never be leaving you.”

He looked lovestruck as he watched her, “If I do die, I promise you will be the last thing I think about.”

“Aren’t you sweet.” She mumbled, kissing his cheek. 

His laugh faded as he mulled over his thoughts, “There is something I do need to talk to you about.”

“Oh no.” She grumbled.

He took her hands, his thumbs gently caressing her skin, “I will be accompanying Jaehyun to the neighbouring Princess’s Kingdom this week. His potential bride.”

Haeun’s face fell. She had naively thought that after their conversation, that the Prince would follow his heart and do what he believed was right. She assumed he’d say no to the proposal. “Wow, I cannot believe he is going to be married soon.”

“It is a surprise to all of us. Everything is moving rather fast now.” He said. “A lot of planning is going into it. I knew it was going to happen, but it’s a lot sooner than expected. I’ve been working hard to organize it.”

She frowned, “Wait, but the rebel attacks have been increasing outside the borders. They have been more and more violent. Won’t it be dangerous to leave and travel to another Kingdom?” 

He nodded, “Yes. It will be rather dangerous, I have been in discussions with the other head guards to ensure that the Prince’s safety is maximized. This is a big trip, it will essentially set Jaehyun up for the rest of his life as King.”

“T-The Prince’s safety…but what about your safety?” She tried to stabilize her voice but it was difficult. 

He squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it assuringly, “We are making sure that the guards stay safe as well but it will be one of our more dangerous treks. The entire journey will take 7 days.”

“I assume you cannot take me with you? Perhaps stowing me away in one of the luggage carts.” She asked. 

He smiled softly, the woman he adored was making it hard to breathe, “I would love nothing more but unfortunately I cannot bring you.”

“Will you promise to be safe?” She asked quietly. 

He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her close to kiss her on the forehead, “I promise, sunflower.”

“And think about me every night?” She asked with a pout.

If she asked for a country, he would gift her one.

He kissed her pout away, “That is not a question. I think about you even when I’m not supposed to.”

“Will you look at the moon?” She murmured, her worries easing away. 

He hummed, brushing his lips against her jaw, “Every night.”

\-----

Since that day, it was like she and Taeyong lived in different worlds. 

He spent every second working with the other guards at the palace, ensuring everything was in place for the Prince’s journey to his potential bride’s Kingdom. She was more than happy to let him work, the more effort he put into planning, the better the chances he would be to return safely. 

The Kingdom, however, was buzzing with excitement. News had spread that the Prince was traveling to meet a Princess and everyone was anticipating his return. The thought of having a future Queen was the talk of the town. People with either heartbroken that the handsome Prince was going to be off the market or they were thrilled that a Royal wedding would be coming soon. 

That didn’t mean that Haeun didn’t stay up awake at night, worrying. Every time she heard her parents or townspeople talking about the escalating aggression of the rebels, the more she’d be filled with concern. 

She tossed and turned for an hour when a knock on her front door had her sitting up. She listened as her dad opened the door before soft murmuring filled the room. “Haeun!”

It took a second before she was flying down the stairs. Her father was by the door and Taeyong was standing outside of it, smiling at her. 

“Be back before midnight.” Her father instructed knowingly before handing her robes to her. 

She wrapped it around her shoulders before stepping out, closing the door behind her, “Hi, what are you doing out so late?”

He stepped close to her and she almost let her eyes close shut at his heat and scent, “I have some bad news, unfortunately.” 

“What’s wrong?” She said snapped, tense and nervous. 

His smile was calming as he cupped her face, “Nothing is wrong. But I was just informed that we are traveling to the Princess’s Kingdom at dawn.”

“Dawn? Dawn today? But that’s only a few hours away.” She said, her body trembling. 

He brought her close and pressed his lips to her head, “I know, but we realized that the rebels caught wind of when we were going to depart so to be safe, we are leaving earlier.” 

She grabbed his robes, “What if they’re planning an attack? Or an ambush?”

“We are prepared for all scenarios.” He reassured with gentle touches, “This is just a precaution. There’s nothing for your heart to worry about, my love.”

It was just too much. Tears spilled over her cheeks and she pressed her fists against her eyes, “I’m sorry. I know I said that I understood your duties and the risks but that doesn’t mean I’m not worried. I cannot sleep at the thought of something bad happening to you.”

“Don’t cry, sunflower. It’s nothing to cry over, I will be back, I will be okay.” 

Haeun glared at Taeyong as tears tumbled over her cheeks, “If you knew you were going to be okay, you wouldn’t have shown up outside my house in the middle of the night just to tell me that.” 

He cupped her cheeks and thumbed away her tears and pulled her close, “I came because I missed you, I wanted to see you once before I left, not because I wanted to warn you of anything.” 

She rolled eyes but he smiled. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against her forehead, “You’re insufferable, do you know that?”

“I know, it’s a miracle you still love me, sunflower.” He mused.

She tilted her head back to catch his eyes, the warmth in them flooding through her body, "I do. I foolishly love you."

He ducked down, skipping over chaste kisses and burned into her mouth until she was arched up against him, fingers digging into his arm. It was rather scandalous to do outdoors despite the empty streets and late hour but she didn't mind this time. She kissed him just as fiercely until he pulled back, breathless, beautiful and everything she wanted to protect.

It was beyond her how his eyes always spelled out every single one of his emotions. The love, longing, adoration was nothing short of breathtaking. "Loving you was the least foolish thing I've ever done."

She softened and curled her arms around his waist, pressing tight against him, “Will you come see me right after you get back?” 

“Of course, I will.” He whispered. “I will always find you.” 

\-----

The 7 days felt more like 7 years.

Haeun tried to keep herself busy with work and errands while daydreaming about possible trips she and Taeyong would take together. It was the only way she could keep sane. 

She tried visiting the palace but none of the staff was in communication with the Prince and his guards and she wouldn’t dare interrupt the King and Queen with her question. Haeun just had to trust that since the palace was operating business as usual, there was nothing to be unsure about. 

But when she stared up at the moon every night, she’d say a little prayer to the Gods that they’d send Taeyong back to her in one piece. 

The countdown was painful but when the day that the Prince was to return came, she was waiting impatiently by the shop. She just needed a glance of him in the returning procession, if she could just get her sights on him she’d be satisfied. 

“Are they back?” Mark asked. 

She was bouncing on her heels. The entire town came out to wait, just like when the Royal family came to visit. “Not yet.”

“I brought you a snack.” Mark held out a muffin but she waved him off.

“Thanks but I can’t stomach anything right now.” She muttered. 

Mark sighed and bit into the muffin, “He’ll be fine. If something happened to him, they would’ve returned much earlier.”

“Yeah, that’s true. You’re right.” She said before gasping, “They’re here!”

She raised herself up on her tippy toes and watched as the Royal carriage came closer. The minute they neared, her eyes raced over the faces of each guard.

Doyoung.

Young Ho.

Wait.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she stared at Young Ho. He was standing at the front, leading the guards. That was where Taeyong normally stood. 

“Where is he?” Mark mumbled. 

Haeun felt her body sag against the door as her eyes darted frantically. She couldn’t see Taeyong anywhere. He wasn’t with any of the guards and he wasn’t in the carriage with the Prince, either. 

“He’s not there. Mark, he isn’t there.” Her voice trembled painfully.

Tears itched up her throat just as Doyoung locked eyes with her. The desperation and anguish must’ve been clear as day on her face. Instead of smiling and trying to reassure her with his expression, his lips curved down, and his gaze filled with sadness.

It was that moment that she knew for sure that something is terribly, _terribly_ wrong. 

In fact, as she looked over all the guards’ faces again, she noticed that all their expressions were sullen and dark. There was a cloud hanging over their heads and she was sure it had to do with their missing Commander. 

This could not be happening to her. 

But it was when Jaehyun looked over at her that she collapsed in front of the doorsteps into a flood of tears. “No! No!”

“No!”

\-----

Her parents were whispering worriedly in the kitchen with Mark but all she could do was sit soullessly in front of the Prince. They closed their shop up when he left the palace dressed in civilian robes and visited them. 

“I don’t understand.” She repeated. 

Jaehyun looked just as distraught and if she looked at his face closely she could see the bloodshot redness in his eyes. “When we got into the neighboring Kingdom’s grounds we had to stop because the rebels were nearing. We stayed in a little shelter for safety but Taeyong decided to travel to the palace himself on foot to tell them of our arrival and ask for their assistance to lead us to them. We needed the manpower.”

“How are you sure he made it to the palace at all?” She asked. 

Jaehyun shook his head, “He had to have made it there because the palace guards had come to get us. They could only do so if he told them. The guards had confirmed as much to us but when we arrived at the palace, we were told that he had already left to meet us by the shelter.”

“And you didn’t know where he was?” Her heart choked in her throat, making every intake of breath painful. Her vision was getting spotty. 

“No. He never made it back to us. The Royal’s staff told us that he had left the same evening that he had arrived, so he should’ve been back before the palace guards found us. That meant that something must’ve happened on his trip back down.” Jaehyun explained, his voice thick. 

She shook her head, “Why didn’t he just stay at the palace for your arrival?”

He shook his head, “This is Taeyong. He wouldn’t leave me on my own, even with two sets of guards.”

She whimpered, her fingers curling around her skirt, “Did you search for him?”

“Of course, we sent some guards down. They searched everywhere but couldn’t find him.” Jaehyun explained, “We had to return because we didn’t have enough rations to extend our trip. We’ve sent guards back to look for him.”

She dropped her head into her hands, sobs wracking her body. Jaehyun hand rested on her shoulder, his own tears building up, “He will be fine, Haeun. My men will find him. They will. He is the strongest man I know, nothing will happen to him. You have my word.”

“He could be hurt. He must be scared.” She bawled. “What if something awful hap—“

He squeezed her shoulder, “Don’t even think of it. He’s probably a little injured at most. I’m sure he’s resting somewhere. Or he got a little lost, we’ll find him in no time at all. So just stay strong, Haeun. It will be okay.” 

“How can you be sure?” She whispered, wiping her face. 

He smiled for the first time, “Because I know him and I know that he’d fight a bear to be with you. He’d hate you worrying over him. I bet he’s looking up at the moon tonight, thinking about you.”

She stared at him, bewildered, “How did you know about that?”

“I spent days traveling with him, eventually I had to ask why he kept staring up at the sky.” He said. 

Her lips curved up, “Really?”

“Yes, every night while the other men rested, he’d be sitting on top of the carriage, watching the moon.” He said. 

She sighed, her heart still heavy, “Thank you for coming and easing my worries.”

“You are my sister, now, Haeun.” He said with a smile, “I will always be here for you. If you need anything, please come to the palace and find me.”

She nodded before blinking at him, “Oh, I didn’t even ask. How was the Princess? Will there be an announcement of your marriage?”

“I don’t think so.” He said quietly, “She turned me down.”

Her eyes widened, “How is that possible?”

“Maybe she has a lover, maybe she too doesn’t want to marry a stranger or maybe she simply does not find me appealing, but she politely rejected my proposal. Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise.” He reasoned. 

Her eyes were pained, “I’m sorry, your Highness. What will you do now?”

“Nothing, I presume. Either my parents will try and find me a new bride or I will remain without a wife.” He said. 

She squeezed his arm, “You deserve to find love.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Love may not be in the cards for me but I love my Kingdom and my people, that must be my calling. Regardless, I will be happy enough knowing that my closest confidant has found the love of his life in you. For that, I shall return to the palace and ensure his safe return.” He stated. 

She nodded slowly, “Do you really believe that he’s okay?”

“He can never stay away from you for too long.” He said lightly.

She sighed, “I hope so. What about the rebels?”

“Honestly? I’m concerned since he is wearing Royal robes that he may attract attention but he is stealthy and agile. I have my full trust in him.” He said. 

Sometimes it felt like that wasn’t enough for her. Even though she knew it was unreasonable, she wanted to demand that someone bring her proof he was alive. 

“You’re right. You have to be.”

\-----

Three days. 

It was three days of sitting in her room, her eyes vacant. 

At first, Jaehyun’s words did wonders to quell her fears but after the first day passed with no word back from the guards who were searching for him, she had become a wreck. 

Her parents were constantly checking in on her but she ignored it and tried to get out of her room and work in the bakery. Even if she was distracted, her hands knew how to make the pastries on autopilot. 

There was no feeling in her chest, everything was broken into little pieces that she had no energy to put back together. All she could do was miss him and dream up worst-case scenarios involving Taeyong. Her mind didn’t have room for anything else. 

Taeyong was her soulmate, she knew it, but that just meant that trying to live a life without him was devastating. She felt foolish for all those times before when she acted like she understood the risks of his duty to the Royals and was okay with it. Because now that she was faced with the reality it was clear. 

She would _never_ be okay with him leaving her too soon. 

“How are you?” Mark asked as he lingered in the doorway. 

She didn’t look up and continued kneading the dough, “Fine.”

“Haeun.” He pleaded.

She shut her eyes, “No. If I think about it, I’ll start to cry and I cannot afford to do so.”

He stepped in, “You’ve been in the kitchen since dawn. You should take a break.”

“No.” She barked.

He pulled the dough from her hand and nudged her aside with his hip, “Go, take a walk. I think we need more of the rose syrup. Run to the market.”

“You’re not my mom.” She huffed.

He grinned, “I’m not tall enough to be.”

She stuttered out a laugh before rubbing her eyes, the fatigue seeping into her bone, “Yeah, okay. I’m going.”

Mark smiled proudly as he watched her pull on her robes and head to the door. Haeun called out a goodbye to her parents who nearly tripped down the stairs to see her off. It was the first time she left the house in days.

“Bye, sweetie.”

“Do you want more money to buy yourself a treat?” Her father asked. 

She tried to smile, she appreciated how much they worried, “I’m okay. I’ll see you soon.”

Swinging the door open, she froze when a shadow cast over her, and someone blocked her path. Her motor abilities failed her as her heart seized and the ever-present knot in her body immediately unwound. Tears of disbelief filled her eyes, she was getting too comfortable with crying lately, and her hands trembled.

“Hi, sunflower.”

She just stared, incredulously. His face was a bit ashen with bags under his eyes, he had a cut on his lip and on his cheek but it was him. It was undoubtedly him. 

“T-Taeyong?” She whispered, her hands reached out to touch him. Was this her wishful thinking manifesting into a cruel dream? Would she wake up to find him still missing?

He smiled weakly and it was like he set fire through her body and it was engulfing every part of her, “I told you I’d come and find you.”

“Oh my Gods.” She whispered before pulling him into her arms. “I can’t believe this. Please tell me this isn’t a dream.”

She sighed when his hands slid around her waist and held her, “I’m here sunflower. I’m back. I’m safe.”

“Thank the Gods above.” She whimpered clutching him tight. “I thought you were dead. How could you do this to me? You awful, horrendous man.”

He laughed groggily, “I missed you so much.”

She cried into his robe, her fingers clawing into him to anchor herself against his body, “What happened to you? Where were you?”

He kissed her temple and rocked her from side to side, “Wait, let me take you in first, sunflower.”

He leaned back enough to press his mouth into hers, greedily panting into her mouth like he wanted to make himself home inside of her. His fingers curled into the base of her neck, tugging soft enough that she moaned into him. He groaned in response, the sound imprinted in his mind. He swiped his tongue across her lips, nearly prepared to get on his knees and _beg_ when she parted her mouth for him. The dreamy sigh that he let out when his tongue curled over her hers was probably obscene but he didn't have half the mind to care. 

The days he spent apart felt like torture and there were moments when he feared not being able to return to her, so now that she was in his grasp, warm to his touch, he felt hungry for her. She was heaven on earth, an angel walking amongst men. Every single thought he latched onto when he was gone. 

“Missed you." He whispered against her lips. 

She shivered. He was gentle but there was the heat of hunger to it like he couldn’t get enough of her; she took it from him like she craved it. She didn’t care for modesty, she slid her hands into the neck of his robes so that her nails could scrape across his skin. He shuddered as he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers so he could catch his breath. 

“Gods, I’ve dreamt about this day.” He mumbled. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, “I missed you.”

He sunk into her, breathing her in, welcoming every part of her. He heard people whispering and sighed. 

“Come on.” He said in her ear, “Let’s go somewhere quiet.”

He led them to a nearby field off the side of town, private and peaceful without having to look over their shoulders for nosy townspeople walking by. She appreciated it because it allowed her to cling onto him without worrying about prying eyes. 

“What happened?” She whispered, seated in his lap, her fingers drawing over his face like she was trying to memorize him.

His hand smoothed down her back, “It doesn’t matter, it’ll just make you worry. I’m just happy to be back with you.”

“I need to know.” She said firmly, “You were gone for 3 days. Even longer if you count the time you were missing when the Prince was there. You owe me that much.”

He hummed, pressing her lips to her neck, “I was coming back from the Princess’s palace and saw the rebels approaching when I tried to hide, I ended up falling down the side of the hill. I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t make it back onto the path. Luckily a farmer found me and brought me into town. He patched me up and let me rest before bringing me back.”

“Are you okay? Are your injuries serious?” Worry filled her eyes as she sat up, her knees spread on either side of him while cupping his face. “Have you been to the palace? You should see Kun.”

“Sunflower.” He murmured, pulling her hands away, “I am better now. None of my injuries were serious but I’ve had time to heal. I promise to see Kun. Everything is fine.”

She frowned, “I was worried sick for _days.”_

“How shall I make it up to you, love?” He brushed his nose along her cheek. “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

She pinched his side to not distract herself from the shivers that came along with his unspoken promises, “Don’t distract me.”

He chuckled before leaning back to lay on the grass, tugging her down with him so she was rested on top of him. She snuggled against him, “Have you spoken to the Prince, yet? He was worried sick.”

“I’ve sent word to the palace but I had to come see you first.” His fingers trailed lazily up and down her back. He wished he could stay here with her forever.

She smiled and closed her eyes as she listened to the calming staccato of his heart, “Have you heard about his bride?”

“Ah yes, I know his parents are devastated but I’m sure he is over the moon. Probably the first man to rejoice being rejected.” Taeyong said with a tired chuckle. "He was miserable the entire trip, dreading the meeting. Turns out it was all for nothing."

She scoffed, “I am annoyed that the Princess expressed interest in him only to reject him. If she just rejected him outright, you wouldn’t have had to go up there and you wouldn't have gotten injured. Not to mention putting the Prince through that.”

He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head, “Now, don’t think you can change topics that easily, my sunflower. I spent many days wishing I could hold you like this. Tell me, what should I do for you to make up for the turmoil I put you through? Flowers? Dresses? A trip around the world?”

“You can stay with me forever and never disappear for days on end.” She muttered, “Just come live in my room with me.” 

He closed his eyes, gratified that after all the hurt he’s felt growing up that he was given her by the Gods as salvation, “Can you wait a little longer? I’d rather live in an entire house with you instead of just one room.”

“Must I wait until we’re married?” She grumbled. 

He laughed, “Unfortunately you must, my love.”

She tightened her legs around his waist and slid her hands up his chest and dip past his robe. His eyes darted to her and he felt breathless at the look in her eyes, “Must we wait until we’re married to do _everything_?”

“Don’t play with fire, sunflower.” He growled, something dangerous coming alive in his veins. 

She kissed up his neck before littering sweet kisses all over his face until he was beaming under her, “Oh darling, I’m prepared to be burned.”


	16. Sixteen

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Haeun sat up in her bed with a start.

What was that sound? 

Mark had left for his parents’ house which meant she had the entire apartment to herself for the whole weekend. It wasn’t until she was laying down in the dark that she remembered this was the first time she’d be spending a night alone. Mark was usually always in his room. 

Every little sound sounded sinister.

A creak. Was someone walking around in her house?

A thump. Was someone trying to break in?

A scratch. Was it a rabid animal clawing their way in?

A rattle. Was someone climbing up the side of her building?

When Mark was here, these sounds never scared her, even when she fell asleep before he came home. Just knowing that someone else was in the house with her brought her a sense of ease. But at this rate, she wasn’t going to get a _wink_ of sleep. 

A sudden loud thud was the final straw and sent her fumbling for her phone and stabbed at her contacts and cowered under her blanket until someone picked up. 

“H’llo?” He rasped.

“Taeyong! Thank god! Help me!” She whisper-shrieked. 

The sound of blankets rustling rang through the phone, “Woah, woah, Haeun? What’s going on?”

“My apartment is making noises and I’m _freaking_ out. I think someone’s in my living room menacingly knocking things over.” She whispered. 

His croaky laugh filled her ear, “Is Mark at his parents’ this weekend?”

“Yeah…why?” She mumbled, shivering. 

“I think you’re just paranoid since you’re alone.” He murmured. 

She huffed, “If I get horribly murdered because of a home intruder, my ghost is going to haunt you. I’ll make you regret brushing me off.”

“Haeun…” He said with a tired chuckle. Only he would answer the phone in the middle of the night without sounding annoyed. She wanted to believe it was just because it was her. Maybe it was. Maybe not. 

She grumbled unhappily, “I’ll possess your pet cat, I’ll scare you in the mirror and I’ll mess with your laundry. I will be the worst ghost ever. I'll ruin your life.” 

“Okay, okay, what do you want me to do?” He said with a fond laugh.

She paused for a beat before speaking, “Can you come over?”

“Are you—are you serious?” He muttered.

She gulped and hugged her knees to her chest, “Yeah…could you? I don't want to be here alone."

“Um…yeah. Sure, if it makes you feel better.” He said softly.

Suddenly the fear melted and was replaced with her heart thrumming. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He whispered, “I’ll be there soon.”

She bit down on her lip, “Okay. Thanks.”

He hummed with one last goodbye and hung up before she leaped out of bed. She paced around her room for about 20 minutes before a soft knock echoed into the room. Closing her eyes to avoid seeing any monsters or demons hiding in her living room, she raced to the door, flicking the doorway lights on and swung the door open. 

Taeyong flinched before a slow smile spread across his face, “Aww, is the little baby scared?”

She never thought she’d be someone who liked being called _baby_. 

Perhaps she could convince Taeyong to only call her that from now on. 

“Shut up.” She grumbled with a warm blush, “Come in.”

Haeun stepped back to give Taeyong room to kick his shoes off. “Are you okay?”

“Um…sorta. I’ve never been in the apartment alone. Mark’s parents aren’t usually around so he never needs to leave to visit.” She explained. 

He nodded and reached over, turning on the lights to the entire living room. Taeyong walked around, eyes scanning over the area before landing back on her, “Luckily looks like there are no intruders.”

“Ha ha.” She said blankly. 

He chuckled, switched off the lights, and followed to the bedroom doors, “That’s Mark’s room. You can sleep in there tonight.”

“Got it.” He murmured with a heavy blink. "And seriously, jokes aside, are you really okay?" 

She gulped, a sudden wash of guilt flooding her, “God, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry for making you come over here in the middle of the night. There’s nothing in my room, I just got spooked.”

“Haeun, it’s fine.” He said with a smile, “I’d take your cozy apartment over a frat house with 10 other guys any day of the week.”

If he just said the word, she’d be willing to let him move in.

“Thank you.” Was what she ended up saying.

He grinned, lopsided, lazy and it took a force of a higher being to hold her back from launching into his arms and kissing it straight off of him. She thought she was getting a hang of being around him and not letting everything she knew about him cloud her judgment. 

But _fuck_ if it didn’t drive her insane that they were so close to a bed and she couldn’t drag him off to it. 

“Night, Hae.”

She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, “Night.”

\-----

Taeyong laid in Mark’s bed and stared up at the ceiling. 

What was he doing here exactly?

When Haeun called him, he teased her a bit but his gut churned painfully when he heard how panicked and scared she was. He knew deep down that she was just freaking herself out and that he couldn’t do much for her by coming over but when she asked? It was obvious to say yes. Because the thought of something, anything, bad happening to her put the fear of God in him. 

There was only a wall separating them but something inside him was itching to walk over and knock on her door. 

What he’d do when she opened it? That was another problem he didn’t have the answer to.

Rolling over on his side he stared at Mark’s bookshelf in the dark. His lips hitched as his eyes took a trip along with all the picture frames that he had set up. Some of them were just of Mark, his family, him with his teammates and friends but there was a lot with him and Haeun throughout the years. Even when they were both pre-teens, she was beautiful, beaming brightly. 

God, she was something else. 

She was confident and so sure of everything she wanted out of life and ran headfirst towards it. In reality, dropping everything to come over was a bit of a no-brainer. She was his friend, a friend he cared about a lot. A friend that looked breathtaking when she laughed, with a smile that you’d find yourself matching. A friend with soft hair. And a friend that always smelled so, _so_ nice. Kind of like the sun.

That sort of friend.

A friend he liked way more than a friend.

His eyes grew heavy and a last sleep-deprived thought ran through his head as he rolled over and curled under the blankets. 

_She would probably feel really warm under his hands._

_\-----_

Another thump in the dark had her leaping out of bed and creeping out to the living room. Her eyes darted side to side, scoping out the area in front of her before tiptoeing to Mark’s room. She raised her fist to knock when it swung open and Taeyong stumbled out, eyes wide. 

“What was that?!”

She pointed a finger at him accusingly, “Ah ha! See! I was right to be freaked out.”

He scowled but with his hair sticking out in every direction, it just made her melt. “What demon lives in here?”

She could help but let a laugh, “His name is Mark but he’s at his parents.'”

Taeyong snorted and gripped her arm, “I’m serious. What the hell was that?”

“I think it was the neighbors.” She whispered.

He grumbled, letting go of her arm, “I think I can kiss a goodnight’s sleep goodbye.”

“You could come and sleep in my room.” She offered weakly. 

Taeyong blinked at her before gulping, his throat bobbing, “Uh…what?”

“My room? We could, um, sleep there. Together. Because…um…maybe we won’t be as scared if we’re together…you know? Maybe? If…” God, why was he letting her talk?

He blinked at her and took a step closer and it felt like she was blasted by his heat, “I’m fine, Haeun.”

“Okay…” She trailed off, her eyes snapping away. 

He felt his finger twitch when he thought he saw the disappointment in her face, “Hae—“

She turned back to her room ready to leave and die of embarrassment when he shot his hand out, gripping her arm to stop her, “W-wait.”

She stilled and looked at him unsurely. His throat dried, “Actually, would you be okay if I did? If I slept with you? I mean, next to you?”

“Of course.” She whispered with the kind of eyes that you wanted to confess your sins to.

\-----

They laid side by side, the air awkward as they shifted around, trying to get comfortable.

Taeyong wasn’t sure if she was awake or not, but his previous sleepiness was wiped clean. He was wired. 

He wasn’t one to sleep on his back but he was conflicted. If he turned towards her, she might feel uncomfortable but if he turned away from her, it’d feel like he was ignoring her. 

It would be a whole lot easier if he could just wrap his arm around her and hug her to sleep like he used to do with his pillows. But she seemed perfectly fine sleeping on her back and him tossing and turning was going to get on her nerves if he didn't stop.

But he couldn’t stop his mind from racing. 

Taking a risk, he glanced over at her and froze when he found her already watching him with a gentle smile. 

“What?” He whispered.

She just smiled and shook her head, “Nothing.”

“Are you…comfortable?” He asked cautiously. 

Her smile just grew. Did all girls look like that when they smiled? Just happy and pure, like a sunflower, “No, not at all.”

He laughed groggily, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go back to Mark’s room? You probably would appreciate the space.”

“I’m absolutely sure.” She mumbled, “But can I do something?”

What did it mean when everything she did or said made him weak? 

“Okay.”

She waited a second as if contemplating her next move before she turned on her side towards him and wrapped her arm around his waist. He let out a shuddering breath when she molded herself against him. 

He was right. She was warm. 

“Is this okay?” She whispered. 

He closed his eyes and it was like his entire body melted as she sunk against him, “Yeah…it is.” It wasn't just okay. It was right.

Another moment of silence passed before she slowly slid her leg over his and peered up at him, “You can touch me too. I mean—if you want. Wait that sounded weird, what I meant to s—“

Taeyong cut her off before turning towards her and tucked his arm under her neck with his other hand around her back before threading his fingers through her hair. She fit perfectly under his chin and nothing about her hold on him felt suffocating. He wasn’t used to touching someone so easily but it was like a gravitational pull dragged him to her. Like when they touched like this, they just _clicked_. It was as if they had done this a million times before.

And like their bodies were made to fit perfectly with each other.

His heart was racing a mile a minute when she snuggled closer to him and let out a content sigh. Like she couldn’t fathom being anywhere else in the world other than in his arms.

Okay.

This?

Now, this was comfortable.

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1890_ **

If anyone found them, they’d probably get scolded and she probably wouldn’t be able to look any of the men in the eye. But when she came to visit Taeyong, she saw the bags under his eyes and the way he struggled to keep his eyes open. 

_‘Please go rest, I will come see you another day.’_ She had said to him.

But even exhausted, a dark spark flickered in his eyes when he laced their fingers together. _‘I have a better idea.’_

And he had led her to his private quarters and stopped in front of his bed. “Would you like to nap with me?”

“B-but…what if people see?” She asked, blushing. 

Taeyong smirked and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his chest. He ran his nose along her cheek before mumbling against her ear, “Everyone already knows that the beautiful maiden that runs around the palace is in love with the Prince’s guard.”

She shivered and scowled at him before pressing a firm kiss against his mouth as if to shut him up, “You talk too much, my love.”

“Come on.” He said with a laugh before they climbed into the bed. 

Haeun still felt a bit shy, pulling the blanket up to her nose as she looked over at Taeyong. He settled in with a sigh before turning to her, “Are you comfortable, sunflower?”

She nodded before inching towards him. He welcomed her in his arms and tugged her close to his chest. Haeun smiled and closed her eyes when he kissed her on the forehead and then again on the tip of her nose. It was so intimate to be in bed with him, inches apart wrapped up in warmth and body heat. 

But it felt right. 

“Are you tired?” She whispered. 

He hummed lazily while slipping a leg between hers and tightening his arms around her, “It’s been long hours. The King and Queen are grumpy but are pulling back on finding him another bride. I think they’re embarrassed of how often he gets rejected.”

Her fingers dug into his back and he knew that she was thinking about the days where he was missing. Those days weighed heavily on him too. He slid his fingers under her robes, nothing inappropriate, just gentle petting. 

Taeyong pressed his nose against hers and sighed when she stole a kiss, “What about the rebels?”

“The King and Queen are worried but everyone is working together to ensure the Kingdom's safety.” He murmured. He wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion or simply curling up with her but he felt his body melt with bliss. Sharing a bed with a woman was an intimate act, even if they were just sleeping, but with Haeun, it felt like destiny to be laying here with her.

She hummed and curled into his chest, pressing a kiss against his chest, “Sleep, Taeyong.”

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more with you today, sunflower." He murmured tiredly. 

Haeun smiled and tucked her head under his chin, "Oh, there's nothing I could've wanted to do more."

He used to dream about what it would be like to reach over and feel her next to him. It felt unreal that it was his reality. 

A little ‘meow’ had him cracking his eyes open when Yong leaped up on the bed and padded around before curling up next to Haeun. She laughed, petting him before snuggling back against Taeyong. 

This was just a small glimpse into every morning together for the rest of his life. Having her in his arms, in his bed, and in his heart. It was the feeling you got when suddenly the existence of the universe made sense. 

If he could pick how he spent his next 100 lifetimes, he just wanted her in his arms.

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Waking up with Taeyong wasn’t as awkward as getting him in bed with her. They sheepishly untangled themselves from each other and whispered shy _good mornings_ before they washed up. 

She wanted to ask him to stay another night but he had beaten her to the punch, carelessly letting it slip that he wanted to stay but couldn’t because the frat was doing some sort of a bonding exercise that would run late into the night. A part of her urged to ask him to come by regardless until she realized that he’d be exhausted. He would probably be grateful for just walking up a flight of stairs to fall asleep in his own room. 

Luckily Sunday night was uneventful, the creepy noises seizing to exist until Mark returned. But she sort of wished the sounds were back so she could call him again.

“They know too.”

Haeun and Mark were sitting in the lobby of the student center, catching up between classes over a shared container of fruit. 

“Really?” She asked with wide-eyed. 

He nodded, tossing a strawberry into his mouth, “Yeah, they remember everything. That’s why they suddenly flew back to the city. They felt guilty for all the lifetimes where they neglected me. They want to move back to Seoul and stay close.”

“That’s so nice, Mark.” She cooed. “Wait, you better not be moving out.”

He snorted, “Yeah, don’t worry about that. Although I guess I should be the one worried.”

“What do you mean?”

He shot her a look, “I’m a neat freak, Haeun. And I know someone’s been in my room. Should I take a wild guess who it was?”

“Oh shut up.” She muttered.

He snickered, “I’m guessing things are going well?”

She sighed dreamily at the memory of his voice raspy against her neck that morning, “I swear, even if I didn’t know anything about our pasts either, I would’ve fallen in love all over again.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jaehyun grunted as he dropped down on the seat next to Haeun. 

She and Mark shared nervous looks before recovering, “I was just telling him about our Korean History project. You know, just boring him to death.”

“Ah yes, the great Jung Regime.” Jaehyun mused, “I’m sorta jealous that I didn’t pick that topic first. Since we share the same last name.”

Haeun relaxed when Jaehyun seemed not to notice the tension and just leaned over to pick at the box of fruit. He bit down on an apple slice, “Started to wonder if I was related or something.”

That caught her attention, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know, like sure Jung is a common name but I thought it’d be cool if my ancestors were royalty or something.” He said off-handedly. “King Yoon Oh sounded pretty fucking cool for a leader.”

Haeun smiled warmly at that, “You really were an amazing King.”

Oh. 

Fuck.

Jaehyun froze, mid-bite, as did Mark, before he turned to her, his eyes casting a curious look, “What did you just say?”

“I—I I said that he was a really amazing King. You know, King Yoon Oh.” She stuttered. 

He stared at her, his gaze heavy and probing. It was almost like he was trying to stare into her soul. 

“Right, um, cool. I guess I’ll see you guys around.” He mumbled before standing. 

Haeun chewed on her lip and watched him grab his backpack. He glanced back at her and shifted awkwardly, “Everything’s okay with you guys, right?”

Mark and Haeun glanced at each other before smiling at him, “Yup.”

\-----

The second time they ran into Jaehyun, they were walking through the building from one of their classes.

“Hey!” Haeun chipped with a grin, “Heard the frat’s about to a charity car wash. I wanted to know if shirts were optional.” 

Mark snorted, “Haeun doesn’t drive but I’m sure she’ll find a car to get washed if you guarnetee shirtless frat brothers.” 

Jaehyun didn’t smile the way he normally did. He didn’t laugh until his dimples popped. And he didn’t throw a flirty comment back either. He was frowning at her, his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to read her. 

She blinked, “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, sunflower.” 

Mark choked on his water and Haeun felt her bag slip from her shoulder, “W-What?”

“That means something to you, right?” He asked, his voice thick. 

Her eyes widened and Mark perked up, “Jaehyun…are yo—“

“You referred to me as the King. You recognized the name sunflower. This isn’t a coincidence, right?” He whispered. 

Tears filled her eyes, “Wait…you know? You remember?”

“Y-Yeah.” He whispered, his own eyes glazing over, “How long have you known?”

She wiped at her face and gave him a hug before Mark joined in. Jaehyun hugged them back, a stunned laugh escaping his lips. Relief filled her, someone from Taeyong’s side remembered for the first time. 

And of all people, it was Jaehyun, someone who had been a life long friend. 

“Since Taeyong came into class on the first day.” She mumbled. 

Jaehyun stopped moving and pulled back, “What do you mean? I remembered that day too. You knew this entire time?”

“Yeah! So did you. Why didn’t you ever say anything?” She asked. She was still trembling from this revelation. 

Jaehyun nudged them off to the side, “It was weird, Taeyong didn’t seem to know anything. Then when I talked to you, you were a little off but you never acknowledged me like you used to when you remembered either. Same with Doyoung and Johnny. That’s why I assumed that I was the only one who remembered. I tried pushing you and Taeyong together hoping you'd both remember but that was it. Didn't you notice how I stopped flirting with since that day? It felt weird hitting on my best friend's girl.” 

“A lot of us know now.” Mark said, “Me, Haeun, our parents, and some of Haeun’s friends. But it was all people who knew Haeun before they knew Taeyong. You’re the first person who sorta ruined that theory. But there are a ton of inconsistencies in this lifetime.”

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, “So Haeun you know but Taeyong doesn’t…shit. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah.” She said softly, “It was hard but we’re doing okay. I’m trying to rekindle things the old fashion way.”

He winced, “That sucks. But I’m guessing the reason he vanished Saturday night was a good sign.”

She grinned, feeling the rush of catching up with a good friend fill her. “It’s going well but it’s still hard to adapt.”

Mark pursed his lips, “We don’t know what happened. We’ve been trying to figure out why so many people in our lives don’t remember.”

“We thought it might have something to do with the three days he went missing when you went to visit your bride.” She explained.

Jaehyun face twisted, “Really?”

“Do you remember anything from then?”

Jaehyun hesitated for a second, his face filling with anxiety before sighing. “I think we should go somewhere private.”

\-----

They sat in his room and he rubbed his hands nervously, “Honestly, I don’t know what happened during those three days, but I could maybe give you a little bit of context of that time.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked. 

He let out a deep breath, “Do you remember how before my parents started looking for a bride, there was tension at the palace?”

“Yeah.” Haeun mumbled, “Taeyong was really worried about you.”

He nodded, “It was because my parents found me with a woman.”

Mark and Haeun’s jaw dropped, “A woman?”

“A woman who was of neither the royal or noble class.” He whispered. “They were furious and that’s what prompted them to find a bride.”

“Wait—a woman…you were in love or—“

He smiled bitterly as his gaze dropped, “So much. She was…she was everything to me. The world made sense when it came out of her mouth. I knew what my duties were and I did everything in my power not to fall for her but it was impossible. The minute I saw her I knew I was done for. I swore I wouldn’t be able to love another woman the way I loved her. My heart was hers. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to rule the country with her. The people would’ve adored her.”

“I can’t believe this.” Haeun whispered, “I had no idea.”

He nodded, “No one did, other than Taeyong.”

“He knew?”

He hummed in affirmation, “He walked in on us kissing. I thought he would tell my parents, but he promised to keep my secret, in fact, he'd be the one helping us havd time to spend together in private, making sure no one ever walked in on us. He wanted to give me a chance to be happy, but he always reminded me that the secret would come out on its own and I’d have to make decisions.”

“Who was she?” Mark asked.

Jaehyun tilted his head up with a fond smile, “My robe maker.”

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1887_ **

“Please stop _staring_ , Your Highness.” She muttered as she slid a pin through the hem of his robes. 

Jaehyun only smiled, his eyes skimming over her hair that she had hastily tied up to keep it out of her eyes as she worked. She was breathtaking. 

Always was. 

The minute she was introduced to him, his heart was hers. She was beautiful, talented and spoke kindly and firmly with interesting things to say. Every moment they spent together only spiraled him further and further in love with her. 

She had been appalled at his unabashed compliments and adoring words at first because he was forbidden royalty but eventually her own heart took over.

Through secret meetings and kisses shared in the shadows and behind locked doors, their love bloomed into something that had him by the throat. 

“I cannot help if the woman in front of me is trying to rival the decadence of the robes she makes with her own beauty.” He teased.

She shot him a weak glare, “You truly are a Prince, too sweet with your words. It’s all those cinnamon cakes you eat.”

His smile only grew when she stood, face to face with him. He cupped her face, his thumbs running over her skin, “Only for you, little bird. And I believe the rose cakes are our favourites now.”

She rolled her eyes at the mention of their secret favourite snack they'd share together but smiled nonetheless, letting him grace her with a kiss. “You know, you’ve been requesting me to work so often, I’m sure your parents will be curious as to why their son requires so many robes.”

“My parents adore your work, they love seeing me in your creations. You are so talented, I will make sure you make my robes when I am King.”

She stilled, her smile tensing before she slipped out of his hold and busied herself with her basket of sewing equipment, “I would be honored.”

He frowned and moved quickly to her side, brushing her hair off her face, “What’s wrong, little bird?”

“I apologize, sometimes I am unprepared to hear you speak about becoming King.” She mumbled.

His fingers skimmed over every part of her that he could reach and her muscles automatically unwound. “Hmm, perhaps you’re right. It would be unfit for a Queen to also be making her husband’s robes.”

Her eyes widened and darted to his. He smiled but she smacked her hand against his chest sharply, “Do not say such things, Your High—“

“How many times have I begged you to call me Jaehyun?” He said, cutting her off.

She huffed, “Jaehyun, please do not fill my head with fantasies and false promises. I am not fit to be a Queen and it would certainly not be allowed by any nobility or royal that you marry a lowly robe maker.”

His jaw tensed, “You are not lowly. You have a talent that could rival your mentor and anyone who has ever picked up a needle. You should be revered.”

“That is not how society works, Jaehyun.” She mumbled. 

He pulled her to him, brushing his lips against her, “I will not bend for society. You are the only woman I love. The only woman who listens to my woes and challenges me when I become too narrow-minded. You are full of passion and drive. You are far superior than any class. You make me incredibly happy, little bird. I pray I make you a fraction as happy.”

“You do.” She whispered, “You make me so happy that even though what we are doing is risking everything, I run headfirst to you. Because I love you.”

He kept his gaze steady, “Then, if I cannot marry you, I will not marry at all.”

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

“Jaehyun, where are we going?” Haeun whispered as she and Mark tried to keep up with him as he barrelled down the hallways. 

His hands were shaking, “When I told my parents that I wanted to marry her, they forbid it. The more I pushed, the angrier they got. They told me that if I don’t get married to a Princess or Noblewoman, they would fire her. And if you get fired by the palace, you won’t be able to find work anywhere. I knew how much she loved her job, so I agreed. They sent her off to another palace to work. I hadn’t seen her since then. When the Princess rejected my proposal, I had the chance to follow my heart. I spent months convincing my parents to let me rule without a Queen.”

“So they were more likely to let you rule without a Queen than let you marry the one you wanted?” Mark gaped. 

Jaehyun laughed coarsely, “Fucked up, right?” 

“But in your other lives, why couldn’t you be with her? You weren’t Royalty or a public figure.” Haeun asked. 

Jaehyun slowed his steps until he stood outside a classroom door, “Something was always stopping us. Just like how you and Taeyong were destined to fall in love, I was destined to fall in love and never be with her.”

Haeun felt her throat close at the thought of someone who she had loved and cared for so much had his heartbroken over and over again. He never showed that side to her, always smiling and laughing. Taeyong must’ve known but he was probably keeping it to himself for Jaehyun’s sake. 

“Why are we here?” She whispered. 

Jaehyun gulped and nodded through the glass, “That’s her.”

Mark and Haeun peeked over to see the girl with her back turned. Haeun looked back at him, “You know she’s here? Have you ever spoke to her? To see if she remembers?”

“We spoke a few times, but she didn’t seem to recognize me. It was too hard after a while, so I stopped seeing her as often.” He murmured. 

Mark gulped, “Jaehyun, why are we here?”

This time, the question sounded heavier. 

Jaehyun reached for the knob, “Figured it was now or never.”

They watched him step in before they followed behind him. The girl stood, not noticing them, and walked over to roll a mannequin out. Haeun’s eyes widened when it was dressed in ancient robes. 

“I had a hunch.” Jaehyun mumbled as he stared at the robes that were an exact replica of the ones he used to wear, “That maybe she remembered just like you but chose not to tell anyone.”

When the door slammed shut behind them, the girl didn’t flinch and continued to fuss with the robe, “The studio is closed for students only.”

“We came to see you, actually.” 

Her head jerked at the sound of Jaehyun’s voice and she turned. Haeun pursed her lips, something about her, with the long black hair and striking features, seemed familiar. 

The girl’s eyes were filled with shock as she stared at the three of them, but her eye always landed back on Jaehyun, “What are you guys doing here?”

“Nayoon.” Jaehyun whispered. 

Even Haeun could feel the emotions that were layered in the girl’s name. 

She gulped and tried to smile, “Wow, what’s the president of NCT doing in the fashion wing?”

“Do you remember?” He whispered. 

The room felt like it was silent except for Nayoon’s breathing until she spoke, “You’re Nam’s daughter, aren’t you?”

Haeun flinched before nodding, “Yeah, I am.”

Nayoon’s lips curled, “I always loved your rose cakes.”

 _Oh._ Haeun remembered her now. She was the girl who came to her shop the same day Haechan did.

Jaehyun let out a shuddering breath before stepping towards her but she stiffened, “What do you guys want?”

“We wanted to talk.” He said.

Haeun had never heard his voice like this before.

Nayoon’s brows furrowed before sighing, “Sorry, I have to finalize these outfits before I have to submit them.”

“Can we help?” Haeun asked, “Maybe we can help and talk to you at the same time.”

Nayoon fiddled with a strap of fabric in her hands, contemplating before lifting her gaze, “I actually need a model.”

\-----

Jaehyun stood on a little pedestal dressed in Nayoon’s design. She was knelt by his feet, adjusting and pinning the hem of his robes. 

Haeun couldn’t help but smile even if tension was thick in the room. It had been a very long time since she had seen Jaehyun in Royal attire. It suited him so well, even in 2020. 

She was sure he was also being sent back to when he was Prince and Nayoon was his robe maker.

“It makes sense.” Nayoon said. They had just filled her in on everything, “I tried talking to Taeyong a few times hoping that he would remember but he didn’t seem to know me from outside this school."

Jaehyun peered down at her, “You talked to him?”

She shrugged, “He was my friend. I always felt like other people at the palace always judged me but he always treated me like an equal. Even after he found out about us, he was so kind and always let me tell him about things that bothered me.”

“Why didn’t you ever come to me?” He mumbled. 

She kept her gaze down but her voice was broken, “You were a Prince. What could I do? Take you away from your statecraft lessons to tell you that I was insecure with my place in your life and our future?”

He gulped and fell silent. Haeun shot him a sympathetic look before speaking up, “We figured that since you were at the palace, maybe you had any information that could help.”

She paused before turning to her and Mark, “Wait, you don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” Mark asked.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun said, “Know what?”

Nayoon finally turned to look up at Jaehyun, “Your parents moved me to work for the very Princess that you were going to marry.”

“What!?” He boomed. 

She didn’t flinch and just smiled hollowly, “I made the robes the Princess wore when you came to meet her.”

“You were there?” He whispered.

She shook her head, “I made her robes and left the palace. I couldn’t bare be in the same building as you knowing you were there to propose to another woman.”

“Nay—“

“Especially since you promised me that you’d never marry anyone if you couldn’t marry me.” She mumbled. 

“I didn’t.” He fired back, “I never married anyone the entire time I was alive. I didn’t keep a concubine or a mistress. Every lifetime when we were reborn, I didn’t dare be with anyone else. My heart had no room for anyone else, little bird.”

She just fell silent with a gulp, tearing her gaze away to his hem again. Haeun gulped and cleared her throat, “Did you know anything about Taeyong coming or something that stood out for that trip?”

“Not really. I had left the palace long before you all arrived in the Kingdom.” She explained, “But I know the Princess would not shut up about how excited she was that you were going to visit and propose. She thought you were the most handsome Prince and blah blah.” 

Jaehyun’s lip twitched at the bitterness in her tone. It had to be jealously and that had to be a good sign that he had a fighting chance. 

“She was grumpy that the proposal fell through. I asked why she would reject him but she would just brush me off and just wanted me to make her new robes for the other Princes she was being proposed to by.” She said. 

“I’m so sorry, little bird.” He whispered, “I did this to you. I never wanted to. I never wanted to leave you and have you be so far. I missed you every day I was alive.”

Nayoon’s eyes filled with tears, “Why didn’t you ever try for me again when we were reborn?”

“I was scared. I tried and each time my parents got in the way. I just figured it’d be easier to stop trying to find you and let you avoid having your heart broken all over again when my parents would split us up.” He admitted. "They...they blamed you for the reason I was a King without a Queen, no matter how much I'd tell them that they were wrong. They didn't want us to be together even in other lives."

"You could've fought harder." She whispered.

He nodded, "I should've. I was a coward and I didn't want my parents punishing you or ruining your reputation or career just because I wanted you. But I want things to be different now."

Haeun sat up, “Jaehyun, do your parents remember their past lives?”

“No.” He said keeping his eyes on hers as Nayoon stood. They were standing chest to chest and he felt all their past lives coming together. The longing and pain they had to face every single time. Not anymore, "They don’t. And after hearing all your theories, I wanted to come up with one of my own.”

Nayoon gulped, “What is it?”

“I want to do things right this time. I want to give you the life I promised I’d give you. For the first time, things are different in this life and it’s like the universe is giving us this one shot at trying to make this work before my parents try to ruin it. I want to fix this. I won't let them control me. I want to be with you. I don't want to run away. I don't want to sacrifice you, little bird." He whispered. 

Nayoon’s hands trembled as she clutched onto the lapels of his robes, “Really?”

“I want to spend every version of our future lives together and I think this can be our chance to change our future. To get my parents to be okay with us before they can remember and let the past influence their decision. Let me at least try to earn your trust back. I'll convince my parents and if they still try to stop us, I will fight back. I won't let them dictate our lives anymore." He pleaded, reaching for her hands. "I should've done this before. I shouldn't have given you up so easily. Please, give me one more chance, little bird."

Haeun watched, enraptured with their exchange as Nayoon stepped back clearing her throat and smoothing her shirt, “I have to go to class. You can change out of the robes and leave them in the dressing room.”

Jaehyun’s entire body sagged and his face filled with defeat but he just nodded and stepped down to head to the dressing rooms. 

Nayoon watched him leave before calling out to him, “I’ll need someone to come in tomorrow and try on the robes after I make the alterations. I want to make sure it still fits nicely. If you’re free around noon, it’d help.”

“Yes!” He exclaimed, spinning to look at her, “I could bring us lunch.”

Nayoon smiled, her eyes glassy, “That sounds nice.”

Once he was gone Haeun sighed, she felt like she was watching a movie unfold in front of her, “I’m happy you’re giving him a second chance. He loves you a lot.”

“You were with him every life, right? You were Taeyong’s wife. He also spoke with such fondness about you.” She asked. 

Haeun’s smiled faltered, “Yeah, Jaehyun was always in my rebirths, but I never knew he loved anyone until today.”

“Yeah, we thought he was always single.” Mark explained. 

Nayoon shook her head, “I can’t believe this is our reality. Multiple lives, rebirths, soulmates. This is the kind of stuff you read about in fairytales.”

“I wouldn’t have thought soulmates were real until all of this.” Haeun agreed. 

“It’s so ironic how every time you met eyes with Taeyong you found the person you loved and got to fall in love with him all over again but at the same time I would find the person who broke my heart and I’d have to replay all that pain all over again.” Nayoon whispered. 

Haeun shifted, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“I’m not mad. It was out of your control. It’s whatever greater power in the universe who is to blame.” Nayoon mumbled with a sigh. "But it's really cruel to us, isn't it?"

Haeun felt her heart sink at the thought of having to live a life like that over and over again. If she had to spend every version of her future life longing for Taeyong who would always look right past her. If she had to remember every version of their lives and love only to learn that he didn’t remember any of it. 

Would she survive?

How much would it break her to just love him from afar the way Jaehyun had to love Nayoon?

And if she couldn’t get Taeyong to fall in love with her and remember their past in this lifetime, would that seal her fate with him in the future? 


	17. Seventeen

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Haeun walked into the Student Centre early in the morning, her head pounding. The entire night she spent thinking about Jaehyun and Nayoon and how this entire part of his life was kept a secret from her. She used to think that she knew everything about the people that would be reborn with her.

But just as she had her problems, everyone else had theirs too. 

She wished Jaehyun had confided in her earlier in their past so that she could do more to be there for him like he always was for her. Even when he thought no one else remembered, he did whatever he could to bring her and Taeyong together. She could only wish to have done something like that for him before too.

Haeun wondered what else she didn't know about the past.

She walked by a set of lockers, lost in her thoughts, before stopping and walking backward to do a double-take. Well, this was a pleasant surprise.

Jaehyun had Nayoon pinned against the bank lockers, his fingers laced with hers over her head and their mouths pressed firmly together in a passionate kiss. Or multiple kisses.

Ew, did she just see them use tongue? Oh god, was that a moan?

Haeun’s jaw dropped. So much for slowly working his way back into earning Nayoon’s trust. But to be fair, she wouldn’t be much different if Taeyong had remembered. She was the first one to try to drag him away to the first empty room she could find.

It was still an eye full. She had never seen him kissing or pressing up against a woman with this much passion before and she knew him for almost a 100 lifetimes. It was like seeing a rare and endangered animal out in the wild. 

“Weird, right?”

She flinched and turned to see Taeyong standing behind her, leaning to speak in her ear. “Huh?”

“The two of them. He only mentioned her a couple of times and she only knew him in passing but then a few days later, he’s head over heels for her. Would die for her. I’ve never seen him this in love before.” Taeyong murmured. 

Haeun’s eyes softened, “That’s so sweet.”

“They’re an odd pair but they seem happy.” Taeyong commented, “And apparently there’s a lot of chemistry there.” 

She snorted before eyeing him, “You think we should stop staring at them?”

“Good idea.”

“Want to sit out by the quad? It’s nice out and I don’t have class for another hour.”

“Perfect.”

They walked around until they found a nice spot under a tree. Taeyong shuffled around in his bag before pulling out a container, “Check it.”

She opened it and smiled, “Brownies?”

“What can I say? I’m a pro now.” He teased, watching her take a bite. 

She shook her head, “It’s delicious.” 

“By the way, I was doing some reading about the Joseon period.” Taeyong said. 

Haeun gaped at him, “Like extra readings? How do you have the time on top of everything you need to do for your major?”

“Honestly, I can’t help it. I’m obsessed with it now but sometimes it’s hard to read.”

She set the container down and raised her brow, “Why? Because it’s complicated?”

“Because it’s sad.”

She looked at him, her throat numb, “What do you mean?”

“I mean think about it, a Prince is single all his life because of his duty.” He explained. 

Haeun stilled, her heart heavy at the reminder. Even though Jaehyun was happy now, it was a heavy reminder of all the lifetimes he must’ve spent suffering quietly without Nayoon. 

“Right.” She whispered. 

Taeyong leaned back on his arms, “It’s all about loss. Losing family, comrades, soldiers, spouses. All in the name of duty.”

“Everything is about sacrifices.” She said softly. 

He pursed his lips, “It doesn’t have to be.”

“There’s so much folklore that our ancestors believed in. A lot of it was absolute. Like you _will_ experience loss. You _will_ have to sacrifice. You _will_ find love. Stuff like that.” She countered. 

He shook his head, “Sure, but you should fight for what you want. Just because someone tells you what your destiny is doesn’t mean you have to just accept it.”

“I guess you’re right.” She said quietly. Just because the Lover’s Curse told her that they were destined to lose each other in a sacrifice doesn’t mean she had to let it happen. That was why she was fighting so hard in the first place. “Would you do that?”

Taeyong tilted his head in question, “Like fight for something?”

“Yeah.” She asked softly. 

He puffed his cheeks for a minute, “It depends. If it’s something I couldn’t live without I would go down trying. But if it’s something I’m doing out of selfishness, I might step back.”

Haeun wondered what Taeyong would’ve done if their roles were reversed. Would he fight for her if she didn’t remember him or would he have eventually let her go after a while of trying?

The two of them sat together for a while longer, finishing off the rest of the brownies as they chatted a bit more about their day. It didn’t matter that he didn’t remember anything about their pasts, conversation flowed just as easily between them as it used to. 

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go into the city later today. It’s nice out and it’d be cool to walk around. Maybe grab food?” He offered as he began packing up his things.

She grinned and nodded, taking a bite out of a brownie, “Sounds like a plan.”

He reached out and fiddled with a strand of her stray hair, "Good. I'll pick you up."

\-----

Haeun spotted Jaehyun at the coffee shop and raced up to him, swinging her arm around his shoulders. She was in such a good mood, it had been a while since she felt this hopeful, “Hey! You’ve disappeared. How are you?”

Jaehyun grinned, eyebrows wiggling, “Freshly fucked and in love. Things are looking good for your Prince.”

“Disgusting.” Haeun gagged as she let go of him, “I’m telling on you. I have Nayoon’s number now. She's going to hear all my complaints.”

He smirked, “She knows what we’ve been up to. She's in trouble too.”

She rolled her eyes before speaking gently, "Are you happy?" 

Jaehyun gave her a smile so pure that it nearly brought tears to her eyes, "So happy. I still can't believe this is real. That I actually get to be with her. I never thought this day would come."

"You deserve it and more." She said with a sincere smile. "I'm sorry I never did more to learn about the two of you."

He squeezed her arm, "I made Taeyong promise. I knew it'd hurt you to know what I was going through, you'd blame yourself and I didn't want you to. Don't apologize."

"At least you're with her now." She said with a proud smile.

He grinned, "Fuck, I'm so sickeningly happy right now, I didn't think I could feel this way to be this happy. I almost feel gross."

“You're going to be unbearable.” She muttered with a laugh. “Hey, can I ask, what did you think when I showed you that book with your family portrait?”

He led her to a small table where they took a seat, “Honestly, I still thought that you didn’t know anything, so I just thought it was a cosmic coincidence. I thought that you showed it to me because you saw the name Jung. I couldn’t tell if you recognized me in the picture so I lied just incase you didn't see me in the picture. I didn't want to freak you out, but it did pique my curiosity, I thought maybe you were slowly remembering or something.”

“You’d think we’d be better at talking to each other by now.” She snorted, “It’s insane that you knew this whole time.”

He gave her a sympathetic look, “It’s more insane that _you_ knew. That must’ve been so hard. Just you and Mark. And Taeyong blatantly pushing you away and ignoring you. I’m sorry that this happened. Have you gotten any other information?”

“No.” She said softly, “I think my whole fixation on those three days is a bust. I’ll still keep digging but it’s obvious there’s nothing there. He just got hurt, healed, and came back. He would’ve told me if something else happened.” 

He rested his hand over hers sympathetically, “I’m really sorry, Haeun. I wish we could do more.”

“Don’t worry.” She said, patting his hand, “Taeyong and I started off rough but I think we’re getting closer. It sucks. I wish this didn’t happen but, I like seeing him this way. It sort of reminds me of when we first met. Plus, I should thank you, even when you thought no one knew, you were still helping Taeyong navigate his feelings and try to get us together. Like our personal guardian angel.”

He faked a gag, "This is too much sweetness, even for me, maiden."

She shook her head and laughed, “Anyways, enough about me. How are you and Nayoon? Is everything really going that well?”

“Yeah.” He said with a small smile, “I introduced her to my parents.”

Her jaw dropped, “Already?”

“You’ve done worse.” He snapped back. “I've seen you and Taeyong get married 6 months into remembering. But I don’t understand how this whole universe thing is working or what will happen the next day or the next month. It's unpredictable. My parents could remember everything tomorrow for all I know. I wanted to introduce them to her as soon as possible.”

She raised her brow, “How’d it go?”

“Honestly? Amazing. They love her. Think she’s amazing and basically made her a part of the family. I hope that by the time they remember, they accept her.” He said softly. 

“You deserve that much.” Haeun said. “And even if they do push back, we’re all on your side here. We won't let it happen."

Jaehyun smiled her fondly, and Haeun resisted the urge to cry. She wanted to hug him, to just breakdown because she was so grateful to have him back. The brotherly warmth that he always shared with her. 

She missed him so much and was relieved that one more person was there for her. 

**_Joseon Dynasty —— 1890_ **

The palace was abuzz with excitement as the lunar festival grew close. It was being held tonight and Haeun kept changing her robes to find the prettiest one.

The Royal family had sent her family invitations to the celebration at the palace. It wasn’t often that townspeople were invited. Usually, her father would be the only one to go as the palace would invite him because he would deliver cakes and they’d ask him to stay.

She imagined Jaehyun had a little to do with why the entire family, Mark included, was invited to go. 

“Ugh! Nothing suits me.” She grumbled, tossing her last pretty robe onto her bed. 

Her mother smiled, “I’m sure you will look wonderful in anything.”

“No, I’ll look hideous!” Haeun groaned dramatically before dropping down next to her. “I’ve tried on everything.”

She hummed, “Not everything.”

Haeun peeked up at her mom, “What do you mean?”

Her mother pulled out a large white box and presented it to Haeun. “Here.”

“What is that?”

She smiled, “I found it outside the shop. It was addressed to you. I believe there is a note inside.”

Haeun blinked and opened the box before gasping. Inside was the most beautiful pink and green silk robe with gold threading lining the hems. She picked up the little card and flipped it open, reading the ink message.

_In case you have nothing else to wear, sunflower. See you tonight. -Taeyong_

\-----

The palace was decorated beautifully, rich red drapes hanging from the ceilings and lanterns swinging as people walked by. 

Haeun’s eyes were wide as she looked around the ballroom as music floated through the air. 

“Woah.” Mark whispered. “This is incredible.”

She could only nod, speechless at the sights in front of her. She had been in the palace many times but it never looked anything like this. People were talking, dancing, and laughing, and once the awe wore off, her eyes searched for one person. 

Haeun spotted Taeyong by the front of the room where the Royal family sat. The King, Queen, and Prince were seated on their thrones, Taeyong standing by their sides. The air in the palace was lighter, Taeyong was smiling. She bit down on her lip, he was dressed in his royal guard robes and looked positively dashing. 

His eyes scanned over the crowd as if he sensed her presence until his eyes landed on hers. A slow smile spread over his face when his eyes trailed down to the robes she was wearing. A blush raised on her cheeks when he lifted a brow at her and winked at her. 

Shivers ran through her before pulling her gaze away and accidentally landed on Jaehyun who was also looking her way with a happy grin before leaning over and whispering something to Taeyong. Haeun quickly turned away just as Mark grabbed her arm and dragged to a table filled with sweets. They filled their stomachs while whispering and talking about everything they unfolding in the celebrations in front of them.

After a while of mingling and circling the entire ballroom, her parents left to speak to some of the officials and Mark had left her side to go do some more exploring when Doyoung and Young Ho offered. She had decided to stay and just enjoy the music, the food, and watching Taeyong. Her favourite pass time. 

Until a Noblewoman walked up near her with a group of maidens. One of the girls spoke in hushed tones, “Did you hear? There are rumors that the Prince will not marry and will not seek a bride.”

The Noblewoman snickered, “That’s no problem, I have my eye on someone else.”

“Who?” The girls gasped, looking around. 

Haeun peeked over at the group and watched the Noblewoman smile coyly, “The Prince’s head guard.”

Haeun felt her heart stop and her palms grow sweaty as she dropped the little cookie in her hand. She looked over at the girls and found them all staring at Taeyong. 

“Oh, wow, he’s gorgeous.” One of the girls whispered, “How come I’ve never noticed him before?”

Haeun felt her hands tremble before they curled into fists.

The Noblewoman snickered, “If I can’t get the Prince, I might as well aim for the man closest to him. Apparently, he's very close to him, so his bride would get nearly all the perks of a Princess. His name is Lee Taeyong, isn’t he so masculine? I heard he is the youngest head guard in the history of the palace and is so talented.”

One of the other women pursed her lips, “Wait, but I heard that he has a bride.”

Haeun perked up, feeling a bit more at ease. Surely the women would stop gossiping about her man once they knew the truth. Of course, she and Taeyong chose not to announce their relationship until they were engaged but still, these women should know he’s taken. 

The Noblewoman laughed, “She isn’t his bride. I just heard that he’s frolicking around with some woman from town. He’s probably playing around with her until he needs to marry, you know how men are. I’m sure once the time comes, he’ll look for someone more suitable for a head guard. That woman is nothing I need to worry about.”

Haeun felt her throat dry and tears itch up her throat. She knew Taeyong like the back of her hand. He approached her first, he loved her fully, he wanted to marry her, he had said it multiple times. She had complete faith that he would stay loyal and only had eyes for her. He wouldn’t leave her for a Noblewoman that he barely knew. 

But it hurt to hear someone be so dismissive of the love they shared and speak about her like she was someone so easy to step over. 

Is that how people would see her if they announced their marriage? Would she be seen as unfit? Up until now, she didn’t think people would have such opinions on the bride of a guard. 

Feeling overwhelmed, she looked up just as Taeyong glanced over at her and panicked. She turned away from the women and hurried out of the ballroom. When she failed to find Mark, she escaped the crowds by running into the Queen’s garden.

Letting out a breath, Haeun stood by the sunflowers, trying to calm herself down. Lanterns were floating overhead, glittering in the sky like little stars. She would've admired the beauty if she wasn't so preoccupied. 

She was being foolish, it shouldn’t bother her what other people think. The Noblewoman could be the most alluring woman on this planet but she knew Taeyong would always pick her. 

Right?

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you, sunflower. What are you doing out here?”

She spun to see Taeyong walking towards her, “It was crowded, I didn’t think you’d get a chance to step away.”

“And miss seeing you in these robes? Absolutely not.” He cooed, sliding his arm around her waist. 

She hummed leaning close, feeling overwhelmed by his proximity and scent, “Well, I’m glad I picked somewhere secluded because now I can do this without anyone watching.”

Haeun kissed Taeyong, her mouth heated against his, tasting like sugar, caramel, and something just uniquely hers. He could spend his whole life trying to recreate it and he'd never get close to the real thing. To her. 

Pulling back, she grinned at him, “Thank you for the robes. You didn’t have to do this for me. They’re beautiful.”

“I wanted to do something nice although I wasn’t sure if you already had something picked out. You look breathtaking my love.” He murmured, stepping away so that he could take her hand and twirl her around.

He spun her back to him and caught her laugh with a kiss, “You’re a dream.”

“Where did you even find such beautiful robes?” She asked. 

He hummed and kissed her head, “Jaehyun’s robe maker had made this for me before she left. She gifted it to me and told me to give it to you. I felt like tonight was a special occasion.” 

“That’s so kind of her.” She whispered, “I wish I could thank her.”

His tone dropped, “She doesn’t work for the Prince anymore. But if I see her, I will let her know.”

“I love you so much.” She whispered, her eyes glazed. 

“Dance with me.” He mumbled, lacing his fingers behind her waist. She smiled and rested her hands on his shoulders. The music from inside the banquet hall wafted into the garden and she swayed along with him. “What happened tonight?”

She pursed her lips, “What do you mean?”

“I watched you the entire time. I have to say I’m glad no one attempted to harm the Prince tonight because I wasn’t paying attention to him. You were having such a grand time but you ran out here looking upset.” He mumbled. 

She sighed, “I heard a Noblewoman talk about how gorgeous you are, how much she wanted you, and how the pesky little woman in town that you were apparently playing around with wouldn’t get in the way of her becoming your bride.”

He stiffened and pulled back, “Haeun—“

“I know, I know. I’m being silly.” She muttered. 

He let go of her waist and cupped her chin, tilting her face to him, “You will _never_ be a woman that I play around with.”

“Love, I know, I’m just being—“

“No. You are not silly, your worries are valid. But those women don’t know what they’re saying. They are jealous and spiteful. You are the one woman I love. The only woman. No one holds a flame to you. I will marry you one day and that isn’t an empty promise. That is a _vow._ ”

She sighed and looked at him, “Really?”

“Really. In fact, the King and Queen already gave me their blessing for the day we should wed.” He said.

He leaned to kiss her but she stopped him, “They what?”

“They said they approve of you and would throw us a spectacle of a ceremony.” He mused. 

She was stunned, “Oh my gods.”

“And if you want, we can invite that Noblewoman so she can watch me marry the woman of my dreams.”

Haeun laughed, her fears evaporating, “You’re a petty man, Taeyong.”

“Well, no one is allowed to make you feel less than what you are.” He whispered before kissing her, “You may have worries filling your head, but my commitment and love to you need not be one. I promise.”

Haeun beamed at him, their lips meeting again as fireworks exploded overhead.

**_Seoul University —— 2020_ **

Haeun and Taeyong met in the city, by a bakery, her choice, and spent the entire day walking around, window shopping. 

She had convinced him into buying a pair of blue sunglasses and he had bought her a pair of sunglasses with a gold sunflower on the rims. 

“What’s your family like? You don’t mention them a lot.” He asked as they walked out of another store while sipping on their drinks.

She smiled, “They’re amazing. Everything I’ve ever done in my life, they’ve supported. Like, sometimes they can be overbearing because they want the best for me but at the end of the day, they want me to follow my dreams. I love them.” 

“They seem great.” He said gently. 

She grinned, “They would love you.”

“You think?” He almost sounded shy and it made her want to bring him home all the more.

She raised a teasing brow, “You already won Mark over.” 

“I’m not so sure about that.” He said with a laugh. 

“What do you mean?”

“After that party, I went to your apartment to apologize and Mark opened the door. He wasn’t happy with me, which is fair.” Taeyong said, remembering the cold stare that Mark gave him. Even though Mark smiles at him a lot now, he’d never forget that moment.

“Yeah, he’s a baby but he’s really protective of me.” She said with a smile. “He’s my best friend. Like my brother. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“Kinda like me and Jaehyun.”

She nodded, using both her hands to hold her cup to avoid reaching for his fingers, “Yeah, exactly.”

“This might sound weird but your family life, it makes sense.” He said quietly. 

She tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“Your entire personality is someone who’s been brought up with love and understanding.” He explained. “That’s why everyone is drawn to you.”

She paused, words that she used to describe him herself, “I wouldn’t say drawn.”

“I would. The world makes us feel cynical sometimes, not a lot of people are still positive and hopeful despite that. It’s an attractive quality. Everyone wants to feel that positivity so they gravitate towards you like how cats search for patches of sunlight to fall asleep.” He said. 

She smiled to herself, imagining Yong curled up in the palace under any stripe of sunshine that bled through the window slates. 

“You know, I always thought that was you.” She said.

His eyes widened, “Really?”

“Of course. You’re gentle and kind, you make everyone feel like they know you and can trust you. Plus you’re not bad to look at.” She said, averting her eyes as if it could help hide her blush. 

His lips parted, stunned by the sudden compliment, “Did you just call me hot?”

“Um…I don’t think I used that word at all.” She sniped.

His surprise turned into mischief as he nudged her with his shoulder, “Pretty sure you admitted to how attractive I am.”

“Don’t push it.” She grumbled. 

He grinned, “Don’t be pouty. You’re not too bad on the eyes, either.”

“Gee, thanks.” She deadpanned, even though her heart did little cartwheels. 

His smile softened as he stared at her. He wanted to tell that she wasn’t just ‘not bad on the eyes’ but that she was probably the prettiest girl he’s ever met. She was beautiful and effortless and made him a little weak in the knees when she smiled. 

“In fact, you’re gorg—“

“Oh my god! Taeyong!” 

Haeun recognized the voice the second it hit her ears and she only heard it once before. Turning, she watched a pretty blonde in a low cut shirt jog up to him with a picture-perfect smile.

The Noblewoman. 

Blessed day, she’s a sorority sister in this life. 

And not the ones she was friends with.

Haeun wondered if she remembered the past too. 

She looked over at Taeyong, how he looked a little confused before recognition clicked and a smile grew up his lips. Haeun’s hearing felt like it was swelling, turning everything into a numb muffled buzz as she watched him greet her. 

“Hey! Haven’t seen you around campus in a while. How are you?” He asked. 

The girl flipped her hair, “I’m great! It’s such a shame the cutest guy on campus is nowhere to be found. It’s like someone’s hiding you away.”

Now that felt like a jab at her. 

“Yeah well, the semester’s getting busy.” Taeyong replied.

It felt like forever as they chatted and laughed while she watched from the side and all of a sudden, her hearing snapped back to normal. A harsh reminder of what she didn't have the courage to do.

“We should go out, one day!” The girl said with a laugh, tossing her hair back, “Maybe catch a movie and dinner together.”

Haeun looked away feeling her heart sink and become increasingly invisible as the two of them spoke like no one was around. She wanted to scream. To tell her that _she_ was the one that won his heart. That _she_ was the town woman who he married. That _she_ ended up with him. Not her.

But she couldn’t. 

She could only do what she always did. Watch as other women held his attention the way she used to.

Taeyong smiled at her, “Sure, maybe, you know. When things get a little less crazy.”

“Um, Taeyong?” Haeun's voice sounded shaky, even to her. 

Both of them stopped talking and turned to look at her. The girl seemed to have noticed her for the first time, her smile dropping into a nasty scowl, her eyes scanning her condescendingly. 

Made sense, the Noblewoman never knew who she was in the past, no reason for her to recognize her now.

“I’m, uh, I’m going to head back, it's getting kinda late. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Taeyong blinked before reaching for her, “Haeun, wait.”

“No, no. It’s fine, I have to get some readings done, anyway. You stay. Catch up.” She said quickly, hoping she didn’t make the crack in her voice obvious. The last thing she wanted to do was to cry in front of them. 

The last time she bolted when he was with another girl, he ended up spitting barbs at her. She couldn’t take Round 2. 

Before he could stop her, she waved over-enthusiastically before speed walking away. Her heart pounded as she escaped town, hopping on a bus headed back to the campus. 

It didn’t make sense how she always found herself in the same place with Taeyong. With every inch of progress, she would find herself set back a dozen steps. Often by her own doing. Just as she felt him within in her grasp, he’d be torn away from her.

Or it felt like he was miles away, on a different page. 

There was no way to tell how he felt about her and it sometimes felt like they weren't living in the same lifetime together. 

Haeun sighed as the bus dropped her off at campus, far away from where she wanted to be right now. 

She really needed to stop running from him.

\-----

Haeun hadn’t spoken to Taeyong since that day. She managed to avoid him without making it look like she actively avoided him. It was a delicate balance. 

She skipped out on going to the library or cafe or literally anywhere else where Taeyong might run into her. Which meant she was mainly stuck at home whenever she wasn’t in class. It was hard to ignore the itch inside of her that longed to reach out to him and see his face or hear his voice. 

She knew she wasn’t being fair or rational but it was hard to get used to the idea that no matter how close she and Taeyong had gotten, there was nothing stopping him from going out with another girl and falling for her. At any moment, he could run into someone who would win him over. Her relationship with him wouldn’t be able to stop him from being attracted to or pursuing someone else. 

And deep down she knew she didn’t have the right to be upset or hurt. If she really wanted to, she could ask him out and officially make a move, but she hadn’t gotten over the fear of rejection. What if he just saw her as a really close friend? The minute she said anything, he might freak out and push her away again. 

If some other girl had the initiative she lacked and approached Taeyong, she would have no one to blame but herself. 

And the Noblewoman from earlier made that frighteningly clear. 

He had texted twice and called her 3 times but she didn’t want to respond. Not because she was mad but because she had no explanation if he asked her why she really left that day. She couldn’t tell him that she got jealous again, not after that party. She didn’t want to make him feel bad if it was because he had his eyes on someone that wasn’t her. 

She would never do that to him. 

But it didn’t heal the hurt. 

Mark and Jaehyun hadn’t said a word to her but she knew that Taeyong probably asked them if they’d seen her around. She was grateful that they pretended nothing was wrong, even though she’d see them share a look whenever she’d tense at the sound of Taeyong’s name or only spend time with them if they promised he wasn’t coming along. 

Fine, she was immature, but everyone had their flaws. 

She put her earphones in, blasting music as she stepped out of her building and headed onto campus. With midterms around the corner, students were littering the sidewalks, either on their way to class, the library, or study groups. It made blending in easy. 

It was a big school. 

But as her amazing luck would have it, she immediately noticed Taeyong walking in her direction the minute she made it to the sidewalk. She was quick to avert her gaze and taking a sharp left, hoping he hadn’t seen her or at the very least assumed she hadn’t noticed him. 

“Haeun?”

She winced, her shoulders stiffening when she heard Taeyong’s voice over her music. Still, she kept walking feigning ignorance. 

“Haeun! Hey! Haeun!” He called. 

He was determined but so was she. She kept walking, trying to pick up her pace but his voice was always echoing around her, getting closer as his stride caught up with hers.

“Haeun! Haeun please stop!” He yelled, running to her until his fingers could graze her shoulder. “Please. Just…just stop.” 

She stopped, closing her eyes before turning to him with a smile, pulling her earphones out, “Oh hey! I didn’t hear you.”

He searched her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? There’s nothing to say sorry for.” She said cheerily. “What’s wrong?”

His face was twisted in worry, “I’m sorry for letting you leave on your own when we were in town. I was rude just making you wait while I talked to that girl. I should’ve at least intro—“

“Taeyong.” She said softly, pressing her nails into the palm of her hand, “I still don’t hear anything worth apologizing for. You were in the middle of catching up with someone. I wanted to give you privacy, you know, not to third wheel or anything. And I told you, I had things to do. Don’t worry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad at you or something.”

“Oh…okay.” He whispered, his expression still hesitant. “I just felt like you were avoiding me lately and I hated it. I really missed you.”

Her heart flipped but she shook her head, “I wasn't avoiding you. Just a hectic schedule. I figured I’d just see you in class.”

Taeyong nodded slowly before sliding his hands into his pockets, “Okay. I didn’t mean to chase you down in the middle of campus. Sorry about that, by the way. I just got excited when I saw you.”

“No problem.” She forced a wider smile and a teasing wink, “So, are you and that girl going to go on a date soon? She’s was obviously trying to ask you out on a date. You should, I think she’s really pre—“

“No.” 

She paused and peered at him, “Why not? She seems really interested in you.”

“Because I don’t want to. I’m not interested in her. I don’t like her.” He said sharply. 

She gulped, wondering if he was mad at her again if she had said too much, “Why not?”

“Because I like you.”

Haeun stopped immediately and felt something extraordinary explode in her body, little euphoric electric sparks. Would it be weird to ask him to say it again and again with his lips close to her ear so that she’d never forget the way that sounded? “W-What?”

“I know we don’t know each other well and kind of got off on the wrong foot. But the more time we spend together, the more we get to know each other, the more I like you. I look for you when I have free time because being around you, I feel peaceful and happy and like I'm the best version of myself. I want to get to know you better and learn more about you because I know I’ll love all of it. I’m sorry for being so weird right now, but I…really really like you.” He whispered. 

“Are you…are you serious? She asked softly. She needed him to say yes. 

He smiled slightly with a raspy laugh, “I’m so serious. You are kind, funny, smart, and beautiful. You make me happy. I, honestly, I wanted to wait to do this because I thought you might think it was too sudden, or maybe you haven’t fully forgiven me yet, which you’re right not to. But that girl from earlier, I was just being polite. I wasn’t going to go out with her because I want to go out with you. Like really badly.” 

It wasn’t until his smile dropped and he was cupping her cheeks, thumbing her tears away that she realized that she was crying, “Oh, no, no, Hae. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. We can completely forget I said anything. I didn’t mean to up—“

“Can you kiss me?” She blurted out. 

His breath caught before he gulped, “You really want me to?”

“So, so much.” She whispered. It was what she had spent weeks dreaming of, “Kiss me, and then I’ll tell you if I feel the same way.”

He laughed before nodding, “Whatever you want.”

Finally, it felt like the universe was on her side.

Haeun felt like she was floating when Taeyong leaned down, cupping both her cheeks and pressed a long, sweet kiss to her mouth. It was better than she could've ever imagined, better than any memory she had. 

It was like being transported to every single lifetime they shared together. Every kiss. Every confession, Every memory. 

It was a single kiss, not nearly as passionate or ardent as the ones they shared before but it was just as perfect. It was tender and gentle, feeling like it weighed more and held more meaning and emotion than she could even begin to understand.

It was simple, raw, and honest. Just like him.

A shiver ran through her as she lifted herself up on her toes just a fraction to press into his mouth with a little more passion and wanting. Even though her eyes were closed, she could feel a smile growing. His hands pushed her hair back before pulling back slightly just enough to kiss her again a quick few times. He sighed dreamily against her mouth as if she was doing him the sweetest favor just by kissing him back.

He leaned back, barely far away from her lips but just enough that he could talk to her, low and quiet like they weren't in the middle of campus. Quite frankly, she wasn’t even sure where they were anymore. 

“Dinner?” He whispered against her lips. 

Her eyes were glazed, half-lidded like a simple kiss turned her brain into mush, “That sounds good.”

“Yeah?” He cooed with a small smile. 

She hummed with a nod, “Really good. Friday night?”

“Perfect.” He mumbled, “You like Thai food?”

She brushed her nose against his, “Love it.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7?” He asked. 

She shook her head, “8. I have class until 6, need time to get ready. Wanna look cute.”

“You always look cute.” He said, pressing a kiss to her bottom lip. “But yeah. 8 is good.”

She nodded, distracted as she watched his tongue swipe over his lip. She leaned forward and to kiss him again, a little bit harder this time. His hand smoothed over the back of her head before holding her neck when he finally pulled away. 

“We should stop. I want to do this properly.” He said, out of breath. 

She smiled in a daze, “Gonna make me wait until Friday?”

“Trust me, it’ll be worth it.”

\-----

Taeyong woke up Friday morning slowly, his eyes peeling open when the sun bled through his blinds. It took a second for him to really wake up. First, he stretched his arms over his head, groaning as his muscles unwound. Then he reached for his phone, trying to catch up on texts. 

Then he remembered that today was the day that he was taking Haeun out on a date.

That was when it happened. 

His phone tumbled out of his hand as his heart began to race.

Haeun. 

He could hear his breathing in his ears and the blood rushing to his head. 

It clicked. 

His Haeun who always found a way into his life, making it better with just a smile, just a laugh, and just the sound of her name. The woman who completes his life the minute he lays eyes on her. It didn’t matter if they were born as rivals or friends or complete strangers, they were always made for each other. 

His soulmate.

He sat straight up, pausing as his thoughts tumbled over him and guilt plummeted his heart into the depths of his stomach. She knew this entire time, she tried so hard to tell him, to get him to see her the way that he always did.

He remembered every time he pushed her away, ignorant of the pain and heartbreak he caused her, it was flashing in his mind like a horror movie. The distant way he brushed her off when she first came up to him, the tense conversation at the cafe, him kissing another girl in front of her, snapping at her in the kitchen of the frat house. All of it.

He must’ve broken her heart a hundred times over a short couple of months. Tears pricked his eyes as he threw his covers off and stumbled off his bed. How could he have done this to her? How was still trying to get close to him despite his coldness? And why the hell did this happen to them?

Taeyong’s hand shook as he brushed his teeth, trying to focus while his thoughts choked him. What if she hated him? Blamed him for how much she was hurt? She had every right to and it’d only be fair but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to breathe properly if she pushed him away. 

He paused when he spit out the toothpaste and braced himself against the sink. 

That was exactly what he did to her. Push her away until all they shared were small moments and him asking her out on a first date and a little kiss. Although those moments meant a lot of him, he knew it wasn’t enough. 

She deserved so much more than that. 

Washing his face, he threw on some nice clothes, in the colours that he knew she’d like before running out the door to her. 

To the other half of his heart. 

He didn’t even realize that he was chanting, no, _begging_ for her to give him a second chance and give him a chance to apologize. He knew her, knew that she’d forgive him and scold him for apologizing in the first place for something out of his control, but he needed to earn it. To deserve her again. When he made it to her building, he tried the elevator, when it took forever to come, he abandoned it and ran up the stairs. 

He'd earn it. Even if she forgave him, he'd make sure to earn her love. Make up for every tear, every second of sadness he caused her. Treat her like the damn goddess that she was. 

He tripped, slamming his knee against the sharp edge of a step but barely paid attention to the sting and just forced himself to get back up and make it up 4 more flights of stairs before racing down Haeun’s hallway. He stopped at her apartment before stopping to catch his breath. 

For a minute, he hesitated, his mind couldn’t pick one thing he would say when he saw her. Apologize? Kiss her? Tell her how much he missed her? Ask her out? Beg for forgiveness?

Taeyong’s hand was shaking when he banged on the door. He winced before trying again softer. A few seconds passed and he panicked, thinking that she wasn’t home when the door swung open. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

He was so in love. 

Her hair was curled down her shoulders, she was dressed in a thin knit sweater, ripped jeans and heeled boots. Haeun tilted her head and he caught sight of the sunflower print ribbon in her hair.

She was perfect. 

Like she was dipped in gold. 

He wanted to kiss her breathless, fill her with love and pull that ribbon out of her hair with his own hands. He needed to make up for all the days he left her on her own. God, she looked so sweet that it was in his soul to wreck her with ecstasy in the best ways possible.

He'd give her everything, even the shirt off his back.

Taeyong felt his heart come alive, like this entire time it was just a dry wick until she struck a match and ignited him.

“Sunflower, I found you.” He whispered with a teary smile. “I’m sorry it took me so long. Thank you for waiting for me.”

In this life they were 23 when she broke his heart.

Haeun’s lips parted and her eyes darted around his face before she frowned. 

“Uhh...oh! You’re in my Korean History class.”

He immediately knew something was wrong. Even if she still thought he didn't remember her, she wouldn't greet him like that. He had just asked her out on a date, they knew each other.

So why did it look like she struggled to remember who he was?

He felt his throat tighten, “W-Wait, what? Haeun? Don't you remember me? It's me. I'm--I remember everything now."

“Taeyong, right?” She asked. "Remember what? Did we have an assignment?"

No. No. No. 

Haeun slugged her backpack over her shoulder before closing the door behind her and locking it. She looked back at him and gave him a polite smile. The kind of smile you give your neighbour, your classmate, your coworker. Not the kind of smile you give your soulmate. 

She didn't remember him. 

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” She asked with a confused look before she glanced at her watch, “Shit. Actually, I’m running late, you have my number right? You can ask Jaehyun for it if you don’t. Text me whatever you were going to say. Sorry to run!”

He was stunned into a silence before she gave him one more of those awful, heart-wrenching smiles. 

“See ya later.”


	18. Eighteen

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

When you’re free-falling, the worst feeling is when you reach your hand out and close your fist, hoping to grab onto something that will stop you from hitting the ground. 

And then realizing there’s nothing there to hold onto. 

Taeyong felt that helpless, frantic spiraling when Haeun turned the corner and he was left scrambling with the realization that somehow the roles had reversed and his soulmate had completely forgotten who he was other than the guy in one of her classes. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood in front of her door, swaying in a daze. It wasn’t until Mark turned the corner and walked toward him that he snapped out of his trance and braced himself. 

“Mark?” He called softly. 

The said boy blinked at him, nudging a pair of circle frames up his nose, “Yeah? Oh, you’re from NCT, right? Did Jaehyun send you? Make sure Haeun doesn’t see you, she’s going to lose it if she thinks he’s trying to recruit me.”

Taeyong couldn’t match his teasing smile and just felt his hands tremble, “Do you know my name?”

“Uh…no, sorry, I don’t know too many of the NCT guys other than Jaehyun, Johnny and Doyoung.” He said skeptically. “What’s your name?”

Taeyong took a step back like he was punched in the gut before turning on his heel and racing out of the apartment. Mark watched him run before tilting his head.

“Weird guy.”

\-----

Taeyong ran across campus, ignoring everyone who cast him curious looks when they saw him sweating before he barged into the frat house. 

He heard his name being called but none of it registered as he climbed the stairs and swung open Jaehyun’s door. 

Nayoon was sitting on Jaehyun’s bed, Jaehyun was sitting by his desk and they both froze mid-sentence when Taeyong nearly keeled over. “Taeyong? What's wrong?"

“Your Highness.” He blubbered out, his eyes watering. 

Jaehyun shot up in seat, Nayoon staring in silent shock, “Taeyong? I told you not to call me Your Highness when we’re alone.”

Taeyong let out a strangled sound of relief before stumbling into his friend’s arms with sob, “Thank the Gods.”

“I can’t believe this.” Jaehyun whispered, his eyes wide with shock, “Y-You remember. You finally remember. This…this is amazing.”

Nayoon launched off the bed, her arms wrapping around the both of them, “I’m so happy.”

Jaehyun laughed joyfully, “Fucking finally. Took you long enough. The family’s finally all back together.”

He pulled back, his gleeful smile falling at the sight of distress written over his friend’s face with tears down his cheeks, “What’s wrong?”

“She doesn’t remember.” His voice cracked as he heaved. 

Nayoon’s face crumpled, “No, that doesn’t make sense. Just yesterday she was talking to me.”

“You both knew?” Taeyong asked, confused. 

Jaehyun nodded, leading his friend to take a seat on his bed, “Yeah, me, Nayoon, Mark, Haeun and some of Haeun’s friends she used to travel with all remembered. You’re saying she doesn’t anymore?”

“I remembered this morning when I thought about the date we were supposed to have. I ran to her place to see her and she acted like I was some guy in her history class that she barely knew. Mark too, he thought you sent me to try to recruit him.” He whispered, pressing his hands to his eyes. 

“Gods.” Nayoon whispered, shooting Jaehyun a worried look. 

He just shook his head, “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Taeyong’s fingers clutched his shirt like he was trying to rip out his heart, “You should’ve seen her. She’s so fucking beautiful, I love her so much. She barely looked at me. I’m such a jackass. I fucking hurt her so much. I remember every single time she tried to get close to me. I just pushed her away.”

“Taeyong…” Nayoon said softly. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, “I yelled at her. I’m her soulmate and I kissed someone else and then yelled at her. I deserve this. She probably hates me. Oh my god.”

“Stop.” Jaehyun said firmly, his glare sharp, “It’s not your fault. You forgot. You didn’t remember anything from your past. That’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for not having multiple lifetimes worth of memories.”

He whimpered before looking up at Jaehyun and Nayoon, “What did she say about me?”

Jaehyun shifted, “I didn’t know that she knew who you were until a few weeks ago but I know that she loved you, so much. She never blamed you or felt angry at you. Just being around you made her so fucking happy. When you asked her on that date, she ran to us, nearly tackled us to the ground, she was over the goddamn moon.”

Nayoon nodded, “She even asked me to help her pick out an outfit. She was going to wear that sunflower bow that she wore when you two first met. Even the smallest thing you did made her so happy. She loves you, she never stopped.”

“Fuck.” Taeyong whimpered, “I made her sad though, didn’t I?”

Jaehyun lowered her eyes, “Yeah, you did. She cried a lot. She went through hell dealing with the distance and seeing you with other girls. She had to figure out what future the two of you had if any at all. That’s the truth. But it’s also true how much she loved you and never resented you. It’s not your fault.”

“How did she last so long?” He muttered, wiping his eyes.

Nayoon smiled slightly, “Because she wanted to fight for you the same way you’d fight for her.”

“What do I do now?” He whispered, “She doesn’t even remember how we became friends over the last couple of months.”

Jaehyun slid his hands into his pockets, “She may not have made you remember but she made so much progress that you asked her out on a date. Maybe you can make that happen again.”

“I always promised I’d find her, that I’d love her no matter what. I can’t believe I did this to her.” He whispered. 

Suddenly footsteps thundered up the stairs and for the second time, the door to Jaehyun’s room swung open. 

Doyoung and Johnny had their eyes wide and just stared at the others with a familiarity that they never had until today. 

“What the fuck is happening?”

\-----

“I’m sorry, Taeyong.” Doyoung said softly, “I’m sure there must be _something_ inside both of you that can trigger her memory.”

“Yeah, it worked for you, didn’t it?” Johnny added.

They were all seated on Jaehyun’s floor, after having caught up with everything that had transpired since the semester started. 

Taeyong’s tears had dried and just turned into a soft throbbing in his head, “I have no idea what caused my memory to return and hers to disappear.”

Jaehyun massaged his temples, “She doesn’t remember you two working on the history project together?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He murmured. “But she remembers you.”

Nayoon chewed on her lip, “Maybe she forgot everything from when she first met you. Her memory was probably screwed up with replacement memories because otherwise, she’d be missing months.”

Doyoung frowned, “How did this even happen? Did she ever get close to figuring it out? We’ve never _not_ remembered all at the same time.”

“She and Mark did a lot of research.” Jaehyun explained, “They had a theory but I’m not sure how good it was, I know they were skeptical themselves but they didn’t want to leave a single stone unturned.”

Taeyong looked at him with a frown, “What was it?”

“Haeun was sure that the days you went missing after you left to travel to the palace where the Princess I was to marry lived had something to do with it.” Jaehyun said. 

Taeyong blinked at his friend before his brows knit together in thought. Doyoung recognized that look, it was one he saw a lot as guards under Taeyong’s leadership, “Was she right?”

Taeyong gulped nervously, “Guys, how many lives would you say we've had?”

“What do you mean?”

His leg began to shake erratically, “If you had to estimate how many times we were reborn, what would you guess?”

“I don’t know…” Nayoon started, “Probably a hundred.”

Jaehyun nodded at her, “Yeah, I’d say so.”

Doyoung and Johnny agreed and Taeyong felt his vision tunnel and a loud ringing in his ears, “Oh my gods.”

Everyone sat up in alarm, crowding him, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Taeyong looked up and everyone felt silent, their jaws dropped at the anguish and pain reflected in his glassy eyes as tears filled the rim. 

“It was me. This is all my fault.”

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1890_ **

Taeyong panted, his lungs burning, sweat dripping down the sides of his face as he stared up at the grand palace in front of him. The trek up had been laborious, the sun set came with a sharp drop in temperature, and his body was stiff with tension. 

With the rebels approaching, there would be no way the Prince, his guards, and royal procession could all make their way unnoticed. If any of them saw the Prince, there would no doubt be an uprising. 

It offered Taeyong the perfect opportunity to break off from the group and head to the palace himself. His mind raced, as the last few weeks of planning and preparation culminated to this moment. 

He was a man on a mission.

Jaehyun’s future bride was only a few steps away.

Taeyong chewed on the inside of his cheek as waited to be allowed in. Jaehyun’s future was going to be determined tonight. He knew that his friend was dreading meeting the woman he would be wed to. He had been silent and contemplative the entire journey. 

Ever since Nayoon was moved to another palace, Jaehyun wasn’t the same person that Taeyong had grown up with. He was empty, miserable, and broken, operating like a machine that had no soul. Jaehyun was typically warm and friendly but he wasn’t frivolous with his emotions. Nayoon opened up a side of him that no one ever could. And now she was gone. 

Whoever this Princess was would never be able to compete with her. And this marriage would be nothing but a cold facade. Jaehyun would never love another woman and having to rule the Kingdom with whoever she was would break him. 

If this failed, Taeyong wasn’t sure he would ever be able to look his friend in the eye again. 

“You must be the Prince’s guard. Guard Lee, correct?”

Taeyong snapped out of his daze and bowed respectfully at the aide, “Yes. It is good to meet you.”

“Likewise. Is the Prince here? Did something happen?” He asked as he led Taeyong into the palace. 

Taeyong nodded tersely, “The rebels are nearing and we worry that the journey up to the palace would be too dangerous. I came up here to request some assistance from your guards to help guide us back up.”

“Oh! Of course.” He said. 

Taeyong smiled, “Thank you. They are currently seeking refuge in a shelter at the base of the hill.” 

“Okay, I’ll go notify the guards and help them mobilize. We’ll bring you with us.” 

Taeyong bowed, “It is much appreciated.”

The aide spun on his heel, rushing off to find the guards. Taeyong waited until he was out of sight before glancing around to check if the hallways were cleared, before sneaking up the large spiral staircase.

He moved quickly down the hallways, opening doors and peeking in until he found a single locked door, with lights glowing underneath. Collecting his breath, he knocked sharply on the door. Light footsteps tread towards him before the door swung open. 

She looked like every other Princess he had ever seen. She was beautiful, dressed in expensive silks that looked familiar and carefully applied makeup. Not a hair out of place, not a bruise on her arms. She was nothing like Nayoon who had little sores on her fingers from fabric burns or needle pricks. Or like Haeun with burn marks from touching hot pans or nicks from the accidental close cut. 

Taeyong tried his best never to rush to judgment but he already knew that Jaehyun would never be happy with a woman who was born in privilege and lived a life with no understanding of the struggles of it.

“Who are you?” She turned her nose up, looking at him with a dirty look. 

He bowed before meeting her eyes, “I am the Crown Prince’s head guard.”

Her eyes suddenly lit up as she fixed her hair, “Oh really? I wasn’t expecting him so soon. Is he here? Why didn’t my staff come get me?”

“Your Highness, the Prince is waiting to be escorted up by your guards as the tensions with the rebels are heightening. He will be arriving shortly. I came to request your palace’s help.” He explained.

Her shoulders dropped and she frowned, “Oh. Okay, so why are you here? A regular guard shouldn’t be in the bed chambers of an unwed Princess.”

He bit down the urge to snap at her snotty tone. She would make such an awful Queen, talking down to people below her, only bothered by her own needs. How anyone would believe that she would be compatible with Jaehyun was beyond him. 

Which meant what he was about to ask wasn’t going to be easy. “I came to request your audience. I have a…rather unconventional request that only you can help me with. I wanted to speak to you before the Prince’s arrival.”

She eyes him suspiciously before holding the door open for him, “Okay, but make it quick, I need to finish getting ready.”

He stood behind her as she sat in front of her vanity and picked up her hairbrush, “Well? Hurry up with it.”

“I need you to turn down the Crown Prince’s proposal.” 

She froze before laughing, “Are you insane?”

“I’m deadly serious, Your Highness. This marriage is against the Prince’s wishes. He is being forced by his family. This marriage is not what he wants. I want to give him a chance at his own freedom but I believe the only way I can do so is if his prospects all reject him. That isn’t possible without you.” He said. 

She gaped at him and then scoffed, “Why on earth would I do that? He is a Crown Prince, marrying him will make me a Queen. I would be a fool to say no to him.”

“Because he will not love you. He will not fall in love you. That is fact.” He said sternly. 

She smiled brightly, “Oh, you’re quite naive for a head guard. I am not bothered by that at all. I don’t need a King who will love me. I need a King who will rule his people with an iron fist and find ways to make our Kingdoms the most powerful.”

Taeyong paused, his eyes wide at her brazen statement, “You’re okay with a loveless marriage?”

“A King and a Queen don’t need love. And I want to be Queen.” Her smile dropped and she stared him dead in the eyes.

Taeyong felt his head pound. He had hoped that the Princess would be more understanding and compassionate. He foolishly believed that could appeal to her emotions and need for freedom. But it seemed that there were people who weren’t concerned with such matters. 

They only cared for power. 

They only wanted to rule. 

They only wanted a throne. 

There was no way he could let Jaehyun marry her. 

“The Prince only wants to marry for love.” He argued. 

“Then he is naive.” She spat back, “A future King should be focused on more important matters when deciding who to marry than love.” 

Taeyong felt his hands tremble, he could feel his last bit of hope slipping through his fingers, “Please, I beg you to say no.”

“I want to be Queen. I have an older brother so his bride will be Queen of this Kingdom, marrying the Prince is the only chance I have left.” She said darkly. “I will not give up a chance at a Crown.”

Taeyong felt his throat tighten but he didn’t have anything left. That was his last and only option. He had nothing else. “He is in love with someone else. Marrying him, he’ll spend the rest of his life unhappy and feel nothing towards you.”

“He will be King.” She said firmly, “He’ll have to learn to live with a lot worse than a broken heart.”

He fell silent, wondering what sins were committed that Jaehyun would be fated with someone so awful and callous. “Your Highnes—“

“Leave.” She ordered. “Before I have you forcibly removed.”

Taeyong hesitated but with her back turned, it was obvious that she was done. He turned, tears filling his eyes as he stepped out of her room shutting the door behind him. 

He used to promise that he’d always protect Jaehyun. 

This was the first time he had failed to keep that promise.

“Such a handsome face doesn’t deserve such sadness on it.”

Taeyong jerked his head up to find a shaman watching him with a knowing look. He cleared his throat before bowing. He tried to walk around her but she grabbed his wrist, stopping him. 

“What if I had a solution to the problems that are causing you such sadness?” She asked. 

His eyes trailed over the wrinkles in her skin and wisdom in her eyes, “What?”

“I overheard your request to Her Majesty. Perhaps I can offer you some assistance.” She said.

He frowned, “How so?”

“We shall make a trade.” She announced.

Taeyong could only stare, bewildered, “What kind of trade?”

She tapped her finger against her lip in thought but it was clear she already had it in mind, “I will tell her to turn down the Prince if, on your 100th life, you give me your greatest treasure.”

"What?” Taeyong asked with a laugh. 

The shaman just smiled, “This palace takes my predictions very seriously. They come to me for advice all the time. If I tell them that a union between this Kingdom and yours is cursed, they will not allow the Princess to marry your Prince.”

Taeyong’s lips parted, “Right, but what you said about my 100th life…”

“Yes dear, if you give me the thing most important to you on your 100th life, I will be willing to speak up on the Prince's behalf in return.” She said.

The confusion was still evident on his face, “But…my 100th life?”

“Oh, please do not tell me that a man as educated as yourself does not believe in being reborn.”

“I supposed that I don’t.”

“Child, the world is not as linear as you think. Our physical bodies outlive our souls but our souls do not die when our bodies do. They carry forward. Your soul will live through multiple lives until the end of eternity. Do not be so ignorant in the face of reincarnation.” 

Taeyong stared at the woman incredulously. He usually took folklore and ancient traditions seriously but never rebirth. 

His father died and never came back. Rebirth wasn’t real.

But was that all it would take to rid Jaehyun of a life that would make him miserable? 

He’d surely give up something in his hypothetical 100th life if it meant that his friend would be finally happy in his current life. He had known Jaehyun for long, known how hard he worked to become a respectable leader, how he took a vested interested in knowing what the people he served needed the most out of their King and was willing to dedicate his life for them. Jaehyun was his brother and Nayoon had become much like a younger sister. 

She was kind and intelligent, always asking questions and wanting to learn more. He didn’t think he could envision a woman more suited for the Prince. Against all duty, he helped them be together, making sure no one ever interrupted their alone time just because he believed they deserved to be happy. 

Maybe the bridge between them was burned when Jaehyun agreed to end their relationship in exchange for her to keep her job, but if he could, even in the smallest way, allow Jaehyun to live the kind of life he wanted, he would do it. 

Perhaps Jaehyun would find someone else to love or maybe he’d reunite with Nayoon and make her Queen. Either way, Taeyong knew that after everything Jaehyun had done for him, console him with his father passed, hold him while he sobbed, taught him how to fight, encouraged him to let loose, and support him while he fell in love himself, this was the least he could do for his Prince. 

For his best friend. 

She turned her head, "Of course, you can always say no and protect your treasure."

“I would just have to agree to give it up in some future lifetime, not this current one?” He asked dubiously. 

She smiled knowingly, “Yes, you can continue to have your treasure until you live your 100th life. Do you know what your treasure would be?”

_Haeun._

It rang clear in his head. 

“I do.”

But this shaman didn’t know what she was talking about. Reincarnation wasn’t real no matter what the tales said. He’d never give Haeun up for anything but a 100th life didn’t exist. The only life that existed was this one. People only had one life. 

This shaman must be such a strong believer in reincarnation that she would be willing to do him a favour in exchange for something tangible, non-existent. There was no proof reincarnation was real, nothing tangible to support such a claim. 

What would be the harm in giving up something based solely on individual belief if it was something he didn’t believe in himself? It seemed only fair considering how Jaehyun had to watch him and Haeun be together while his own love was banished.

“And do you agree to forfeit said treasure in exchange?” She sang.

Surely this was just a bunch of nonsense but he was willing to play along with her game if it meant convincing her to help Jaehyun. Though even theoretically it felt wrong wagering Haeun. 

Taeyong tensed his jaw and nodded, “I do.”

She grinned and before he could blink, she pulled out a blade and slashed it across his palm. He hissed, stumbling back while pressing down on the wound. She grabbed his arm and pulled it back before slapping a paper charm on the gash, letting it soak up the blood before peeling it off. 

Taeyong could only watch, appalled, as she worked quickly, striking a match and holding the blood-soaked charm above it, allowing the flame to eat away at the paper until it was nothing but smoke and ash.

“Well then child, we have an agreement. You should hurry and go meet your Prince outside meanwhile I will call on the Royal Family and change their minds.” She said with a mysterious grin.

"And I will make sure to take good care of your treasure." She mused before turning on her heel and walking away, the sound of bells following her out the room. 

Taeyong stared off in the direction where she had gone and caught sight of the moon winking at him through a window. He stepped closer to get a better look at it, glowing, pearlescent and round and felt his heart squeeze. He hoped she was looking up at it now.

Gods, he missed Haeun like the moon missed the stars.

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

“No.” Jaehyun whispered as he glared at Taeyong. “No. That’s not true, that didn’t happen.”

Nayoon was covering her face but tears still slipped through the gaps of her fingers. 

Taeyong’s eyes were watery as they met his friend’s, “It is. That’s what happened. I left the palace shortly after and that’s when I was injured on my way back to you all. Everything else happened exactly how I said it did. I tried to hide from the rebels, I got hurt and a farmer helped me back to health before I returned.”

“You wouldn’t _dare._ ” Jaehyun hissed before standing, “You wouldn’t _dare_ sacrifice the best goddamn thing to have ever happened to you for me. There’s no way.”

“Jaehyun…” He started tiredly, “I always promised that I would protect you. That Princess was awful. You’d have been miserable.”

Jaehyun was shaking, his entire body trembling, “Fuck you! How could you have done that? How could you have given her up for me? I’m not worth it. I didn’t deserve this. You should’ve just let me marry that Princess and gone and been happy with Haeun.”

“You’re my best friend, how could I have ever been happy knowing that you weren’t?”

That broke Jaehyun, he dropped to his knees and everyone watched helplessly as Taeyong crawled over to him and wrapped his arms around him. 

“It’s okay.” Taeyong murmured as Jaehyun sobbed into his shoulder. 

Nayoon, Doyoung and Johnny all joined the hug but Jaehyun was still frantic, “No! No, it’s not okay because now she doesn’t even remember who you are and before you didn’t remember who she was and you’re both just always hurting and in pain. Fuck your hearts were breaking over and over again and this entire time it was because of me. How is that okay?”

“It was my decision. I’m the one who agreed on my own. And wasn’t this the entire reason why?” Taeyong croaked, “I always wondered why, even though I made that sacrifice, you and Nayoon never worked out when we were reborn. Hell, I never understood why you two were never reunited after you were King, either. But now I get it. I had to wait for this life. The 100th one. I lost Haeun, but you two found each other.” 

Nayoon let out a broken cry, “I’m so sorry, Taeyong.”

For the first time, despite the heart break, loss, and pain that was cracking through his body, he smiled. If all else failed, at least it felt like he was a little bit whole around his friends.

“Don’t be.”

\-----

“So, what are you going to do, now?” Jaehyun mumbled as he and Taeyong sat on his bed. 

The others had left after the tears dried which gave them a chance to finally really talk. 

“I don’t know.” Taeyong mumbled, “Maybe I’ll just do what Haeun did.”

Jaehyun raised his brow, “You’re going to try and win her over the old fashion way?”

Taeyong shrugged, “I guess so. I don’t know any other way and I can’t…I can’t lose her. I can’t give up on her.”

“But her memory reset when you two admitted your feelings and made a date. What if that happens again?”

“I don’t know what to think.” Taeyong whispered, “But I can’t just stay back and watch her a far. I have no idea what the hell is going on but I can’t sit by and do nothing when she fought for me the hardest.”

Jaehyun smiled softly, “You got really lucky with her, Tae. She’s a good one. Always has been.”

“I know.” He mumbled, “People used to always joke with us about how surprised they were that she managed to marry a royal guard but honestly people should be more surprised at how I managed to get a woman like her to agree to marry me.”

Jaehyun looked at his hands, “Do you think there’s a way to break the shaman’s curse?”

“I never tried, I didn’t think it was a real curse. But how could we break it? Whatever we come up with, the consequences will affect you and Nayoon.” He mumbled. 

Jaehyun swallowed deeply, “Me and Nayoon will deal with what comes our way.”

“What if what’s happening to me and Haeun happens to you? What if one of you forgets?” Taeyong asked. 

Jaehyun tensed before hanging his head, “We owe you.”

“I already told you, I made this choice. I’m not going to allow everything I did for you and everything I had to go through to go to waste.” Taeyong said sternly. 

Jaehyun’s shoulders sagged, “Then we’ll figure something out. We’ll find a way to break the curse and in the mean time, we’ll do whatever we can to get you and Haeun back on track.”

Taeyong smiled weakly and leaned his head back, “Does she still love me?”

“Is that even a question? If anything, she loves you even more than she ever did before.”

\-----

“What's up, kid?”

Haeun pulled her earphones out and grinned up at Jaehyun who stood next to her seat in the lecture hall. “Mr. President, what do I owe this honour?”

“We were looking for a place to sit and then I wondered why the fuck we never sat together. Maybe it'll make me actually pay attention in history.” He mused. 

Her lips quirked up, “We?”

“Yeah, this is Taeyong. You know him, right?”

Haeun’s eyes drifted over his shoulder to where Taeyong stood. She recognized him from class and when he knocked on her door, but now that she saw him up close, shivers ran through her spine and her heart skipped a beat. 

He was breathtaking. 

“Y-Yeah. Um, hey. Sorry I rushed off to class yesterday.” She stuttered, her face growing hot. 

He smiled and it did something strange to her, “No problem. Sorry for just showing up.”

“It’s okay.” She said before clearing her throat and moving her bag off the seat next to her, “Sit. Sit.” 

Jaehyun grinned and grabbed Taeyong’s shoulder before pushing him forward and shoving him down next to Haeun. She held her breath and watched the red flush run over his ears. 

“So why did you come over? Did you need something?” She asked softly, leaning close to him. He smelled so good, not of fancy extravagant colognes but just the natural scent of soap and cotton. She had to resist the urge to bury her nose against him and take a deep breath.

His eyes widened for a second when she got close, “Oh, uh, I was just going to ask you for some notes but I got them from someone else."

It’d be so easy to just meet her halfway and kiss her like he used to. To thread his fingers through her hair, tip her head back, and slip against her mouth with ease. Like they did hundreds of times before.

“Ah, I see.” Haeun said with a nod, leaning back against her seat. 

They didn’t speak for the rest of the lecture but Taeyong found it impossible to focus on the lesson or on the notes he should be taking. He just tried his best, and failed, at not staring at Haeun and instead focusing on the way she’d chew her lip in thought or fist her hair in frustration. 

He wanted to kiss the way her nose would scrunch and press his face against the warm curve of her neck. He dug his fingers into his thigh, this was a bad idea. Being close to her without being able to touch her was torture. He wasn’t sure how he made it through the hour, pretending he didn’t see Jaehyun’s sympathetic glances until the professor dismissed them.

Letting out a long breath, he stood, packing his things up and lingering by her side, “Uh...Haeun?”

She looked up at him, eyes curious and sparkling, “Yeah?”

“Do you maybe want to get coffee with me? If you’re free?” He asked. 

Her lips parted and for a second he winced, knowing how forward he must seem in her eyes, “Sure.”

It was his turn to look shocked, as if he didn't think she'd say yes, “R-Really? Oh. Oh great.”

“Jaehyun, are you coming?” She asked with a head tilt. 

Taeyong turned just as Jaehyun laughed, “Nah, I promised Nayoon I would help her study for her quiz tomorrow. You two have fun.”

\-----

“You know, Jaehyun talks about you a lot.” 

They were standing in line at the cafe that Haeun had first brought him to on the first day of classes, but she didn’t remember that. 

He peered down at her with his head tilted. She was so effortless in the way she stood, her eyes slowly scanning the menu, “What does he say?”

“I’m pretty sure he has a little crush on you. It’s always _Taeyong is so cool, he’s a chemistry major and is doing this crazy research project with all these chemicals._ And stuff like that. He gushes about you non-stop.” She said with a small smile. 

Taeyong chuckled, “Yeah, he does that a lot. He's like my biggest supporter ever since we were kids. We grew up together.”

She seemed totally at ease and he was jealous that he couldn’t feel the same way, his nerves were fried. His heart was racing so fast that he was worried she could hear it. But little did he know that the reason Haeun was finding the menu so interesting was because looking at Taeyong’s face put her into a trance. 

It wasn’t just that he was beautiful, but it was the way his face would move when he spoke that had her completely enamored. How his eyes would dart around with a sparkle, how his lips would curve into smiles and pouts when he spoke or how his nose would twitch when he tried to hold back a laugh. 

It was easier to read about the discounted iced coffee than maintain eye contact. 

When they were called up, Taeyong stepped to the counter first while pulling out his wallet, “Hi, can I get a large iced tea and a medium citron tea?”

He pulled his card but before he could tap it against the reader, another card slid in under his. He blinked and glanced at Haeun who shot him a teasing smile before tucking her card away, “It’s on me.”

It was so reminiscent of their first time here. 

“Thanks.” He said softly. 

She grinned, “You got lucky with the iced tea, it’s my favourite.”

He gulped the rock down his throat, “Yeah, lucky.”

He was rescued when his name was called and both their drinks were set down. Quickly picking them, he handed hers to her. “Wanna walk around?”

Eyeing him closely, she nodded, following him out of the cafe and onto the campus grounds. The trees were slowly browning as fall approached, even still the weather was nice as leaves crunched under their feet. “It’s weird we haven’t talked much even though you’re like Jaehyun’s best friend. I spend a lot of time with him.”

“I know, that’s actually kinda why I ask you to get coffee with me.” He said.

Her lips parted at the admission, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I always wanted to get to know you, you're pretty and you seem really cool but I felt awkward approaching you.” He wished he could tell her the whole truth. About how even with no memory of their pasts, he had fallen for her and that he would always love her. He wanted her to know how desperate he was to have her in his life. 

But he was learning a lot about self-restraint lately plus he wasn't sure how she'd react to such a sudden confession.

He had no idea how she had done this when their roles were reversed.

Laughing, she hooked her free arm around his, “You called me pretty _and_ you want to be friends? You know exactly how to win me over.”

He bit down his smile, he’d take what he could get. 

They walked around until their drinks were empty and the ice cubes melted, talking about everything under the sun. Hearing her tell him about her life was so fascinating to him, she was different than the memory of her he had from a few months ago but she was still the same core person that he always fell in love with. 

She still had both her parents who always supported her chasing her dreams, Mark was as good as a biological brother. She still loved baking in her free time, she still liked traveling and she still had big aspirations. 

But there were new pieces of her that he greedily soaked up. Like how she was considering fostering a puppy, how she wanted to join the photography club, or how she can’t study in the library because it was too distracting. He loved learning about new quirks and interests of hers because he knew how passionate she got about the things she cherished. 

He also learned that she was doing her history project on her own, which meant that all the work and research they had done together just vanished along with her memory. 

“—And if I do decide to get a tattoo I think I’d want a constellation.” 

“Well, why not get something related to astrology? I know how much you like that.” He said lightly.

She tilted her head, agape, “How do you know I like astrology?”

Crap. 

“Uh, Jaehyun mentioned it in passing.” He said quickly. 

She blinked at him before nodding slowly, “Huh, I don’t remember ever talking to him about it but I probably said something to Nayoon.”

He cleared his throat and continued walking as her hand slid down his arm until it lingered on his wrist. Gulping, he pulled his hand out of his pocket and bolding twisted his hand out of her grasp so he could hold her hand. 

Haeun’s eyes were wide at the gesture, if anyone else were to try it, she’d wiggle her hand out of their grasp, appalled they’d try something so daring like that, especially on their first time hanging out. But with Taeyong, it felt so natural. Like their hands were meant to fit together perfectly; made for each other. 

It didn’t make sense why she felt so comfortable with him, even elongated silences felt warm, every conversation, every joke, even the way they moved in tandem, it just clicked without them trying. She never felt that way with anyone before. Not even Mark who she knew almost her entire life. 

How had she spent an entire semester not getting to know Taeyong?

Her phone chimed and she pulled it out with her free hand to read the text, “Oh no, I completely forgot I have a meeting I need to go to. I’m late.”

 _No_. He wanted to beg her to stay longer, to spend more time with him because, without her, he felt like drowning. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts that would fixate on how she didn’t remember and how she might not ever. 

_Stay._

“Okay.” He said softly. “We should do this again sometime soon.”

She beamed up at him and it took every strand of willpower he had to not kiss her, “We should.”

“Bye, Haeun.”

“Bye.”

She took two steps before laughing. He blinked at her, “What?”

“I think you need to let go.” She said, grinning as she held their entwined hands up. 

His cheeks burned before a mischievous glint flickered in his eye, “Why don’t you let go first?”

She spread her fingers open but his grip was tight. Her laughed grew as she failed at shaking his hand off, “There’s no way I can go if you don’t let go too.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to go.” He fired back, taking three generous steps back to her so that he was impossibly close. 

She was purely intoxicating. 

She pursed her lips and he swooned, “Don’t be cute. This meeting is important.”

“You want me to let go?” He murmured, standing so close that his forehead was brushing against hers. 

She felt her heart flip, she was never this responsive to someone she didn’t know well. “I do.”

He hummed, his lids heavy, “Make me.”

Haeun took a sharp breath tilting her head back. She wanted to kiss him. Why did she want to kiss him? Every exhale he let out scattered over her lips and it drew her in. His mouth looked so warm and inviting. 

She should just do it. Just push up on her toes and seal her mouth against his. He was a beautiful sweet boy who blushed on his ears and smiled like he knew a secret. She should just kiss the guy she never spoke to until today.

“Let me go and I’ll bake you the most amazing muffins.” She whispered against his mouth. Maybe she wasn’t as confident as she thought she was. But there would always be next time.

He laughed, his voice low and rumbly and turned her stomach into goo. “Deal.”

Stepping back, he let go of her hand and slid his into his jean pockets. She bit down on her lip and inched closer to the edge of the sidewalk, “I guess I’ll see you at the frat house? Or maybe, um, I could text you and we could get lunch or something.”

He was so in love with her. No one would ever come even close. “That sounds good.”

“Okay,” she said taking another step back, “Bye, Taeyong.”

“I’ll see you around, Haeun.” He said with a smile so fucking lovely that she wanted to melt. 

He gave her a lingering look before turning and walking away. She watched his back disappear before the crosswalk lights rang out. She glanced at the signal before walking across the street. 

Then it happened.

She turned her head and it was just like how it was in the movies. The way your body completely freezes in the eyes of danger, unable to safe yourself or escape. The car was careening in her direction and the look of horror on the driver’s face was enough to fuse her to the sidewalk. 

Until she was slammed off her feet and knocked to the ground, tumbling a few feet just as the car came at her. The sound of screeching brakes and loud horns honking filled the air. 

She opened her eyes, ignoring the driver running out of his car to check on them and stayed on Taeyong who was panting with eyes wild with anger and adrenaline next to her. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He yelled, scrambling to his feet so he could crowd around her. 

She was speechless as he grabbed her leg, skimming his fingers under her jeans and down her arms in search of any injuries. 

“Why weren’t you paying attention to the road? Why did you just stand there?!” He shouted, helping her up and ushering her off the center road.

“I—I don’t know.”

His hands were shaking and her lungs crushed when she noticed the glassy look in his eyes. Like he was holding back tears. “What if I didn’t come? What if I hadn’t pushed you away? I’m supposed to live with myself knowing you got hurt? How could I do that?”

“I don’t know.” She repeated with a hushed whisper.

“Are you two okay?” The driver asked, his voice panicked, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Taeyong stood, whirling on his heel, “No, we don’t need to go to the fucking hospital. You’re lucky we don’t. What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn’t you slow down? You could’ve killed her! It was a goddamn red light. I should call the cops!”

Haeun gripped his arm and pulled him back, “Taeyong, stop. I’m okay.”

Taeyong’s glare only hardened on the man before huffing and turning away, pulling Haeun away until he found an empty bench to seat her down.

“I can’t believe this. I almost lost you, sunflower. I lost you so many fucking times, I’m not letting it happen again. Gods.” He ranted as he dropped to his knees in front of her and shuffled through his backpack. 

He pulled out a single bandaid, it was crumpled but it did its job when he pressed it against the small scrape on her elbow. “My heart is racing, I was so scared.”

“I’m…I’m confused.” She said quietly. 

That pulled him out of his anger and he lifted his head with furrowed brows, “About what? How you almost became roadkill?”

“No. Your reaction. We barely know each other but you called me sunflower, you’re talking about losing me again, and acting like even the smallest scratch on me is the end of your world. I don’t get why. Is this how you’d react to anyone getting hurt?” She said softly.

He licked his lips, only then realizing how much he’d let slip in his fear-filled rants.

She shook her head, “And being with you, it felt weird. Like I knew you. Knew what it felt to be around you and talk to you. I sound crazy but it was like we were meant to be together. God, I almost kissed you back there and we only really talked for the first time today. I-I don’t get it!”

Taeyong pushed down the urge to cry and just brushed back her hair, “I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, Sunflower. But I feel the same way.”

“So, explain it to me.” She whispered, “Make it make sense to me.”

It was too hard to hold back and the tears started filling his eyes, much to her panic. He cupped her cheeks and stroked his thumbs, “I don’t know how.”

“Please.” She whispered, her own eyes itching.

He was always a weak man. 

He fought battles. He defended against threats to the monarchy. He stood in the face of enemies. 

But he was a weak man that could never say no to Haeun. 

“I love you.” 

In this life, they were 23 when they finally remembered at the same time.

“Taeyong?” She whispered, eyes wide. 

He didn’t realize at first. He just caressed her cheek over and over again, “I know, sunflower. I know it sounds insane. I jus—“

“Sunflower? You called me sunflower.” She breathed out. Digging her nails into his shoulders. “Do you…do you remember?” 

His jaw dropped and his eyes darted across her face, “I…you remember?”

“You’re my soulmate. My husband. My guard.” She whispered. 

A sob broke through his lips and he launched forward, his mouth on her headily as her fingers clawed into his hair. She pulled away and peppered his face with kisses before pulling back just an inch so she could see the love of her life.

To make sure that after all the pain, heartbreak, and cautious steps, they finally truly found each other. 

It was like seeing the silver glow of the moon after being trapped in perpetual darkness.

“I found you.”


	19. Nineteen

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

“Taeyong…” Haeun giggled as he pressed her against the wall of her apartment building, sprinkling kisses all over her face, wherever her his mouth could reach. It was like her heart was finally opened and everything she had kept inside was tumbling out of it. Elation.

There was no feeling better than this. 

Better than Taeyong’s body against hers, his warm fingers against her skin and his smile against her mouth. 

She dared the universe to find something to rival this beauty.

After kissing and crying on the sidewalk, they had raced back to her place, unable to keep their hands off each other. It felt unreal to have her in his hands after so long, with so much uncertainty of whether this moment would ever be possible. “You’re here.”

“I know.” She whispered, tears in her eyes, “How is this happening? How is this real? I thought…I thought you’d never remember me.”

He shook his head, his nose brushing hers, “I don’t know. I can't believe this. But I don’t want to question it, I'm just so happy that it happened.”

She shivered at the deep roll of his voice and curled her fingers into his shirt, pulling him close, “I missed you so much.”

“Me too, sunflower. So fucking much. I’m sorry.” He purred, kissing her, “I’m sorry I didn’t remember, I’m so sorry I hurt you, my love. Barely 48 hours and I was out of my mind missing you, I don’t know how you did handle this for _months._ Gods, I want to give you the world and all the planets.” 

She shook her head, tears slipping out of her eyes, “No. Don’t say sorry.”

“It was all my fault.” He whispered, his eyes glassy. “I made that stupid fucking deal with the shaman and I lost you. I gave you up. I don't deserve you after that. I was so selfish. I don’t know how I’m ever going to make up for i—“

“Sshh. None of that.” She soothed, slipping her arms around his waist, “You already explained everything. You did it for Jaehyun, your best friend. I'm so in awe of your soul. I don’t care that you did it. I don’t care about any of it, I’m just so happy you’re here now. I love you so much.” 

He cupped her cheek, tilting her head back so he could breathe into her mouth, “Why don’t we go upstairs and I’ll make up for all the missed days?”

Her eyes sparkled, “Yeah?”

“Anything for you, sunflower. Absolutely anything. I’m never letting you go.”

Her smile faltered and he was quick to catch the shift, “What’s wrong?”

“What if this doesn’t last? I have no idea why I forgot everything about who you were yesterday. Hell, I have no idea why suddenly, after so long, we _both_ remember. It’s so erratic.” She muttered, this was what terrified her the most. She felt so out of control and the thought of him slipping through her fingers again was too much to bear. 

He gulped, his own heart-crushing with the same fears. The thought of the shaman’s curse hung over his head. If he was supposed to have given Haeun up, traded her for Jaehyun’s freedom, why was he allowed to hold her now? “I wish I knew the answer, sunflower. I don’t. I promise to protect you. I swear I will.”

Haeun leaned her head on his chest, pressing her face against his shirt and cried in a mix of relief and anxiety, “I love you.”

He rocked her side to side, helpless, “I love you too, always. No matter what happens in the future, no matter what that curse does to us, you will _always_ find me. We will _always_ end up back to each other and I will _always_ fight for you.” 

“Promise?” She breathed out. 

He nodded sharply and kissed her deeply before running his nose along her cheek until he could bring his lips to her ear, “Promise.”

She shivered at the tone and felt her previous worries melt into a feeling that she laid dormant for far too long. Leaning her head back, she tucked herself under his chin so she could press her lips against the base of his throat, “Now, what were you saying about finding ways to make up for my poor broken little heart?”

\-----

She was sure that the security camera in the elevator got an eye full of the two of them when their hands snuck into places they shouldn’t the minute the doors shut behind them. 

But she really couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

“You’re going to get yourself evicted at this rate.” Taeyong moaned against her mouth as her hand slid past his belt. 

Haeun pulled back with a love-drunk smile, watching his face completely go slack at the way her hand moved. It was glorious like a golden halo was glowing behind him. He was breathtaking, and it made her want to spend the rest of her life making him look like this. 

“Good.” She mused, panting as if the onslaught was happening to her and not to the boy currently leaning his head back against the wall of her hallway outside her apartment door, his skin dewy with sweat. “Gives me an excuse to find a place for us to move into together.”

A violent shiver ran through him with a broken moan before he slouched forward, head landing on her shoulder, and gave her neck a soft nip, “Sunflower, you need to warn me before you say something like that.” 

She laughed, her hand slowing, “Talking about a future together turns you on that much?”

“If you start talking about marriage I might actually lose it right here, in your hallway, where I’m almost positive your neighbor is watching through their peephole.” He rasped. 

She muffled her laugh by pressing a sweet kiss to the top of his head and slowly pulling her hand out of his pants. He lifted his head, pupils blown wide and lips wet, “You’re so fucking pretty. So beautiful. 100 reincarnations and you only look better. The only one for me. Fuck my life.”

She swayed on her feet, her lips split into a beaming smile, “My room?”

“ _Please._ ”

She scrambled for her keys as he buckled his belt back. His fingers curled around her waist as he towered behind her until she finally managed to get the key in the measly lock to let them both in.

“Haeun? Taeyong?” Mark asked, eyes wide, a bottle of milk in his hands.

They stumbled in, panting, hair messed and eyes glazed, “H-Hey, Mark.”

“Wh—“

Taeyong stormed over to him, pulling out his wallet and keys. He emptied his wallet out, handing Mark a handful of bills and his house keys, “Here’s dinner money, you can stay in my room and use whatever you want, fuck, you can take whatever you want from my room. It’s yours to keep, just don’t come back until tomorrow afternoon. _Late_ afternoon.” 

“Wait, what’s going on?” He asked as Taeyong shoved Mark’s backpack into his hands. 

Haeun ran into his bedroom and came back with a bunch of random clothes and a toothbrush before dumping in them in his arms, “Taeyong remembers, so do I. Now you need to leave.”

“Oh my god! Are you serious? This is real? I can’t believe this! But how? How is this possible? Just yeste—“

“Mark, we can talk about this later, _please_ leave.” Haeun pressed, her eyes desperate. 

Mark’s face twisted, “Oh god, you guys are so gross. Fine, fine, I’m leaving.”

Haeun bit down her excited squeal and pulled Taeyong’s hand, dragging him to her room. 

“Wait until I leave! Don’t touch each other until I’m off this floor!”

\-----

“Oh my god, did Haeun finally let you join NCT?” Jaehyun teased when he found Mark in the frat kitchen eating a banana with his backpack on his lap.

Mark snorted, “No, Haeun and Taeyong are at our apartment and I’m pretty sure they’re going at it like rabbits like they _always_ do so I was temporarily kicked out.”

Jaehyun slammed his mug against the counter, his eyes wide, “Wait, what do you mean?”

“They remember. Oh my god, I completely forgot. _I_ remember too, Jaehyun. I have no idea what happened or why Haeun and I's memory lapsed, but we both remembered today and apparently so did Taeyong.” He said with a bright smile. "Everything's been restored. It's all back to normal. Finally."

Jaehyun’s face, on the other hand, was void of any excitement and instead was contorted in a look of confusion, “That doesn’t make any sense. They were cursed to be apart. How are they both remembering when they’re fated not to?”

Mark gaped at the older boy, “Wait…what curse?”

\-----

When the sound of the front door shutting echoed through the apartment, Haeun turned to Taeyong who was watching her from the edge of her bed while running a hand through his hair.

“You don’t understand how much I want you.”

Despite the rampant longing running through her body, she stayed by her bedroom door, just soaking him in. “Bet it’s not as much as I want you. I had to watch you _be you_ for months and not do anything about it.”

Taeyong leaned back on one hand and spread his legs, “Okay, sunflower.”

She blinked in confusion until a slow smile curled up his lips.

“Then do something about it now.”

Her breath iced out in her lungs at his prompt and in a second she was stood in between his legs, cupping his face so that she could tilt her head and kiss him. If she was his sunflower, he was her sun. She always felt herself basking in his warmth, and he was _always_ warm. Sometimes looking at him was blinding, like the rays would bleed through his pores. 

He gripped the back of her thigh with one hand and arched into her, kissing her back just as fervently, his tongue swiping against her lips. 

“I was so scared you would never remember.” She whispered, opening her mouth for his tongue to slip in and slowly trace every inch of her. 

Her fingers raked through his hair, anchoring him against her. He keened against her before kissing down her cheek and against the crook of her neck. 

“Could never stay away from you for too long, my pretty sunflower.” He whispered, “Thought I was going to die without you. Felt empty. My soul was missing because it was with you."

He barely pressed a few kisses before she was dragging him back to her mouth. A teasing smirk flattened across his mouth at her insistence and let her lead him. It sent heat surging and pooling in the base of her stomach and he slowly laid back against her sheets with her on him. 

"Don't wanna give it back." She whispered. "How else are you supposed to find me?"

He smiled against her mouth, nipping at her lip, "Gods, I love you so much."

Taeyong leaned up to help Haeun’s hasty hands pull his denim jacket and toss it aside. He let her roll his shirt up over his neck before dropping back down. Haeun hovered over him, her hands mapping his chest, her fingers tracing the dragon tattoo that was on his breastbone. 

He flinched at the gentle touch before smiling. She tilted her head and grinned slyly, rocking into his hips in a way that had his breath hitching, “You know the first day we met? By the Royal pool?”

“Mmm.” He hummed, his own fingers sliding under her shirt.

She shivered before regaining her senses, “Saw you take your robe off, could never get that image out of my head.”

“Gods.” He groaned, “Remember our first time ever? In the woods. Fuck, nothing made sense except you that night.”

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1893_ **

Taeyong finished setting up their tent and wiped the sweat off his brow, surveying his handiwork before looking over at Haeun. 

She was stood by his horse, using a brush to comb out its mane. This was another one of the many journeys they had recently begun taking with each other. They had gone on longer voyages on boats to more foreign lands but this one was closer by but still far enough from their Kingdom. 

They were situated in a lush forest with a fire crackling, the stars glittering overhead, and their burning company. 

The last few years of their relationship had bloomed into something that made its home in his body and was a cure to any pain or fatigue. There was something about watching Haeun’s face glow when she spoke about her travels or the blush when she’d hear his adorations that made him slightly immortal.

He walked over to where she stood, sliding an arm around her waist and pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head, “He looks good, sunflower.”

Pleased with her work, she crossed her arms, inspecting his horse’s glorious locks before turning to him, “Be serious, who has better hair, me or him?”

Taeyong grinned and kissed her neck, “The horse, my love.”

“Despicable.” She snorted with a laugh. 

He chuckled, “Do you want to start cooking the fish?”

She hummed, “Can we sit by the fire for a little bit, first?”

“Of course.” He cooed, leading them to the tree stump that acted as a bench. 

Haeun pulled off her cloak, draping it over the stump before basking in the tender heat, “Thank you for bringing me here, by the way. It’s beautiful.”

He ran the tips of his fingers down her spine, “I stumbled on it when I was coming back from that Princess’s Kingdom. The one that Jaehyun was going to marry.”

She fell silent and he cursed himself for bringing it up, knowing that all these years later, it was still a sore spot. Over the course of their relationship, he had considered telling her about what actually happened at the palace, but every time he decided on telling her, he’d become a coward. 

He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth, to admit that he was willing to trade her, their relationship, for Jaehyun’s happiness. Even if it wasn’t a real trade, even if nothing was going to happen to them or her, she’d probably be hurt. Hurt that he’d jinx their relationship like that. The symbol of him willing to trade away their love would upset her. And he was too selfish to do that. 

She deserved so much. To be treasured and valued. To be draped in expensive silks and to be lathered in diamonds. She didn’t need royal blood in her to be treated like a Princess. Ever since that day at the Palace, he was starting to feel unable to provide her with the happiness she deserved. 

He gave her up to protect the Prince. And once the Prince became a King, those sacrifices would only be more demanding and severe. 

“Get out of your head.” She murmured. 

He flinched, ripped out of his consciousness, and glanced at her, “Sorry?”

“You always do this, love, you always just fall silent, trapped in whatever spiral or monologue you’ve got going on in that head of yours.” She mused, running her fingers through his hair. 

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “I know those days I went missing were hard on you.”

“I’ll survive.” She said firmly, “You survived, so will I.”

God, she was so strong. It was coming to a point where she was stronger than him. He hoped that she would be strong enough for the both of them. “Have I told you how helplessly in love with you, I am?”

“Yes. Every day for the last 4 years.” She said with a slow smile. 

He shook his head, “I must’ve saved a country in a past life.”

“You’re saving a country in this life.” She mused. 

He leaned over, digging his teeth playfully into her shoulder, “Are you going to tell me how much you love me?”

“Taeyong.” She said softly, her eyes pinned on the crackling sparks of the fire. “There’s something I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about.”

His smile faltered at the seriousness of her tone and stared at her profile, “What is it?”

“The last few years with you have been some of my best.” She said softly. 

He chewed on his lip, was she going to say that she didn’t want a future together? That the last few years were enough and that she'd rather end with good memories? He gulped, “I feel the same way.”

She nodded, her fingers twisting the fabric of her skirt. His brows furrowed before taking her hand in his, “You’re scared. Why?”

“I’m not scared.” She said with a smile, “I’ve never been less scared in my life.”

“Oh.” He said with a blink, “Okay, I don’t think I can say the same about myself right now.”

She laughed and inched closer to him, “I’m sorry, let me try this again. I’ve made a really important decision.”

His eyes widened and his heart began racing so fast that he couldn’t even try to quell it down to lower his expectations. He didn’t want to make assumptions, but his mind had run off the second she spoke. 

She turned to face him, her skin a golden hue from the glare of the fire, “Lee Taeyong, my love, will you marry me?”

Haeun’s eyes widened and a squeal escaped her lips when Taeyong tackled her against the ground, his hand tucking under her head to soften the impact. His lips were hot and eager, gasps, and moans escaping both of them as she met his hunger with her own. Her finger shoved their way into his thick hair while arching her back into him. 

“Yes.” He gasped out before kissing her again. “Yes. Yes.”

It took her a second before realizing what he was agreeing to, “Really?”

“You’re so perfect.” He whispered, nipping her bottom lip with her teeth and soothed it over with his tongue, “Of course, I’ll marry you, sunflower.” 

He had an entire proposal planned out for the day that she felt ready for marriage. It involved a lush sunflower field he had scouted out during a trip with the Royals and a ring he would get made by the nation's best blacksmith. 

But he would take Haeun's proposal over his any day.

Her smile pressed into his mouth, making it difficult to deepen the kiss, so he resorted to littering sweet kisses all over every inch of skin he could reach, “Do you like making me the happiest man on earth that much, sunflower?”

“Honestly? Yes.” She said with a bright laugh. 

He chuckled against her neck, grazing his teeth along her skin before finally pushing himself over her, “Thank you.”

“For letting you kiss me?” She teased while smoothing his hair back with her palms.

He shook his head, dipping down to kiss her once more, “For letting me be your husband.”

Shivers rushed down her spine as she gazed up at him and the galaxies that resided in his eyes before being overcome with emotion. “Will you make love to me?”

He froze before his face melted into a conflict look, “We should wait until we’re married.”

“Do _you_ want to wait?” She implored. 

He gulped, this throat dry and heat draining down his body, “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Yes, it does.” She breathed out, “I said our marriage would always be a partnership. If you want to wait, I’ll wait. But if you’re doing this for my benefit, stop, because I want this. I want _you_ , for as long as I can remember."

\-----

He was sure that he was wrapped around her pinky. 

Logic and rationality didn’t exist in his mind whenever she was around him.

He laid her down in their tent and hovered over her, his lips finding home against her neck. She gasped, her eyes fluttering shut as she craned her neck back. His hands gripped her waist firmly and it had her shaking, “So pretty. The prettiest girl in the entire universe. I’m so _so_ lucky.”

She could barely think straight at his raspy voice before her fingers started prying his robes open without even bothering to undo his belt. He just let her have her way, clawing at his robes until they were loosened enough to push off his shoulders.

“Gods, I’ll give you whatever you want for as long as I live.” He murmured in a daze. 

A satisfied sigh escaped her lips when he sat back to shrug it off for her. Her tongue swiped over her lips as her eyes greedily soaked in all the exposed skin. The last time she had seen him like this, she was hidden behind a palace statue. 

And now he was kneeling over her, about to make love to her. 

Her lips parted as she stretched a hand out to trace over the scars that littered over his chest from years of intensive training and protecting royalty. His breath came out in a shudder as his eyes slid shut when his senses began overriding at her touch. After tracing every inch of available skin, his eyes opened to see a small fold between her brows.

Taeyong leaned forward and kissed the space, “I’m fine, my pretty sunflower.”

“I know.” She whispered, “Did these hurt?”

He gulped and nodded, “At first, yes. But then the universe gave me you to make up for the pain.”

“Sweet-talker.” She grumbled before leaning up to kiss his chest as if to soothe the lingering pain that might be hidden in his body. 

He cupped her face and urged her to look at him, “Are you absolutely sure, my love?”

“Do you know how often I’ve thought about this?” She said, her fingers brushing the hair that was matted to his forehead.

He shook his head in awe, “There’s no reality in which you’re real.”

Her eyes were glazed as she stared up at him, “I want this, Taeyong. I want _you_.”

“I’m going to make you my wife.” He growled, somehow making such a warm statement sound so erotic. "I will live to make you happy."

He reached for the sash around her waist and slowly undid it. “I’m going to marry you, travel with you, show you every inch of this planet that you haven’t already seen.”

She moaned in response even though all he did was help her out of her robes, leaving her in her underdress. He was out of breath, staring at her under him, flushed, mused, and happy. 

She was divine.

"I need you next to me, always." She whispered. "Never leave me lonely."

"I promise, my love." He murmured. He'd fight death to stay by her side. 

He wanted her this happy for the rest of her life. 

Trembling fingers reached out and slowly slid the strap of her dress off one shoulder, “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

She sat up to let the other strap fall but unlike aggressive, lust-driven men, he did not reach for her chest, instead, his hand traversed a path along her spine, his touch tracing down the long scar on her back. 

Every inch of her was perfection. 

He'd spend the rest of eternity making sure she knew.

“I love you, my sunflower.”

“I love you, my husband.”

\-----

The shaman set the incense stick by the foot of the statue before getting on her knees and bowing to the Gods in front of her. 

The Princess had finally found a husband, a Crown Prince in another country. It had made her curious of the Crown Prince whose guard had begged for her rejection. She wondered if he got what he wanted. She wondered who the woman was, who caught the Prince’s heart and if she’d be able to be with him in this life. 

Probably not. 

Last she heard, the Prince had given up searching for a bride. 

Perhaps he too would find the answer on his 100th life. 

Sometimes, she wondered if the trade was too cruel, even if it would end up protecting him, perhaps she should’ve just helped the guard out without asking for anything in return. She should’ve left fate alone, it would probably end up doing more bad than good. 

But she saw the aura radiating off of the young guard from a mile away. It was so strong that it nearly invaded her own. And hearing his desperate plea to the spoilt Princess, she wanted to step in. 

The shaman pulled another charm out, one that looked identical to the one she had coated with the Guard’s blood and placed it at the foot of the alter. She stood and reach overhead to ring the brass bell three times. 

Clasping her hands together, she prayed, “Please bless these souls when they begin to wander. Please guide fallen souls home. Please protect the lonely souls that will remain on earth missing the souls that you have already taken up with you. I call upon the God of Death and God of Life to watch over these souls.”

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

Taeyong and Haeun laid next to each other, sweat-slicked, panting with kiss drunk smiles on their faces.

No matter how many times they did this, no matter how many lives, it always took their breath away. There were couples who would be bored of each other in a single lifetime, they were addicted to the feeling even after a hundred. 

“Taeyong…” She sighed. 

He rolled onto his side so he could press kisses on her shoulder, “Haeun…”

“Gods, I missed you.” She breathed out with a dubious shake of her head, “I still can’t wrap my head around you being here.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist and thumbed his finger under her navel, “I know you didn’t want me to apologize, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry for causing this.”

She laced her fingers through the hand on her stomach and wiggled closer to him, “I know, my love. It’s okay.”

“We should meet with everyone tomorrow, figure this entire thing out. Find out how they managed to remember.” He murmured. 

She tilted her head back, “Technically, we could leave right now.”

He smiled, tucking his face into her neck and nipping at her skin, “I’m not done with you yet, sunflower.”

She giggled, squirming away, “So…I’m the thing you treasured the most, huh?”

“Is that a surprise?” He mumbled, busy running his nose along her collarbone. 

Haeun ran her fingers through his hair, “Shouldn’t be, but my heart is acting like it is. Does Jaehyun know what you did?”

“Yeah, I told him when my memories came back. He told me about your theory.” He said. 

She furrowed her brows, "Taeyong how come you never told me about the deal you made?"

"Because I didn't think it was real, I told you already." He said glancing at her.

She shook her head, "No, I mean after we were reborn, why didn't you tell me then? You must've realized it was real."

Taeyong blinked at her before staring at the ceiling his eyebrows furrowed, "I didn't remember."

"What?" She asked incredulously.

He looked at her but she was shocked at the concern in his eyes, "I had no recollection of ever going to the palace and making that deal for Jaehyun. I didn't remember until Jaehyun mentioned your theory."

"Great, another mystery. Gods, what is happening to us?" She sighed, “And I had a lot of theories, by the way.” 

“Like?” He pressed.

She gulped at the memory, “The Lover’s Curse.”

“What?” He asked incredulously. 

She averted her eyes, “It’s a folktale about a couple with the greatest love story being torn apart every century because of a great sacrifice.”

She could feel him tense up behind her, his grip on her tightening. “What the hell?”

“And it ends with eternal heartbreak.” 

His head dropped on her shoulder and his fingers dug into her stomach, “It’s not us. That curse isn’t us.”

“Taeyong, it’s _exactly_ us. Down to the century.” She said in resignation. 

He huffed, “No, it doesn’t make sense. Then what would’ve broken the curse if we’re together and back to normal now?”

“I have no idea but the sacrifice was for Jaehyun, we were the couple that was born this century and we were going to live in eternal heartbreak if both our memories hadn't come back today.” She explained.

He gulped, "Do you think that if we didn't remember in this lifetime, we would've never remembered in our future lifetimes? Like we'd be destined to never meet for the rest of eternity?"

She felt her eyes water, “We need to figure out what happened, Taeyong, or else it’s going to keep happening and I _can’t_ handle doing this again. Not having you, not remembering you, I can’t. And if this affects our future lives, I don't know how I'd live with myself.”

He nodded against her shoulder, “We will, I promise, but we also need to make the best of the time we have together. I still owe you a date, so after we talk to the guys and come up with a plan, I’m going to take you out.”

Haeun wiped away her tears and peaked up at him, her eyelids growing heavy with sleep, “Really?”

He nodded with his eyes closed, “I’m going to make it up to you, sunflower. I’m not messing up this time. I’m not letting you go.”

She grinned and snuggled closer, letting fatigue slowly wash over them. She’d fight any curse, any deity, any greater power to be with him. 

Nothing was going to get in their way. 

\-----

As far as premonitions go this one was way off. 

Haeun was the first one to wake up, not entirely sure when she had fallen sleep the night before. She yawned, her body shifting when an arm slid around her waist, tugging her back against a warm chest. 

Glancing over her shoulder, her cheeks burned when she found Taeyong asleep. Memories from the night before filled her mind as a satisfied rush faced over her. As if sensing her awake, Taeyong groaned, lifting his arm off of her to stretch the taut muscle out. 

He settled his arm over her again and a moment of serene silence passed before he spoke, “Oh my god. I thought last night was a dream. We really slept together.”

“What? The all mighty Lee Taeyong doesn’t do one night stands?” She teased, turning to glance at her classmate. Just her classmate. 

Not her soulmate. Not her husband. Not the love of her life. Not her other half.

Just the classmate she had a one night stand with.

That’s all she remembered him as. 

And that sealed it.

“It’s different when it’s with a girl I’m friends with.” He said with a grin.

She laughed. “Exactly, we’re friends, have been for like 4 months, better than waking up with a stranger right?”

Taeyong ran his fingers through his hair, “God last night feels like a blur.”

“I don’t think I was _that_ fast.” She snorted.

He glared at her, “Oh shut up you know what I mean.”

“It does feel…unreal, almost.” She said,

He glanced over at her, smoothing away some of her hair off her face. She peered up at him, “Are you okay? Do you have any regrets?”

“No. I don’t. You’re right, I’m glad this happened with you. Considering I’m the one that kissed you first, it’s sorta obvious how much I wanted this to happen.” He admitted softly. 

“And it was good right?” She asked with a cheeky smile. 

“Oh fuck off.” He said with a laugh and gripped her waist, rolling over her, “Jaehyun’s gonna be so pissed.”

She tilted her head, Lee Taeyong was really nice to look at first thing in the morning. It was no wonder that he grabbed her attention from the first time they met in class. He wasn’t just beautiful but also one of the sweetest guys she knew, “Why?”

“He told me not to be a dick to you. So instead I went and stuck mine in you.” 

She groaned at the bad pun, swatting at his bare chest as he laughed hysterically, “Boo. That sucked. Get off me!”

They spent the rest of the morning in a lazy daze, showering and sharing the early hours over coffee, sharing light-hearted conversation until Taeyong had to leave, “Last night was fun.”

Haeun leaned against the door with a smile, “It was, I’m glad it happened.”

Taeyong glanced at her while putting his shoes on, “Uh oh, is this when one of us starts to catch feelings and suddenly the one-time friends with benefits thing gets messy?”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m not that big of a cliche. You have nothing to worry about, no feelings are being caught. But hey, if you ever feel like making it a two-night stand, let me know.”

He laughed and gave her one last look, “So, we’re good, right? No weirdness. No awkwardness. We’re still friends?”

She lightly punched him in the shoulder, “We’re still friends.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want anything to get in between our friendship. We never really talked about what we wanted out of this last night.” He voiced with a frown. 

She crossed her arms, “No, but we know each other well enough. We’re both so busy with our final year and not to mention our internships and graduation. Between studying for exams and preparing for interviews, I’m not really looking for a relationship.”

“And with my labs and applying for research fellowships, it’s not really on my mind either. I just want to graduate in one piece.” He said in agreement.

She nodded, “Exactly. I've just been stressed and wound up and I wanted a way to relieve it. Last night was just sex with someone I felt comfortable enough with to do it.”

“Same. No strings attached.” He said. 

“No strings attached.”

He chuckled, “Who knows, maybe in 5 years, when we have jobs and our lives together, strings might be attached.”

She bit down on her lip, “Maybe.” 

“I’ll see you around, Haeun.”

“Bye, Taeyong.”

When she closed the door they both went on with their day content, smiling to themselves when they remembered flashes from the night before, one that started with him walking her home, catalyzed by an innocent kiss and cemented when she invited her friend in to do things that friends don’t normally do. Months of flirting and sexual tension finally caught up with the both of them.

But in all the memories that they both reflected on, none of them remembered the heartfelt tears, the declarations of love, the promises to fight for one another and the lifetimes shared between them. 

Instead of the pain of having one person remember their past while the other didn’t, they faced the new challenge of having neither of them remember at all. 


	20. Twenty

**_Seoul University_ ** **_— — 2020_ **

When Taeyong came back to the frat the next morning, Jaehyun was waiting in his room with an uncomfortably wide smile. 

“Uhh…hey man, what’re you doing here?” Taeyong asked with a laugh.

Jaehyun beamed, “How did it go last night?”

“Ew, you don’t want details.” Taeyong scoffed.

Jaehyun was too excited to care, “I can’t believe after so long you two finally found each other.”

Taeyong scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, it was one night, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“But it must’ve meant so much to you both.” Jaehyun gushed. 

Taeyong paused before side-eyeing his friend, “Look, I know that Haeun is like one of your best friends but I should tell you that she and I aren’t dating or anything. It was just a one-night thing. We both agreed on it. So before you start planning a wedding, you should know that the two of us probably aren’t going to be seeing each other again.”

Jaehyun’s phone tumbled out of his hand, colour draining from his face as he stared disbelieving at Taeyong, “W-What are you talking about? Yesterday Mark sai—“

“Mark was at the apartment when we got there, we didn’t really get to talk.” Taeyong said as he tossed his bag aside and wandered into the kitchen. 

Jaehyun trailed behind him, his face still splashed with incredulity. “Wait, wait, explain this again to me. How did this happen?”

“I walked her home and we spent the entire time flirting. I kissed her, she kissed me back and then she invited me in. I think…you can fill in the gaps.” He said while searching the fridge for something to eat. 

Jaehyun gulped the brick down his throat, “So Haeun is just…”

“A friend.” Taeyong said with a smile, “And don’t worry, we both agreed that neither of us is really looking for a long term thing.”

Jaehyun shoved his fingers through his hair, “But you’re soulmates.”

Taeyong spat out the water in his mouth and gaped at Jaehyun, “What the hell? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really like Haeun. She’s amazing. And last night was…”

“Please don’t.” Jaehyun said with a scrunch of his nose.

Taeyong chuckled before shaking his head, “All I’m saying is that one fun night with a cool girl doesn’t make us soulmates, man.”

Jaehyun could only stare. After so long, he thought that the two of them finally synced up. It didn’t make sense that yet again, they were off-beat with each other. It was becoming a cruel game of push and pull. Giving them a taste of each other before ripping them apart. 

“Anyways, I need to catch up on some lab notes, wanna grab dinner or something later?” Taeyong asked.

How could he be so cavalier?

Jaehyun nodded silent and Taeyong clapped him on the shoulder before heading up the stairs. Before he could dwell, his phone rang, Mark’s name popping up. 

“Hey, I don’t know what the fuck is going on but Tae—“

“Haeun’s the same.” Mark cut off, “Tried talking to her about and she doesn’t remember anything from the past except this life and said that it was all a one night stand slash friends with benefits deal. I swear they were different last night.” 

Jaehyun felt his head spin at the information. This meant that 12 hours ago everything had gone back to normal where they both remembered everything before something flipped and they ended up back as strangers. 

They must've temporarily broken the curse only for it to reset.

“Mark…”

This curse didn’t make sense. And he needed answers.

“Gather everyone up and meet me in the quad.”

\-----

“What are we supposed to do?” Nayoon asked as everyone huddled together in a group.

Jaehyun, Doyoung, Johnny, Mark, and Nayoon were all caught up over what had transpired the night before. Now, the group was stumbling through silence.

“What _can_ we do? It’s not like we can force their memories to work.” Doyoung said. 

Jaehyun tucked his hands in his pockets and eyed his friends, “There’s one thing we can do.”

Everyone watched him expectantly but his eyes locked in on Nayoon pleadingly, “We need to find the shaman. She must exist in this life too.”

Nayoon’s lips parted at the implication. Johnny was the first to ask it out loud, “But we have no idea who or where she is. If we want to track her down, we need to…”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun mumbled, “We need to track down the Princess and find out what she knows.”

Mark looked skeptical, “How?”

“She’s a model.” Nayoon muttered, “An amateur model, I’ve worked with her before when I need photos for my portfolio.”

Jaehyun winced, “I’m sorry, little bird.”

“It’s fine.” She breathed out, shaking her head, “It’s just weird seeing her.”

Nayoon pulled out her phone and shot out a text, a few seconds later, a reply chimed back, “Well lucky us, she’s on campus, she must be helping out with other fashion majors’ portfolios.”

Jaehyun chewed on his lip, “Let’s go see her.”

\-----

“Well, I sincerely hoped I’d never have to see you again.” The Princess sneered as she flipped her hair. 

Jaehyun tensed his jaw, “You rejected me.”

“Because our marriage had a bad omen.” She fired back.

Everyone shifted uncomfortably except Nayoon who fought the urge to roll her eyes. The Princess was beautiful but the stuck up, spoiled brat attitude didn’t fade after 100 lifetimes. 

“The shaman at your palace, she's the one who told you about the omen, right?” Nayoon asked. 

Her glare fell on Nayoon before she looked between her and Jaehyun and scoffed, “Oh, please don’t tell me you downgraded to a robe maker.”

“Watch it.” Jaehyun growled. 

Nayoon just sighed, “We just want to talk to the shaman. Do you know where she is?”

“Why should I help you?” She scoffed. 

Jaehyun glared, “Because you gain nothing from _not_ helping us.” 

“Honestly, I’m fine with that.” The Princess snorted. 

Mark’s eye twitched, “We can pay you.”

“I’m rich.” She deadpanned. 

Nayoon leaned back in her chair with a smirk, “I have photos.”

“Of what?” The Princess’s face fell serious. 

“Of you. Pictures of you mid-blink, mid-sneeze, picking your wedgie, and everything else you did when you were at my photoshoot. I had the photographer keep all the b-roll.” Nayoon challenged, “Would be a shame that such an aspiring model has such unflattering photos of her spread all over the internet. I think I have some on my phone, do you want to s—“

“Enough!” She shrieked before clearing her throat, “Fine. I’ll tell you where she is. Ugh, I was wrong. You two deserve each other.”

\-----

Mark’s eyes widened as they walked into the city archive building, “Wait, me and Haeun came here before, when we were looking into our past lives. We found all sorts of proof. We probably spent hours holed up here.”

Jaehyun raised his brow, “And the shaman’s supposed to be here?”

“That’s what the Princess said.” Nayoon sighed. 

Jaehyun glanced at her before reaching for her hand, “I think I’m forever in debt to Taeyong for making sure I didn’t marry that woman.”

“Right.” Doyoung snorted, “She’s awful.”

They all stood around awkwardly, looking at all the shelves of folders when someone cleared their throats. Turning, they stared at one of the workers, an older woman, who stood with her hands on her hips, “Can I help you kids?”

“You.” Jaehyun breathed out, “You were at the palace when I went to visit the Princess. You’re the shaman, aren’t you?”

Mark stepped towards her, “I remember you. You were working when me and Haeun were here. You gave us that book we dropped. The one about the Lover’s Curse.”

She eyed the group before a slow smile curled up her red lips, “Where’s the young guard?”

“It’s really you.” Mark muttered, “Did you know? When me and Haeun were here?”

Her eyes sparkled, “Why do you think I gave you a book that you didn’t take out?”

“Does that mean the curse is real? Is that what happened to Taeyong and Haeun?” Johnny asked. 

“Why don’t we take a seat? I think there’s much to talk about.”

\-----

“Where do you want to begin?” She asked. 

Nayoon braced herself on her arms, “Why would you allow him to exchange something so important to him? Why not ask for anything else like gold or silk?”

“If gold and silk were his greatest treasure, then I would’ve had it all and he would’ve been a very poor man in this life.” She replied. 

Jaehyun’s brow twitched in annoyance, “Enough with the games. You took their fairytale romance and tore it away from them. How could you do that? How could you hurt them like that?”

“What do you mean by fairytale?” She mused. 

Mark frowned, “Their relationship was perfect. They had everything, they loved each other like crazy and against all odds, they lived happily ever after and they lived like that for every single life except this one.”

Her smile morphed into a look of curiosity, “You don’t remember do you? I suppose in order for the charm to work you’d all need to forget.”

“What are you talking about?” Doyoung burst out, exasperated. 

“The guard and the girl didn’t have a perfect fairytale. In fact, their story is quite tragic.”

Mark laughed in disbelief, “Impossible. They were the happiest, purest couple I’ve ever seen. The only tragedy was that they didn’t know each other earlier.”

“Why?” Jaehyun asked, resting her hand on Nayoon’s arm, “Why are you calling it tragic?”

“The guard, Lee Taeyong, was killed on duty.”

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1899_ **

It was like hell was raining down from the heavens.

“No!” King Yoon Oh screamed, attempting to run down the palace stairs but Doyoung and Young Ho held him back. 

Years of the rebels inching closer and closer to the Kingdom had come to a head that dusk. It began when a single arrow tied with a black ribbon was fired over the Palace walls. It wasn’t a warning shot, it was a war cry. 

The gates were knocked down and the rebels came in like waves, screaming and charging with swords and flying arrows. They didn’t care that a new King had taken the throne, all they wanted was for Royal blood to spill onto the roads and for the entire Kingdom to burn to ash. They wanted the King to pay for the problems that past leaders inflicted, ignorant of how badly he wanted to prevent those problems from occurring during his reign. 

He wanted to turn rebels into allies. 

But before the King could negotiate a cease-fire, before the soldiers and guards could come in and suppress the threats, before the King could be murdered, Taeyong grabbed his sword and ran. 

When the King found out, he races to the doors, shoving away anyone who dared stop him. He yelled out orders, demanding all and every force be called to the frontlines but just as he appeared by the doors, he watched Taeyong drop to his knees as a blade pierced through his chest. 

Because a man as seasoned as Taeyong knew that if they hesitated any longer, the fight would be brought to inside the palace doors. Even if he was alone, he could keep the confrontation far away from the King as possible until he had enough backup. 

But all the logic, planning, strategizing in the world couldn't prepare anyone for the pain. 

Jaehyun didn't know how he was supposed to spend the rest of his life without his best friend by his side. How could he have lost his one true love and his closest comrade all in one lifetime? How would he move on? Lead the country? Survive?

There was a reason why Taeyong constantly reminded the Prince that he would never let anything happen to him and why the Prince could never say the same back. 

Tears slipped down his face as he screamed the name of his fallen guard. His friend. His brother. The streets may not be red with Royal blood, but it would never be silent to the sound of the King's cries. Not anymore. 

Taeyong fell on his back as blood pooled around him and Jaehyun could only howl as he watched his best friend take his last breath. 

\-----

Taeyong knew he’d die someday. 

It was the cycle of life, he accepted it, not only as something inevitable but as something that might come for him sooner than anyone else. Every time he stepped into the palace, he knew the risks that came with it. 

But he still never imagined dying like this.

In his dreams he’d be 80, surrounded by his children, holding the hand of the love of his life when it happened. 

In reality, he had only been married a few years, dying for his country, curling his fingers around nothing, wishing it was Haeun’s hand. 

He could feel the lukewarm wetness of his blood around his head. His breathing was getting slower and he could feel his heartbeat in the tips of his fingers. 

It was cold.

Dying was cold. 

Tears leaked out of the side of his eyes, he didn’t even realize he was crying. 

Haeun. 

He couldn’t move his body but he felt like he was flailing his limbs around. The physical hole in his chest as a result of the sword wound hurt a lot less than the thought of Haeun.

How could he have done this to her? Leaving her alone. He hadn’t seen her this morning, he had stayed in the palace while she stayed at the bakery. He had hoped to leave early today and have a meal with her and sleep next to her. 

She had mentioned kids, that maybe it was time they start trying to grow their family. She was making plans, plans that he was excited to make with her. They dreamt about moving to a bigger house that could become home to at least 3 children. And that once they were old enough, the entire family would make trips together. He dreamed of his kids growing up in the palace, befriending the staff and King, perhaps even deciding to train and become a guard themselves. 

" _What if we have daughters?"_ Haeun had asked. 

_"I would be honored to train the palace's first female head guards."_ He had replied.

The proud smile on Haeun's face at the hypothetical was enough for him to start daydreaming. To have daughters with her passion and independence, whose smiles could move the stars in the sky. His heart burst at the thought.

There was so much she wanted to do together and he was going to take that all away from her. 

She was going to be devastated. 

He stared up at the moon, his vision blurring, as the pain slowly consumed his body.

_Let’s meet again in our next life, sunflower._

Then everything turned black.

_\-----_

Haeun was perched by the windowsill, staring up at the moon with a soft smile. 

She wondered what Taeyong was doing right now. Was he laughing with his men? Were they all training? Was he advising the King on his future journeys? 

Whatever he was doing, it didn’t change the fact that she missed her husband terribly. 

“Haeun! Haeun!”

The sound of Mark’s panicked voice followed by his fists banging against the front of the bakery had her leaping up. Her parents had moved out once she had taken over and found a comfortable house with a small plot of land to farm. It was all hers now and despite her initial reluctance, she loved the little shop now. 

Haeun unlocked the doors and looked at Mark, alarmed, “What’s going on?”

“Did you hear from Taeyong?”

She shook her head, “Why would I? He’s at the palace tonight. He’ll be coming over once he’s finished his rounds. It might be late but he said he was going to come home no matter what.”

“Didn’t you hear?” Mark asked, out of breath.

She could sense bad news from a mile away, “Hear what?”

“The rebels launched an attack on the palace tonight. Apparently, it’s chaos up there. The entire town is on lockdown, we’re not allowed to leave our houses.” He explained. 

Haeun felt the blood rush to her feet as she began to tremble, “W-Were there any casualties?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything. We’re going to have to wait until they send word.”

\-----

Hours passed. 

It wasn’t until the sun came up that a softer knock on the door alerted her. She hadn’t slept at all, the worry keeping her up. 

She ran down the stairs, excited thinking he was home safe despite the glaring red flag in the back of her mind. Taeyong lived here with her, he wouldn’t need to knock to get in. But those thoughts barely registered as she flung the door open with no regard. 

That was her fault. 

Because when she saw the grief on Doyoung and Young Ho’s faces as they stood in front of her, she knew what happened. That her worst nightmares had come true. Her eyes moved lower to what they were holding in their hands and that’s when she let out a heart-wrenching sob, falling to her feet. 

Taeyong’s blood-drenched robes folded neatly with a sunflower pendant placed gingerly on top. 

**_Seoul University — — 2020_ **

“No. No way.” Jaehyun breathed out, “Look, I may not remember every second of every life but I think I would’ve remembered watching my best friend die.”

The shaman hummed before pulling out a thick leather-bound notebook and flipping to a page. She turned it to him and pointed out a line. He followed her finger and stared at the family registry. 

He died in 1899, far younger than any of them had remembered. 

“How come we don’t remember any of this?” Mark croaked out. 

The shaman pulled off her glasses, “It all goes back to the deal we made.”

Jaehyun snapped, “Fine, tell us about it. Why did you have to fucking curse him?”

She laughed with a raised brow, “What makes you think it was a curse?”

“He lost the girl he loved. You made him give her up to save me. 100 lives later and they don’t remember each other.”

She shook her head, “No your highness, Taeyong was selfless and willing to sacrifice his own happiness for yours the day he made the deal with me. You see, I have offered the same deal to many who come to me for help but he was the first to agree. The only one to put others first. The talisman I used wasn’t to curse him but was to bless him with good fortune and protect him. To reward him for his acts.”

“How on earth is losing the memory of the love of his life a blessing?” Nayoon balked.

“I granted him the ability to not have to spend eternity in death. The minute I saw him, I could smell the rotting stench of death circling him, I knew it was coming.”

Doyoung and Johnny shared a confused look, “Eternity in death?

“When he died as the King’s guard, he _should’ve_ died prematurely every single lifetime after that. It’s how the cycle repeats itself for reincarnations. It’s like how Mark is always her best friend and how Nayoon never ends up with the King. He would’ve died when he was a hockey player, businessman and gang member. Every single life would’ve ended in an early death.”

“It’s the Lover’s Curse.” Mark whispered, “Eternal heartbreak is her having to live through his death each life.”

“Yes, exactly. But my charm prevented those hasty deaths, and as such, wiped the memory of his initial death and the pain from everyone’s memory.”

“Oh.” Jaehyun muttered.

“It was easier to prevent his future untimely deaths if no one remembered his past one. Including the memory that he made a deal with me in the first place. They needed a blank slate.”

“So, why didn’t you just leave the charm on him without having to tear the two of them apart?” Jaehyun asked.

“The charm only lasts 100 lifetimes, after that, they get one chance on their 100th life to reset and change their destiny so that he won't constantly be dying. This reset would be permanent. But the reset means they won't have any memory of each other, which is because he had to give up his greatest treasure and the memory she was ever his. If he wanted her back, he needs to find her without the universe giving them to each other.” She explained. 

“A reset?” Doyoung asked.

“Think of this life as a blank canvas. They are not influenced by their past lives which is why their memories of the past are gone. It's a fresh start. Whatever gets painted on this canvas will be reprinted over and over. The life and significant relationships they create in this lifetime will be replicated until the end of the eternity which gives them both a chance to avoid an endless cycle of hasty death and instead live a happy life forever.” She said. "But it also means that their love isn't guaranteed." 

Mark’s eyes widened, “This is the reason why Jaehyun and Nayoon could be together and how I’m with my family.” 

She nodded, “It’s possible. The charm gave them this lifetime as a chance to change their future for the better. All of your futures. But for Taeyong and Haeun, it depends on if they fall in love again, if they don’t get together, they never will in the next lives. You can try to help them but at the end of the day, they will have to find each other on their own.”

“If this is all true, then why are they sometimes remembering?” Nayoon asked. 

“The charm isn’t perfect, their love is too strong and keeps fighting and glitching the universe but it won’t be enough to break the charm permanently.”

Jaehyun’s shoulders sank, “I can’t believe they’re going through all of this because of me. He died for me. He gave up his love for me. I’m not sure if I should thank you or hate you.”

“I could not prevent his death when he was your guard, but a man that pure and giving deserved to live long lives with the woman he loved. And she deserved to not have him taken away from her life so soon over and over." She said firmly, the wrinkled around her eyes had stories of millenniums folded within them. 

Jaehyun smiled sadly, "So you helped him live and stopped her heartbreak even if it means risking them never falling in love."

"That’s what I did. I am not the God of Life or the God of Death, I can only use talismans and amulets to circumvent the universe. I can't control it. What I have done for him is all that I can do within my power. We can only just wait and pray that they find each other and be grateful that even if they don’t, they won’t have to face the pain of death for the rest of eternity. “ She said, returning his smile.

Mark looked uneasy, "Let's say that they end up together in this life, that they fall in love and everything's great. Will they ever recover their memories?"

"Maybe, maybe not. All it takes is an act of selfless love to lock their destiny in place."

\-----

Jaehyun couldn’t sit around and do nothing knowing that every day that passed where Haeun and Taeyong weren’t together meant another day closer towards them setting forth a destiny that neither of them truly wanted. 

A destiny without them in love. 

He was happy knowing that Taeyong wouldn't have to die and Haeun wouldn't have to mourn, but it killed him to see the price they paid for that luxury. Taeyong spent his life protecting him, he deserved to be alive and in love, to grow, have children, and live a long life with the woman he loved.

So he hatched a plan, one of many should this one not work, and although it was rushed, although Nayoon was uncertain, he knew he had to do something. 

Taeyong gave up so much to make sure Jaehyun was alive and as happy as his situation could afford him. It was his turn to return the gesture. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Johnny yelled over the throbbing techno music that flowed throughout the frat house.

They were huddled in a corner, trying to stay out of Taeyong or Haeun’s eye line, but at least they were both at the last minute party that Jaehyun forced NCT to throw.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun yelled back, “But I have to at least _try_ to get them together in this life. I can’t just watch them drift apart and run the risk of never being with each other.”

Nayoon held out a plastic bowl. “It’s 7 minutes in heaven but we rigged it. We’ll pick Taeyong to go first, he’ll pick a name out of the bowl and it’ll be Haeun because all the pieces of paper have her name on it.”

“And then we’ll swap it out with the other names for the other rounds. Hopefully, this will kickstart something between them. Maybe rekindle whatever they shared that night.”

Johnny giggled, already a few shots in, “We _are_ college students, nothing is more romantic to us than getting it on in a closet.”

“Look, it might not be the most compelling start to a love story but maybe if they kiss again, they might consider trying for something more than a one-night friend with benefits situation.” Jaehyun explained. 

Nayoon smiled slightly, “Jaehyun thinks the physical chemistry might help them get going.”

Mark shrugged when he spotted Haeun walking down the staircase in search of him, “Worth a try. They nearly shoved me out of the door when they were first getting together.”

“And if this doesn’t work?” Doyoung asked. 

Jaehyun let out a breath, “Then we’ll have to try something else because we have no idea if this is going to be the last year the two of them will be around each other. Who knows what'll happen after graduation.”

"What about all that selfless love stuff the shaman was talking about?" Johnny asked. 

Nayoon sighed, "I don't think we can control that. We just need to do whatever we can to get them on the right path. It's what we owe them."

They all shared pensive looks with each other, weighing the options as if they hadn’t already thrown an entire party just for this purpose. The consensus was clear in their eyes so Jaehyun stood on a table and cupped his hands around his mouth.

“Everyone gather up! It’s game time.”

\-----

Taeyong and Haeun were seated across from each other in the circle they shared comfortable smiles but that was it. They didn’t talk much which Jaehyun was hoping to fix that.

It took a bit of convincing at first, not just them but of the other random people, they managed to drag together. Most people weren’t in the mood for a game they probably last played at high school parties. 

But with a few charming smiles and with the use of his dimples, Jaehyun rounded up a group of people he couldn’t care less about just so he could get the two people he cared a _great_ deal about together.

“Taeyong! You go first. Pick a name.” 

They all watched in anticipation as Taeyong pulled a slip of paper out. Nayoon set the bowl aside and Johnny’s quick fingers replaced it with the bowl of names that everyone playing had filled out themselves. 

“Who is it?” Doyoung asked, his tone so plastic that Mark resisted the urge to cringe. 

Taeyong unfolded the paper and blinked at it, “Haeun.”

“Okay! Haeun, you know the ru—wait where did Haeun go?” Jaehyun asked, his eyes darting around the circle in search of her. 

“She just left.” Someone called out, “she said her Uber was waiting.”

Jaehyun clenched his jaw and glanced at his friends who shot him sheepish shrugs. This felt like a bad sign for how this was going to play out. A bad version of serendipity where instead of by-chance meetings, they’d have the couple slip away from each other before they could be brought together. 

This was going to be harder than he thought.

\-----

“Hey!”

Haeun turned to see Taeyong jogging out of the house, “You left this.”

She reached out and took her denim jacket from him with a smile, “Thanks. I thought you were supposed to be spending a spicy 7 minutes with someone.”

“Yeah. You.”

Her eyes were wide, “No way.”

“Yeah, we _could’ve_ been making out in a cramped, poorly lit, smelly closet if you hadn’t bailed.” He teased wondering if that was regret in her eyes.

She rolled her eyes, “My Uber driver was supposed to be here but I think he got lost. And even if I bailed, don’t you get to pick another name?”

“Meh, didn’t really feel like it. I’m still trying to figure out why this party is happening in the first place.” He grumbled. 

“Not a fan?” She mused.

He laughed tiredly like they didn’t see each other naked or moan each others’ names. He just laughed like they were friends killing time, she liked that, “Midterms are starting soon. Everything’s going to be a blur after that.”

“All the more reason to enjoy tonight, right?” She said lightly. 

He hummed, “If you’re not careful, I’ll take that as an invitation.” 

She pushed down the flutters in her stomach and just nudged his shoulder with hers, “You wish.”

“Oh and sorry we didn’t get to talk much today, the guys have been acting so weird lately.” He said. 

“Yeah, Mark too. He’s acting squirrely as hell” She mused, “That’s usually a bad combination.”

Taeyong slid his hands into his pockets, “Did he give you a hard time after I left?”

“Oh yeah.” She said with a snort, “He looked like he was going to cry when I said it was a one-night thing."

Taeyong’s face lit up, “Oh my god, Jaehyun was the same. Talking about soulmates or something.”

Haeun burst out laughing, “Soulmates? He’s crazy.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with them! I swear Jaehyun dated around before he met Nayoon. Why are they acting like it’s impossible to do?” Taeyong exclaimed.

“Beats me, I guess they’re bigger romantics than we thought. Being exclusive must’ve made him soft.” She said with a snicker. 

Taeyong laughed as a car pulled up in front of them, “That you?”

She glanced at her phone “Yeah that’s my ride. I’ll see you around, Taeyong.” 

He nodded with a smile, “Have a good night.”

He waved as the car drove off and turned to walk back into the house when he stopped to stare at the sky. His lips quirked into a whimsical smile, soaking in the serenity of the universe above him before heading back in. 

The moon was especially bright tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope my writing is enough to convey the 'curse' but just to be safe:
> 
> basically what the shaman is saying is that Taeyong's willingness to give up his treasure for Jaehyun's happiness left such an impact on her that she decided to reward him bc she saw the death aura around him and knew that if he got reincarnated, he'd die in every life. So the talisman protected Taeyong from dying when he got reincarnated (like he wasn't immortal he would just die normally of old age). but these talismens only last 100 years. After that, it would go back to how it would be had she not charmed him at all but the charm gives him the 100th life to essentially change his destiny. on this life, they're not supposed to remember their past lives, and they just have to go about living their lives normally. whatever relationships or significant events happen in this life, will follow them for eternity when they are reincarnated again. So now the friends want to try to help get them together. The reason the friends remember/didn't remember was just a side effect of the curse. their love is so strong that it sometimes glitches the curse, hence why sometimes they (haeun, taeyong and their friends and others) remember. 
> 
> I really hope that this entire explanation made sense before the A/N bc I feel like I've been struggling trying to explain these big 'reveals' in my stories lately. Like I feel like I write them way too confusingly instead of straightforward (like I did in the A/N) it's just hard bc you have include it coversational dialogue and you can't just dump it all at once. Ugh. Anywaysssss.


	21. Twenty-One

**_Seoul University — — December 2020_ **

Haeun always thought she’d remember more of her senior year. 

It was a big deal, the last year she’d be in school before being sent out into the real world full of jobs, responsibilities, and general adulthood. She was supposed to be enjoying and basking in every memory. 

Instead, it felt like everything was moving in a blur. 

Final exams were creeping up on her and she spent every free minute she could spare in the library or behind textbooks. Other than Mark, she barely saw any of her friends anymore. She didn’t stop by the frat as often and even skipped a few lectures in order to get some more time to study.

Sometimes she’d get passive-aggressive messages from Jaehyun who made it no secret how unhappy he was that she effectively vanished from his life. But there wasn’t much she could do about it. Life was being a bitch. 

And once the holidays rolled around, she was bouncing from party to party, family gathering to family gathering. Visiting people she needed to see out of duty with no time to see the people she wanted to see out of pure _want_.

It was like one second she was studying for finals, she blinked and the second semester rolled around.

The feeling was new to her, one where time was moving too fast for her to grab onto any single moment to cherish. Instead, she just flowed through the motions with this inexplicable, intangible belief in the back of her head that if she could just survive the next few months it’d all be worth it. She didn’t know where this belief came from, but it drove her.

Like there was something wonderful waiting for her, to reward her for all her sacrifices. 

She just didn’t know what it was going to be yet. 

**_Seoul University — — February 2021_ **

“How bad was this one?” Mark asked, his smile wide and a fist full of popcorn. 

Haeun frowned and tossed her earrings on the counter, “Stop looking so happy.”

“Sorry but I don’t know why you keep going to these shitty dates with these guys.” Mark snorted, “I thought you didn’t want to date until after you graduated and got a job.”

She shrugged, “Yeah but that was for real serious relationships, I still want to go out and fun. It’s just that the guys I’ve been choosing have _not_ been any fun.”

“Why don’t you let me set you up? At least you’ll know that whoever I set you up with has my stamp of approval.” He suggested. 

She shot him a look, “No offence, Minyoung’s boyfriend is nice and all but I’m not really interested in dating your other soccer bros.”

“What if I pick someone else?” He asked sitting up straighter. 

Haeun narrowed her eyes, “No. I will not let you set me up with an NCT.”

“Oh come on! The guys are nice, you’re best friends with half of them _and_ their girlfriends.” He whined. 

She scrolled through her phone, “Yeah, exactly the reason why I don’t want to get involved with any of the single ones. I’m probably friends with them.”

“Didn’t stop you before.” He muttered under his breath. 

Her head jerked up, “What?”

“What?” He fired back. 

She made a face before walking to the fridge, “I’m sorta scared.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked while sitting up. 

She stared at the fruit stocked up, “Dating is scary. Meeting all these random guys, talking to them, finding one who isn’t a complete asshole who I also connect with. But imagine I find that guy and we click on all levels. Then I need to make sure that when we get older or have kids he doesn’t become condescending, violent, controlling, abusive, lying. It’s scary. That’s the person who might share my life one day.”

Mark sat on her words for a moment, “Yeah. It is scary. But you’ve always had a strong moral compass and you’re good at reading people. Plus you have so many friends. Friends who’d look out for you, who’d tell you to your face if you’re with a good guy or a dirtbag. Friends who’d protect you if the wrong one came into your life. When you’re ready, you’ll find an amazing guy. I don’t doubt it. Someone who would love you over and over again no matter what. Someone who’d _pick_ you over and over again. You just need to…”

“Open up to the possibility?” She asked softly. 

He nodded with eyes that were pouring out such strong emotion that she was getting choked up just looking at him, “Exactly.”

“Thanks, Mark.” She murmured, “I really needed to hear that."

“No problem. Oh hey, did you hear back from any of your internships, yet?”

Haeun’s face broke out into a bright smile, “A few! I have some more final interviews.”

“Do you like any of these places?” He asked. 

She raised her brow, “A few.”

“Any out of the country?”

She laughed, “Why? Worried you won’t be able to live with me and mooch off of my amazing grocery shopping skills for the next 2 years?”

“Something like that.” He said softly. “So, a few of us are going to hang out at the frat house and chill. It’s our last semester and I want to see as many of the seniors before you all graduate.”

She tilted her head, “A few of us?”

“You know, Jaehyun, Nayoon, Doyoung, Johnny, Yuta, Haechan…Taeyong.” 

Her face didn’t change at the last name despite his dramatic pause, “I don’t know, I’d rather stay home, maybe get a head start on some work. That date took the life out of me. I’m way too tired.”

Mark’s face faltered, “Are you avoiding someone? Did something happen?”

She blinked at him, surprise, “No! Why would you think that?”

“You haven’t really been around them in a while, the guys miss you.” He said. 

Haeun pursed her lips before striding into her room, “Just busy. You know how I get when it comes to school stuff. I’ll grab coffee with them soon.”

“Just…don’t wait too long.”

**_Seoul University — — March 2021_ **

He was just a few months from graduating, the home stretch but Taeyong found the urge to, despite how slammed he already was, find ways to keep himself busy. 

It was the oddest feeling, the way he had the need to be doing something, all the time. Like the silence was too intimidating, so he’d find things that made his head feel loud. First he’d fill gaps of his time with organizing frat events, then he’d spend more time in the pool swimming laps until his body got too tired, or he’d offer to tutor freshmen, hell, he even took cooking classes on the weekends.

Even still, it was never enough. It felt like he still had more time that he needed to fill up like he was pulling minutes and hours out of thin air. Which was how he ended up wearing a plastic apron and rubber gloves while hosing down cages of the animal shelter he was volunteering at. 

“Why are you here?” He asked as he turned off the hose and replaced the clean one with another dirty one. 

Jaehyun sipped on a cup of coffee, stepping away to avoid the splash of the hose, “I’m worried about you.”

Taeyong raised his brows, but focused on rinsing out the cages, “Worried? About what?”

“About you overworking yourself. This is crazy. I barely see you anymore unless it’s at events or when you come home to go to sleep.” He pointed out. “And now you’re volunteering? Is everything okay?”

Taeyong switched the hose to the higher-powered spray function, “I don’t know. Lately, it’s been hard to sit still. Like, I get really uncomfortable.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.” Jaehyun said, concern painted across his face, “Is something bothering you?”

Taeyong sighed and turned off the hose, “Not that I can think of.”

“You’ve been forgetful too.” Jaehyun inspected. 

Taeyong puffed out his cheeks and lifted the clean cages, carrying them back into the shelter while Jaehyun followed behind. It was true. Lately, the smallest things had been slipping his mid. Sometimes it was misplacing his keys, other times it was staring into the fridge not remembering what he was looking for. 

“It’s probably just the stress of finals and graduating.” Taeyong explained. 

Jaehyun rocked on the base of his heels, “I’m sure scheduling yourself down to the minute doesn’t help either.” 

Taeyong set the cages in their spot before turning to the animals who were whining for attention the minute they saw him. He stuck his fingers between the bars, brushing the little black button nose of a terrier, “I feel like something’s missing. And I’m just trying to figure out what it is.” 

Jaehyun’s face softened with a small smile, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. It’s probably just growing pains.” 

“But do you ever feel like that? Like you’re trying to fit yourself into something but nothing ever clicks. It’s like this gnawing ache in your soul.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun said gently, “I did have that feeling, for a long fucking time. It nearly drove me insane. Then I met Nayoon.”

Taeyong turned to his friend, “Nayoon?”

“When we started going out, I felt that click. Like suddenly I belonged somewhere.”

Taeyong gave his friend an understanding look, “You never seemed that bummed before. I’m sorry I never noticed.”

“Don’t apologize, I never told you.” He smiled.

Taeyong smiled back lightly, “It’s a good thing that the universe put Nayoon in your life.” 

Jaehyun’s face fell as he looked at his feet, “It wasn’t just the universe. The universe puts obstacles in your path, it’s the people in your life who help you find your path.”

“Wow, you’re poetic today, don’t love it, have to say.” Taeyong teased.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “Whatever, all I’m saying is that Nayoon helped me feel like everything had a purpose.”

“So what? I need to go find my Nayoon? That’s the solution? Is that why you keep begging me to let you set me up on a date?” He snorted. 

Jaehyun shook his head like he couldn’t believe he was having this conversation, “Yeah, I have the perfect person in mind but you never give me the chance.”

“I just don’t think I’m the kinda guy who needs another person to feel complete.” Taeyong said while opening the cage to pull out a small black kitten. 

Jaehyun smiled at the feline as though it was a familiar friend, “Taeyong, I’ve known you since we were kids, all you ever wanted was family and friends. So don’t pretend.” 

“I just think that dating will make things more complicated than more sensible.” Taeyong said. 

Jaehyun reached out to pat the kitten on the top of its head, “Not with the right person.”

“Let it go, man. Not all of us can have what you and Nayoon have.” Taeyong joked. 

Jaehyun rolled his jaw before tipping his cup to his lips to hide his scowl. “I won’t give up, Taeyong. I’m going to make sure you find that person. Don’t care how much you don’t believe me. You just need to find the right girl.”

**_Seoul University — — April 2021_ **

“Cheers to the end of the years and to the start of our lives!”

Haeun laughed as she raised her glass of beer to clink it with Minyoung, Sora, and Yenna’s glasses. “Exams are over. We are officially _done_ with our degrees. It doesn’t feel real.”

“Correction. _You_ all are done with your degrees. I still have one year left.” Sora said with a pout. 

Haeun grinned, “I bet you’re going to be so lonely with all of us gone.”

“It’s going to be a nightmare having to go to this school without any bad bitches. It’s just going to be a bunch of basic turds.” Sora muttered. 

Yenna made a face, “I hate the younger generation.”

“Younger by a _year._ Shut up.” Sora pouted. 

Haeun chuckled as she took another sip of her drink. The truth was, jokes aside she _would_ miss these girls with her heart, not just her but everyone she befriended in her four years here. Of course, she’d stay in touch with them but it wouldn’t be the same. Everyone was going in different directions, life would throw them into different schedules. It’d be harder to meet up, harder to hang out regularly or in person. 

She already knew these were going to be the good ole’ days that she would reflect on with nostalgia years down the road. She wished she could hold onto to these moments now. Freeze time and soak them up before they just become fond memories. 

“So, what do you girls have in store?”

“Yuta and I are moving into an apartment in the city. We both got jobs in the area.” Minyoung said with a smile. 

“I got into grad school, so I’m probably going to prepare for that.” Yenna said.

Sora snorted, “Well, I’m traveling with some other friends, unlike you losers, I’m actually going to celebrate like a normal human. Maybe find a hot foreign summer fling.”

“Oh, I forgot that feeling.” Yenna said with a laugh, “The rush of a passionate love affair.”

Minyoung bit down on her lip, “I’m guessing your boyfriend is going to propose soon?”

“Who even knows? Now that I’m going to grad school, all our plans were pushed back.” She said forlornly. 

Sora turned to Haeun, “What about you? What are your plans?”

“I got a few offers for some internships. I’m taking my time to pick the best one, I guess my summer is going to be me preparing however I can. I might need to move or I might stay here and just enjoy my summer. So it’s kinda up in the air.”

Sora leaned forward, “And your love life?”

“Um, non-existent. Next question.”

“What about that guy you hooked up with? Isn’t he the only one that made it that far?” Yenna asked. 

Haeun paused, “Taeyong? Yeah. I mean, we hadn’t really talked much since that night. It wasn’t anything really serious.”

The girls shared looks but Herein could only watch curiously, wondering what messages were being sent, “What?”

“I mean, if it wasn’t serious, how come he’s literally the last and only guy you’ve slept with? Why not do the same ‘not serious’ thing that you did with him with someone else?” 

Haeun laughed in disbelief, “I’ve just been busy. Trust me, I’ve tried but the guys here are douches. None of them are up to my impeccable standards.”

Yenna smiled knowingly, “In that case, maybe you should go back to the one guy who _did_ manage to meet your standards.”

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1896_ **

Haeun walked the perimeter of the ballroom of the Palace drinking everything in. 

It was bizarre, seeing the beautifully decorated ballroom filled with people dancing, eating, and laughing, but it wasn’t for the lunar festival or the King’s birthday. 

This was all for her and Taeyong. 

And their wedding. 

The ceremony had ended only a few hours ago before the crowds of invited guest flooded the ballroom, the King made it clear to the couple that their wedding would extravagant, but this was nothing she could’ve imagined. 

Everything felt so surreal. After years of recoiling at the thought of marriage, it was beyond her that she was here, standing at her wedding, actually excited. The ceremony was beautiful and had her in happy tears as she stared at her only love. Everything happened so fast but the minute she sat next to Taeyong for the wedding ceremony to begin, it was like time slowed down for her. Giving her the chance to remember every moment. 

She wasn't the type to dream about her wedding as a child but if she had, she figured it’d be a lot like her wedding now.

Haeun’s eyes landed on the King and she felt her lips curl into a fond smile. Ever since he ascended the throne, Jaehyun had lost all the whimsy and mischief that always flickered in his eyes as Prince. His parents had stepped down early, wanting Jaehyun to take the throne as soon as possible when it was clear he would not find a Queen. He was now the proud and benevolent leader of a Kingdom who carried himself with heavy stares and eyes that felt like they held all the answers to the world's problems. 

But at this moment, she felt like she was looking at the same Prince who welcomed her into his palace despite being a stranger. The King was laughing, singing and dancing with the guests, a few glasses of fruit wine brought out the joyful smile that she missed so much. 

She had left most of the planning to her mother and the advisors that the King had lent her to help, but she had one request when it came to the decor. And judging by the bunches of sunflowers tied together with ribbons of silk pinned against every surface, her wishes were heard.

“I was looking for you everywhere, my bride.”

Shivers ran through her spine when an arm wound around her waist and a warm kiss was placed at her temple. She tilted her head back and smiled up at Taeyong who was already watching her. Before she could reply, he ducked down and kissed her tenderly, his lips warming hers.

“I’m your husband, now.” He murmured, his eyes melting into warm pools. 

She turned in his hold and smoothed her hands over the Taeyong’s wedding robes, “My love, you’ve been my husband for a long time, now.”

“Always aiming straight for my heart, aren’t you?” He mused. 

She could see his eyes were a bit unfocused, no doubt from the countless drinks of wine that her father and other relatives had goaded him into, but everything else about him was sober and overwhelming with love. 

If he was the rest of her life, she knew that nothing but a warm heart, loving home and gentle arms awaiting her.

She smoothed her hand over his chest, right where his heart was, “It’s the only place where I know how to be.”

He let out a shuddering breath before sliding his palm along her hip, squeezing her affectionately. “Gods, when you speak like that it makes me want to do unspeakable things to you to prove how you’ve got me completely at your whim, sunflower. You are a damned goddess.”

"The gods are quaking." She said with a faux gasp.

He nudged her nose with hers, "You _are_ an expert of showing me the gates of heaven."

Haeun gave him a light kiss, her eyes sparkling, “I’m sure that’s what our wedding night is for. So please wait a little while longer until then, we wouldn’t want to do anything indecent in public, would we, my love?”

“I suppose not.” He sighed dramatically much to her enjoyment. 

She leaned against his arm, “It’s our wedding, we should enjoy it.”

He hummed with a smile before kissing her again. It had always been a challenge to keep his lips off of her but tonight was a particular difficulty, “Well, my wife, would you care for a dance?”

She reached her out and tucked it in his, “Of course, husband. I would never say no to that.”

He moved gracefully, spinning her into his chest as they floated onto the dance floor. Despite the crowd that was already dancing, the minute he swayed with her, the crowd parted, giving the bride and groom room. Her eyes were on him as guests murmured and cooed while watching them.

“Thank you.” He said quietly so that only she could hear. 

She tilted her head at him, her eyes tracing the line of his jaw and the exposed column of his throat, “For what?”

“For trusting me, for taking a chance on me, for making my life better, for getting lost in the palace. For letting me be the one you marry.” He spoke into her hairline as he kissed her, “There are so many things I need to thank you for, sunflower.”

She smiled and tucked her face against his shoulder, “I love when you call me that. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.”

Instead of the coquettish quip that she expected him to fling back, his eyes became misty, filled with watery-eyed emotion that sucked the breath out of her, “I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I need you to know that. Every minute I’m alive is better because of you. My nightmares are made up of a life without you. Marrying you is a blessing, building a life with you is a godsend I’ll never fully be worthy of. But I promise on every deity that I’ll spend my life trying.”

Haeun stopped dancing and just stared up at him in awe.

“Taeyong…”

He cupped her cheeks and leaned close enough to brush her nose with his, “You are everything to me, sunflower. I will be with you until the end of time, every lifetime, every universe, every galaxy you will always have me.”

“You wonderful, wonderful man.” She breathed out, "Whatever did I do to deserve you?”

He laughed softly, “I ask myself that about you every day. I've come to a realization.”

"Hmm?" She mused.

She felt his lips against her forehead, "We were put on this earth to be each other's heaven."

“Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for interrupting the celebrations but if I could please have your attention!”

Haeun and Taeyong turned to see Jaehyun standing on his throne. Everyone quieted down and gathered closer to the King. Haeun wrapped an arm around Taeyong, leaning against him as Jaehyun addressed the guests. 

“Today, I am over the moon to have not only witnessed but also been a part of the ceremony uniting two wonderful, important people who have been in my life for a long time. Lee Taeyong is not just my guard but also my best friend. He has grown up with me and been with me since I was just a young Prince causing havoc in this very palace. It brings tears to my eyes that the walls we once chased each other in are the walls he is getting married in.” Jaehyun said, his eyes glazing over as he stared fondly at the couple. 

Taeyong tightened his hold on Haeun and blinked rapidly to fight back tears. Haeun rested her head on her chest, smiling back at the King who had moved his gaze to her. 

“And Haeun. I am at a loss for words when it comes to her. She is everything that I could ever want in a sister, in a friend, in a confidant. Taeyong always calls her _sunflower_ and I completely see why. You are bright, warm, and comforting. You speak your mind, you love the people around you and I couldn’t find someone better suited for Taeyong had I searched the entire country.”

She didn’t realize tears were rolling down her cheeks until Taeyong was wiping them away with a gentle smile and a soft kiss on her temple. 

“I hope you and Taeyong find happiness for the rest of your lives and every single life after this one. Cheers!”

**_Seoul University — — May 2021_ **

“Are you just going to lay there all day?” 

Haeun peeked up at Mark, sliding her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose. She had found a pair tossed in her closet. They were cute with little gold sunflowers on the rim. She didn’t remember buying them but she was ecstatic when she found them. They were perfect for a day like today.

“You’re in my sunlight.” She said before looking back at the book. 

It was a beautiful day, the perfect mix of warm and cool. The sun was out and Mark had declared a beach day. She didn’t resist, excited to relax and enjoy the first few days of amazing weather. A few of their friends had tagged along, joining them late but she had yet to properly hang out with them. She was too busy soaking in the rays. 

“Come in the water with the rest of us.” He begged as he sat down next to her on her towel. She was wearing a bikini but had a loose white t-shirt on over it and a pair of denim shorts over her bottoms. She scrunched her nose up and dusted off the sand that Mark brought onto her towel. 

“Not yet. I will.” She said off-handedly. 

He plucked the book out of her hands and set it aside, “You’re going to keep saying that until it gets dark out.”

“Stoooppp, I just want to relax. If I go into the water, then sand is going to stick onto me and that’s so annoying.” She whined. 

Mark rolled his eyes and looked off at the water where Jaehyun and a bunch of their mutual friends were hanging out. A small smirk curled up his lips when he made eye contact with someone, “You have towels and extra clothes in the car to change into. Why come to the beach if you’re not going to have fun?”

“I _am_ having fun. I’m staying dry and having fun.” She tutted. 

Mark hummed before shifted near her, “Where’s your phone?”

“In my bag.”

“Wallet?”

“Also in my bag. Why are you taking inventory?” She snapped. 

His smirk grew but she was busy basking in the sun with her eyes closed to see it, “Precautions.”

“For what?” She asked with furrowed brows.

“For me.”

She opened her eyes long enough to see Taeyong hovering over her. His black hair was slicked back with seawater and his chest was bare save for the dragon tattoo on his breast bone and the droplets sparkling on his skin. The smirk on his face was the perfect combination of devious and delicious. 

“Wh—”

Taeyong pulled her glasses off her face and tossed them aside, sweeping her up in his arms in one smooth motion and flinging her over his shoulder before running directly towards the lake. 

“You son of a bitch! Put me down!” She screamed, laughter cracking through the anger she was trying to convey. 

Taeyong just cackled, his fingers digging into the flesh of her thighs to keep her anchored on him. She could only claw into his back for support, staring at the sandy ground that slowly turned into frothy blue waves. 

Despite the tight grip he had on her and the aggressive jog, he gently set her on the ground, the water calf-high. But he didn’t let go of her, holding on her waist so that she couldn’t run back on land.

“You’re evil!” She yelled, trying to fight him off. 

He kicked the water up at her, making her shriek but no matter what, he was never too rough with her. It was playful wrestling, holding her hands by the wrists and trying to push her away as she tried to jump him. They laughed and shrieked, kicking up water, trying to dunk each other deeper into the water.

The fighting finally stopped and he got the chance to properly feel the heat of her body sear through his palms from under her shirt. Or the burn of her palms that she pressed flat against his chest trying to balance her footing. They panted, catching their breaths while staring each other down. His wet hair was falling in his eyes and his chest was glistening. The water had drenched through her white t-shirt, plastered against her body, her ponytail was stuck to the back of her neck. 

They had seen each other in far less clothing in much more intimate ways yet after months of barely talking to each other, much less touching each other, all this contact was making their skin flush red. 

“I—“

“We—“ 

Before the words could come out, one of their friends jumped into the water with a shout, causing them to pull apart, distance being placed between them. 

Haeun quickly turned away, her eyes landing on Jaehyun who was standing next to Mark, both watching her, Taeyong, and the friend who got in their way with their hands on their heads. 

Sort of like they were frustrated. 

**_Seoul University — — June 2021_ **

“Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you the graduating class of 2021!”

On cue, thousands of graduation caps were tossed in the air as students cheered and hugged their classmates as they marked the end of their academic careers. A long journey of ups and downs finally coming to a close as another chapter opens. It was a day of tears, joy, laughter, and happiness. 

Haeun pushed through the crowds of graduates, in search of her parents and Mark who were waiting for her somewhere in the stands. A hand gripped her wrist and she flinched and turned to see Taeyong smiling at her. 

She could see the collar of his grey button-up and the knot of his silk black tie peeking out from his graduation robes. His hair was neatly styled back and his smile was just as beautiful as she remembered. 

“Hey.” He said breathlessly. 

She smiled back, “Hey. Congratulations.”

“You too!” They were like magnets, drawn into a hug without the awkwardness of one person initiating it. 

Haeun felt a little speechless at the warmth that surrounded her in his arms. She didn’t care about her makeup that she had painstakingly applied to perfection and just pressed her face into his shoulder. He smelled like cedar and pine, just like when he had kissed her in front of her door. 

She tightened her grip around his back and closed her eyes, indulging in the sudden longing she felt for his touch. After weeks of not really interacting with each other aside from polite smiles and nods, it was strange that a simple hug was unlatching such heavy emotions in her.

“Taeyong!”

They pulled apart quickly, blushes on both their faces. She wondered what he was thinking, maybe he thought she was weird for clinging onto him all of a sudden. But before she could really fixate, Jaehyun was jogging up to them. 

“Oh shit. Fuck. I didn’t know it was you, Haeun.” He said apologetically. 

Haeun stared at him in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Sorry. Nothing. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Uh…congratulations, guys!”

They shared hugs before Jaehyun quickly found an excuse to leave them. Clearly his throat, Taeyong, and Haeun walked to where the parents were sitting, “Did you end up picking an internship?”

“Yeah!” She exclaimed excitedly, “I picked one in Japan, I thought it was a cool opportunity and it’s going to be fun being somewhere new. What about you?”

“I’m staying in Seoul.” He said while staring off ahead of them, “Working in a lab in the city.” 

She grinned, “Look at us, having jobs, getting paid, and moving into the real world.”

“You scared? A whole new country.” He mused. 

“A little. But what’s life without a little bit of fear to overcome.” She sang breezily. 

He mulled over her words letting them sink in, “I guess you’re right.”

“Haeun! Over here!” Her mother called, waving widely.

She looked at Taeyong and gave him another quick hug before heading to her parents, “See you around!

\-----

“I can’t believe they don’t remember each other.” Haeun’s mother muttered as she watched her daughter hug Taeyong. 

Mark shook his head, “You don’t even know the half of it.”

“But she’s going to Japan. What’s going to happen?” Her father said worriedly. 

Mark sighed, “We don’t know. We tried so hard to get them together and remember but none of it worked. They just weren’t interested. We ran out of ideas. And now she’s going to Japan, he’s staying in Seoul and you can barely call them friends.”

Her mother nervously fiddled with her scarf, “What if they never cross paths again? What if—“

“There’s nothing we can do.” Her father said solemnly as he watched Haeun weave through the crowd to get to them. “We just have to hope that wherever they go in life, that they’re at least happy, and if it’s meant to be, they’ll find each other.” 

**_Seoul University — — July 2021_ **

“Let go, Haeun. I can’t breathe.” Mark grumbled as Haeun squeezed him tight against her. 

She pouted as she released him and held his shoulders, “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Oh come on, it’s just a year. You’ll visit and so will I. Plus FaceTime.” He reasoned. 

They were standing in the airport outside the security line as Mark was attempting to send Haeun off to Japan. She had done her rounds of good-byes earlier at the house but standing in the airport it felt way more real. In a few hours, she was going to be in a new country where she could only passably speak the language.

It was a huge step for her, one that she was dying to take. 

She sighed, “I know, this internship is supposed to be a fun new experience but what am I supposed to do if I can't see your grubby little face trying to steal my pop-tarts every morning?”

Mark rolled his eyes and went in for one last hug, “Go, I’ll be here stealing your food every day. Have fun, work hard, and text me when you land.”

The sound of suitcases crashing to the ground broke them apart. They glanced at a young man helping an older woman before facing each other. “I should go. Tell my mom and dad that I’ll text them too.”

“Have a safe flight, Haeun.”

\-----

“Thanks for driving us.” Nayoon said as she gave Taeyong a hug. 

Jaehyun patted him on the back while trying to keep their suitcases together. 

Taeyong chuckled, “No problem. Have a good trip you too. Miami is about to get fucked up.”

“And you’ll be okay?” Jaehyun asked. 

Taeyong gave him a strange look, “Of course. I love you guys but I’m pretty sure I can survive a few weeks without you lazing around. Just make sure you have fun.”

“We will!” 

They said their goodbyes and he waited until they disappeared into the security line before walking away. He was about to squeeze past two people hugging each other when a woman knocked her suitcase off her trolly. He turned to help her and when he straightened, the couple was gone and he just sped through the airport.

He headed to the exit when he heard the overhead, “Boarding Flight 177E to Tokyo.”

Taeyong paused for a second, wondering if Haeun was already in Japan or if she was still in Seoul. Maybe he’d text her and ask. Shaking his head at the absurd idea, he just continued out the airport.

\-----

Haeun made sure she was comfortable in her window seat, neck pillow and blanket tucked around her before she reached into her carry on. She dug around before pulling out her hair ribbon. She looked at the sunflower patterns in her hands with a smile. Warm feelings churned in her gut, thinking about how the ribbon had been with her through as much as she could remember. 

And now it was going to come with her on a new journey. 

Haeun took a deep breath before reaching into her hair and tying the ribbon around her ponytail. 

_Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure to fasten your seatbelts and prepare for take-off._


	22. Twenty-Two

**_Seoul — — 2022_ **

Taeyong always thought that he’d feel different once he was an adult. 

Like there would be some sort of change in his body chemistry that would send signals to his brain, ringing like ‘Y _ou’re finally an adult. Ta-dah!’_

But it wasn’t like that in reality. It was just a smooth transition that he didn’t even notice. Maybe that just meant he wasn’t really an adult yet, but he was happy. 

After his internship, he had got a job at a research lab in the city headed by a professor at his university who had recruited him personally. He thrived in that environment, impressing researchers far older and more experienced than he was. It felt like he finally found his place in the world. 

His social life, however, took a few hits. 

He tried dating, keeping an open mind to meeting new people but nothing ever stuck. One date rarely turned to two and when his friends would press him on the issue, he wouldn’t have a real answer. He just didn’t feel a spark. There was no excitement or anticipation with any of the women he dated.

They were all lovely and kind but it wasn’t what he wanted. 

He wanted to meet someone who made him antsy, who he couldn’t keep his hands and heart away from. Someone who stole his breath without trying. 

It never dawned on him that perhaps he was more of a romantic than he believed he was.

Jaehyun was never a fan of his dates. Despite their varying career paths, they had stayed close and Jaehyun was no stranger to complaining about Taeyong’s choice in women. It wasn’t that there was anything particularly wrong with them, but Jaehyun strongly believed Taeyong wasn’t picking the right women. 

That he could find all the romantic poetic feelings if he just found the right One.

_“Just let me set you up, man.”_

Taeyong brushed him off. 

It didn’t feel like the One existed. 

**_Tokyo — — 2023_ **

Being in Tokyo was a whirlwind. 

Of course, it was hard at first. Adjusting, familiarizing herself with a new country, and a new language, trying not to seem like an idiot at her internship. But then it got infinitely better. 

She was learning so much and her supervisors were so impressed that they started giving her more and more responsibilities especially whenever they needed someone with a background in Korean history. 

When her internship was getting close to its end, she was even offered a contract position as a researcher. One that she stepped into without missing a beat. 

She made friends, connections, memories, and forged her own path. She had always dreamed of traveling and now she was lucky enough to say that she did. She didn't just see the major city but was led by some of her friends and colleagues to more rural and hidden areas that made Japan home to so many.

But as she stood by her boarding gate waiting for her flight to be called, she knew that she missed home. 

Dorothy was onto something. 

There truly is, no place like home.

**_Seoul — — 2024_ **

Haeun said no at first. Just like she always did when Mark begged her to let him set her up on a blind date. 

But it had been a full year since she’d come back from Tokyo and the dating pool she had been working with was shallow, to say the least. After the 10th bad date she had been on, she had finally relented to _one_ blind date. 

And she made it clear, if it was bad, she would never let Mark anywhere near her love life again. 

He was, of course, over the moon. Apparently, his internship with the city wasn’t keeping him busy enough because he nearly tripped over himself when she agreed. 

_“He’ll be at the restaurant at 7 PM, he’ll be wearing a dark blue shirt, black hair.”_

Haeun smoothed down the white sundress she was wearing, the exact one that her date was going to be on the lookout for and scanned the inside of the restaurant. It was relatively empty, there was a girl seated by the bar at the end of the room and a few people scattered throughout the booths. 

“Can I help you?” The hostess said with a bright smile. 

“I have a reservation at 7 PM under Nam.” She asked. 

The hostess, scrolled through her iPad, “Yes! Perfect. Your party is waiting for you. Follow me.”

Haeun fiddled with her curled hair before trailing after the hostess. Her eyes moved nervously at every table they passed, looking to see who her possible mystery date would be. 

“Here we are.” The hostess said, holding a hand out to a booth tucked in a cozy corner. 

Haeun looked over just as the man occupying the booth stood. “Oh! You must be—“

“Jungwoo.” He said with a grin and an outstretched hand, “Kim Jungwoo, it’s nice to meet you.”

She shook his hand, her eyes dancing over his face. He was handsome and despite the innocent look of his face, he was tall and filled up the room. “Nam Haeun. Nice to meet you too.”

She sat across from him as the hostess set down the menus and told that their waiter would be by to take their orders before finally leaving them on their own. “Sorry, I’m still trying to get the hang of blind dating.”

“Oh, don’t apologize, I’m on the same boat. Actually, my friend didn’t tell me much about you, I think he wanted to keep you a secret until we met.” He said. 

His voice was sweet, calming, she liked listening to it. It didn’t necessarily raise goosebumps or make her stomach flutter, but it was nice, “Yeah, he did the same to me. How do you know him?”

“Work.” Jungwoo said with a scrunch of his nose, “We work in the same department, we hung out a few times to get drinks, that sort of stuff. What about you?”

She picked up her menu, scanning it, “Oh, we go way back. Basically grew up together.”

“Of course he wouldn’t have mentioned that his best friend was this pretty.” Jungwoo snorted. 

She grinned, hiding her smile behind a list of appetizers, “He also never said you were this smooth.” 

Jungwoo laughed, “So, what do you do?” 

“I’m an assistant researched for a museum. I worked in Tokyo for a while and after my contract was up, I decided to come back home. Missed the city too much.” She explained. 

“Now that you’re back, what do you want to do?”

\-----

“I know, I know! I just got here. The traffic was backed up all down the highway.” Taeyong said into his phone as he walked into the restaurant. “Listen, Jaehyun, I’ll apologize to her when I see her. Happy?”

Jaehyun huffed, “You better. You finally let me set you up on a date, I will _not_ let you ruin it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Taeyong mumbled, “Reminder, I really don’t want to do this, I just really want to shut you up.”

“Note and frankly, don’t give a shit. Like I said earlier, she’ll be wearing a cute white dress and you’ll recognize her.” Jaehyun reiterated. 

Taeyong lingered by the doors, “Why won’t you just tell me who it is?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jaehyun deadpanned, “Text me how it goes and if you blow it, I’ll never talk to you again, okay bye!”

Taeyong slid his phone in his pocket before walking to the hostess stand, “Hi, I’m here for a 7 PM reservation under Nam. I’m running a bit late, she should already be here, I think.”

The hostess scrolled through her iPad with a little smile, “Wow, the second Nam reservation today.”

“Oh, really?” He asked with a polite laugh, his eyes anxiously scouring the restaurant over her shoulder. 

“Yup, fortunately for you, the other Nam party is all seated, so this one must be you. She’s indeed already here. Follow me.”

He walked behind her as she wove them through the restaurant. She stopped when a young man, about his age, waved her down, “Sorry, I just wanted to know if you knew where our waiter is, we’re ready to order.”

Taeyong glanced at him, he was a handsome guy with the kind of pure faces you felt guilty lying to and judging by his sweaty palms and the back of the head of the girl he was sitting across from, this was the first date. Looked like he wasn’t the only one suffering tonight. Hopefully, this guy would have a better night than him. 

“My apologies, I’ll make sure your waiter comes asap.” The hostess said quickly. 

The man smiled in thanks and the hostess was off, back on her breakneck pace through the restaurant until they reached the bar, “Here we go. Nam 7 PM. Do you two want to stay at the bar or would you like me to move you to your table now?”

The girl turned, as per Jaehyun’s word, she was dressed in a pretty white dress. Taeyong blinked at her, waiting for his brain to put the pieces together. Jaehyun was right, he did recognize her but not well. 

The girl’s jaw dropped when she spotted him before she beamed, “Oh my god! Lee Taeyong!? I can’t believe this. What are the chances?”

“We’ll be fine at the bar.” Taeyong said quickly to the hostess before she left. 

He recognized her all right. 

Now he was praying this date would just end with drinks and he wouldn’t have to labour over an entire meal with her. 

“You don’t remember me do you?” She teased, lightly smacking his arm, “Sigma Theta Kapa sorority! We did a few joint events with NCT. Remember?”

“How could I forget?” He smiled before returning the hug. 

He had no problems with her, she was nice, peppy, the exact type of person who could make your head hurt. Why the _fuck_ would Jaehyun think that this was someone he’d want to date? He didn’t even know Jaehyun was still in touch with the frats and sorority people outside of NCT. 

The last he remembered, he had absolutely nothing in common with her, she had asked him out a couple of times and he would just dodge and avoid setting a date. And somehow fate, or rather Jaehyun, went and set one for him. 

“Want a drink?” She asked, raising her glass of rose. 

Biting back a sigh, he nodded and sat down across from her, “Sounds good.”

“So, I heard you were working at some big lab. How much do you make doing that?”

\-----

Kim Jungwoo was sweet. 

He was pleasant, kind, charming. 

And utterly boring. 

It wasn’t his fault, it was probably first date jitters but keeping the conversations going was becoming too hard with him. They had quickly run out of things to say and it was hard pretending to find the things he said funny or interesting. She was grateful when they both passed on dessert and went straight for the cheque. 

“Thanks.” She said when he handed the waitress his card. 

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.”

After signing the receipt, they stood and headed to the front, “Tonight was really fun.”

Haeun hesitated before nodding, “Yeah it was.”

“We should do this again sometime.” He suggested. 

Haeun said nothing as he opened the front door, “Let me give you a ride home.”

“Actually it’s okay, I’m going to call an Uber.” She said. 

He glanced out the door, “It’s raining hard. Are you sure?”

“Of course! Don’t worry, I have to stop off before I head home anyways.” She said.

He hesitated for a moment, “If you’re sure. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She said, giving him a quick hug before watching him run out in the rain and get into his car. Once he drove off, she stepped out, tucked under the awning, and called for an Uber. 

Mark Lee was never going to hear the end of this. She was never going to let this go.

It almost offended her that after knowing Mark almost her entire life, he thought that was the type of guy she'd be into.

The rain was coming down hard, pattering against cars and the restaurant windows. It was loud and some of the rain was splashing on her heels but it made her feel at home. She always loved the rain, it felt like the entire world slowed down. Maybe she’d stop off at the grocery store and pick up some snacks and have a cozy night in. She could practically hear her thick blankets singing to her.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the door behind her open and someone stepped up behind her. 

“It’s pouring like hell. When did this happen?”

She turned and froze, her breath seizing in her lungs at the man with his shoulders hunched and his hands in his pockets. 

“Taeyong?”

His eyes moved from the sky to her before widening a fraction, “Haeun?”

When her Uber pulled up, she and Taeyong were just staring at each other, neither of them speaking a word. 3 years wasn’t a long time but it felt like they had changed so much since they last saw each other the summer after they graduated. 

Taeyong’s face had chiseled out, his jaw and cheekbones were sharper than ever, his gaze still piercing. Time was a good look on him. His shoulders looked broader or maybe shedding his nervous student skin just gave him the confidence to stand taller.

Haeun’s hair was shorter than before, just barely grazing her collarbones. The colour was lighter too, not by much but enough that he noticed. There was an elegance and grace to her aura but the fire still burned under her curled lashes. She looked like a dream but he knew her well enough to know that she could probably still come at him with a basketball. 

“Hey! Are you Nam Haeun?” The driver called through the open window. 

Haeun flinched, snapping her gaze away from Taeyong and to the driver, “Y-Yeah.”

She turned back, her eyes flitting over his face attempting to make a split second, possibly very reckless, decision, “Did you bring your car?”

“Yeah.” He muttered, his eyes locked with hers. 

She gulped, “Do you want to share my Uber anyways?”

He had one drink and an entire plate of fries, he was probably _too_ sober to make an irrational decision. Logically, he should take his car and drive himself home to avoid having to come back and pick his car up early tomorrow before work. 

It would make no sense to share her Uber.

“Yeah.”

\-----

They sat next to each other in silence when the door shut, trying their best to dry off. The short run from the restaurant to the car still soaked them through.

“What were you doing here tonight?” She asked when they finally faced each other. 

His cheeks burned as he ran his fingers through his hair, “Uh, a blind date.”

“No way.” She balked. 

He laughed, “I know, I know. But Jaehyun finally broke me down into agreeing.”

“No, it’s not that.” Haeun said, “I was also on a blind date. Mark’s doing.”

His jaw dropped and she just giggled, “What are the chances? This is the first time I see you in years and we're both on crappy blind dates.”

“Crappy, huh?” She said, quirking her brow.

He hummed, looking out the window, “It was some girl from university that I guess Jaehyun was still in touch with. The first 5 minutes we sat down, she was basically doing a credit check, probably wanted my income statement too.”

She sucked at her teeth, “Ouch.”

“I know. What about your date?” He asked.

She inched closer to him, in search of some heat as she shivered, “Better than yours. It was someone who worked with Mark apparently. I guess Mark interned in his department. Actually, not bad at all. He was polite, kind, a perfect gentleman.”

“A perfect boring gentlemen by the look on your face.”

She gasped, “How dare you.”

“Oh, come on, Haeun. If he was the least bit interesting and exciting, you would’ve asked to go get a drink or something. Made the date last longer. Let me guess, you skipped dessert, didn't even say yes to tea or coffee.” He quipped. 

She huffed, crossing her arms, “I haven’t spoken to you in years.”

“You’re not that hard to read, Hae.” He snickered. "Not if you're paying attention."

She chuckled as a comfortable silence fell over them. He looked over at her and sighed. She was still so beautiful, if anything, the passing of time only emphasized it. Her hair was drying and it was frizzy, little pieces cutely sticking out. It was hard to fight the urge to comb out her hair with his own fingers. The hem of her white dress was sticking to her thighs and she curled her fingers into little fists to fight off the cold. 

Not thinking, he reached out and took her hand, encasing it in his warmer ones. Haeun bit down a shiver and how the heat against the back of her hand was flooding through the rest of her body like a match igniting. Instead of shaking his hand off, she relaxed in his touch. 

“When’d you come back to the country?” Taeyong asked. 

She leaned back against the seat and looked at him, “A few months ago. I stayed in Tokyo after my internship because I got a job offer. I came back after the contract ended.”

He nodded and stared out the window, watching buildings fly by. "Did you stay in Seoul this entire time?"

"Yeah." He said softly, "Never left."

They were stopped at a red light when he spotted something, “Excuse me, could you actually pull over right here?”

“What’s going on?” Haeun asked. 

The driver nodded and Taeyong looked over at her, “Want to get a drink with me?”

\-----

“It was amazing, Josh. I didn’t know you had a friend like that. She’s gorgeous, funny, smart. Why did it take you so long to set us up?” Jungwoo asked as he drove home. 

His friend chuckled over the speaker, “Wow, I didn’t think you two would hit it off so well. I was worried you might be too different. She’s actually my girlfriend’s friend. They were in the same sorority in college or something.”

Jungwoo frowned, “Huh, she never mentioned that. She said that she knew _you_ since forever.”

“Wait what? No, I only met her through my girlfriend a few months ago, it was her idea to set you two up, to be honest.” 

“That’s so weird. I wonder why Haeun would lie about that.”

“Uh…dude, who the fuck is Haeun?”

\-----

“Girl! I can’t believe you did that! You're amazing.” She shrieked as she spoke on the phone. 

Her friend giggled, “Josh said that he was a great guy so I knew you two would click. I’m so happy for you! So, are you guys going to go out on another date?”

“I think so. But we actually didn’t get to swap numbers. I’m sure he’ll text Josh and ask.” She said with a swing of her hair, “How does Josh even know Taeyong? They didn’t go to school and they don’t even work in the same industry.”

“Sweetie? Who’s Taeyong? Your date was a guy named Jungwoo.”

\-----

They were huddled in a booth of a crowded bar, leaning against each other giggling as they retold stories from the last few years of their lives.

“I spent about an hour trying to pretend like I knew exactly what I ordered. The food wasn’t bad but my coworkers kept asking me questions. Like _why did you order that?_ and _I didn't know you like that type of meat._ But I had no idea how to answer. They probably thought I was stupid. The worst part was that to this day I still don't know what kind of meat I ate that day.” Haeun with a laugh. 

Taeyong’s hand was splayed on her thigh, the placement was natural after a few drinks as was how they kept inching closer and closer to each other until they were a breath away. She had twisted her body so that she was completely facing him. She had never been the type to like sitting on the same side of the booth at restaurants or bars but tonight with Taeyong, she didn't care for having a table between them. All she wanted was to be close to him. Even the smallest touch uncurled something inside of her. It felt so different being with him than with any other man. It was like they never fell out of touch and that they had known each other their entire lives. Everything just flowed so much better between the two of them than it did on their dates. 

Why couldn’t have Mark just set her up with Taeyong instead?

“Okay, but that’s not as bad as when I was house-sitting for Jaehyun and Nayoon and their entire fridge was filled with peaches. Nothing else. No milk or eggs or vegetables. I was too afraid to ask them why. If it was a sex thing I think I'd be traumatized for life.” He snickered. 

Haeun’s eyes lit up, “Are they still together?”

“Yeah. Their fourth anniversary just passed. Did you just stay in touch when you were away?” He asked, tipping his beer up to his lips. 

She pouted and his smile grew, he forgot how cute Haeun could be. “Not as much. It was hard when I was overseas. And with work and moving back, I hadn’t gotten the chance to meet up with them, but I really want to. I miss them.”

“We should all get lunch together sometime.” He suggested. 

She smiled and reached up to brush aside a strand of hair that was falling in his eyes, twirling the strand around her fingers. Haeun liked his eyes, she wanted to see them better. She wanted to see…yes, that, the way his eyes softened and melted when he looked at her. Just like he was right now. The last time he looked at her like that was right before he kissed her outside her apartment door.

More than anything, she wanted him to do that again. 

To kiss her. 

Because she remembered how she felt when he did it all those years ago. The way it felt like her veins were on fire like she couldn't get close enough to him. She had been floating with no need to feel grounded. 

And she hadn't felt like that since that night.

He gently knocked his forehead against hers and when her finger trailed down the bridge of his nose, he scrunched it up teasingly as the ticklish sensation. His eyes were brimming with mirth, watching her. She brushed his lip and he parted his mouth, cutely nipping at her knuckles with his teeth before he grinned.

“Wanna head home?”

She nodded even though she really wanted to stay here, in this bar, next to him. “Yeah.”

Haeun stood by the door, watching him pay before he came up to her, “Thanks for that.”

“Next one’s on you.” He said with a wink before taking her hand. 

She grinned, her heart stumbling at how naturally his hand reached for hers, and they stepped out on the street, continuing their conversation as they walked, the rain long subsiding. 

“I’m that way.” She said pointing across the street. 

He sighed and pointing in the opposite direction, “I’m this way. Will you be okay going home?”

“Don’t worry.” She mused. 

She should ask him out. 

She wanted to ask him out.

Ask him on a proper date instead of the makeshift one that they had right now. 

She had asked guys out before, typically they were guys that she’d look at and think _what’s the harm?_ It was normally very easy for her. But watching the city lights play off of Taeyong’s face, she couldn’t find a way to make the words come out of her mouth. 

Frankly, even with the liquid courage buzzing in her veins, she was scared. 

Tonight was spontaneous, a couple of hours spent together at a bar and it had been so, _so_ good. If something that casual ended up being so intense, comfortable, and exciting, how the fuck was she supposed to handle something real?

A proper relationship would knock her off her feet. 

But it had been a while since she felt like this. 

“Tae—“

“So, I’ll see you around, then?” He said with a dashing smile, “I’ll get your number from Mark, we should all get together.”

Haeun hesitated before letting her shoulders dropping, hoping the disappointment wasn’t obvious on her face, “Sounds good.”

She lingered, unsure what to do with her hands before just mumbling a soft, “Goodbye.”

Turning, they walked in opposite directions, away from each other. Haeun’s mind immediately sunk into thoughts of wishing she had just said something. Anything. To him. 

But she wasn’t the only one with second thoughts. 

“Haeun! Haeun!”

She turned, eyes wide as Taeyong raced up to her, panting out of breath. He braced himself on his knees before straightening up and meeting her eyes. 

They weren’t in university anymore where nothing could get in the way of their grades. 

They weren’t in different countries, trying to find their passion and footing.

They didn’t have things of greater priority that demanded their attention more. 

They just had here and now.

"I--I should've asked you this sooner but...would you want to go on a date with me sometime? A proper date?"

**_Seoul — — 2025_ **

“Haeun? Hey, the research assistants are all going to grab some lunch, do you want to come with?”

Haeun looked up from her computer in her office where a coworker was poking her head through the door. “God, is it lunch already?”

“Oh, please tell me you haven’t been buried in that report? It’s a damn necklace, Haeun. Sunflower pendants weren’t even a part of the Joseon Era insignias. You’re not going to be able to find the source of it no matter how hard you dig.” Her coworker tsked. 

It was a project that Haeun had been in charge of for weeks. A necklace was discovered amongst other artifacts and she had just been drawn to the delicate pendant of a sunflower. It was beautiful and like nothing, she had ever seen in her years of researching.

She groaned, massaging her temples, “I know, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s so beautiful, it must have _some_ significant meaning.” 

“Yes, the meaning is, it’s time for lunch. We’re thinking of trying that pizza place across the street. You in?” She pressed. 

Haeun glanced at her watch before standing, “Actually, I’m going to have to pass. I made lunch plans. In fact, I think I’m going to be late.”

Her coworker watched her pull out a tube of lipstick with a smile, “Lunch date with the boyfriend?”

Haeun smiled back, lifting her purse over her shoulder, “You guessed it. Raincheck on lunch, okay?”

\-----

She raced across the lobby of her office building and down the outside stairs in search of her boyfriend when she felt two hands grip her waist and spin her around. 

Gasping, she laughed when Taeyong pulled her tight against his chest with a grin, “Hi pretty baby, you’re late.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I lost track of time. How are you?” She cooed, welcoming the heat of his lips on hers when he greeted her with a kiss. 

He hummed and kissed her again, teasingly digging his teeth into her bottom lip, “Good, just finished a big report.” 

“God, is it that one with the environmental chemicals?” She asked.

He laughed, “Oh, so you _do_ listen when I start flinging the names of different chemicals at you.”

“Of course, I’m your girlfriend. It's my job.” She teased as they walked hand in hand to a nearby restaurant. 

He kissed the side of her head, “See, this is why I am in love with you. You listen even when I bore you half to death.”

After the night Taeyong had asked her out, she had one of the best first dates of her life. A romantic restaurant, a cute dessert cafe with a live band where he pulled her out of her seat and twirled her around and a passionate kiss outside her door when he walked her home had set it off. 

A few short months later, he was calling her his girlfriend and she was whispering that she loved him, beaming when he'd whisper it back. 

And for the first time, the gap that they had spent years trying to fill and understand felt complete. When you spend your entire life feeling like something was missing, like a phantom limb, finding that missing thing is like striking gold in space.

She stared up at him as he told her a silly story about his day and smiled to herself. 

Her heart felt full.

**_Seoul — — 2024_ **

The one little fact was that they had agreed not to tell their friends just yet.

They both knew how overzealous their friends got when it came to dating and how it’d just get worse if they knew that they were dating each other, so whenever they hung out in big groups, they’d pretend to be nothing but friends.

The pair of them got a lot better at acting. The first time was a bit harder. 

“Who’s coming?” Haeun asked as she sat next to Mark. They were at a Spanish restaurant a little outside the city. He had kept the details minimal when she asked about the dinner, just saying it was a few friends getting together.

“Um, Nayoon and Jaehyun for sure, and a couple of people from university. Don’t remember the actual headcount.” He said casually. 

She eyed him suspiciously before checking her phone. She had texted Taeyong but he had yet to reply. And when the door opened and a new group walked in, her suspicions were proven correct. 

Mark gave her a giddy look before standing. She followed suit and turned to see Jaehyun and Nayoon walk towards them with Taeyong trailing behind them. He looked miserable and she guessed that he hadn’t yet put the pieces together like she had. 

Not until he lifted his head and locked eyes with her. 

The shock hit him first before a slow smirk flickered up his lips as he realized the implications of them sitting at a table together with their friends who had no idea that they had been dating for at least 7 months already. 

“Hey, lady, it’s been ages.” Jaehyun joked, reaching over to hug her and place a chaste kiss on her cheek. 

She returned the greeting and did the same to Nayoon who showered her with compliments faster than she could return them. “Oh shut it, we got coffee last month. We text all the time.”

“We used to see each other every day. It’s so hard to see you in person nowadays. You're always busy.” Jaehyun snarked back before his face lit up with something mischievous and knowing, “And you remember Taeyong, right? From university?”

She looked over at him and resisted the urge to melt when he bit down on his bottom lip, eyes heavy waiting to see how she’d react. 

“Y-Yeah, I remember him. Hi! How are you?” She said, holding her arms out.

He took his hands out of his pockets and slowly slid them around her waist, pulling her to his chest. Even the graze of his hands set her aflame. She bit back a shiver when his lips innocently brushed her ear to whisper, “Hi baby, how are you?”

He pulled back and she had to clench her teeth to avoid fisting his shirt and crushing his lips against hers.

“It’s good to see you after so long.” Taeyong said politely with a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Let’s sit!” Jaehyun said brightly. 

At first, it was easy, everyone sharing fun conversation, cracking up at stories and jokes, catching up on life. Then it was getting hilarious. Every 10 seconds, Jaehyun would come up with something to praise Taeyong for. 

_“Did you know Taeyong was the youngest researcher to head a project in his entire lab?”_ Why of course she knew, she was the first person he told and they had celebrated together over dinner and long into breakfast. 

_“Did you know that Taeyong’s apartment has 3 bedrooms?”_ Well, yeah, she had slept with him in each one. 

Soon Mark chipped in with praises for Haeun that Taeyong had to tuck his lips into his mouth to avoid laughing out loud. 

_“Did you know Haeun was offered a research fellowship?_ ” Taeyong was the person who had pushed her to apply. 

_“Did you know Haeun met the President at the opening of her museum’s new exhibit last year?”_ Considering she had brought Taeyong as her date? Yeah, he was well aware. 

It was cute, that their friends clearly were trying to make sure they were impressed with each other. But after a while, Haeun had started drowning out the compliment war and just focused on her wine when she felt Taeyong’s foot graze her ankle. Her eyes shot up to him but he was looking at Nayoon and Jaehyun, nodding along to whatever they were saying.

Haeun hid her smile behind her glass as his foot traced up and down her calf tauntingly. 

Fuck, she loved this man.

After dinner was over and Jaehyun insisted on paying, the group lingered out on the sidewalk for a while. 

“We’ll give Mark a ride, Taeyong, why don’t you drive Haeun home?” Nayoon suggested.

Haeun tilted her head, “But me and Mark live in the same directi—“

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks again for dinner, Jaehyun. Everyone have a good night.” Taeyong interjected. 

Everyone swapped goodbye before they headed off. 

The minute they were out of sight, his hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her to his side. He kissed the sweet spot under her ear, pulling a sigh out of her, “I’ve wanted to do that all night.”

She turned her head so that the next kiss landed on her lips, “I almost feel bad. We should tell them eventually.”

“Yeah, eventually, like when Jaehyun and Mark aren’t trying to one-up each other using _our_ achievements.” He snorted. 

She grinned and kissed his shoulder, “Exactly.”

\-----

“I don’t think it’s going to work.” Mark murmured as he walked along with Jaehyun and Nayoon, “They’re probably going to sit by and share awkward small talk the entire car ride and then go their separate ways without as much as exchanging numbers.”

Jaehyun sighed, “I really didn’t think it would take this long. It’s been years and they barely qualify as acquaintances.” 

“I still can’t believe that blind date didn’t work. How the hell did he end up going on a date with that awful Noblewoman?” Nayoon asked with a shudder. 

“You’re telling me. And Haeun with that suitor? The universe is a cruel mocking bitch.” Mark grumbled. 

Jaehyun sighed, his heart heavy, “What are we even doing, guys? Let’s say that they do date, how will we ever know if their love is going to continue in our future lives? Or that the charm will work? How do we make sure that their love is selfless? Do we just have to accept uncertainty until they die of old age?” 

“Maybe that’s the point.” Nayoon said dreamily, “When they were soulmates we always knew how things were going to work out. There was never any fear of breakups or divorces or fights. But this time, they’re doing it like they did the first time, relying on fate, love, happiness, and hope. Maybe that’s it. Maybe we just have to wait and see if their love lasts. That’s love. That’s a soulmate. Not two people who will end up together without even really trying but people who end up together _because_ they tried.”

She hooked her arms around Mark's and Jaehyun’s

“Maybe _that’s_ the selfless love that the shaman was talking about.”

**_Seoul — — 2025_ **

“Happy anniversary, baby.” Taeyong murmured as he held a wine glass out.

Haeun grinned and clinked hers against his, “One year. We made it. It’s smooth sailing from now on, right?”

He laughed and took a sip, “If it’s with you, it’s always smooth.”

For their milestone day, he had put together a fancy dinner he had made from scratch and set up a beautiful table out by his balcony with fairy lights, candles, and roses decorating every spare spot. The moon hung brightly overhead, winking at them as they ate and drank in its silver radiance.

“You know what I was thinking?” She said while taking another drink. Smooth jazz music flowed through his apartment. It was his place but there were signs of her presence everywhere. He hadn’t told her yet that he had been browsing apartments that were mid-way between both their jobs that they could lease together. 

He held his hand out on the table and she smiled as she tucked hers over his. His lips curved mindlessly as he stared at their hands and the way his thumb caressed hers, “What?”

“That I’m _so_ glad we didn’t date in university after that one night.” She said.

He raised his brow, lifting his gaze to her, “Baby, every day for like two weeks after that night I had to turn my phone off to stop myself from calling you. Agreeing to be a one-off felt like the worst mistake I ever made.”

“But babe, we wouldn’t have made it.” She said gently, her eyes like melted pools of chocolate under the candle flame, “If we dated, we would’ve been together less than 6 months before I’d go off and spend almost 4 years in another country. It would’ve been so hard for us to make it work and we would’ve fought, broken up, and been miserable.”

“But we waited…” He said with a slow smile. 

Her eyes watered as she nodded, “We waited and now we’re in a more stable space and I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you so much. I’m so happy.”

“I love you too, baby.” He said softly, “I spent so much of my life thinking I’d be alone and that no one would ever accept me much less love me. Sometimes, I think that the night outside that restaurant, it was the universe bringing us together. Giving us a chance to try it for real.”

Her smile was wide, “It was fate.”

“I got you something.” He whispered as he let go of her hand and stood. 

She stared up at him and watched him pull a thin long box out of his pocket. He handed it to her and crouched down so he could watch her pull at the ribbon and open the lid. Her eyes sparkled at the delicate gold necklace with a small sunflower pendant.

“I know how much you loved the one that you were studying at work, even if it sometimes drove you insane. I wanted to give you one for yourself.” He murmured before kissing her bare shoulder where the strap of her dress sat. 

“I love it.” She whispered. 

He helped her up and hook it around her neck. She fixed her hair before turning to him, “Pretty. Fuck, baby, you’re always so pretty. Can’t stop thinking how lucky I am.”

Smiling, she leaned up to him. He cupped her cheeks and kissed her, the warm sliding of mouths, velvet, silk, and love. He groaned when her fingers slid into his hair, messing up the careful styling that went into it. He couldn’t give less of a fuck. Not when she arched into him, filling him with the type of hope and happiness that he didn’t think he needed. 

His lips slipped along the line of her jaw and a gasp breezed out of her mouth when he dug his teeth into the crook of her neck. 

Maybe he could reheat dinner in a few hou—

“I swear he’s home—Taeyong, buddy whe—what the fuck!?”

They pulled apart with a gasp and turned to see Jaehyun and Mark standing by his door with the spare key in his hand. 

Once Jaehyun started crying, Taeyong knew that dinner was definitely going to be reheated.

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1887_ **

Taeyong sat atop the hill under a tall tree on a wooden bench far away from the Kingdom. 

Far enough that he could still see the beautiful lights that come with the hustle and bustle of the place he called home and vowed to protect. But despite the life that was thriving in the Kingdom in view, from where he sat, he could hear none of it. 

He couldn’t hear the shouts of the market place, the laughter of children, or the conversations of families. It was all silent except for the whinnying of his horse. 

Coming up here used to be his favourite. The peace and quiet that was offered helped him clear his mind when he had tough decisions or had to prepare for a dangerous journey. It gave him perspective. Instead of seeing the Kingdom from solely inside the palace walls, he was able to see all of it. All the lives that lived within the borders. 

And how he would die for the leaders who would protect every single one of their lives. 

But maybe he was getting old because sitting here now, he felt sad. 

He felt lonely. 

And to feel lonely is a selfish, privileged feeling, especially for someone in his line of work, but it was in his core. 

Moments like this, instead, reminded him of how detached he sometimes felt from life and as such, from his own Kingdom. His men would speak of what it felt like visiting their families or falling in love, both feelings he never properly understood. 

But recently, he had _longed,_ no, _ached_ for those feelings. 

To be loved and love in return. 

To be surrounded by those who know you in a way that only comes from blood that runs in you. 

It’s terribly cold being alone. 

And although he could fill his mind and his days with work and responsibilities, he was awoken to feelings that would be lying dormant in his mind. Silences would become his enemy because he would be reminded of the things he wanted but could never have.

It felt like an unimaginable luxury to meet a woman who he loved, who would love him despite his shortcomings, his broken family, his duty to the Prince, the danger of his role and everything else that would turn a woman away. He’d never find her. He’d never know the feeling of being consumed by the heat of love, caring deeply for someone who would care for him just as much. 

Even the Prince found a woman whom he gave his heart to, even though it was a dangerous affair, the Prince would die knowing what that felt like, to be loved. To feel so emboldened that you would risk everything for another second of it. That you find courage and fearlessness in the heart of another.

Taeyong knew that he himself would never build a family, he would never accompany a strong woman who would hold his hand and kiss him goodnight. He would only have his job. His duty. His vows. 

One day, he would die and he’d have nothing but the taste of blood as his dying words. 

It was cold living lonely. 

He imagined it would be _frigid_ dying lonely. 

Standing, Taeyong turned to his horse, untying its reigns and hoisting himself up on the saddle.

He didn’t think he was going to be returning to this spot anytime soon.


	23. Twenty-Three

**_Jamsil — — 2025_ **

“What do you think?” 

Haeun walked behind Taeyong as he led her around a cozy two-story house. It was beautiful, with a cute backyard, large windows, and natural light flooding every corner. All the rooms were empty, the previous owners had just moved out a few days earlier when Taeyong invited her to look around. 

He had mentioned looking for another place since his lease was ending but she had assumed he’d pick a modest apartment close to work but he had picked a bigger place that was much further away. Maybe he was getting roommates that worked nearby because it was way too big for him to live in by himself. 

“It’s beautiful.” She commented, stepping into the large master bedroom. It was huge, her jaw dropped as she paced across the room and peeked into the closet. A gasp escaped her mouth. She should probably set up a bed in the closet and call it a room if she wanted. “This place is amazing.”

He stepped in behind her, pressing his chest into her back, “Yeah? So, you like it?”

“Of course. I’m surprised you even found this place.” She mentioned, “Even the bathrooms are gorgeous and I didn’t even think that was possible.”

He laughed, “Trust me, it took a lot of research and few realtors to find it. There’s enough room for two offices and the fireplace in the living room is fully functional too.”

“Wait, why would you convert those rooms into offices? Wouldn't it make more sense to make them bedrooms.” She said.

He furrowed his brows, following her as she moved to the hallway, “Why would we need two bedrooms? Are we sleeping in separate rooms, now?”

Haeun paused before turning to look at him with wide eyes, “What?”

“Baby, did you think I was getting this place so that I can open up the NCT Frat Alumni Edition? I brought you here because I wanted your approval.” He said with a slow smile. 

She laughed and hugged him, “You’re right, I’m going to be staying here all the time once you move in, I deserve a say.”

“No. Baby. I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I don’t want you to stay over here. I want you to _live_ here. With me. If that's something you want.” He said softly.

She jerked back, her eyes wide as she stared up at him, “You want me to move in?”

“Yeah, in fact, I’ve wanted you to move in for ages but my old apartment wasn’t nice enough, I waited out the lease first. I want us to live together, I want to see you in the morning and have you at night without having to plan it out in advance. The house is in the middle of both of our jobs so I know it’s not as close as your place but I was hoping you’d still be okay here.” He said, running his fingers through her hair lovingly. 

“I love it.” She whispered.

He grinned, relieved, and pressed a kiss against her cheek before peppering some all over her face, “This is going to be home for us, soon.”

**_Seoul — — 2026_ **

Jaehyun could only watch Taeyong and Haeun together from across the room. 

He and Nayoon were throwing a housewarming party for the new house they had moved into and even though there were a lot of people milling around, his eyes were only on them. 

“Mimosa?”

He turned to see Nayoon holding up two glasses with a smile. He took one out of her hand and kissed her before sliding it around her shoulder. “Thanks, little bird.”

“What are you looking at?” She asked. 

“Them.”

Nayoon followed his nod to see Taeyong and Haeun huddled together in the corner, ignoring all the other guests, just consumed with each other. Taeyong was leaned close to her, mumbling in her ear, making her laugh before lacing his fingers with hers. He was smiling at her, just as enamoured with her laugh as he was the first time Jaehyun had seen them together as a couple.

“What about them?” Nayoon asked. 

He sighed, “Six years ago, I would've been over the moon if they were that lovesick with each other. But they’ve been dating for years, they’re completely happy and in love. More in love than I’ve ever seen but now what?”

“Now you wait.”

Nayoon and Jaehyun flinched, turning to see the shaman standing behind them holding onto a cookie. Her long silver hair was braided tightly and her ancient robes had been traded in for a flowy linen dress, “I didn’t invite you.”

“Don’t be so rude, Your Highness.” She mumbled. 

He winced, “Sorry, that’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on the guard. It’s hard to keep away. I want to see how the couple is holding up.” She mused. 

Jaehyun stared at her for a long minute, “Can I ask you something?”

“That’s what I’m here for, your Majesty.” 

“How do we know if they’ve truly changed their path? If they’ll end up together in their future lives?” He asked. 

She quirked a brow, “An act of selfless love.”

“What does that even mean?” Nayoon grumbled.

She smiled and glanced at her, “It’s like when the Prince gave up a life with you to protect your career. Or when he stayed unwed to be loyal to your love. If an act of selfless love is committed, the God of Love will allow their love and your love to last eternity. All their real memories, including Taeyong's early death with return and lock into place permanently.” 

Nayoon’s face softened as she reached out to hold Jaehyun’s hand. He squeezed back with a loving smile. She turned to the shaman, “So, can anyone be reincarnated? I know a lot of Taeyong and Haeun’s friends came back, even some other people who existed in the Joseon Dynasty came back. Does that mean everyone in the world has been reincarnated and can remember their past lives?”

“No, it’s not a luxury that everyone is afforded.” She replied. 

Jaehyun frowned, “So why us? Why do we all come back every time as ourselves? What makes us special?”

“I don’t have that answer. I am not the God of Life. I don’t make that decision.” She said calmly. 

Nayoon hadn’t yet given up, “Is it because they’re soulmates?”

“Soulmates aren’t real, dear. It what we tell ourselves when we witness a beautiful, everlasting love story but that’s all it is. A name we give couples who are meant to be. The Gods don't believe in such colloquialisms, so it certainly isn't why the God of Life would’ve granted them the power of reincarnation.” 

“You must’ve prayed to the Gods before.” Jaehyun said accusingly. 

“I prayed to the Gods of Life and Death to save and guide the soul of the guard who would inevitably die."

Nayoon looked hard-pressed, "But how else would you have known that he'd die over and over again? Why give him a charm that protects him for 100 lives if you didn't know he'd _have_ 100 lives?"

"I told you, I am not the God of Life, I can't control the universe. My talisman was preventative. It's purpose was to protect Taeyong _if_ he was reincarnated. All I knew was that death was coming for him. My philosophy is to assume that everyone gets reborn, that's why I charmed him, that's why I watch over everyone because you never know who will last one lifetime and who will last an eternity of lifetimes. I had no way of knowing if he or Haeun would actually be reincarnated. I just knew that _if_ he was to be granted reincarnation by the Gods, he'd spend eternity dying too soon. I didn't want that for him."

Jaehyun frowned, "So, we have no idea why we've been reincarnated?"

"I can promise you, I am not the one who prayed for this. Someone else must’ve.” 

**_Seoul — — 2027_ **

The seven year itch. 

That’s what it’s called. 

It sounds more like a curse. If you were the type to believe in curses. 

The origin of the phrase was a Marilyn Monroe film, the iconic one, you know it even if you think you don’t. It’s the one with the white dress, the gust of air from the subways grate, the modest attempt of holding her fluttering dress down. The whole shebang. 

The idea is that if you’re married to someone for 7 years, it’s the sweet spot for people to start getting bored, stagnant and unhappy in their relationships. They had friends of friends who got a divorce after seven years, they had coworkers break up after 7 years. 

They weren’t even dating for seven years, but maybe it was just symbolic, the fact that they knew each other for seven years was enough.

It wasn’t anything thoroughly heartbreaking or devastating. 

He wasn’t cheating, she wasn’t bored. He wasn’t under-appreciated, she wasn’t ignored. 

They just felt off-sync. 

The days he wanted to come home from work and go on a spontaneous date out with her, she’d be too tired or needed to wake up early the next morning. 

The nights where she was found herself missing him and needing his hands on her skin, his breath on her neck, he’d be spending the night at the lab to monitor an experiment. 

After a while, it felt like they just stopped trying. Stopped trying to make their lives work for the other person because their schedules were too demanding. He stopped asking her on dates, she stopped trying to convince him to stay in bed longer. It was easier to stop asking when you knew the answer would be a guilt-ridden ' _no, maybe next time'._

Soon, they were just coexisting, kissing each other goodbye and going off on their own days, hoping that their orbits would finally cross if they just waited long enough. 

Haeun didn’t think much of it, figured that it was just a long stretch of bad timing and eventually things would fall in place. She was busy with work after a couple of successive promotions that came with increased duties. He was just as slammed having taken on a new research project and sometimes it felt like there wasn’t room in their lives for anything else. It was okay, they’d work it out with time. She was sure. 

Until she had casually let the state of her relationship slip to some girls at work.

The grave look on their faces was enough for her palms to get sweaty, “What is it?”

“It’s just…that’s what happened to my sister and her boyfriend. They broke up a month after because it just got worse.” 

Haeun blinked before laughing incredulously, the mere idea sounding absurd, “Taeyong and I aren’t going to break up.”

“Of course not, but honestly that’s what I thought when me and my ex started having the same problems. We broke up after too.” Another girl piped up. “We cared a lot about work and less about each other. Soon we just forgot why we even loved each other in the first place. The feelings faded which was why it was so easy to let our distance grow without trying to do anything to fix it.”

Now that made her uneasy. 

“It’s just off-timing. Everyone has rough patches.” Haeun said nervously. 

Her assistant rocked on her heels, “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s just…if you guys can’t even make time for each other because of work, what are you going to do when you get married or have kids? I know you love your job but it shouldn’t be that hard to spend time together.”

"I mean, we do spend time together. We live together for crying out loud." Haeun said in exasperation.

“Just because you live together doesn’t mean that you don’t have to make an effort to spend time together.” 

Haeun was stunned, “I didn’t think it was this serious. I figured we just needed time for things to slow down. That it would work itself out.”

“If he only sees you in the morning and at night, you’re not a couple, you’re roommates who share a bed. You don’t want him to start to forget he has a girlfriend when he’s working late nights with some cute science-y girl who has a secret crush on him.” An intern said off-handedly.

“What?” Haeun breathed out, with wide eyes. Her heart dropped to her feet.

Her assistant smacked her folder at the intern with a stern look. Haeun felt her heart race, “He’d never cheat on me. He loves me.”

“Of course. I-I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry.” 

Haeun shut her eyes, trying to resist the urge to cry. She loved Taeyong so much to the point where sometimes she couldn't begin to describe the feeling he'd give her. Words lacked the depth she felt.

Even if they weren’t on the same page lately, her heart still felt full when she’d wake up with his breath against her neck and his arm against her body. There was nowhere else she'd rather be than with him. 

She didn’t know what she’d do if he left her. 

Or if someone else got to have him the way she did. 

But he would never cheat. She knew him. She trusted him. 

That didn't mean that her insecurities weren't being poked and unravelled.

“Excuse me?”

Haeun opened her eyes to see an older woman standing by her door, wispy silver hair tied up in a neat braid and a long draped skirt flowing around her. Her assistant gasped and glanced at her watch, “Oh gosh, that’s your 2 o’clock appointment.”

Haeun quickly waved all the girls off, dismissing them. While they scurried off, she stood, smoothing her blazer down and willing the red heat that probably splashed across her face from fighting tears would evaporate. She quickly grabbed a ribbon and tied her hair up and out of her face.

“So sorry.” Haeun said with an embarrassed laugh before holding her hand out. 

The woman returned the gesture, her skin weathered with age but warm. “No problem. Is now a good time? Should I come back?”

“Oh of course not, please, take a seat.” Haeun said, guiding her to the chair across from her desk. “So, you sent in a proposal to host a special exhibit at our museum for February, correct? I skimmed over it, there weren’t many details listed in it, but I was curious and wanted to meet to discuss it further. You mentioned wanting to host through February because of Valentine’s Day.”

The woman pulled a thick file out of her bag and handed it to Haeun, “Yes, the entire exhibit is based on different artifacts found and the stories attached to the pieces, all of which involve various stories about love and romance.”

Haeun flipped through the file, her eyes excitedly drinking in the details that the proposal didn’t include, “And all these pieces fall within in the Joseon Era, you mentioned?”

“Yes. They fall within the Jung Regime.”

Haeun nodded with a hum as she continued to read through the file, “It’s very difficult to trace back such detailed narratives of specific lives that far back. How did you manage to do it?”

“You can find everything with a little research. The amount of work I did, it feels like I’ve lived through it myself.” 

Haeun lifted her head and met eyes with the woman who just smiled pleasantly at her. There was something so unnerving about her stare, where most people would look away, she just maintained eye contact. 

Haeun cleared her throat and looked back at the file, flipping to a new page. “What’s this?”

“Ah, it’s an unworn robe buried with King Yoon Oh when he eventually passed away at the end of his reign.” 

Haeun blinked at the description, “I’m sorry, the abstract is claiming that this is the last robe that his robe maker had ever made for him. His robe maker that he had apparently been in love with? This entire piece claims that while he was Prince he had an affair with her and she was banished from his Kingdom when the affair was discovered. This…This is quite the claim. What do you have to support this? King Yoon Oh had been famously single, even in his days as the Crown Prince.”

“It’s on the next page.” The woman replied. 

Haeun flipped it, her eyes wide as she stared at scans of ancient scrolls detailing the exact story, including his love for the robe maker. This had to be the King’s personal journals.

“How on earth did you find these?” She gaped. “And in such good condition?”

The woman had that smile on her face again, “A solo expedition. As you can see, he stated that he wanted to be buried with the robes.”

Haeun was stunned at the vagueness in her response. Most historians would be boasting about such abundant finds that essentially uncovered a previously unknown piece of history.

“This is amazing. Will his robes be the centre piece of the exhibit?” Haeun asked. 

“No.” 

Haeun raised her brows, “Really? I think it would be perfect. We could display the robes in the center since the entire exhibit is under his and his family’s reign. It would tie everything together.”

“There’s something I find more fitting. It’s on the last page.” She explained. 

Haeun was a bit hesitant and considered pushing the woman on using the robes before looking back at the file and flipping to the end. Her eyes widened at the familiar picture, her heart thudding excitedly. 

“Oh my god.” She whispered, pulling the photo out of the plastic sheet cover so that she could get a closer look. 

For the first time since she sat down, the woman looked taken aback at her reaction, “D-Do you recognize that?”

Haeun went to her computer and clicked through folders dating back a few years before turning the screen to the woman, “I’ve been obsessed with this necklace for years. I tried searching everywhere for its origin but I couldn’t find it anywhere.”

“Ah.” The woman said with an understanding nod. She looked at the picture Haeun was holding in her hand, the same one on her computer of a long chain with a wooden sunflower pendant. 

Haeun picked up the file and greedily read the origin, “There’s not much here.”

“It’s a beautiful story, really.” The woman started, “It’s of a young woman who had fallen in love with the Crown Prince’s guard. They met when she was visiting the palace to deliver baked goods to the King. He had called her sunflower, as a nickname, as it was her favourite flower. She had returned from a trip and brought him that chain as a gift. Everyone in town knew of their love, even the King and Queen at the time had approved of their relationship. It was said that King Yoon Oh had demanded that their wedding be held at the palace. There are stories of the guard taking her on trips around the country and bringing her gifts whenever she couldn’t come with him.”

Haeun’s lips parted, not just from the story but the warmth that pooled in the woman’s eyes. Subconsciously, her hand drifted to the delicate gold sunflower pendant that was currently sitting in between her collarbones. “Then what happened?”

“They married, they were happy, but the guard had died much too young, protecting the King and palace from a rebel raid, he wore that necklace every day, even on the day he died. Because of him, the King was saved and the rebels were captured. It was said that the King mourned for 60 days and that the guard’s wife had vanished from the town, leaving everything behind. No one had seen her since. There were rumours that she had walked into the ocean, others believed that the King had helped her leave the country, some even thought the God of Love had visited her and turned her into a sunflower. But no one knew for sure.” She said.

The woman pulled her gaze from the picture and smiled sympathetically at Haeun, “Why are you crying, dear?”

Haeun flinched before reaching up to touch her cheek, feeling the tears, “Oh my. Ha, I’m sorry I guess I got a little emotional. That’s a beautiful story. I didn’t realize that necklace was had such a history behind it.”

“Every love leaves history behind.” The woman said softly, “In the modern age, we let so much slip through our hands. We’re so gluttonous on instant gratification that we forgot what it’s like to fight for something. We tell ourselves that love is whimsical, unrealistic, not as important, but we’re wrong. Love reminds us of our humanity, of something pure and worth dying and sacrificing to protect.”

Haeun chewed on her lip, shrinking as if she was being personally scolded, “Sometimes work can get in the way. We do live in a capitalist society.”

The woman chuckled, “This man dedicated his life to protect the Crown Prince and later the King. He was so devoted to his duty that he died for it. Yet he still loved and fought for his love. If he could, why can’t we?”

\-----

Haeun nearly tripped out of the cab before running towards Taeyong’s lab. 

After finalizing the exhibit and running over the paperwork, Haeun spent her afternoon staring at the picture of the sunflower pendant with chipped paint and a small hairline crack on one of the petals. 

There were people who had less but fought for more. 

That was who she wanted to be. That’s what she wanted. 

She wouldn't just wait for time to sort itself out. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it.

She left work early and sent him a hasty, poorly typo-ed text asking him to meet her outside his building and she could see him leaning against a tree, staring at his feet, kicking at the base of the trunk until the sound of her heels had him lifting his head.

His eyes widened when he saw her running and quickly started walking to her. “What’s wron—“

She slammed against him, making him stumble back a few stepped before her fingers went straight into his hair and dragged him down to her mouth. 

“I love you.” She whispered before sealing their mouths together. 

It took him a second before his hands tucked under her blazer and pulled her against him to kiss her back. It was like he understood that this wasn’t just a sweet ' _I miss you'_ or ' _how was your day'?_ kiss. That there was so much pent up emotion, fear, and insecurity built into a single gesture. 

For the first time in a while, they were finally in-sync. 

His tongue laved pleadingly against her mouth before she parted her lips, welcoming him. She could hear his breathing, erratic, laboured and it just urged her to dig her fingers deeper into his hair until he moaned against her. There was desperation they were chasing, one made up of all the dates, quality-time, and sexy nights that they had reluctantly turned down in the past. One kiss may not make up for all of it but it sure as hell was a start. 

It reminded them of what was important. 

Tears pricked under her lashes as the familiar feeling of _love_ and _yearning_ bloomed through her. The feeling of just how head over fucking heels she was for this man that sometimes she couldn’t even look him in the eye for long. She forgot that this was how she felt. She forgot that this feeling had been pushed off to the side for too long. 

And she wanted it back. 

“Baby.” He rasped against her open mouth, “Baby, I love you. I love you so goddamn much but we’re on the sidewalk.”

“Home.” She panted, her eyes silently pleading to him that for once, they put work second. 

He gulped and softly brushed his lips down the bridge of her nose, “Home.”

Her breath caught at his acceptance and pulled back enough to move her hand from the depth of his hair to between his fingers. He brought their hands up to his lips, kissing the back of hers while watching her. 

The look in his eyes confirmed everything; the fact that she wasn’t alone in noticing the distance that she had been feeling with him. Feeling off beat with each other. He noticed it too and he probably had the same conversation she had with her coworkers with his own. But finally, that distance had closed and the timing clicked. 

All they had to do was stop waiting for it to happen on its own.

“We’re going to be okay.” He whispered against her hand. 

She wanted to cry, “Never doubted it.”

He pulled her across the street. They were halfway through the intersection when the sound of tires screeching grabbed their attention. 

A car had taken a sharp turn, not seeing that the pedestrians were crossing. 

It was a split-second decision. Him or her. She didn’t even hesitate, she just used all her strength to shove Taeyong out of the way and had barely enough time to close her eyes as the car sent her flying over its roof. 

Selfless love is never an act of self-preservation.

It was a blessing to not be awake to hear the love of your life screaming in agony. 

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1889 - 1899_ **

_“It suits you.” He blurted out when she reached up to tie it into her hair._

_Haeun eyes widened as she gaped at him and the barely noticeable blush dusting over his nose, “W-What?”_

_“The sunflowers. It suits you.”_

\-----

_“I am not interested in a suitor, my parents are, but not me. And I am certainly not interested in a fellow like from earlier. I am interested in living my dreams, reaching my goals, and if, in the process, I find a man who loves and accepts me for all my flaws and perfections, then so be it.” She mumbled._

_He smiled and nodded as he took a bite of the bread she set out in front of him, “Good to keep in mind.”_

_"What about you?" She asked carefully. "Are you planning on finding a bride soon? Is that common for royal guards?"_

_His eyes were searing holes in her head, "It is common, typically it is recommended to do so prior to a Prince becoming King as my responsibilities will increase significantly by then. I, too, am not actively seeking out a suitable partner, but should a woman who steals my breath and challenges my mind comes along, I would welcome her into my heart with open arms."_

_She hummed while sipping on a cup of tea, her eyes sparkling with the type of mischievousness that he wanted to be a part of, "Perhaps this lunar year will bring much luck to the both of us in finding what we need."_

\-----

_“You know what I heard?” She whispered before tilting her head up to the sky, “That one of the most beautiful things about the sky is that no matter where on this earth that you are if you look up, we’re all seeing the same thing. We’re all connected.”_

_He followed her gaze up and smiled, “Then every night that you are gone, I will look up at the sky, at the moon, and imagine you doing the same.”_

\-----

_“Don’t do such awful things to my heart.” He teased, dragging his palms down her arms before holding her hands. “I want to hear about everything.”_

_She pulled her hands away and touched his cheek, slowly sliding her hand down his chest, “Don’t you want to see what I’ve brought you?”_

_He raised his brow, everything inside him trembling from her touch to her smile to the glow that seemed bright on her skin. He wanted to stay up all night talking to her and watching her shine, “What have you brought me?”_

_Haeun untied the pouch against her hip and pulled out a chain, one long enough that it could be hidden under his robes. His eyes followed it down to the pendant and felt his heart soar._

_A sunflower._

_\-----_

_He smoothed his palm over the back of her head, a gentle caress. “I’ll always find you, sunflower.”_

_“Can you kiss me on the head again?” She slurred._

_A stunned laughed escaped him before he acquiesced. He got up out of his seat and leaned over her before pressing his lips tenderly against her forehead._

_She sighed, satisfied before closing her eyes, “I love you, Yong.”_

\-----

_“My soul rests easy with you, Taeyong.” She said, pushing up on her toes._

_His eyes fluttered as he tilted his head and let his lips hover over hers, “I love you, sunflower.”_

_“I love you, darling.” She mumbled before kissing him._

\-----

_He pulled back and stared at her in the eye, “I want to do all of that with you, not imagine it, but do it. I promise one day, I will come with you. I’ll bring you on a ship, I’ll lead us by horse, I will drive our cart. I promise I will give you everything you desire.”_

_“Just stay next to me,” she whispered, “and I’ll always be happy.”_

\-----

_“I hope Haeun makes a calmer man of you.” Jaehyun grumbled._

_Taeyong blinked at him, surprised, and Jaehyun just smiled, the first one he had seen in a long time, “You didn’t really think I didn’t know you two were finally an item? I have known you my whole life, I noticed that you're happier than you’ve ever been.”_

\-----

_“Will you promise to be safe?” She asked quietly._

_He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her close to kiss her on the forehead, “I promise, sunflower.”_

_“And think about me every night?” She asked with a pout._

_If she asked for a country, he would gift her one._

_He kissed her pout away, “That is not a question. I think about you even when I’m not supposed to.”_

_“Will you look at the moon?” She murmured, her worries easing away._

_He hummed, brushing his lips against her jaw, “Every night.”_

\-----

_“Well, no one is allowed to make you feel less than what you are.” He whispered before kissing her, “You may have worries filling your head, but my commitment and love to you need not be one. I promise.”_

\-----

_Taeyong leaned forward and kissed the space, “I’m fine, my pretty sunflower.”_

_“I know.” She whispered, “Did these hurt?”_

_He gulped and nodded, “At first, yes. But then the universe gave me you to make up for the pain.”_

_“Sweet-talker.” She grumbled before leaning up to kiss his chest as if to soothe the lingering pain that might be hidden in his body._

\-----

_He stared up at the moon, his vision blurring, as the pain slowly consumed his body._

_Let’s meet in our next life, sunflower._

_Then everything turned black._

\-----

_“Taeyong…”_

_He cupped her cheeks and leaned close enough to nudge her nose with his, “You are everything to me, sunflower. I will be with you until the end of time, every lifetime, every universe, every galaxy you will always have me.”_

**_Seoul National University Hospital_ ** **_— —_ ** _**2027** _

He couldn’t remember any of the faces who had spoken to him, even if they were his friends. 

He just sat in the hospital waiting room trembling as tears poured out of his eyes endlessly. Every time he closed his eyes he can feel her hands on him, pushing him out of the way and the way her body was thrown like a pillow or the sickening image of blood pooling around her. 

She had been in surgery for hours, no one would tell them how it was going. What her chances are. Or how much longer she’d be. Her parents were on a flight from their vacation and someone had stopped by to give him a set of her and his clothes. 

It was just ear-splitting silence from the moment the paramedics rushed to carry her off, to the doctors ushering him out of the way so that they could tend to her. He kept replaying it over and over in his head. It was half a second. He couldn’t blink, fully exhale or complete an entire thought in the time that it took for Haeun to push him out of the way.

If something happens to her, he wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself. 

“Taeyong?” 

He shot up when a doctor came up to him, pulling her mask down to address him, “Yes?”

“Haeun’s recovering now, you can come and see her.”

\-----

The first thing Haeun heard when she opened her eyes was a strange combination of beeping and sniffling. She blinked and groaned when her head throbbed with sharp pain.

“B-Baby? Baby. Jesus. Thank god.” 

Haeun turned her head slightly to see Taeyong leaning over her, tears and worry filling his eyes. 

“What’s happening? Where am I?” She croaked. 

He grabbed a cup of water and carefully tilted it up to her lips, “Thanks.”

“You’re at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?” He asked.

She gulped and nodded slightly, “Yeah. A little. There was a car…”

“Yeah, there was. You threw yourself in front of a car, you silly girl.” He breathed, his voice cracking, “What on earth were you thinking?”

She blinked heavily, closing her eyes when he pressed his forehead against hers and rubbed their noses together, “If I told you what I was thinking, I’d make you sad.”

“I’ve already been really, really sad, baby. Don’t think you can break my poor heart anymore.” He mumbled before kissing her cheek. 

“I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.” She whispered. 

A choked sob escaped his lips as he dropped down next to her bed, pressing his face against the mattress. A weak hand brushed through his head, skimming over his scalp. “Don’t cry.”

“I was so scared.” He wheezed, “I thought—I thought you were—“

In his hand, he held the ribbon that she had tied in her hair earlier. The sunflower print was now soaked in blood and silk was unforgiving. She’d have to throw it out now but he clutched onto it like it was his lifeline.

“Look at me.” She pled.

He lifted his head, his face grief-stricken, her heart squeezing as her fingers twitched, still too weak to touch him. “I’m okay. I’ll always be okay and I would, in a second, do it all over again for you.”

\-----

“Babe, you’ve been moving non-stop, you’re making me dizzy.”

Taeyong looked up from the vase of sunflowers he had placed by her bedside, “Sorry.”

She smiled slightly as she watched him. She had been in the hospital for a few days and had been recovering steadily ever since. Moving around was easier, though sometimes she’d get tired a lot easier but Taeyong had always been by her side, being the person for her lean on. He kept her company, taking time off of work to make sure she recovered as smoothly as possible. 

As far as silver linings go, being able to spend so much time with him after so long felt nice. Talking to him for hours made her realize just how much they had been missing from each other’s lives even though they lived together.

“C’mere.” She called.

Sometimes, she could see the guilt in his face, the misery when his mind went to the _what-ifs_ to the point where he’d try to busy himself until he was making up things to do just to keep himself moving.

He slipped quickly to her side, holding her hand, pressing a sweet kiss to the back, “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better, Tae. So, please stop worrying yourself.” She asked. 

He sighed but made no promises and just brushed her hair back, “The doctor said that you should get some fresh air, how does that sound?”

“Oh, really good. I’ve been cooped up for too long.” She muttered, shifting in her bed.

He smiled, stroking her skin gently, “Alright, your doctor also said that I can only take you out if you take a wheelchair, I know how much you hate them, but it’s either listen to the doc or stay here.”

“Ugh, fine. But let him know that I’m mad about this and I can walk just fine!”

After signing out, he helped her into his car before driving a little out of the city. He pulled over at an empty lot and she looked around curiously as he helped her back in the wheelchair.

“Where are we?”

He smiled and started pushing her up a long winding path, “It’s a surprise.”

“I could’ve walked.” She said indignantly. 

He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I have a weak heart, baby. Just do this for me.”

She huffed but he saw the red blush on her ears as she watched the scenery change as they moved higher and higher up the side of the hill. Her eyes widened when they reached the top where a beautiful tree sat. It had to be thousands of years old by how big it was. 

Haeun gasped at the skyline the vantage point gave her, “This is beautiful. How did you find this?”

“Did a little research.” He said proudly. 

She tilted her head back to look at him, “Why did you bring us here?”

“Thought my little history nerd would like this.” He teased as he led them to a worn-out bench. 

She leaned close to the little bronze plaque embedded in the centre of the bench.

_This bench was recovered and restored from the Joseon Dynasty Era_

_(Est. 1880)_

“God, you have to be my soulmate.” She breathed out. 

He laughed and helped her out of her wheelchair to sit on the bench together. He held her close, occasionally pressing kisses to her skin. 

“I’m grateful you came to my office that day.” Taeyong said softly, “Not because you got in an accident, of course.”

She reached out and ran her fingers down his spine, “Why then?”

“Because I feel like we were in a weird place before. We loved each other, no question. But with work and life, we just fell out of touch with each other. It was driving me insane. I was terrified that something was wrong and I was too scared to bring it up because what if I was right, but when you kissed me, I just—I knew that it was just a rough patch and that we’d be okay.” He explained. 

She was beginning to see that bad timing didn’t mean that she and Taeyong were out of sync because moments like this when he says exactly what she had been thinking, reminded her that the opposite was true. That they would _always_ be in harmony with one another. No matter what their schedules were.

“Me too.” She said softly. 

He gulped, “The thought that something bad could’ve happened to you before we had that moment has kept me awake for days. Hell, the thought of you dying trying to save me, living with a sacrifice like that, scared me.”

“Oh, baby.” She cooed softly, “I’m sorry. But we’re okay. I’m okay.”

He turned to her, cupping her face, “I know. I just…I love you. I’m so grateful that I transferred to Seoul U on my last year, that I got a chance to meet you, know you, _touch_ you so that when we ran into each other at that restaurant all those years later, we gave it a chance. Us. You have been the best thing to ever happen to me. You make me whole, baby.”

Her lip jutted out as she resisted the urge to cry, “You make me whole too. Mark told me that I was supposed to be on that date with _you_. When I came home and told him that the date was boring and awkward he was near tears. Yet somehow, that night still ended with you asking me out. I keep telling myself, if I had let my date drive me home, we would’ve missed each other by _seconds_.”

“You’re right, but I think we would’ve still found our way to each other. It seems like the universe wanted us with each other.” He mused. 

She chuckled and leaned her head on his shoulder, “4 years and you’re still confessing your love to me like it’s the first time. Making my heart swoon and shit.”

He laughed loudly and she basked in the sound, “All I’m saying is that in any life I know I’d choose you. No matter what, it’d always be you.”

100 lives. 

Countless sacrifices. 

Endless hope. 

It happened. 

But unlike the times before, this was different. 

The colours around them changed like a filter had been lifted, everything was more vibrant and bright. Sounds became clearer, the air felt fresher. It was as if all the times before, there was something shading their vision and they could _finally_ see clearly now. 

In this life, they were 30 when they finally overcame the universe.

His eyes widened as he stared at her, the sound of his blood rising to his brain filled his ears. “S-Sunflower?"

Tears pooled in her eyes as she sobbed, cathartic, making up for years of repressed sorrow and loss that were never properly mourned. 

Because it wasn’t just the memory of their past lives that came back. 

It was, for the first time, the memory of her lover’s death and sacrifices that came back too. 

He knelt on the ground in front of her and hugged her, his forehead nudging against hers as they cried together. She clawed her fingers into his shoulders, holding onto him as if she feared flaming arrows would hail down on them and a sword would pierce his heart again. He felt her anchor onto him like she was going to fight heaven and hell to make sure she never lost him again.

But he knew that they'd never have to worry about losing each other ever again.

Because the universe was finally right.

This time, for certain.

For the rest of eternity, they'd never have to worry about losing each other.

“It’s all okay now, sunflower. I found you. I finally found you.”

**_Seoul Highschool — — 1990_ **

Nam Haeun snapped her gum as she strolled down her high school’s hallways. 

Everyone parted a path for her as she walked, she never had to pause or ask, everyone just knew. You don’t mess with Haeun, you don’t get in her way and you don’t make eye contact unless she’s talking to you. 

If you want your face intact, those are the rules you follow. 

No one, not even the teachers bothered her. They didn’t say anything about her skirt being rolled up way higher than the dress code permitted or that she sometimes skipped classes. The faculty wanted to ignore her just as much as she ignored them. They were just relieved that her grades were good enough to get her into university so they didn’t have to see her around another year. 

She kept her hands in her pockets as she walked into her homeroom class. The minute she stepped in, everyone fell silent. She paused by the front of the room, her body stiffening as she stared at the top of someone’s head that was bent down scribbling furiously in his homework book. 

He was sitting in her seat. 

_No one_ sat in her seat. 

Ever. 

The class president saw the way her jaw tensed and her eyes narrowed and quickly darted to her side, keeping his gaze low, “He’s new. He didn’t know. Please don’t beat him up.”

“If he’s new then you should’ve told him, Jaehyun.” She growled under her breath. 

He gulped, “I’ll tell him right now.”

“Too late.” She barked. 

She stalked over to her desk and kicked the leg of the desk so hard that it hit the wall. The boy flinched, jerking back before peering up at her, eyes wide behind a pair of thick black-framed glasses. 

The minute their eyes locked she held her breath. 

In this life, they were 16 when they met.

She could feel everyone watching her, waiting to see exactly how she’d put the new kid in his place. 

But to their shock, she just curled her hands into fists, muttered a quiet, “Sorry, my bad” and stomped to the desk behind him, shoving some other kid out of his seat and dropping into the chair. 

Everyone was staring, awestruck, at how the meanest, scariest girl in school just gave the quiet new kid a free pass. Haeun never made exceptions, didn’t matter if you were new, a saint, or a toddler, you cross her, she’ll bring the heat of hell with her. 

Her classmates were whispering conspiringly until their teacher walked in and begun taking attendance. She had her eyes closed through the entire lesson until the bell rang dismissing them for lunch. When she opened her eyes, the new kid in front of her was gone but there was a small note on top of her desk. 

_Found you, sunflower._

She grinned, forever grateful that she had stayed in the temple and begged the Gods to let them meet again.

**_Joseon Dynasty — — 1905_ **

She heard the rumours. 

It was why she stopped visiting town. 

They’d pretend not to see her in her white robes like she was a ghost. 

But they’d still whisper that she had gone insane after her husband died, or that the God of Love had turned her into a sunflower. Some even thought she had killed herself. 

No.

She didn’t dare leave this earth, not when it was the only place that reminded her of Taeyong. 

Days had lost colour, joy wasn’t a real emotion, not when half of your heart dies, buried in the palace grave next to the spot where her body would eventually be laid. Mark had tried begging her to come back home, to live in the house meant for her and Taeyong, but she couldn’t bear it. Why should she step into a house meant for a ghost?

Instead, she made a home in a temple away from the town, far enough that even the most devout wouldn’t bother the trip. Her white robes didn’t stand out as much in the presence of spirituality. 

She didn’t need her words to fall on anyone else’s ears other than the Gods’. 

There was no one else who could do anything for her except them. 

So she spent her mornings, noons, and evenings, her summers, springs, and winters, hoping that her words reached the heavens, that they’d look upon her favorably and then grant her wishes. 

She dared say, they owed it to her.

Haeun sat on her knees in front of the altar before holding a paper charm up. She held it over a candle and watched it burn. Once the ashes scattered through her fingers, she stood and reached overhead to ring the brass bell three sharp times just like she had seen shamans do before. She got back on her knees and leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the wooden floors and cried in pained wails. 

“To any Gods above that may hear my plea, I beg you to let me meet my love again. Please bring back our souls together and give me the life you so callously stole. Bring him back to me. I cannot spend eternity without him. I ask of nothing else _please_ reunite my soul with his before I die.”

She clasped her hands over her head and pled, “I pray to you, find mercy on my empty soul."

Haeun clutched the wooden sunflower pendant that hung around her neck and whispered softly to the moon.

"Let me see him in another life.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> This is my first time posting on AO3 and yes it is really me Loviet from AFF, not a thief! This is my only fic posting account aside from AFF so if you see my work or someone claiming to be me on any other platform it isn't me!
> 
> Really excited to be sharing this fic with everyone here! It'll be a mix of historical and modern day. 
> 
> I will be cross posting this story on here and AFF. You can find the link here:  
> https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1433658/small-universes-around-us
> 
> you can also find me on twitter at @Realloviet


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